Question for Masculine Bottoms

I'm not a bottom, I'm a top (when I do have penetrative sex with men, which I don't do much anymore), but I can relate in some ways. When I first started experimenting with the same sex I had hang ups about it. Am I less of a man because of my attraction to men? Etc. I don't know if you have the same hang ups but I think I can relate. I still do have some internalized homophobia in me and I don't think it'll ever go away because as with all facets of my life (not just my sexuality) I give a huge fuck about what people close to me think of me.

 

There's nothing wrong with beugh a masvjmasc total bottom.

I think because people have associated bottoming with femininity and the fact that mostly fem bottoms tend to be visible in the media, it's harder for people to imagine masc total bottoms especially black ones.

Just do you.

 

See what @ControlledXaos said.

Ask yourself the question, "what is right for me?" and try to avoid, "what do people expect of me?". You can't please everyone all the time. Don't get trapped trying to be someone you're not for others- that's an exquisite recipe for resentment. Be yourself, and if anyone gives you flack for it, offer them your two middle fingers. Vigorously.



So from one masc dude who isn't afraid of his ass to another- keep bottoming like a champ!

 

Masculine bottoms are actually pretty rare from what I see in Atlanta. All of the Bottoms I meet are either fem or soft AF (meaning they binge-watch Insecure, Queen Sugar and American Horror Story Coven). So I end up trying to date Verse dudes or Total Tops only to have issues when it comes to sex and intimacy. The world needs more masculine bottoms, well at least in Atlanta.

 

In this day and time, I think there is no reason for you (or anyone for that matter) to try to fit yourself into any kind of pre-defined box. Free yourself and just do you. Life is too short.

 

@derrick-gordon-12327 I'm here for the positive affirmation bro. I don't think we would be human (and black) if we didn't acknowledge any hangups, whether they are race related, sexuality or sexual-based hangup. As @eli94 stated, some dudes still can't get over the fact they are with men, let alone their hangup about what they like to do with men. As an oral top, I'm sometimes made to feel shamed cuz I'm not afraid to acknowledge that I'm a top that likes to give my dude head. But at the end of the day, what I have found, if you embrace you, someone out there will do just the same. And hell, sometimes, even when we fail to embrace ourselves, the atmosphere is still so kind to send someone who will love us and all of our actual or perceived flaws.

I'm pretty sure there are more masculine bottoms out there who are moonlighting as versatile, tops and even straight men. Keep ya ahead (and booty) up bro! And holla at me whenever you're in Texas.

 

I was more concerned about would I be able to take a d**k and get a Top off more than kicking myself for being a guy that takes one.

Since I've finally been "broken in"...when I look in the mirror I smile and then look at my ass. I'm pretty submissive (bedroom wise) which is no secret.

I think my goal is to be the best bottom I can be for my bf. That's not referring to taking big peens or anything cause ain't no way I'm letting Jurassic World slide up in me and ruining my life...I'm talking about embracing the role more.

Taking peen can be a feat but I'd probably say to mysel, "How can I be a better bottom" (for him and myself.)

Ya know keeping yourself self clean, hole tight and a killer arch (doggy style is pretty sexy for the simple fact of looking back at him) and all that other hoo ha. You get what I'm saying.

I guess I'm "sorta disqualified" from this cause even if my bf is a Total Top...I'll still try to do stuff to his ass anyway..just to test him and see how far he'd let me mess with him...unless it REALLY turns him off (or he doesn't clean himself) which will probably get him cussed out.. Hahaha. But I'm not opposed to a Top going down on me sucking or me..ummm...licking him...ya know what I mean (not his balls, I'm talking about his cakes.)

I say embrace it. Hell, you know I love me some Trey Songz...I wouldn't be thinking I'm less of a man with that. I'd be riding the hell outta him...with a mirror in full view of the act... Now look at that.

.. I've embraced it. I'm just not sexually active until that nice fella comes along that really turns me on in all ways and vice versa...

Being that I'm older now and waited so long, I'm a lot more comfortable with the idea of my position so maybe that's something that works for me and now I have a set mind of what I want and how I want it.

 

There are so many levels of acceptance you have to go through being gay. As if FINALLY accepting your gay isn't enough, you have to then accept: sexual position, fem/masc/in-between, twinks/chubs/bears/muscle, dl/out/discreet, etc!

Until you realize none of that stuff matters, do what ever makes you happy and people will love you for being you.

 

Well I would have to say I don't feel any kind of way I like what I like. When I'm with a guy I choose to be submissive the masculine energy is a turn on for me. But at the end of the day that still doesn't take away the fact I'm still a dude. I don't get the dudes who forget they have balls and a voice that should've dropped during puberty.

 

I have never really been in or lived in an area where bottoms were the majority. Is this a black thing? I don't know why gay men put so much emphasis on sexual position. Bottoms need Tops and Tops need Bottoms.

In my experience, I have seen Tops who feel shamed by their role in penetrative sex and they tend to overcompensate. At the end of the day, if you like men, if you like sex with men, you are gay or bisexual. It doesn't really matter what position or side you're on. Why split these unnecessary hairs?

 

LMAO! This is true. I'm verse but I wouldn't mind bein' with a total masculine bottom (that I find attractive). Well...I actually had one yeeeeears ago (with a museum peen as well) but I fucked that up. smh

Side note* I haven't been to ATL since 2000, and that was just an overnight stay on a whim comin' up from AL, and we just clubbed. Is the scene really as bad as reality tv, social media memes, and black women make it out to be? LMAO

 

There is definitely a stigma that comes with being a bottom or even a vers-bottom. Being gay is bad enough. You're gonna have your manhood questioned and lampooned by the straights. But being a bottom on top of being gay is even worse. You're viewed as lowest of the low. Even other gay men will insult your masculinity no matter how masculine you present yourself. It took me a long time to get to a point where I could accept the fact rarely ever want to top and not really get defensive about it. My therapist reminds about the dangers of making value judgements and to not give excessive weight to the value judgements of others. When it comes to my sexual role I like what I like and that isn't good or bad it just is. I'm now fine with that. However I'm still very much aware that the wider culture doesn't see it that way. There is not much I can do to change it just like any of my other characteristics people don't like or is viewed as negative by society. For me the best way to deal with this is not to allow the opinions of others to impact me emotionally. I can't control others opinions but I can control my response to them so choose not to allow myself to have a negative emotional response.

 

I've NEVER looked in the mirror and felt less more of a man than any other guy. Why would I? Just because I prefer penile penetration? Ha! Even as a bottom, I can be more of a man than most tops. Truth be told. Quiet as it's kept, most bottoms are masc and most tops are fem.

 

Is this true? I haven't been out there in the "scene" so I genuinely don't know.

 

I don't know how true it is. I can't factually back this up lol. BUT, I think that most ppl would be surprised at how many fem tops there are vs. masc ones.

 

I've topped once in my 31 years and I don't feel like less of a man AT ALL! It's just not my thing. I don't feel like less of a man because of it. I define being a man as someone who handles all his responsibilities (Bills, commitments, etc.) and I do all that. There are plenty of men sticking there penis' in everything, yet they can't pay a light bill. Those aren't men, those are boys. Don't let societal norms make u feel less than.

 

Atlanta is a special case. Lol!

 

Yeah I've dealt with that for years. I'm a masculine man that prefers being dominated. It's hard to accept. I have a really good boyfriend now that's really dominant top, and I love it, the sex is amazing but there's still apart of me that feels shame.

But what you gotta realize is that's internalized homophobia, it's societies heteronormative gender roles thats the issue. Your sexual position doesn't decide how much of a man you are. As hard as it is to understand and accept that..that's the truth.

 

I have to agree. People automatically think tops are masculine but as a full bottom I disagree. In my experience a good 50% of the tops I've met were in-between and fem leaning or straight up fem. Trade isn't as common as we want to believe.

 

This is very interesting. I mean i know /I see some dudes that are cute twinksh mayye fem leaning and think I could date u buttt... in @OckyDub voice "u not gettin on my back" lol.