Rejected for Not Wanting Raw

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by @yahoo.com, May 14, 2016.

  1. @yahoo.com

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    The strangest thing happened to me last night and I want your take on it. So, It went to a very popular spot here last night, it is a white club but there is no place else for the blacks to go and have a good time so we attend on a friday night, like they do in most major cities where the black club scene has died a slow and very painful death.

    I met a guy, 25 and fine as hell. We are hanging and being stupid and having great conversation. We leave, and go back to my place. I knew what we were going to get into - his constant backing up on my dick was a sign of that and he told me he wanted me to eff him hard, long and good. I was game! So, we get back to my place, he walks with me as I walk the dog and then after a few drinks and a few puffs, its time to do the do. We're in bed, having a good time when its that time. I reach over into the drawer, pass him the poppers and lube and I grab a condom. I put it on, he asks what am I doing. He tells me that he does not use condoms and he is allergic. I tell him these are Latex Free condoms (lifestyles, yellow and black wrapper - the best condoms on the market) so he does not have to worry. He jumps up and tells me that he does not use condoms and if I wanted to use them he would not let me smash.

    I jumped up and put on my basket ball shorts and sandals - and tell him that it is condoms or we are not doing anything. He said we are not doing anything. HE got up, put on his clothes. He then called me a vagina (with a P), a f*ck N*gga, weak and scared - all the time trying to convince me that he does not have anything. He was also mad that now he has to drive drunk and high and he would stop at one of his regular's house to have him do what i would not.

    What's up with this. I experienced it on line a few weeks back and now in person. Has anyone else experienced this. I did not make it passed 35 to catch something now. Fellas. What is going on here? Is raw sex the new normal in these streets?
     
  2. ColumbusGuy

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    You did the right thing IMO. He is not responsible for your health(and likely did not give a shit really)-you are.

    There is a reason you made it to 38 without catching something, and there is no reason to change what brought that about.

    * And 'normal' or 'the new normal' does not mean something is right or the right thing. At one time yellow and lime shag carpeting was 'normal'-but that was never ever right!
     
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  3. grownman

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    I agree with Columbus. You are a lot nicer than I would have been to his punk ass. There are too many willing and ready guys that have no problem with wrapping up.

    I would say that "raw sex" has always been going in these here streets. I believe that with the rise of home videos that it probably brings to the surface. But, yeah professional porn videos have always displayed this.
     
  4. ColumbusGuy

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    I agree ^^ with the porn vids thing as well. The demand was there and that may have started it, but now it is all out there and they feed into eachother-the demand for seeing bareback sex feeds the barebacking porn, and the bareback porn feeds the demand for bareback sex IRL. That and new HIV meds, PREP and yeah, even the attempt to de-stigmatize people having HIV has led to greater acceptance of bareback raw sex. Most home stuff is raw and increasingly the professional stuff is raw too.

    I would keep that '50% of black gay men will end up with HIV' article in the back of my head and ask myself which 50% do I really want to be a part of? Not to mention other STI's are not exactly fun either.
     
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  5. Tyroc

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    Raw is real and going on right now in all the streets in all hoods 'round the globe.
    Good on you for not falling into the trap.
    It does feel good but it's not worth the extras that it could bring.

    One of the last dates that I layed up with also told me that it would ok for me to go in raw and the horny teen in me was tempted for a few fleeting seconds but the scared adult in me took control and nixed that option.

    There may be truth to it but I'm not sure I believe that raw porn is responsible for real life raw sex anymore than I believe that watching violent movies is responsible for real life violent behavior.
    But I know I only speak for myself cuz I admit that I watch raw porn but I'm not out there doing it.
     
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  6. ColumbusGuy

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    I am not so sure that the movie thing is a really good analogy. We watch sex, and we(or we used to for some of us) go out and have sex that is often very similar to what we watch. We watch violent movies knowing we are not(at least most of us) going to go out and commit some violent act that is similar to what we see in a movie. Emulation is not involved with violence but with gay or bi men watching sex acts emulation may very well play a part. You felt a few seconds of being tempted to go raw...have you ever been with someone and have had a few fleeting moments of wanting to bash their brains out, stab them, cut them up, etc...?...er...ok maybe not such a great question for you nevermind.

    :troll::sass2:

    ^^ ok..I guess this part did not go over very well.... *slinks back out of thread*

    Seriously though I have really seen a change in what people are doing in the last 15 or 20 years. When places like Treasure Island Media first came out with bareback 15 years or so ago they were pariahs and there was a sh*tstorm. Now they have to rely on fake snuff porn since the stuff that was so bad then, is commonplace in porn now.

    I am glad that the scared adult man is stronger than the horny teen.
     
    #6 ColumbusGuy, May 15, 2016
    Last edited: May 15, 2016
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  7. @yahoo.com

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    Yes! I thought of this as I was dealing with him last night and afterwards. And the oddest thing is now everyone is on PrEp. Everyone is on it now - or so they say. I guess that is the terminology that is making it "ok" to be with them and not protect yourself. It says, I have gotten tested and I am negative AND you cant catch anything from me because I am on PreP, and I Cant from you.. GTFOOH
     
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  8. @yahoo.com

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    I do think that Porn sets the pace of what you see on the streets. It's like fashion week - what you see in the shows you eventually see on the streets. I think this is what is happening in trends in sex.
     
  9. OckyDub

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    To my single brothas out here on the dating scene, you have my condolences. AND it has nothing to do with sex or HIV...its just that so many, many...many dudes are beyond wack ass hell.
     
  10. BrentForays

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    That fact that he couldn't respect your decision and began calling you out of your name made him the wack f*ck n*gga if you ask me. He's immature, and at 25 years old he's getting a little too old for that. If you watch xtube at anytime you'll see alot of these dudes just do not care at all.
     
  11. @yahoo.com

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    Yeah. And there's so much bull from so many people. The black gay community needs a wake up call. On so many levels.
     
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  12. Lancer

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    This has happened to me over the past 3 years or so. I meet guys who would flat out tell me ''Its Raw, or nothing'' and these guys have ranged from 25-37 years of age. They are either on Prep or recently been tested and are negative. I have asked some of them why, and they told me they want the real feel and also enjoy when their partner expresses himself in them, its a primal connection that men should share. I think many dudes now practice Serosorting, practice of choosing a sexual partner who has the same serostatus as you(HIV+ will have sex with HIV+ and HIV- with HIV-) Usually, serosorting is used as a method of engaging in unprotected sex. It is thought to reduce the risk of contracting or transmitting HIV.
    I feel for young people who never experienced the HIV/AIDS crisis and also it not being a death sentence anymore, the fear is gone and they prefer Raw. For the mature men the HIV stigma has been lightened/lifted(?) and they feel they should enjoy sex without barriers. I would lie if I say I was not tempted, such a fine piece to slip from my hands, but I then bring myself to the conclusion that if the dude was really feeling me, he would respect me enough to use a condom, even if he likes it Raw.
    I will say and stand by my moto SAFE SEX! SAFE SEX! SAFE SEX!
     
  13. Lancer

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    Dude Its a battlefield out here!
    [​IMG]
    To those that have been fortunate to find something meaningful and fulfilling, hold on to it with ALL the Valyrian Steel chains you can find!!!
     
  14. ControlledXaos

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    Dude didn't want to have safe sex. Instant warning sign. You help your ground and he did his. Unfortunately people don't know how to compromise. That's something you guys could have worked around. You even had latex free condoms. He wouldn't have died from having safe sex once.

    I think single people who want to remain hiv negative, or sti/std free should treat everyone like they have an STD. Makes it simple and uncomplicated. I think raw/condom free/bareback sex only works best with committed couples. At the end of the day, if both parties get an orgasm, what is the problem?

    Experiencing raw sex isn't that big of a deal. Definitely isn't worth the potential negatives as a gay man if you are not even in a long term monogamous relationship.
     
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  15. bpaisle

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    Uh fuck that dude. You did the right thing. I'm almost 25 and I've never had sex without a condom, not that folks haven't tried. You can't trust mofos these days. When it comes to that, everybody has to have a lookout for #1 attitude. I be out here dodging 'em like...
    2yUHFiD.gif
    dodging-bullet.gif
     
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  16. JodyBell87

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    NEVER compromise your health for a dumba$$ that doesn't care about their own. Good for you.
     
  17. MalcomX

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    You took a stranger home you only met hours before, though. If his young self is that eager to get laid by some random guy from a club, allow you to give him drugs and drank while he was driving, those were your first clues his judgement was off. The blame goes both ways in the situation. Thots do thot things. Why so shocked?
     
  18. OckyDub

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    There isn't any blame on anyone. Consuming alcohol or drugs doesn't equal unprotected sex. Folks have protected hookups or one night stands all the time.
     
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  19. MalcomX

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    You're absolutely right about those facts taken out of context, but in this instance, people are labeling the bottom as the morally bankrupt one, when BOTH dudes agreed to have sex with each other beforehand and get intoxicated with someone they just met. I hookup all the time with rando's, so I'm not passing judgement on hooking up. But it takes two to tango. Being the older of the two at 38, the OP would be held to a higher standard for tricking with an intoxicated youngster, considering most people think that within itself is morally effed up. If the 25yo is already sexually aggressive and ready to go home with an older man he just met at a club, drink and smoke with him, why is it such a shock that he was up for bb sex? That's my only question.
     
  20. NikR

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    I don't wanna derail the thread, but there are certain drugs that disproportionately increase risk of unprotected sex.

    Anyways, glad you stood your ground on the "no". Someone that angry about not getting dogged raw has something to hide. Avoid him and his friends like the plague.
     
  21. OckyDub

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    In my mind the ONLY bad thing that took place in this situations is that one person out of the duo demanded raw sex and then rejected the other for not fulfilling the demands. I see no other wrong actions here. What and where they ate, smoked, drank is kinda irrelevant IMO.
     
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  22. ControlledXaos

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    Right. Because had they had protected sex, this wouldn't have been a thread. 35 to someone's 25 isn't a big deal. Clearly this 25 year old was seasoned. Sea. Soned.
     
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  23. alton

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    "There may be truth to it but I'm not sure I believe that raw porn is responsible for real life raw sex anymore than I believe that watching violent movies is responsible for real life violent behavior.
    But I know I only speak for myself cuz I admit that I watch raw porn but I'm not out there doing it
    ."

    I have to agree with this sentiment. People have been f@#kin' raw since before HIV, DURING the height of HIV, and now in the the present of HIV. I don't think the frequency of it has ever changed, so I don't know why people are quick to point the finger at raw porn. A lot of gay men have "slipped up" and gone raw, probably more than a few times. I admittedly have done it as well, and by life's good graces didn't throw a "Snake Eyes" But, I have since matured. If someone plays that role like dude pulled on @Yahoo.com, fuck 'im. Everyone is into their own thing, and that's just life's way of savin' your ass by puttin it all out there from jump. I THOROUGHLY enjoy raw porn, but I don't indulge and {as f@#ked up as it sounds} it's not my d!ck runnin' up in someone's well worn a$$, so I could care less. Everyone has to be responsible for their own actions, and if a muhf@#ka is willing to place their health and well-being on the line for maybe $100, eh...vaya ellos. If a n!gg@ pop off because you wont run up in him or let him run up in you raw, f@#k 'im. Let someone else deal with that situation. Crisis averted on your part. :) LOL

    [​IMG]
     
    #23 alton, May 16, 2016
    Last edited: May 16, 2016
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  24. alton

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    "...have you ever been with someone and have had a few fleeting moments of wanting to bash their brains out, stab them, cut them up, etc...?...er"

    Yes. Many times, throughout my entire life. I frequently have thoughts of slashing muhf@#kas' throats open when they piss me off, especially muhf@#kaz that can't shut the f#$k up on their cell phones. But...I know the consequences of such an action, therefore I don't act on them.
    The times I ran up in someone raw had nothing to do with the influence of raw porn. I knew the consequences but I literally just wanted to know what it felt like to do it without a condom. I was young and dumb, smh. We all go through that phase, just some of us were luckier than others.
     
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  25. Jeremy Carter Powell

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    Yeeeeeeeah... This is the new normal apparently. We are all responsible for the actions we take when it comes to this subject. There are some guys who care, and others who either don't care or are oblivious to the consequences that could follow. Sadly, we just don't have that luxury of having unprotected sex anymore. Not that it matters, but I think you handled it well. There are plenty of options for people who are....er....'allergic. to condoms lol lol


    These fools are crazy.


     
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  26. grownman

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    Lol. I wasn't clear. I was so disgusted with the guy. But, i brought up porn to say "art imitates life." He was asking if this was "something new in the streets". No it aint new. Unfortunately, @yahoo it ain't going nowhere. But, i agree with @ControlledXaos that it is ok and probably expected in a committed relationship.
     
    #26 grownman, May 16, 2016
    Last edited: May 16, 2016
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    [​IMG]
     
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  28. ColumbusGuy

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    Well I think it is a part of it just judging from what I have seen. People still had raw sex even in the 90's when there was no real treatment and there was no bareback porn so yeah, people are going to do what people are going to do. I just think it makes it worse. JMHO.

    *and the stabbing stuff was really just having fun with all of you NYC guys being serial killers stuff but I don't think Tyroc appreciated it so oh well.

    But you did make a point-with the violence you KNOW you are going to pay for it. With the sex, you tell yourself 'it won't happen to me'...because often times, even if you do go bareback with someone who is positive, you don't get it. So my analogy was not so great either.
     
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  29. Nigerian Prince

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    Ummmm yeah don't deal with foolishness. WRAP IT UP AND pop the blue pills every day if you want to as well! SAFE SEX & PAYCHECKS! ALL DAY ER'RE DAY! LOL
     
  30. Tyroc

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    Dude, we're not all serial killers!!! Some of us are homocidal maniacs and thrill killers!!!!
     
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  31. ColumbusGuy

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    Where you been? Come back to the board! Go towards the light...the light is good the light is the board!
     
    #31 ColumbusGuy, Jun 9, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2016
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  32. Tyroc

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    We'll go with fun answer.
    Forensic Filer @SB3 saw there was a "few" missing bodies in my neighborhood and turned me in for the reward.
     
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  33. ColumbusGuy

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    Plead Cypher Avenue board-induced insanity. After reviewing the evidence no jury would ever convict you. A few years in an asylum and you are back on the street!:troll:
     
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  34. jpo

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    Serosorting is not foolproof, particularly for HIV- men unless the men are being tested regularly and frequently. And for HIV+ men it carries the risk of elevating an individual's viral load.

    As the consensus on this thread shows, safe sex, no matter how tempting the temptee, is the answer.

    In the past three years I have twice been about to hook up with someone when the guy said he wanted bareback. I said I did not bareback. Each time that was the end of the encounter, but it was all upfront and non-confrontational.[/QUOTE]
     
  35. JodyBell87

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    Ew. That person is trash. Period. Don't second guess your intelligence from their stupidity.
     
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