Sexually Assault

Well, I think that's because sexual assault is a much bigger and devastating deal, than interracial dating. With that said, ppl aren't always so forth coming abt such a topic. Can't be easy for a man to say that he was sexually assaulted by another man..ijs

 

I agree that it is something that people should talk about more but there's a lot of shame people have about it where they just don't want to talk about their experiences publicly. I think we should respect that.

Men get battered, men get raped. A lot of young boys are taken advantage of. It definitely happens. I think it's important for those people to feel that they can talk about it without judgement or shame. But if they don't feel comfortable they won't.

 

Yes, right here.

There are some topics that are simply very, very difficult to broach, even with the anonymity that is afforded us online. STIs (including HIV), psychological trauma, depression, childhood and adult physical trauma and abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault and rape, drug abuse and addiction, porn addiction....the list is long. Why? Because these subjects are still stigmatized. I think that it's too bad that we don't talk about sexual assault more, but hey, of course I would say something like that- I'm a caring human who does this for a living. I don't know if people wanna hear any of this from me, though. Having the right messenger is important. That's why the makers of Enbrel have Phil Mickelson talk about psaoritic arthritis, and not some dude in a white coat.

So the question becomes, how can we improve dialogue? I think talking about something that happened to you can be anxiety-provoking- I'd never force anyone into that. But some people want to talk about it. I think this is a safe space and conversations would be thought provoking.

@Jdudre you've taken a step and opened up an important topic and I applaud you for that. What else can we do? What else can I do?

 

Part of the problem is victim-shaming.If a guy tells everyone a man raped or molested him in his teens,it turns into "Why didn't you say something? You must've liked it."They aren't aware of the fear,or guilt some people feel.Black people are just bad about addressing mental health in general.We have a get over it,man-up attitude too often.

Then of course,some people aren't aware of their damage,or are in denial.Even without those factors,it's scary to be the one to speak up.Even though i haven't dealt with anything of this magnitude,I'm still likely not to speak on a problem until YEARS later.I think people have to be made to understand reaching out isn't whining,and that we have to embrace those who seek our solace,not judge them.

 

I soooo hear you @DreG . Victims get blamed by attackers and sometimes even by people who are 'just trying to help'.

So I remember The Skinny. Ok. Not the greatest movie around, but I was really affected by the rape scene. The two creeps who raped Sebastian didn't give 2 flying f*cks about him. They slipped him something and then took him to their place, later saying he had been ok with it. Glad Sebastian's friends found him and got him to a hospital.

Has anyone ever talked to a friend after an attack? What was that like for both of you? Did that friend go to the hospital? Or police? I'm curious.

 

Sadly, psychological/emotional trauma is hardly even acknowledged at all among young males. If there are no physical scars, you're not really hurt. No wonder there are so many young men walking around like mental time bombs.

 

Sexual assault isn't a typical thread topic for gay or straight folks. The reasons straight folks don't talk about assault are the reasons black gays don't talk about it, then add the extra stigmas of being gay or perceived as gay. Getting sexually assaulted is akin to getting your ass whooped in a fight that no one witnessed, and that you likely didn't provoke. Your pride and morale is shot, apart from physically and emotionally being hurt, and all u wanna do is crawl under a rock. Who you gon tell that u got ur ass whooped? It's too embarrassing cuz your ego is all you got soemtimes. Folks are gon ask why/how it happened, who did it, etc, and again, all u wanna do is not talk about it and go under a rock.

Being assaulted is never easy to talk about regardless of who you are, but with men it's even tough because of our ego and pride.

 

This must have been difficult for you to hear. You absolutely did the right thing- advising the victim to seek additional help. Unfortunately, that's all you can really do. I hope you didn't take it personally- especially seeing that they thought enough to tell you. They didn't have to say a word- but they did. This says something about you.

 

Ok. Well, maybe I should post a new thread at some point about this; scenario, how to deal and how to heal. I'll reference you in it.

 

While I agree, Cypher Ave has a couple I believe. I would do a search.

 

meh... we've had only two

GQ Article Discusses Male Sexual Assaults and Rape In The Military

From The Inside: An Interview with a Georgia Correctional Officer

 

If you post three more threads you will qualify for the Lockerroom-maybe you can post a thread for this (sexual assault/molestation) in there and maybe that might be a place to discuss stuff like this. If people will participate that is.

 

Interesting point.

 

I will post in there if anyone in there is interested. Only one time, don't remember if I talked about it on here or not. A cautionary tale of exactly what NOT to do when going to a bar to hookup with someone.

* and yeah, this is one thing where I never talked much about it after it happened and I talk about a lot of stuff.