Even though I live in the relatively liberal city of Seattle, I regularly have to put people in check in response to their biases and stereotyping.
Earlier this week, I was too lazy to cook dinner so I decided to grab takeout from a bar a couple blocks from my house. As I entered, I could see a white guy and a Brotha standing toe to toe at the end of the bar beginning a rather lively, but brief discussion. There was no one behind the bar, but I could see the bartender in the kitchen at the back. It quickly became clear that the white guy, like the Brotha, was a customer. The white guy was confronting the Brotha demanding to know whether the Brotha had paid his bill. The Brotha let the white guy know that, of course, he had paid his bill, let loose with a few more choice words and left the bar.
As the white guy turned to walk back to his seat, the bar tender was just returning from the kitchen. The white guy was clearly a bit unsettled. As he reached his seat, he asked the bartender whether the guy who had just left had paid his bill. By this time, I had taken a seat at the bar, which was 2 seats away from where the white guy had been sitting. The bartender confirmed that the Brotha had indeed paid his check. The white guy promptly muttered that he "probably shouldn't have said anything." Since I couldn't leave this situation alone, I turned to the white guy and said "you shouldn't have said anything; you would never be approached like that."
The bartender, perplexed, asked what had happened. The white guy repeated that he probably shouldn't have said anything. Then he said, "oh nothing, the guy who just left saw me on Sunday and he didn't like who I was cheering for." I said "that's not what happened; you shouldn't have said anything; that would never happen to you." The white guy responded that he just didn't understand why the Brotha "took it that way." I told him that he didn't have to understand because he would never be confronted like that. I informed him that the Brotha's reality and my reality were different than that of most, if not all, white men. I said that I am a 51 year old professional who works for a Fortune 100 company and that situations like the white guy confronting the Brotha happen to me on a DAILY basis. He again muttered that he didn't understand why the Brotha reacted as he did. I repeated that he didn't have to understand because that's not his reality. Yet, he could learn from this experience.
The white guy looked a bit wounded and said "I didn't mean it like that." I emphatically said that it didn't matter how he meant it. There was no other way for the Brotha to take it and that while he (the white guy) may not have meant it that way or even understand why the Brotha reacted, he could learn from this experience. The white guy said "you're right…"
To me, it honestly looked like a light bulb may have gone off in the white guy's head and that he was going to do his best to engage in some self-reflection. By this time, my food was ready. I looked the dude in the eye, shook his hand and headed for the door.
Without a doubt, all of us regularly put folks in check. I'm curious whether any of you have been presented with an opportunity for a teachable moment? If so, did you take the time to educate the ill-informed and what was the result?
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