? - Top or Bottom Question Before "Doing It"

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by @yahoo.com, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. @yahoo.com

    @yahoo.com When the lights get low, I Burn Brighter.
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    Hey Fellas!
    I have a question for you - when is an appropriate time to ask a date / crush if they are a Top or Bottom if you two have never been intimate?

    I feel it is important to ask sooner than later if this is someone you are attracted to and possibly see yourself becoming intimate with them. The terms "top" and "bottom" is changing rapidly and it does not just mean one takes and receives. The implications are now more around things a person should or should not do, how one should or should not act and other factors. I am not shallow; it does matter, contrary to some people's beliefs.

    your Bold and honest feedback is appreciated!
     
  2. BlackExcellence

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    I've always found asking someone their position to be kinda crude. I prefer to ask probing questions and I'll usually get a sense of what the persons into... or I'll just do a little background investigation and find out
     
  3. OckyDub

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    As in the form of an anal examine?
    :foxxxy:
     
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  4. Jai

    Jai Being strong minded.
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    Ive had guys rudely ask if ImTop or Bottom & I usually respond that only someone who I want to get intimate with will know that.

    I think the whole top bottom thing will pan out overtime. Im more passive but will readily please my man anyway that will get him off or make him pleased as long as it isnt tooooo extreme. ..haha
     
  5. @yahoo.com

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    Why is @Jai giving me freaky teas over here!? I love it. Thanks for the response.
     
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    ... or I'll just do a little background investigation and find out

    As in the form of an anal examine?



    Sounds like an effective, fun & time proven method.
    image.gif
     
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  7. acessential

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    The best way to ask without appearing crude is to ask "What are you in to?" This is after it's already been established that you're both interested in pursuing more. If someone asked me right off the bat, I would feel kinda violated. Then again, I hate the terms "top" and "bottom" and their connotations.
     
  8. DFW Brutha

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    Eh...roll the dice.

    If there's a mutual attraction, things could either fall into place...
    [​IMG]

    ...or fall apart.


    [​IMG]
     
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  9. mojoreece

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    It may seem awkward or rude but its a honest "gay" question. Some people are not as versatile in that area as others. Some people are very strict about their sexual position and do not wavier. Its best to know as soon as possible so no one is wasting their time if that a non flexible for you.
     
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  10. ControlledXaos

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    No it won't. If the guys are not willing to be flexible. Some guys, usually tops, are really strict and rigid on the possibly of them bottoming.

    That is pretty much the same thing.

    If you think you'll want to be intimate with this person, it's better to bring the subject of sex up in a space that's nurtral. On the phone or on the freeway in the car, not pulled over behind the abandoned Burger King. This lowers the expedition so it doesn't seem like you are asking these question now to immediately roll into the sack.

    Talk generally and then build up to it. It shouldn't be the first question. "How important is sex to you? Is penetration a requirement for you to consider sexual activity actual sex? What do you enjoy sexually?" You want to think about it as a line of questioning than just one question.

    You'll get your answer that way by framing it and it won't sound so crass.

    Things don't have to be so polarized, as a verse guy, I just need to know if you are verse. Be verse top or verse bottom if you want to call it that but to me, verse is verse. Some men don't like penetration at all, receiving or giving so those are things to be considered as well.
     
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  11. @yahoo.com

    @yahoo.com When the lights get low, I Burn Brighter.
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    Well said man! Thank you for the response. Its well thought out and something we can actually use!!! **Round of applause!
     
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  12. @yahoo.com

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    I so agree - I Am not going to waste my time! Thanks!
     
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  13. BlackExcellence

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  14. BlackExcellence

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    I've never liked the question being asked by someone I wasn't interested in honestly. I really don't ask the question either until I get a feel for who you are as a person and whether or not I would want to take things to a sexual level. If I were to ask right off the bat, its because I am horny and want to fuck or do something. I am verse and so like @ControlledXaos I just want to make sure I can do something with you lol. If they are gung ho on being a top, I most likely won't be willing to go much further with them.
     
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  16. tigerbreaux

    tigerbreaux Polymath In-training
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    I don't see what the big deal is about someone you're obviously into asks this. Like someone previously said, it's an honest gay question. That whole beating around the bush thing can only lead to further problems. I do agree that it shouldn't be in the initial conversation (unless that's how y'all are moving). If y'all are sexting and exchanging nudes, you should definitely be finding out what that other person is in to. You should NEVER wait until you're about to get into acts to find out what someone is in to, cause that can halt everything. Not just position, but what they're into, cause certain people don't do certain acts(or like to do certain acts) regardless of position. If you found this information out ahead of time, you can know if it's something you can deal with or not.

    The only way those sexual roles will extended outside of the bedroom is if you let them. The quality of your other conversation should be an indicator of how the rest of your personality is.
     
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  17. Tyroc

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    @DFW Brutha
    That's how dating used to be back in the days before online and apps.
    You met a dude and as you said "rolled the dice" and got down to business.
     
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    I see no issue with that question because you cant always assume. My issue comes when we barely know each other and or we just met one another and within the first few words its on that question. If your focus is on sex off top I already know where to categorize you in my mind. So I think more people should wait until its time to ask that because maybe I'm not even interested in fucking you!
     
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  19. Nigerian Prince

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    That would be SO rude.
     
  20. ControlledXaos

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    I think it's only relevant to directly ask if the intention is understood by both parties that a hook up is possible in the immediate future. Otherwise there's no need for it to be brought up early on upon meeting someone.

    I mean it's like if two tops or bottoms meet, they can't even be platonic friends or even acquaintances. If we can't fučk we can't even get to know each other? Ok then.
     
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  21. jusrawb

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    I think it depends on the person. Some people get offended if your upfront and just ask top or bottom and some people like to drop hints and have you figure it out. My suggestion is to just get a feel for the type of person they are rather funny or serious and from that you can determine your way to ask and time.
     
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  22. Michael

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    So are we just assuming that everyone is into being fucked or fucking?
     
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  23. @yahoo.com

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    I am very curious as to why you feel that would be rude?
     
  24. @yahoo.com

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    Even if they are or they are not into penetration - either way, I feel it is a question that could open up the door and it could lead to them even expressing their interests in penetration or lack there of...
     
  25. Michael

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    True. Another thing I've noticed is people can be different things for different people. It depends on the person. At times anyway.
     
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    Time will always bring information that you want to know. I think if both of you are at the point where you think something is going to happen, have a discussion and simply ask, "what do you like sexually?". Sounds better than "Are you a top or bottom?". If they dance around it at that point then they are immature and you're wasting time. Move on to someone who can be clear.
     
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  27. scooter

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    I think its a matter of your approach as to how you address the question. Most guys who ask that question upfront with out even asking my name I tend to blow off b/c if the only thing you're concerned with is penetrating my booty then more than likely I won't take you seriously as a potential bf/partner later on. Matter of fact I'll probably distance myself from you soon after everything is all said and done. Now for the one's who do try to get to know me I tend to respond a little better, but like I was discussing with another squad member earlier this month its more to being with someone than just penetration, but to each his own. I personally believe both parties should let the question come up naturally and respond accordingly.
     
  28. G Ron

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    #28 G Ron, Feb 24, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2016
  29. G Ron

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    QUOTE="@yahoo.com, post: 18453, member: 217"]The terms "top" and "bottom" is changing rapidly and it does not just mean one takes and receives. The implications are now more around things a person should or should not do, how one should or should not act and other factors.[/QUOTE]

    I don't understand how the things a man likes or does in the bedroom, affect the way he behaves in general. How does being a top or bottom define what you do (or don't) or how you act (or don't) outside of the bedroom? I've never understood it when people say that tops always pay for meals or bottoms can't do this or that... who made these rules, and why do we let them define our behavior?

    By the way, sorry for the previous post- I'm still learning how to use the "Reply" feature LOL
     
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  30. Budda3001

    Budda3001 I am certain of nothing--I suspend judgement...

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    I kind of think that it really does not matter when you ask someone. I feel like labels are destroying the gay community as a whole. Personally, I am more attractive to verse people. I feel like tops and bottoms are boring and often messy...
     
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  31. alton

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    I guess as a fully vers dude, I can't really give a definitive answer to this but...when me and a dude have established that we're into each other on a sexual level and finally get down to business, I've found that foreplay usually sorts things out. In my case, 9 out of 10 dudes that I've hooked up with have been bottoms so thats usually how I go into a situation. One I went into knowing dude was a top and was pleasantly surprised to find that he wanted to get plowed afterwards, and most recently (even tho me and this dude don't mess around anymore) me and homie got down and in my mind I was prepared for him to be a full bottom but was again pleasantly surprised to find that he was completely vers as well. So I guess that whole questioning thing really is only necessary for those who are rigidly either or. I personally like the "mystery" factor cause its kind like a "gift" when you get the unexpected. LOL
     
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  32. Winston Smith

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    Mentally, I'm there with your sentiment, but medically I'm not sure; I had one of those Forrest Gump situations in Iraq ("Lt. Dan, something bit me!"); so as long as my new doctor says I'm good, as the black cop said to Lt. Dangle on Reno 911 "hell, I'll try ANYTHING once!" Thats the only reason I'm strictly a top (for now), not because of some residual remaining inner homophobia.

    As for timing, well, I guess everyone knows when you get to that point in coversation/dating. When you've gotten to that point, I believe you just talk straight, no beating around the bush (metaphorically, that is, I like a nice bush lol). That way no is surprised/disappointed; and if it goes south, better at that moment than another.
     
  33. alton

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    "...but medically I'm not sure; I had one of those Forrest Gump situations in Iraq ("Lt. Dan, something bit me!"); so as long as my new doctor says I'm good, as the black cop said to Lt. Dangle on Reno 911 "hell, I'll try ANYTHING once!"
    I'm sorry, dude. You completely lost me, here. LOL
     
  34. Winston Smith

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    Sorry, I shouln't have assumed everyone got the film reference. When he got shot in the ass in Vietnam, lol.
     
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  35. alton

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    Ah ok, gocha
     
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