? - Top or Bottom Question Before "Doing It"

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by @yahoo.com, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Part of me gets why this is an issue...but part of me understands why some ppl just want to get the question out of the way early.

    Imagine you're a woman "hanging out" with a man who turns out to be Gay...wouldn't you feel like that was information that you should've had from Day One?

    Same could theoretically be said for the Top and Bottom question.

    If you're a Bottom, who waits to ask the man he's dating, only to find out that he's also a Bottom...or that he's a Fully Versatile guy who will eventually want reciprocation...wouldn't this be pertinent information for him before he gets feelings attached?

    Heterosexuals don't have this conundrum...Women know that the man they are dating will be fucking them, and vice versa...

    Gay men probably should be able to ask up front for this reason alone.
     
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  2. OhSheit

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    I don't see the issue, it's just how you approach the question. I feel like you have to know at some point and you don't want to waste either of your time. I just conform to whatever the other person wants, unfortunately, I still have a difficult time figuring out which one I like or if I like sex at all.
     
  3. acessential

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    I think the whole thing about top/bottom is that it isn't as cut and dry as everyone thinks. Yes there are dudes who strictly top or strictly bottom, but I feel like a lot of dudes who may mostly do one or the other are still semi-open enough where they'd be willing to switch it up if they really liked a dude. Even in the "Tops Podcast" a lot of the dudes said they'd be willing to bottom for the right dude. The real answer for a lot of dudes is, "It's complicated." Why give an answer so quickly if that could potentially hinder your chances of getting to know someone you may eventually really click with and be willing to switch it up for?
     
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  4. Sean

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    Maybe it's me, but I didn't think it had to be some big secret or any tact is necessarily warranted. As someone pointed out, this is one of those things you can't escape in gay relationships, since we don't wear biological labels for our sexual roles. But it's not as if you are asking them if they suck dick or eat ass. That's crass and inappropriate, given the context. Top, bottom and versatile are not bad words. Just ask. And even if sex isn't the objective, it will be at some point, so there is nothing wrong with knowing that the time and effort you are putting in getting to know someone won't be for naught.
     
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  5. @yahoo.com

    @yahoo.com When the lights get low, I Burn Brighter.
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    Very good points - what i find, which is funny to me is that some tops will switch it up for the right dude or someone they are feeling, but most bottoms I met - - - - No Way Jose. They will not be putting their stick in no body's sugar! I've heard it described as gross, lesbianism and other things - bottom line, it Will never happen and they mean that.

    I have also come to learn that many bottoms are not bottoms by choice (My Ex) but by force - many young guys are dealing with erectile disfunction, small penis or micro penis syndrome or other issues that can prevent them from getting it up and pleasing a partner. In those cases, they are exclusively a bottom out of embarrassment or just knowing ain't nobody gonna sit there and let you play in them with 3 inches or hitting the rim just trying to get it up.. IJS.
     
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  6. alton

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    LOL This made me chuckle. LOL!!!
     
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