So, several months back I was dating a "man". This man had maaaany cons that I will not disclose, but I gave him a chance because our chemistry was immediate and undeniable. As time passed, his cons, shortcomings, and inabilities came to fruition and I had to let him go. The "man" is almost a decade older than me, but he def is not where most men around 40 years of age should be, financially or emotionally. For instance, he was in year 1 or 2 of undergrad, had a min wage paying job, and really did not have any money. This isn't even the worst of it. As time passed, I also noticed that I never saw the school work, heard of it, or saw grades. He lacked depth, intellectual conversations, and couldn't even answer the question I posed near the end or our journey together: "Do you feel as though you have progressed as a human in the past years and where do you want to be in the next 5?" Looking back, yeah, I was stupid, but I always try and give someone a fair chance. My question is, at what age do you apply the "If he hasn't figured it out by now, then he won't figure it out at all" rule? When is it absolutely too late? Is being broke at a certain age unacceptable? I like to think people can change, but I've dated older men a few times before and all of them really do not evolve their characteristics (good or bad), even in a relationship.
I think it, like most things, is all relative. 40 and broke obvs sucks, but 40 and broke because he is ok w working p/t because he lives in his mom's house and only needs pocket money is diff than 40 and broke because he's in school and literally only has time to work p/t. I think the bigger thing is how much time we're willing to spend in a gray area w them, knowing that theyre in one of their own. Many of us have flat out wasted time because someone was sooo cute/smart/talented/_______, knowing it was just that. That said, its important not to judge everyone subsequent guy based on THAT dude, even if he comes w his own gray area. Also, some gays know they want to be a part of a status symbol couple, or bust, and others are more open to a kinsey scale of what's acceptable to and for them. Kudos for giving him a chance in a climate where it gets more and more difficult to do so.
