I'm curious to know if any of you have ever dated a guy that seemed almost perfect, but just had one or two things or ways about them that you just couldn't get over. There's one guy I was dating that would be ideal, but I put him in the friend box pretty quickly. Why? He has the voice. lol. I knew it within moments of us sitting down at the bar we initially met at, but kept going out with him cuz he is mad cool and I really have a good time with him. (We haven't had sex, but have been intimate and the head skills are lacking, so that alone is potentially an issue. lol)
Then there's another guy I dated. This was basically one of those guys that always knew he was gay, but was a jock all his life. Looking at him, he's all dude. Nice worked out legs and booty, goatee, swag and all. He's into guy stuff...sports, cars, games, etc., but he's also one of those types that became very comfortable with his sexuality and just kinda "lets his hair down" sometimes. He says "chiiiiile," in a high voice but his voice is deep. And speaking of voice, he has a touch of the voice too that comes out more strongly at times. And I picked up on excessive hand gesturing during conversation.
I kinda feel bad, because I'm not one to discriminate or be superficial and all. But is it ok to just prefer that a dude talks like a "regular" dude and not have the urge to "queen" out? What is an acceptable level of "gay" that you could deal with before its a dealbreaker?
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Page 167 of 169
- Thread: Hooking up or dating friends
So I recently realized that I've seen a lot of my gay male friends naked and have kissed or gone even further with them. Sometimes it was before we became good friends, other times we just happened to be in the same place and horny. It has never ruined any of my friendships and things have never gotten awkward, but I was wondering if that was something other people did?
I'm a very sex positive person, and I don't shame anyone, nor do I tell others of my exploits, so I guess that's part of the reason it hasn't been awkward. I've also never had full sex with any of my friends, but we have a threesome with others before lol. I've also never truly dated a friend of mine either.
So my question is, have you had any dealings that were more than friendly with your friends and did it negatively impact your friendship?
Most of yous are too young to even know who this chick is (or too even care LOL) but, my "Kid Crush" from "The Last Dragon" and "Action Jackson" and the catalyst for my obsession with girl groups (and my cat's namesake) has died at 57yo. smh
Quite the opposite. He was not a fan of blacks or gays. If you were both, I am sure he had an amazing opinion. Here is an article I found that sums up my feelings. Very well written and drives to conversation back to the overall treatment of blacks, since slavery!
No, I'm Not Mourning The Death of Judge Scalia.
In the wake of Judge Antonin Scalia's death my timeline was flooded with posts from people of color expressing condolences. I was not one of those people. There is a long history of black folks mourning white folks who did great harm to us during enslavement which continues to resonate today. During the period Black folks were enslaved as chattel they were prohibited from gathering together for any reason to include funerals for fear of revolt . Therefore, slaves were buried in unmarked graves typically dug by slave children, with no public mourning period. In contrast, when a member of the master’s family died, slaves were required to wash, prepare, and dress their dead masters and to plan the repast.
It comes then as no surprise that many Black folks in the immediate contemporary struggle with the notion of bereavement. We have been systematically trained under threat of death to mourn the death of even the most heinous white folks all the while ignoring the passing of our own. This psychosis not only plays a central role in the intraracial devaluation of black life but also the politics of respectability surrounding the mourning of figures such as Judge Antonin Scalia who repeatedly made racist, homophobic remarks in his role as a supposed purveyor of justice for All citizens.
Judge Scalia not only compared gay people to predators and pedophiles he also suggested that black people would do better at remedial schools as opposed to high ranked universities due to what he perceived to be a naturalized race based educational disability. His rhetoric attempted to promote a race and sexual orientation based hierarchy that would undoubtedly support rampant discrimination in employment and higher education therefore exponentially increasing longstanding discriminatory gaps in wealth and outcome for non cis hetero white folks and our families.
In sum, I will not continue the tradition of mourning those who wished to do me harm. I cannot respect the opinions of those who wished to see me suffer. The rules of decorum and respect do not apply to those who call my humanity into question. There is now one less person available to continue that practice.
Full Article: No, I'm Not Mourning The Death of Judge Scalia.
- Thread: Beyoncé
As I've emerged from the shadows over the last 10 days or so and started reading and responding to more threads and posts, one trait that many of the squad members' exhibit is any easy confidence and self-assured manner. I find self-confidence very attractive. That got me thinking.
I am a fairly self-confident guy. It's not arrogance, hubris or even an over the top personality. I am simply comfortable in my own skin. I find that this trait has served me well in the friend zone. It hasn't always been a winner in the dating world, however. In the dating world, for me at least, a show of confidence has sometimes led potential candidates to be controlling (or at least make an attempt to be controlling), which invariably kills the party with a quickness.
For you, when considering potential candidates for dating, is self-confidence likely to draw you in, serve as a personal challenge to harness it, or cause you to turn tail and run in the opposite direction?
NAIROBI, Kenya — WHEN the Kenyan author Binyavanga Wainaina published his acclaimed memoir three years ago, he concealed an important part of his life from the public eye. Last Saturday, he unveiled “a lost chapter” of the book on the Internet titled, “I am a homosexual, mum.”
The chapter, about missing the opportunity to tell his mother before she died, is intensely personal. The response has been extremely public, a “gay bombshell” in the words of the newspaper The Daily Nation.
That is because, as a successful author, publisher, journalist and commentator, Mr. Wainaina, 43, has become one of the most prominent Africans ever to come out publicly. He did so at a moment when the issue is being fiercely debated here in sub-Saharan Africa.
Even as gay rights have gained ground in the United States and other Western nations, Africa has in some cases moved backward, with several countries increasing penalties against gays. Nigeria’s president this month signed into law a tough ban on same-sex relationships that threatens violators with 14-year prison terms, amid reports that gay men have been rounded up, arrested and even tortured.
The Kenyan writer Binyavanga Wainaina is one of the most prominent Africans to come out as gay.
SVEN TORFINN FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES
“The law is extremely cynical,” Mr. Wainaina said. “Any kind of bill like that has such extreme consequences that an immediacy of reaction of every kind is necessary.”
Mr. Wainaina, voluble and expressive, with his hair shaved on the sides, dyed red on one side, blue on the other, and yellow sunglasses perched atop his head, labeled homophobia a Victorian export brought to Africa by British colonialists. He placed the debate over gay rights in the context of a young, rapidly growing continent.
“I’m extremely optimistic about rapid transformation and change of things in Africa in general,” Mr. Wainaina said. “It’s set off. It cannot stop. It’s going to be turbulent. There’ll be dark bits and there’ll be bright bits, but it’s a speed train.”
While Mr. Wainaina has spoken out against the new law in Nigeria, his decision to come out was equally about his own experiences in his native Kenya, in particular, the death of a young gay friend called Kalota whose parents were forced to leave their church afterward. Another friend died of AIDS last year, and the aftermath also left Mr. Wainaina pensive.
He was uncomfortable with “that whole feeling of a certain kind of surreptitiousness, why didn’t so-and-so come to the funeral, but they loved him and they’re very close.” It was hard for him to pin down why he went public, he said, because “it’s not so much the event as a singularity but how that singularity compounds on things that happen all the time,” he said.
Mr. Wainaina at an interview in Nairobi. He called his coming out a “lost chapter” of his acclaimed memoir, “One Day I Will Write About This Place,” published in 2011.
SVEN TORFINN FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES
SINCE his chapter went online, Mr. Wainaina (pronounced wye-NYE-na) said he had been getting messages of support, both public and private, from friends, relatives and even a retired Roman Catholic priest who was close to the family.
“Someone who was in high school with me who I haven’t seen or talked to in years, you know, sent me a private message saying, ‘I’m a cop now, so if you need any help, give me a call,' ” Mr. Wainaina said.
It was generous, and in a way comforting, but also a sign of the severity of discrimination and public insults, blackmail and beatings gay people in Kenya still face, said Peter Njane, a member of the task force for the Gay and Lesbian Coalition of Kenya. “The kind of oppression we go through, it forces us to come out and say who we are.”
It is not just Kenya. On his visit to Africa last year, President Obama found himselftrading barbs with President Macky Sall of Senegal. After Mr. Obama praised the United States Supreme Court decision to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act, Mr. Sall retorted, “We are not ready to decriminalize homosexuality.” The news media and public in Senegal, where gay sex is illegal and gays are often persecuted, celebrated his defiance.
Mr. Njane said that while the coalition applauded Mr. Wainaina’s decision to come out, there had been “a lot of negativity on social media.” Some compared gays to pedophiles, while others made crass jokes or uncomfortable statements about gay sex, calling it “weird” and “unimaginable.”
“I blame the parents!” one Kenyan Twitter user said, for giving him an uncommon name like Binyavanga.
He was born Kenneth Binyavanga Wainaina, and his family still calls him Ken. But “the exotic” of the name Binyavanga “gave me a thrill,” he said, and he began going by his middle name.
His mother ran a hair salon in the city of Nakuru, while his father was a successful executive. In the lost chapter, Mr. Wainaina said that he had known he was gay since he was 5 years old.
He described shaking a man’s hand at 7: “This feeling has made me suddenly ripped apart and lonely. The feeling is not sexual. It is certain. It is overwhelming.”
He studied in South Africa during the final years of apartheid, and had friends there who were gay.
His mother died in 2000, and he still had not faced up to the thoughts he had been having since he was a child. He did not act on it until five years later with “a man who will give me a massage and some brief, paid-for love” in London, as he described it in the chapter. “I cannot say the word gay until I am 39, four years after that brief massage encounter.”
IN the meantime he had become an important voice in African literature. He won the Caine Prize for African Writing in 2002 and was a founder of the literary journal “Kwani?” His critical essay, “How to Write About Africa,” in the British literary journal Granta in 2005, took foreign journalists and authors to task for their clichéd approach to covering the continent.
For photos, he advised, “an AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these.”
“If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress,” he wrote. Acceptable characters include “The Starving African,” but “she must look utterly helpless.” The biting piece became a minor sensation.
In 2011 he published a memoir, “One Day I Will Write About This Place,” which was a critical success at home and abroad. Women, especially, Mr. Wainaina said, noticed the absence of a love life. “I’m not ready to go there,” he recalled thinking at the time.
He had come out to confidants but had not taken the step publicly. He said that he and a few friends had been “brainstorming what to do for a while,” in half a dozen conversations in bars over the last eight months.
When he finally made the decision, it became a multimedia coming out, the initial online chapter followed by a cyclone of Twitter messages and a six-part video where he talks about education, creativity and his own experience, posted online as“We Must Free Our Imaginations.”
On Twitter Mr. Wainaina declared that he would travel to Nigeria, but when asked about it in an interview he said, “Such ideas really have to generate from Nigerians.”
“I’m not even sure I want to use the term ‘coming out,' ” he said, offering “being gay in public” instead. Mr. Wainaina seemed like a man at ease with the momentous decision he had made, but also still getting used to how the way he related to the world around him had changed.
“What is my urinal policy? Do you chat casually with the person next to you as would be the case before?” he asked, with his deep, knowing chuckle. “These are all the sorts of questions in my head.”
But he said he had no doubt that he had made the right decision. “There’s no point for me in being a writer and having all these blocked places where I feel I can’t think freely and imagine freely,” Mr. Wainaina said. “There just really is no point.”
original article: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/01/2...tes-gay-rights-writer-comes-out.html?referer=
So I may regret making this thread later but @Ockydub emailed my about his disappointment in how tame The Locker Room has been thus far, smh
This thread is for posting leaked celebrity nudes, celebrity peen prints and anything else NSFW featuring your fave athlete, actor, musician or public figure.
As always, keep the Nudity (bare ass and erect peens) in Spoiler Tags and No Porn/Sex Tape shit.
Sage The Gemini
Sigh...I've been there OMG. Man. When ever a job leaves the US its because the foreign labor is cheaper and the executives and owners of the company will make more money.
In a video uploaded to YouTube, a gathering of workers at an Indianapolis air conditioning manufacturing plant are stunned and enraged when told they’ll soon be out of work because the company is moving their jobs to Mexico.
The large crowd of employees of a Carrier Air Conditioner manufacturing plant in Indianapolis can be seen milling around as a speaker — dressed in a suit and standing on a stage — addresses them and gives them the bad news.
“The best way to stay competitive and protect the business for long-term is to move production from our facility in Indianapolis to Monterrey, Mexico,” the man can be heard explaining.
The crowd reacts with shouts of outrage, including one man who can be heard yelling, “F*ck you.”
Following that bombshell, he adds that the local distribution center will also be closed, putting more people out of work.
After attempting to calm the crowd down saying he had important information that employees will want to know for the future he explains that the move is being made to “ensure high levels of [manufacturing] quality.”
He goes on to provide them with the cold comfort that “It is important that you understand that there will be no impact on jobs today.”
According to Fox News, the closures will put over 1,400 people out of work.
Thanks NAFTA and TPP by the way Bernie was against both.
- Thread: Friday Foolishness
- Thread: Looks
SAY WHAT?! Now listen word on the internet streets is that the Queen Ava Duvernay is in talks about making a Sci-Fi Thriller Film titled "Intelligent Life"! Also it is being said that Lupita Nyong'o is in talking about starring in the film so i wanna know from y'all who would you like to see in the black sci-fi thriller film?
Me personally i would love to see Golden Brooks, Elise Neal, Paula Jai Parker, Countess Vaughn, Mo'Nique, Omar Epps, Boris Kodjoe, Morris Chestnut, Tommy Ford, Mike Epps, and so many more!
BY LUCY O'BRIEN Star Wars: The Force Awakens and 12 Years a Slave actress Lupita Nyong'o is reportedly in talks to star in sci-fi thriller Intelligent Life, with Selma director Ava DuVernay circling to direct.
Intelligent Life will come from Steven Spielberg's Amblin Entertainment, from a script penned by Jurassic World director Colin Trevorrow and collaborater Derek Connolly. THR reports that Nyong'o is currently in negotiations to star in the film, while DuVernay will receive an offer an offer to direct in the next 24 hours.
This isn't the only major offer DuVernay is currently fielding. Deadline reports that the director has also been offered the adaptation of Madelein L'Engle's classic book A Wrinkle in Time from Disney, from a script written by Frozen writer and co-director Jennifer Lee.
Intelligent Life centers on a U.N. worker in a dystopian future who falls in love with an alien. According to THR, its tone will be similar to Trevorrow's Safety Not Guaranteed." Link: The Force Awakens' Lupita Nyong'o in Talks for Ava DuVernay Sci-Fi Thriller - IGN
- Thread: Late 20's living with your Mom
So I am in my late twenties and I am an only child living with my mother. I don't like it, but I know that I plan to move to New York by next year so at this point, I don't see the point in me moving out unless it is to New York earlier than planned. I made an attempt last year to get a place, but it fell through because the apartment complex was still being built and a whole bunch of financial changes occurred in the waiting time because the opening date got pushed back.
I don't like living here, but at this point I feel like I don't have too many other options. I wonder so often if this is a turn off for some guys to know that the person that is trying to talk to them still lives at home with his mother.
- Thread: Before the Darkside
- Thread: Black Folk Don't
In my neverending quest to find myself I do a lot of looking both online, in books, and everywhere else in between to see where I fit in and one thing that I often hear more often than not is that I can't do something because "black folk don't" but clearly since we are human beings we do.
My question is why do we say that about ourselves, why do we limit the things we can do. Is it a fear thing, not understanding the mechanics of those things, or just no interest.
And sorry if this is in the wrong thread
I was browsing black bear community-focused MaleMediaMind.com. They had a seemingly short-lived podcast and have an active Youtube channel (and an Instagram and Tumblr filled with Beef Cake of various shapes and sizes).
Several of their videos are Google Hangouts and reminded me of video-assisted versions of the roundtable podcasts, and these two made me laugh. The sentiments of "there are too many bottoms" and a lack of "real" tops make me wonder about their origin. I've seen comments online stating that several, if not all, major US metropolitan areas are suffering from a drought of tops. It's something I don't encounter all the time so maybe these thoughts are only said by a small, vocal subset, but it begs the questions "Why are there so few tops, or what gives some this perception?" and "What exactly is a real top?"
I'm guessing it's pretty simple. A) Fem guys are more visible and more often presumed as bottoms, and some vocal men consider a very narrow subset of people to be "real tops". B) These vocal men are really into traditional gender roles and want a man that fits their narrow masculine expectations.
In the second video, one guy says he's heard bottoms say that, even if their prospect bottomed in an early sexual experience and now only tops, he would still see him as a bottom. I guess he wants a "total top" who would never allow anyone to touch his booty hole, the kind of thinking you hear from those who say Tank is suspect after revealing he likes a tongue down there. I wonder what instills this thinking.
Anyway, their observations and reader reactions are kinda funny.
Days after the Kanye/Amber Rose/Wiz Khalifa "finger in the booty" nonsense, Tank is representing for the straight brothers who like a little tongue action down there. In a Breakfast Club interview, he says an older woman introduced him to getting eaten out, saying it tickled at first but, ten minutes later, he was spreading his cheeks and saying, "Get in there!" He declares that he only allows a tongue. I'd think his people and heterosexual standards would make him refrain from such candid statements, but I like hearing people comfortably discuss somewhat taboo topics that will likely make some look at them a little funny. The topic begins around 15:30.
So you are see this dude and he's cool as a fan, hitting the majority of, if not all of your check marks and you find out he's had some surgical enhancement. Not enough where it's obvious but say before, he was flat chested and had implants that just gave him nicer pecs. Sure he still works out but I just wanted a boost.
Or perhaps he wanted a nicer butt going from two bricks on the wall (lol @alton ) to a nice onion but nothing you couldn't see on any other dude. Maybe he had a little lipo to get his stomach flat or got a penis enlargement. Or stomach etching.
Again he didn't get anything done where it's obvious, he's only admitted it to you.
I would not have a problem with it myself. If this brings someone more confidence and self esteem, why not? Women are always running to get boobs and butts done and there's a growing market for male procedures now. As long as it doesn't turn into something where the fixing is always via surgery is always the solution because that's an addiction we have all seen in the public.
Let's me be clear here. I'm not one for a dude making his lips more plump, butt injections on really disproportionate levels, or along the lines of synthlol injections.
- Thread: Yalls Cuzzins
Everybody knows I went white for 2016. But, I thought Id give yall a space to share where YALLS cuzzins back in ur hometown made the news for carryin on.
Im not saying that Im from here, Im just gonna sat this video right here and shake my head...
- Thread: Guilty Pleasures
I can't tell if this post already exists but here it goes anyway - so Cypher Avenue certainly has a slant towards the masculine side of the homosexual spectrum yada yada but I bet even the most hypermasculine guy out here has that one mainstream 'gay scene' thing he fucks with. No need for full confessionals, let's just limit this to music, shall we? You know that one gay anthem you sort of lose your shit to privately or when out and about (not necessarily voguing...this is still Cypher Avenue after all).
So what's your gay (anthem) musical guilty pleasure? Me - Gwen Guthrie 'Ain't Nothin Goin on But The Rent (....I'm looking for a man to put some money in my hands)'.
It should be interesting to read what Nick's and Ocky's are.
I ALWAYS wanted to get a Bonsai Tree. The fact a tree can be that small, beautiful and have a minimalist quality has always amazed me, now add that its FLOATING!?! MIND BLOWN!!! My dream apartment would be this from the 'Masculine Bed Room Spaces'+ a floating Bonsai Tree by the side.
Floating Bonsai Trees Are Now A Reality
Damn bruh, this story is really sad and a reason for concern given that so many people had lottery fever recently. Dude was only 20 freaking years old...had a son and just had another new 3 week old baby...AND he just spent $4,000 on Christmas gifts for kids in his community. Humanity ain't shit.
A forklift operator who recently won a nearly half-million dollar Georgia lottery jackpot was killed overnight Thursday during a home invasion robbery, investigators confirmed.
Officials said 20-year-old Craigory Burch, Jr. died from gunshot wounds at a home on Stubbs Avenue.
Burch had won a $434,272 Fantasy 5 jackpot in November 2015.
Once on scene, Georgia Bureau of Investigation agents spent the overnight hours collecting evidence from the home.
Investigators said Burch's girlfriend, Jasmine Hendricks, was in the home at the time and ran for help.
A shotgun blast blew open the door and three masked, armed men ran in, she said.
"When they came in, he said, 'don't do it bro. Don't do it in front of my kids. Please don't do it in front of my kids and old lady. Please don't do that bro. Please don't. He said I'll give you my bank card," Hendricks recalled.
That's when Burch threw his pants to the robbers, who looked for but couldn't find his wallet.
Then they shot and killed him before running away.
Burch's mother Leslie Collins relayed an emotional message for those responsible in the killing.
"I want them to know what they took from me. They took a part of my life away from me. My child that I carried and raised for 20 years," she said.
Authorities said they were following leads and interviewing people, but they have still not named persons of interests or suspects in this case.
Friends of Burch said that he had recently used some of his winnings to buy Christmas presents for people in need.
Anyone with information is urged to contact the Ben Hill County Sheriff's Office at 229-426-5161.
- Thread: Aunt Viv Parody
Ok...so I'm sure most know that the "blacktress" Janet Hubert who played Aunt Viv on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air called out Jada and Will Smith on their boycott of the Oscars? So watch the first video, then the second.
Some of you may know 32-year-old stand up comedian Michael Che as as staff writer and anchor on Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update news segments. In addition to pulling off great comedic timing, even when improvising lines with his co-host Colin Jost, Che looks very good in a suit (I can’t lie, he’s my type of dude. If Che has a gay brother, send him my way).
As many readers already know, I’ve been very critical of black comedians in the past when it came to Homophobia. From Kevin Hart to Tracy Morgan even to The Carmichael Show star Jerrod Carmichael, black comedians often show a disdain for gay people, especially when it comes to gay people in their family or circle of friends.
This 2013 stand up comedy bit from Michael Che on homophobia and gay marriage is hilariously spot on and refreshing. Instead of showing disgust for gays, he jokes about how incomprehensible it is for anyone to be homophobic in the first place (starts around the 3:40 mark).
Props to Michael Che for taking what shouldn’t be a controversial stance in the world of black stand-up comedy: Making funny “gay jokes” that both makes fun of and supports homosexuality.
Read the whole post here.
- Thread: Marriage Is Boring
I found this article to be pretty interesting. While the article is geared towards straight people there are some universal truths. @ockydub or any other members in a long term relationship or marriage any thoughts?
"Marriage is the establishment of routine, the elimination of mystique about significant others, the mundanity of commitment. A lot of married people go out of their way to make marriage seem attractive. We tell our single homies marriage means you get to WAKE UP! EVERY DAY! NEXT TO YOUR BEST FRIEND! There is that. But most days? There are no trumpets accompanying that moment. Just morning breath.
So it is true, in a sense, that marriage is boring and unmysterious. For me, however, this is all its charm"
"Master of None" was right: Marriage is boring. | truly tafakari
- Thread: Dante's Views on Masculinity
- Thread: The Powerball Careers of 2016
In my current employment status (temporary), just came across this piece of information.
CareerBuilder Releases List of Hottest Jobs for 2016 - CareerBuilder
In addition to this piece of information, I'm curious to know what the First Job Experience was like for any in the Cypher Avenue community and what any of you learned from it.
As part of my night routine to skim through my read-it-later app for articles I saved throughout the day, I found this gem. An interesting perspective given here and I mostly agree. Thoughts?
You Don’t Need More Free Time
By CRISTOBAL YOUNG JAN. 8, 2016
AMERICANS work some of the longest hours in the Western world, and many struggle to achieve a healthy balance between work and life. As a result, there is an understandable tendency to assume that the problem we face is one of quantity: We simply do not have enough free time. “If I could just get a few more hours off work each week,” you might think, “I would be happier.”
This may be true. But the situation, I believe, is more complicated than that. As I discovered in a study that I published with my colleague Chaeyoon Lim in the journal Sociological Science, it’s not just that we have a shortage of free time; it’s also that our free time, in order to be satisfying, often must align with that of our friends and loved ones. We face a problem, in other words, of coordination. Work-life balance is not something that you can solve on your own.
Our study, which drew on data from more than 500,000 respondents to the Gallup Daily Poll, examined the day-to-day fluctuations and patterns in people’s emotions, week after week. Two facts about emotional well-being emerged — one that was intuitive, the other surprising.
The intuitive finding was that people’s feelings of well-being closely tracked the workweek. As measured by things such as anxiety, stress, laughter and enjoyment, our well-being is lowest Monday through Thursday. The workweek is a slog. Well-being edges up on Friday, and really peaks on Saturday and Sunday. We are, in a real sense, living for the weekend.
The surprising finding was that this is also true of unemployed people. We found that the jobless showed almost exactly the same day-to-day pattern in emotional well-being as working people did. Their positive emotions soared on the weekend, and dropped back down again on Monday.
It seems obvious why working people cherish the weekend: It’s a respite from work. But why is the weekend also so important to the unemployed?
The key to answering this question is to recognize that not all time is equal. Time is, in many ways, what sociologists call a “network good.”
Network goods are things that derive their value from being widely shared. Take your computer: Its value depends in large measure on how many other people also have a computer. This is because you use your computer as, among other things, a communication technology: for Internet access, email, Facebook and file sharing. When everyone you know has a computer, the technology is indispensable. But if you were the only person with a computer, its value would be limited.
Free time is also a network good. The weekend derives much of its importance from the fact that so many people are off work together.
To help demonstrate this, my colleague and I conducted a second study, this time using the American Time Use Survey, which tracks how much time people spend doing various activities. We found that the weekly cycle in well-being from our previous study was mirrored in the pattern of time that people spent with family and friends — which was roughly double on weekends what it was during the week. According to our calculations, this increase of social time on the weekend accounted for roughly half the spike in weekend well-being.
Again, this was the same for the jobless. Monday to Friday offers five days when the unemployed are off work by themselves, searching job ads, doing household chores and so on. While the jobless have “free time” during the week, their friends and family still have to go to work. The weekend is when the jobless fall back into sync with society.
The weekend, then, is not just a respite from work, but also gives similar relief from unemployment. It is a time when people can get what they’ve been missing: time together.
This conclusion points to a key feature of the work-life problem: You cannot get more “weekend” simply by taking an extra day off work yourself. If we were to take more time off as individuals, we would be likely to spend that time, as the jobless do, waiting for other people to finish work. We are stuck “at work,” in a sense, by the work schedules of our family and friends.
Over the past few years, many workplaces have looked for ways to create more flexibility in individual work schedules. There is no question that doing so has many benefits. But my research suggests that a disadvantage of these efforts is that they may lead us even further from a weekend-like system of coordinated social time. They threaten, ultimately, to exacerbate the decline in civic engagement and social contact known as the “bowling alone” problem.
The solution might be found in a form of constraint: more standardization of the time for work and the time for life.
Cristobal Young is an assistant professor of sociology at Stanford University.
- Thread: Nice Guys
Lets have a discussion about Nice Guys. We all have some idea of what a nice guy is, for me it's someone that's kind-hearted, considerate of others, approachable, and trust worthy. Now it was mentioned in a previous thread that being a "nice guy" can be a tell for being gay and we've all heard the phrase "Nice Guys Finish Last", and women are known to be attracted to bad boys and celebrities are usually praised for their Ahole tendencies...but does all of this still apply in "gay world"? Catty behavior is a common thing I heard (and observed) in the gay community but I guess my real question is..why.... are people so attracted to individuals with bad attitudes and ignore those that treat people with decency? This goes for both romantic and platonic relationships as well.
What do think?
- Thread: jidenna
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