Dating: how much would you spend in a search for love?

From pricey cocktail bars to online dating, finding a partner can cost thousands

For some it happens at school, for others it’s after spending several years swiping on Tinder. Finding love in this increasingly digital age has its highs and lows, but how much is it impacting our finances?

At the beginning of 2018, Sarah Johnson* was on a “dating mission”. Single for four years, the analyst threw herself into online dating with the same level of gusto that someone might train for a marathon.

From January to April the 35-year-old incessantly swiped in order to arrange a minimum of three dates a week; sometimes it would be a first date, other times a third or fourth with the same person. “I didn’t want to focus on one person,” she admits.

But with the first couple of dates usually involving cocktails at “swanky bars” with a price tag of about £15 each, Johnson is the first to admit that searching for love proved an expensive hobby. “I’d easily spend £75 in one night,” she says.

After a successful couple of dates with the same person, cocktails would be upgraded to dinner or be activity-led. “I’d book mini-breaks, such as a trip to the New Forest or a night in a hotel in London,” she says. One, which involved a hotel stay, a visit to the spa, dinner and drinks, cost the Londoner more than £300. “It adds up,” she says. “But it gets boring just going for a coffee.”

Going on a coffee date can lose its appeal for some

Earlier this year she booked a trip to Copenhagen, spending £400 on an Airbnb to celebrate the birthday of a man she had been seeing for a month. “I got overexcited because I was trying to show off,” she admits, adding that they dined at a Michelin-starred Thai restaurant, where the bill came to an eye-watering £450.
Although they stopped seeing each other weeks later, Johnson insists she doesn’t regret it. “I have happy memories and had a really nice time. I travel on my own a lot, so it was nice to be with someone.” Johnson says the dating costs didn’t harm her wallet too much. “I’m lucky enough that I have a good income with disposable cash.”


But the persistence paid off. She is in a relationship with a man she met on Tinder and is able to get her savings back on track. “I’m not spending as much, as I’m not doing stuff every night. It’s a nice mix of chilling at home and going out for cocktails.”

With more single people than ever – there are just over 16 million singletons living in the UK, up from a little over 12 million in 2002, according to the Official for National Statistics – and a proliferation of apps, services and activities, dating is a big-bucks business. One survey, from Match.com and the Centre for Economics and Business Research, found the average cost of a date in the UK is £129 (across both people).



For others, these figures are small change. Fife-based Gareth Anderson, 29, says dating costs him about £1,000 a month after he splashes out around £200 on dinner and drinks per date, plus additional costs such as taxis and clothes.

“It does tend to limit the amount I save,” says Anderson, a mechanical engineer who, up until recently, was signed up to controversial paid-for dating site BeautifulPeople.com (“The world’s most exclusive dating site for beautiful people only”).

“I feel that the money is worth it simply for the memories and the thought of knowing that she could be ‘the one’. I’d hate to cut back and find that an impression wasn’t struck as we ended up at a Wetherspoon’s, or somewhere similar.”

Anderson isn’t the only one who likes to dig deep into his pockets to find love. Many of the wealthiest singletons sign up to bespoke introduction agencies that cost from £1,000 to £100,000.

Simon Manasseh, 56, has coughed up £1,795 twice for an annual subscription to dating agency Sara Eden. He says it has been worth the price tag: the first time he met a woman, that relationship lasted for two years. He rejoined last November and has been in a relationship with someone since earlier this year.

Manasseh, who lives in Windsor and works as a head of aftersales, says he has used internet dating before, but adds that an agency has its advantages: “This way you get to meet people with common interests, and you know their intention.”

When it comes to the first date he will often spend about £100 on dinner and drinks – and always foots the bill. “I’m a gentleman. I always pay on a first date.” He also invested £150 for some professional pictures. “If you want to do something, do it properly. It’s all about first impressions.”

Despite the large sums that some daters fork out, one expert believes outlays associated with dating may have actually fallen over the years. “As now there’s a fair bit of dating going on – perhaps expectations are not as high,” says Jo Hemmings, a behavioural psychologist and dating coach, who herself charges from £200 a session. “I think people may have paid out for initial costs, like getting ready, but now it’s more relaxed. Dinner dates don’t come up quite as often – it’s more about a drink in a pub or a coffee.”

Many younger millennials are choosing – or, due to increasing rents and costs, being forced – to keep dating more affordable.

“I’ll go for a nice walk or a run, or go to a restaurant or cafe,” says Alex Wilton, 24, who has been single for three years. “I look out for whatever vouchers I can find – I remember using a two-for-one deal on Bella Italia, and I’ve a Tastecard [a discount card that gets you money off at restaurants and high street chains] and TopCashback for any cashback,” says the software developer, who lives in London.

“My generation is more relaxed about looking for discounts. Life is so expensive in London. My feeling is that dating shouldn’t be about money – it’s about the opportunity to know someone.”

Dating: how much would you spend in a search for love?

 

These folks must have lost their damn minds or have too much disposable cash WTF!!!
If I am to spend 150-300$ on a date, then it will be an escort giving me the Boyfriend Package, not someone I am just trying to know especially with how the gay community is very disposable and dudes be juggling 7-10 dudes at once.
If I am getting to know you we splitting the cheque! If its my treat I would let you know, even at that nothing more than 100$.

Maybe that's why, I am still siiiiiiiiiigle*Amanda Seals voice*

I remember this being discussed on CA before by @Nick Delmacy in 2015 QUESTION OF THE WEEK: $250 and Up...How Much Do You Spend On A Gay First Date?

Maybe, some of y'all might have evolved on your thoughts in 2018, with how difficult even a decent date is hard to find.