A Real Examination of Racism and Gay Dating Apps

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by OckyDub, Jan 13, 2016.

  1. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    [​IMG]

    A popular heterosexual social media personality that I follow, solicited Black homo/bisexual male volunteers to discuss gay dating apps. He wanted to know of experiences when interacting with white or Black men, first dates, any loves lost, racism, etc. I’ve been in a committed relationship for years, so obviously it’s been awhile since I dated. Being that I enjoy most of the commentary and observations on racism from this blogger, I decided this would be my area of focus with our conversation after I replied to his open invitation.

    Over the last couple of years there have been an exhausting abundance of articles, essays and videos across media addressing preferences and racism via gay dating apps. In my opinion, most have the same tone and message, which is ethnic preferences equal racism or bigotry. Many of these writings are told or delivered from the perspective of the rejected or offended gay man. Others are from the viewpoint of observer, preaching to the preference driven bigots or racists on how they need to be more open, change their thinking and update profile messages that have offensive language. I also want to point out that I think many times the usage of the term racist(ism) is misused and bigot(ry) should be instead. Racist basically means one thinks a certain race is superior or inferior, while bigotry is treating another group or race with hatred or intolerance. Being a bigot doesn’t automatically mean one is racists. Institutionalized racism exists along with bigoted and negative perceptions or stereotypes towards people of color. I think it safe to say that gay men who use bigoted or racist language in their online profiles most likely harbor these same sentiments in their offline day-to-day lives.

    Even though I have written before about the No Fats No Fems controversy and discussed the subject in podcasts, I’ve been delayed with discussing the dating app racism topic until now. I realized once I completed my Q&A with the blogger, I basically had written my thoughts and main talking points that could be reformatted into my own essay. The blogger shared with me something that I kind of already knew once I had given him my responses; my views greatly contrast with those from the other Black gay men who he had interviewed on this subject.

    *FYI, I’m will be using the term “gay” even though I’m referencing homosexual and bisexual men.

    The topic of racism via dating apps is only a real issue for two groups of gay men. One group is non-white gay men (men of color) who are exclusively looking to date only white gay men. The other group is white gay men who go out of their way to preach to other white gay men that rejecting non-white gay men for dating, sex, or relationship is racist. This is not an area of huge concern for gay men of color who exclusively or primarily are only seeking other gay men of color.

    A member of Cypher Avenue conducted his own personal survey while using OKcupid. He created two identical profiles, with matching academic qualifications (Master degree), “nerdy” interests in addition to hobbies and activities. He then selected two pictures of very attractive shirtless chiseled men as the profile pictures. The only difference was that one was White, while the other was Black. He then chose the same 25 Black men; one message was sent to each from the White male profile and the other from the Black male profile. None of the Black men he messaged responded to the profile that featured the Black male as the profile picture but all of them responded to the message with the White male as the profile picture. After conversing with these Black men while using the White male profile, he stated that “most of them had a warped idea of the intellect of Black gay men and one even stated that he sets his filters so that he only sees white men.”

    When I have read articles and seen videos featuring Black gay men giving their testimony on how they feel rejected by racist White or Asian gay men on dating apps; there is never mention of why they (these Black gay men) only seek non-Black gay men. While crying racism, somehow they don’t examine themselves and ask why they’re rejecting other Black gay men.

    I’m all for calling out bigoted or racist language that exist in dating app profiles, such as stating, “No Darkies, No Rice (meaning Asians), No South of the Boarder crosser (Latinos/Mexicans), etc.” However; I’m not for policing this type language. If one is on a dating website or app, they’re searching for something from the men that are available. The men who write these types of remarks within their profiles are revealing an honest open door into their true selves. This is a gift in the form of a large warning sign helping the reader to avoid them if they don’t agree with these attitudes.

    I’m almost 40 years old and have been online since 1997 in AOL chat-rooms via dial up. When I became more active online, reading comments to certain articles or news stories, there were plenty of racists or bigoted comments from other users. When I begin gaming online, I found out the gaming community is filled with young and old trolls spewing racist comments. Racism and bigotry takes place all over the world and all over the internet. Why would it not exist on dating apps and online dating sites?

    Let’s pretend that a white gay man didn’t use any racist or bigoted language in his profile but simply stated his preference is only for white men; for some this is still considered problematic. A Black gay’s preference for seeking white, Asian or Latino is ok and not racist but a white gay seeking another white gay is racist…how so? White and Black gay men who produce these anti-racism dating app articles condemning white gay men (who have white only preferences), while wearing their badges of liberalism, progressiveness and equality are eerily silent when it comes to Black men who have a preference for and only date other Black men. Why are they not calling the “Black man seeking Black man” profile racist?

    The double standard message being presented is that the only preference to have is an all-inclusive one, unless it’s “Black man seeking Black man”, then that’s ok. If there is any group that should be against telling another group who they should or shouldn’t sexually interact with, its gay men.

    Let’s put this in a larger perspective. This is not housing discrimination. It’s not police brutality or discrimination within the work place. It’s not homophobic persecution or #BlackLivesMatter. It’s seeking sex or relationships using gay dating apps.

    Not wanting to date or have sex with someone doesn’t inevitably mean the person rejecting the offer, feels they’re better than the person pursuing. If these white gay men need to broaden their dating preferences, maybe these "seeking white only" Black, Asian and Latino gay men need to do as well. If a white man doesn’t want to fuck you or doesn’t want you fucking him, it’s not automatic racism or bigotry. You're not a victim, you're simply not desired.

    Many of these Black gay men who seek only white men will also say that they feel sexually objectified or that some white men see them as only something to experiment with sexually. Or the Asian gay men who only seek white men will profess that they feel they're regulated to the submissive bottom geisha stereotype. I’m sure anybody who is open to interracial coupling, wouldn’t want to be used as some “sexual experimental jump off.” I should point out that many people of a particular ethnicity do have sexual curiosities of those belonging to other ethnicities. Sexual curiosity is a human feature that is not limited to race. The peculiar thing is, are they (gays of color seeking white men) being used for sex or are they allowing themselves to be used for sex because of their thirst for white men? I think a white man at some point during the “getting to know you phase” will say, “I’ve never been with a -fill in the blank ethnicity- man before.” This could be a possible indication that he is viewing the male of color, as a “sexual experimental jump off.”

    In this sometimes overly sensitive politically correct society, there are elements within it pushing the narrative that it’s not acceptable for certain individuals to pursue who they want because their preferences are offensive and others will feel rejected or shamed. Yet these same progressive minds will still profess that “you should be able to love and marry who you want to.” This is the same mindset far right conservative use when they say they want the over-reaching Federal Government out of their private lives but are against a woman’s right to choose and want a federal ban on abortions.

    The vast majority of the human beings on our planet are intra-racially coupled. Why would it or should it be any different for LGBT individuals? Even with some people who are interracially coupled, many times if you look at their dating history, they still may have been with more individuals within their race vs. outside of their race.

    As a Black man I have encountered racism and bigotry countless times in my life. Racism has “rejective” components within it being that people in power can discriminate against, thus reject. I feel and understand the pain it causes. Within the context of dating, I will not feel diminished because some white man on a dating app doesn’t want me; which isn’t any different than a Black man turning down my advances.

    I’ve dealt with rejection throughout my entire dating life as I’m sure most people have; the caveat is that I don’t think people know how to rejoice in their rejections. Rejections are blessings. This is something that I learned and grew into overtime. Dating can be frustrating AND rewarding. Looking back, after all the dating rejections, I was still able to find sex and companionship with people who didn’t reject me. This should be the focus, not the afterthought. I know my stance is on the outside of this popular topic but I’m not gonna cry any tears over these dating racism “victims.”




    Read the whole post here.
     
    #1 OckyDub, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
  2. grownman

    The 100 Daps Club Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    935
    Daps Received:
    1,201
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    fl
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    Plain truth. Well written and thought out. I have to admit that I fall into the "they racist (white or black) because of the blunt preferences listed in their profiles. Especially, being that I don't date or really want to date outside of my race. I have also made that abundantly clear on mine. Eye opener on all points.
     
    #2 grownman, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2016
  3. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    43
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2015
    Messages:
    1,790
    Daps Received:
    2,770
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    " If a white man doesn’t want to f**k you or doesn’t want you f**king him, it’s not automatic racism or bigotry. You’re not a victim, you’re simply not desired."

    I love this statement here. Many of the dudes who are offended by this tend to be ones that are only seeking attention from the group that overwhelmingly doesn't desire them. If they would open their options a little, sh!t would be a little more promising. It's not an all encompassing fix because of the simple fact, one may not be what the majority are seeking, {white and/or} muscular, model-esc, exotic looking, but it certainly gives one more "leg room" in the dating/ hook up game. I personally don't have a lot of luck in the dating/ hook up game, but I accept that I'm none of the above, at least in my own opinion (muscular, model-esc, exotic looking) but I'm at least willing to entertain any ethnicity because there are beautiful dudes in every category. So if one person rejects me, f#$k 'em, on to the next.
     
    #3 alton, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2016
  4. Comment Imported From Main Site

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2015
    Messages:
    251
    Daps Received:
    147
    WOW!!! Talk about the pot calling the kettle "black". I don't think it's ever been suggested that people of color who exclusively date outside their race doesn't involve SOME bias. But just like their Caucasian counterparts, having a "preference" is not automatically "racist". And I've yet to see a person of color online publically stating they will reject all Caucasians and using derogatory language to do so.
     
    grownman and Jdudre dapped this.
  5. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    I think Black men seeking black men usually stick to the apps or online sites they are familiar with or should I say cater to them. So IDK if the hypothetical you posed would present itself in real world gay dating apps situations where black gay men are using the same type of language certain white gay men use for only want to interact with men of their own race.
     
    #5 OckyDub, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
    Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  6. grownman

    The 100 Daps Club Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    935
    Daps Received:
    1,201
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    fl
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    Oh, I was just thinking about the point
    I was just thinking that should I be upset with guys who feel that way-when I do too? I was on Zoosk and Match for a minute. Trying to expand my choices. But I was deleting just about every white man suggestions they provided for me based on similar interests. Because the reality is for the most part-I don't desire them. Of course, their are beautiful white men that I have seen. So, that's not they are unattractive. It's just my preference. But, I hear what you're saying that if I am only sticking to the familiar-then the article didn't really apply to me.
     
    #6 grownman, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2016
    Jdudre and Tyroc dapped this.
  7. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
    Squad Leader Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    1,257
    Daps Received:
    2,420
    Gender:
    Male
    Dating:
    In a Relationship

    Cosign I've said this a million times. Just because a white man does want to date of fuck you doesn't automatically make him a racist. Another point is even if they are racist why would you want to get in bed with them anyway? I find funny that people, name non-white gay people, and especially black gay men are somehow surprised that white gay men are racist. Just because they're gay doesn't automatically make them your "ally." Homosexual/bisexual white men are still white men. Thus they have the same belief that they are the "master race" just like heterosexual white men. So if that's what they think why would such people form an intimate or sexual relationship with you when they think your "inferior?" The alarm clock is ringing but many of us refuse to wake up.
     
    Coltrane, redsai84 and grownman dapped this.
  8. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    43
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2015
    Messages:
    1,790
    Daps Received:
    2,770
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    "Another point is even if they are racist why would you want to get in bed with them anyway?"

    Probably some sort of twisted self validation. Same as gay guys wanting to sleep with str8 dudes and women tryin to "turn" a gay guy str8.
     
    OckyDub and Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  9. Sean

    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    41
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    493
    Daps Received:
    756
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DFW
    Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dating:
    Single
    Let's talk about racism in the form of objectification. I am one who prefers black men or other men of color, but am open to the possibility of meeting and dating a white guy. But that's only if they don't use the word "cock" or make any statements to the fact that they "like" or "only like" black guys or BBC. I don't like to be the object of someone's glory because I'm black and it troubles me that whenever I do get hit on by a white guy, it devolves in to a conversation about my cock or the excitement of being with a black guy.
     
    grownman, OckyDub, alton and 1 other person dapped this.
  10. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
    Squad Leader Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    1,257
    Daps Received:
    2,420
    Gender:
    Male
    Dating:
    In a Relationship

    I think it's pretty obvious that most white men even the ones who claim to be attracted to black men just see black men as a walking oversized penis and not a complete human being. Unfortunately there are black men who go along with such nonsense. The Mandingo fetish alone is enough to turn me off aside from the fact that I don't find white men sexually attractive.
     
    #10 Cyrus-Brooks, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
    Discordant and grownman dapped this.
  11. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    43
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2015
    Messages:
    1,790
    Daps Received:
    2,770
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    My sentiments, exactly. I'm open to any and all ethnicities (why is CA saying this is misspelled?) however, I refuse to be someone's fetish. There's a kinda cute little white dude I see here at work givin' me the eye all the time (I say kinda cute but he's not my type at all. Too fem leaning, as if he belongs in a white "Gay Teen Coming of Age movie" and he looks like a little lesbian from certain angles) but I would never take it there, not only for the reasons I mentioned in parenthesis above, but because I can see in that "eye" that the attraction is more fetish/ fantasy leaning on his part and I'm nobody's "BBC Vending Machine", sorry.
     
    Discordant and Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  12. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    :khart1::bronbad:
     
    Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  13. OhSheit

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    1,136
    Daps Received:
    1,595
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    Orientation:
    Bicurious
    Dating:
    In a Relationship
    One time I was thinking...Hey maybe I should hookup with this thirsty ass white boy to get some practice out of it before I go scoop me a brown skin Adonis. Might help with sexual performance anxiety. :umad:
     
  14. Desh92

    Desh92 Squad Member

    Age:
    28
    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2015
    Messages:
    34
    Daps Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Dating:
    Single
    I'm a black man whose attractions is for other black men. So the question of why some white men don't date black men doesn't concern me. I figure that because I do not have attraction for white men that I understand how they might not have an attraction to me either. But again it's nothing that I will ever lose sleep over. However!!! I am confused over black men who clearly say they're interested in whites and hispanics but don't care to list black. And....... their own ethnicity listed is black. That leaves me scratching my head & there has been times that I have gotten a headache thinking about how that could happen. So you don't like your own?
     
  15. madmoral

    madmoral Squad Member

    Age:
    32
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2016
    Messages:
    76
    Daps Received:
    68
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Charleston
    Dating:
    In a Relationship
    yeah, I'm only attracted to black dudes. but I'm still not a dick enough to put BLACKS ONLY on my profile or NO WHITES...I just block them like a good boy.
     
    Cyrus-Brooks and grownman dapped this.
  16. Jai

    Jai Being strong minded.
    The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2015
    Messages:
    1,004
    Daps Received:
    1,748
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    U.S.
    Orientation:
    Asexual
    Dating:
    Single
    I'm not attracted to White guys. I date Latinos. I have a friend who is black and only dates guys that are white or pale. I made a note of his bf's using him because he's their fetish. He never listens & goes after them same ones and gets tossed to the side between 2-4 months....every time..

    I see lots of cute looking white guys but it ends there. Sorry if I sound mean about it. I wonder why...When I see them sometimes I'm like he's kinda cute...& then that will be it. No further feelings...Hmmmm
     
  17. Champagne Papi

    Champagne Papi is a Featured MemberChampagne Papi side-n*gga paralegal
    Most Comedic Player The 1000 Daps Club Best Gifs

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,155
    Daps Received:
    2,445
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    ....I've only ever dated one white guy and he literally made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. And what sucked about it was that I genuinely don't think he knew what he was saying and doing were extremely problematic, highly offensive, and down-right dehumanising. He has stripped me of my race before (saying that I'm not really "Black-Black" (what the f*ck does that even mean?) because I'm not from the states), he has fetishised and objectified me (saying something about Black dudes' asses), and even participated in cultural appropriation (especially in his speech by replacing english words with other words in a different language because he thought they "sounded better.").


    In regards to not being "Black-Black", I've even got that from my fellow Black men....saying sh*t like I'm not really Black because I'm African (as if African is a race) and that I'm "different" from other Black dudes they have talked to....And you know yeh, saying sh*t like that is not really cool....being stripped of your entire race in once sentence is something that is hurtful and painful....I wish people were more careful with what they say.
     
    Sage, Nigerian Prince and Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  18. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    :mindblown:
     
    Champagne Papi and Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  19. acessential

    Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    665
    Daps Received:
    1,858
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Roaming
    I don't think it's necessarily an issue of individuals being racist themselves, but individuals living in a racist society that exhalts whiteness as the highest form of beauty. And then makes black men desirable only if they fit a Mandingo fetish. I do think there is some merit to black guys who exclusively date white men being the most vocal about this. I remember watching a video before of a gay black dude being interviewed on racism in the gay community. He talked about how racist it was for white gays to say "no blacks," and then he went on to say "I don't really date black men either." Negro, what?
     
    Desh92 and Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  20. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    Exactly...WTF:sucka::dafuq3::birdman:
     
    Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  21. Jaa

    Jaa
    The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2015
    Messages:
    395
    Daps Received:
    665
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    It's like the counterpart to people like my classmate saying she wasn't black because she's Haitian despite walking, talking and looking like any other American black girl.
    I've occasionally seen explicit declarations that other races shouldn't waste a person of color's time with a message, but simple, non-inflammatory statements like "looking for another brotha (maybe Latino)" seem more common. I've also seen lots of white guys take the friendlier, PC route of stating what they prefer rather than what they don't like, sometimes listing practically every group besides black or Asian.
     
    grownman dapped this.
  22. Comment Imported From Main Site

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2015
    Messages:
    251
    Daps Received:
    147
    Just as many white and asian men beg for the "BBC" daily, I've seen countless tumblr pages built by white men who love black dick, countless white men lusting after black men on Pornhub/Xtube/etc on and on and on ... I mean you'll find them proclaiming their love for black dick constantly on craiglist, a4a, and at the bath houses. Black men are in fact the highest desirable because we're seen as hypermasculine and hypersexual ... like come on. If anyone is least desirable it's white and asian men because are known for having smaller dicks, less suave, and being more feminine
     
    Cyrus-Brooks and grownman dapped this.
  23. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
    Squad Leader Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    1,257
    Daps Received:
    2,420
    Gender:
    Male
    Dating:
    In a Relationship

    Dominicans are famous or should I say infamous for saying "I'm not black I'm Dominican." When I was in school this one Dominican dude said that. I laughed in his face because he was dark as midnight and had hair like steel wool.
    [​IMG]
     
  24. SwagJack

    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    45
    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Messages:
    154
    Daps Received:
    297
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington, DC
    Dating:
    Single
    Let's take that statement you quoted as logically sound, but then match it up with the one I saw a lot which was "No Blacks." Racist or nah?
     
  25. Champagne Papi

    Champagne Papi is a Featured MemberChampagne Papi side-n*gga paralegal
    Most Comedic Player The 1000 Daps Club Best Gifs

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,155
    Daps Received:
    2,445
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    [​IMG]
     
  26. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    If this is racist, so are profiles that say "No Whites."
     
  27. Comment Imported From Main Site

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2015
    Messages:
    251
    Daps Received:
    147
    I think it's important to say first that this "racism" or bigotry is not the MOST serious, but it's also not entirely irrelevant. Desireability (or lack thereof) does impact a person's self esteem and mental well-being. Furthermore, we do live in societies in which certain people are considered undesirable, and even less than human. While this sometimes includes race, it's more harmful regarding gender (women, femme, trans and gender non conforming) disability, fat, disease, etc., sometimes to the point where people believe it's ok to harm, abuse, violate and murder people based on these identities. Dating and sex are actually very harmful spaces for many people. Perhaps one solution is greater self love, in part so that we stop internalizing rejection. This however will not stop the racism, bigotry and discrimination of the world and we can't pretend it does, especially from places of relative social privilege (male, thin, able-bodied, etc). While some people say we need more inclusive standards of desire, I think that maybe what we actually need is less social emphasis on attractiveness and romantic status as kinds of social capital and prioritize alternative and broader forms of love and commitment. Personally I don't check for white boys (diminutive intentional), but I do find POC who only like white people to be sad. Not that there aren't gre-...decent white people out there, a white man has to be extremely attractive, or extremely committed to anti-racism and anti-imperialism for me to really be interested.
     
    Coltrane, Cyrus-Brooks and grownman dapped this.
  28. grownman

    The 100 Daps Club Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    935
    Daps Received:
    1,201
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    fl
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    [​IMG]
     
    Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  29. Comment Imported From Main Site

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2015
    Messages:
    251
    Daps Received:
    147
    Some black gay/bisexual men play to the "mandingo" stereotype. These clowns make it difficult for black gay men who don't play to stereotypes about black male sexual prowess. Why should white gay men deal with black gay men who have standards for how they want to be treated when some black guys apparently think that going "mandingo" on a white guy makes him a king (if only for a few minutes)? I realize the temptation is very strong for black gay men with intense sexual/emotional needs to go for the lowest common denominator of sexual gratification for its own sake but if you want to be in a committed relationship, exercising discipline and self control is crucial. The choice is yours. There are a lot of white gay men who will sex a black man in a heartbeat, but white gay men who want a black gay man for a partner/husband (although they exist) are relatively few. It is important for black gay men who know their worth and who are on the hunt for a partner/husband to know how to date. There are exceptions to everything but, generally speaking, you cannot sex your way into a committed relationship with a quality man of ANY race. If you want to be partnered/married, learn how to date if you don't already know.
     
    OckyDub, Cyrus-Brooks and grownman dapped this.
  30. questforknowledge

    Bae Material Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    34
    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    88
    Daps Received:
    297
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Jersey City NJ
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Single
    Yea Ocky I totally agree with you on this one man. I have to catch myself sometimes on this. Being in a predominantly white area I often come across white guys who don't hide the fact that they aren't interested in black guys and in my head sometimes I automatically think this means they are racist. But just as I have my preferences they have their own preferences also so it doesn't automatically mean they are racist. I think a lot of guys get angered by the rejection and are quick to yell racism in their frustration maybe because it is easier to deal with the rejection that way. Granted, some of these dudes may be racist, but you can't make that conclusion just because they aren't interested in you due to the color of your skin.
     
    alton, Tyroc, Cyrus-Brooks and 1 other person dapped this.
  31. NickAuzenneNOLA

    The Great Debater The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2015
    Messages:
    264
    Daps Received:
    574
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NOLA/Chicago
    Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dating:
    Single
    As someone who has never found a white person attractive, especially not enough to want to date, I don't find myself concerned with their preferences.As long as they arent in my inbox trippin I could care less. Once it crosses that line we have issues. My father is a multiracial black man (Louisiana creole and Acadian) my mother is Eritrean and Italian so I was raised in a pretty racially diverse environment but I've also witnessed racist views about dating among whites, even those in my family.
     
    Cyrus-Brooks and Tyroc dapped this.
  32. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    Mine is too....we homies
    :troll:
     
    NickAuzenneNOLA dapped this.
  33. OhSheit

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    1,136
    Daps Received:
    1,595
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    Orientation:
    Bicurious
    Dating:
    In a Relationship
    It's kind of hard for me to not view these dudes on the apps with their preferences and fucked up profiles as racist when the experiences that I've had with a few on/offline haven't been too great. I'm not talking about dating or rejection either, just talking to some about politics, race, news, etc. I simply just don't fuck with some of their views. No different from some straight white boys. I don't think I'd be friends with a white gay man either, the ONLY thing I'd probably have in common with is with some hipster dude, as some non-white men that are my type don't share the same taste as me.

    So yeah there may be a double standard there but I'm not really checking for them to be pressed about their preferences or "preferences". Like I said before, and I wasn't joking either, I'd have sex with one. It's not like I find their entire race to be disgusting looking like they probably do of mine. Maybe if I came across some decent white gay men they could probably change my mind and we could be friends/date. I ain't opposed to it, I just don't trust them after some racist experiences that weren't even on the dating apps.

    I guess I'm in my black twitter stage right now. Fuck em :yeshrug:
     
    OckyDub dapped this.
  34. Comment Imported From Main Site

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2015
    Messages:
    251
    Daps Received:
    147
    Quick question, what is everyone's dating experiences with dating men of Latino descent? Not just Afro-Latino but the entire spectrum. I don't wanna sit there and think I have a quality guy who likes me when his preferences are similiar to the Asian gays.
     
  35. Comment Imported From Main Site

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2015
    Messages:
    251
    Daps Received:
    147
    @NickAuzenneNOLA Would you be open to dating white guys again in the future or will you just stick to black men? You'll do fine either way.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - Real Examination Racism Forum Date
Real America vs Mayor Pete: "It all just went right down the toilet." Race, Religion, Science and Politics Feb 4, 2020
Netflix's New Black Gay Reality Show Television and Web Series Aug 14, 2019
The Internet Seems to Really Care About Who People (and Desus Nice) Are Fucking Television and Web Series Jul 25, 2019
How Are You REALLY Doing? Group Discussions May 6, 2019
Guys Really Live in Apartments Like This and Don’t See Any Issue Group Discussions Apr 14, 2019

Share This Page

Loading...