I watch Star Trek: Discovery and something occurred to me as actor Wilson Cruz lovingly kissed the White gay man that (rightfully) destroyed Kevin Spacy’s career: He’s a Gay White Man of Color.

Cruz is a prime example of what Octavius Williams speaks about often: White Gay Culture overpowers almost everything Gay in its’ path, especially when it comes to men.

When I look at Cruz, I don’t see a Latino gay man. I see a tan gay White man. He’s still a great representative to the community, but you could instantly change the name and photos on ALL his social media accounts with a random White man and said White man would never be accused of cultural appropriation.

This made me wonder: Where are the notable Black gay men who I actually relate to and identify as BLACK MEN just like me? 

As much as I love the dude, Karamo Brown is clearly a gay White man. 

As much as he’s done for himself and others, RuPaul is still a gay White man to me.

As intelligent and well written as he is, Jonathan Capehart is a gay White man to me.

Frank Ocean started off Black and crying in a used Nissan Maxima over the loss of a DL dude (a story that every Black gay man can relate to), but once he came Out, he slowly morphed into a White gay twink.

No matter how much he defends Black culture on CNN, I still can’t help but view Don Lemon as a White gay man.

Even Jussie Smollett gives me entitled White gay man after his performance on Good Morning America.

By contrast, Lena Waithe gives me nothing but GAY BLACK WOMAN!

It’s not because she rocks fitted caps and chains. It’s because everything about her work and aura gives off unadulterated Blackness. She feels like a genuine product of our culture, struggle and lineage. 

Wanda Sykes gives me gay Black woman. No matter how White her wife is, she looks and acts like she could be any of our cool Black aunts.

The list goes on: Meshell Ndegeocello, Sheryl Swoopes, Dee Rees, Tracy Chapman, Young M.A….They all remained Black after coming Out. 

The men, not so much. Jason Collins, Michael Sam, Derrick Gordon, Brandon Davis…the list goes on.

There are a couple exceptions for the men, though. Rapper iLoveMakonnen is still very much a Black man even while dating a overly tatted White man.


Chance the Rapper’s younger brother, Taylor Bennett, came out as bisexual and still maintains his Blackness. But I would argue that he doesn’t live his life as a Black gay man. His most recent IG posts show him in loving heteronormal family photos with his new baby and the boy’s mother.

The majority of men of color that come out as Gay and live as Out gay men seem to become bland, whitewashed and removed of all Black/Latino culture, replaced with Caucasian Stepford Househusbands

Am I wrong in this observation?

They all seen to be in The Sunken Place. I guess if there were a White gay equivalent to The Sunken Place, it would likely be called The Glory Hole.

That’s where they are. The Glory Hole.