Race & Sexuality: How Do You Identify Yourself?
A Cypher Avenue member asked this question on our interactive Activity Stream. The question was “How do you identify yourself; as a gay black man or a black gay man?” I’m sure we all have seen this type of question asked throughout the years and I’ve always been curious about those men who answer the question with their sexuality being first when phrasing their identity. I must admit, no matter their rationale, I can’t follow their logic. To each, is own I guess.
I’ve always thought about and answered the question from what I felt was a more logical scientific classification approach. I’m a human being first, a male second, then my race and finally my sexuality…yep in exactly that order. For the most part, the vast majority of humans born are either male or female. Yes, there are exceptions (intersex); nonetheless, a person’s sex is usually obvious.
Regardless of how many people claim to be color blind and “don’t see race”, I want people to see and acknowledge my race because it’s a part of the totality of who I am along with the experiences that come with it. It’s not all of me but it’s a part. Unlike my race, my sexuality is not as obvious due to my masculinity or what may be considered “traditional maleness”. Even though I can be discriminated against due to my gender, race or sexuality; I feel my race is where the discriminatory impact is greater.
Now I know experiences may be different for our more effeminate brothers and also depending on place of residence or origin around the world but I feel people see race before they see sexuality. What are your thoughts? Also how do you identify yourself; Asian, Latino, Hispanic African, African American, Indonesian, White then your sexuality, or the other way around?
There’s no denying “racism” in the good ol’ USA, ESPECIALLY among the Gay “Community”. I myself mentioned to another user on here, that when I was younger (and stupid) I used to try and pull that “but Im Panamenian, I’m half Spanish) bullshit until as I got older I realized I coulda been born ANYTHING, but as long as I got this skin, I am seen as and will CONTINUE to be seen as only one thing, BLACK. My sexuality (for me) is such a non issue, not only because majority of people wouldn’t know one way or the other, but because I myself, just dont give a fuck what anyone else thinks about what I do (or currently, DONT do) in the confines of my house. I dont have gender role issues, I love havin’ a dick so…with that being said Im pretty much on queue with Ocky, Im a Man, I’m Black, I have Panamenian ethnicity, and I’m Gay, in that order.
I recently had a discussion about this very topic with friends who had gathered for a transnational wedding; an American woman and an German man. This wedding was like a United Nations convention, people had traveled from near and far from all over the world. The topic of national identity came up first which lead to a much broader discussion. I answered the questions this way I am a Black Gay American. I chose that particular order because that is how the current construction of my particular world views me. I am a black man first, I chose black because I don’t generally use the term African-American (I use Black American) because my ancestry cannot be traced back to Africa. Secondly, I said gay because they is a significant distinguishing factor from other men, and lastly American because American is my nationality.
This is an interesting question. As an educator and analytical minded person, I think of this as I was taught to in basic English clasesses: adjectives modify the noun. The noun being MAN. So in me calling myself an educated, black gay man, I don’t see one adjective being more significant than any other or as important as the noun. I see it as a very specific discriptor for a certain type person that helps paint a picture of a that persons identity, heritage, and history. Meaning I am concerned and connected to all my adjectives;using the God in me to balance out my life when my adjectives conflict with one another.
Very good point, but looking at it from a sociological standpoint, which adjective would serve as your master status?
LOL in facebook friendly terms, statuses can change daily, sir. So even from a sociological standpoint, my adjectives reprioritize themselves from situation to situation and experience to experience. That way I remain well aware of who I am throughout my journey.
It feels more natural for me to describe myself as a black, gay male than for me to say a gay, black male. This could be partly due to me identifying with being black years before I identified with being gay. They taught race in grammar school, but the gay thing was something I had to learn through life experience.
In any case, the only reason I would put gay before all the other things that make up who I am would be if I needed to emphasize that I was gay for whatever reason.
When I’m around black people I’m keenly aware that I’m a gay man. When I’m around white people…I’m keenly aware that I’m a black man. When I’m around my gays…I’m a gay black man. And in that order.
This is really applicable to my life. I think that I’m just around other black people so frequently that I am constantly aware of my status as a gay male. In a different environment, I’d probably identify differently.
I get this. But even when I’m around other gay black people, it depends on the gay subculture they fall in howI react to them.
Butthurt (heh) is probably going to be coming for some folks in the next line. This is your only warning. When I’m around the ‘messy queen’ type, I tend to do everything in my power to avoid any interaction. I will not initiate any conversation or such. As I have been asked 21 questions from these types all too often. “Where do you work? School? Car? Do you know so and so?” It doesn’t come off as
“Hey you are cool guy and I think I’d like to get to know you as a person.”
It comes off as
“Gurrrrrl, I was just trying to get the tea baeybeh.”
Basically got Googled old school with someone who I liked at the time had a friend who combed my collges’ yearbooks to see what clubs and groups I was in, major and everything. I was like “Dude, chill.”
When I’m around the ‘homo thug type’ same thing but I’m a little more aggressive when it comes to my replies to let them know that “I’m clean cut looking but I will cut you clean.” As some people don’t understand that not everyone is interested in them.
If I find ‘my group’ which I still am not sure where I fit exactly so for not knowing a better term, I’ll use ‘gay bro’ you’ll find me at my default setting.
Interesting question. I would automatically define my self as a Black Gay Male.. typically because it is a common combination that is used. However, putting thought into it. I am a man or male, first. Next I am Black.. which could speak my african american, GeeChee, or Jamaican heritage.. it’s kinda universal for one with my skin in the United States. Lastly, I would say bisexual or gay.
It is a tough question to answer, as i feel like taking away my being male, gay, or black would all substantially change my identity. I feel like I might place higher priority on gay over black only because I have had so many more overt confrontations about my gayness than my blackness. It really wasn’t that long ago that homophobia was tacitly approved in far more schools and workplaces than it is now. I would probably just leave it as “black gay male” as far as how I identify.
If those are my only 3 options… black first, gay second, male 3rd. In terms of identity (straying from topic), I tend to identify more with being African than anything else. That’s the identity the provides purpose for me.
Black guy who just happens to be gay.
I don’t know. I just never was one to want to BLAST TO THE WORLD my sexuality. Maybe because it was my alien (versus robot) approach to gay life.
For example, I never understood why when people were talking about pride they were all flocking to Atlanta but I was thinking “But… you are not really proud to be gay. I mean, it’s not like you are wearing rainbow t shirts or have a flag hanging outside of your dorm room?”
I just am one who never wanted my sexuality to be the main thing that people focused on because that will be what they focus on even if they never say it. I don’t even focus on my sexuality so I will spare others the burden.
I just figure, I already have enough stereotypes to battle as is, black, male, southern, geeky, so why make it even harder on myself by making a big deal about being gay? Yes. It is a part of who I am but it doesn’t define who I am or what I am about. I’m not ashamed of it. I just don’t want it to be the center of everything for me.
I live life as a black gay man. I don’t live to be a gay man who is black.
Yeah, bruh. I don’t “happen” to be anything. Alain Locke alluded to this same issue in his groundbreaking essay The New Negro. My sexuality is a very important part of my identity. Especially being that for the vast majority of my life, society has made me feel the need to obscure that part of myself from view. That, within itself, has caused me years of problems that I’ve only just started to deal with in a constructive way.
I’m human above anything else. And hold the expectation that people who come into contact with me respect my humanity. I have no problem identifying as being black. I have several friends that are either biracial or have children that are. We’ve had this discussion at various stages of our friendships and their stances have shifted with time. But I’ve never taken issue with my racial/ ethnic identity. I’m also totally cool with telling someone that I’m interested in both men and women. Although my experience has taught me that this can be an issue for prospects of both sexes. Charge that to the game.
I’ve grown into myself after years of feeling uncomfortable with various aspects of myself. Self love and self acceptance are paramount for me. In terms of defining yourself racially or sexually, I don’t think anyone should feel confined or obligated to fit into anyone else’s boxes. As long as you have come to grips with the fact that society has its boxes ready and waiting for you.
Me, I see myself as a spirit having the human experience of being a light skinned, gay black male and evolving from all of the challenges that come with it.
Good question I never thought about how I view or see myself. I think I have gotten so use to being me that it really doesn’t brother what order I put myself in. From a society standpoint I see myself as a proud African American. From a sexuality standpoint I see myself as a black gay male. My sexuality is always going to last it should not define who I am.
Being black is for sure a bigger factor in my life.
This article that is running on The Advocate Dot Com says: Black Gay Dads…
http://www.advocate.com/parenting/2014/06/06/black-gay-dads-who-blew-twitter-respond-hate
I like to let people figure me out first then see how they act around me and then finally let them ask the questions. first they like to figure out what I am, then how old I am, then its only until after I mention something like ‘man, rupauls drag race was funny” or “vagina? ewwww” then they ask if im gay or not. then I just look at them like “how do u not know?” haha but I get it. if I had a purse and said “YYYAAASSSS” all the time, I would suspect either
I consider myself a man first, black second, and gay third. However I’m aware that American society sees me as black 1st, man 2nd, and gay 3rd. All of those things are part of who I am and I’ve learned to appreciate and love all of them. Taking any one of those elements away would make me someone else. Which is why I no longer hide the fact that I’m gay because it is a part of me.
I have always said “White, Older, Gay Male”. I have had problems before, either
being white or older. The only time I remember a serious problem with my sexuality, was at one job in Florida. Some of the “rednecks” I worked with, they decided my being gay was a “problem”. At first, I was able to move to another division. But, a few months late, I was accused of sexual harassment by this
black guy I was becoming friends with. Didn’t know he was “born-again”, and before i was able to bring up my sexuality, his friends did. They questioned all 300 workers, and none said I had harassed them in any way. After the investigation was completed, no one in management apologized to me. My manager was surprised, 3 months later, when I had put in my 2 weeks notice. Funny…she was the one trying to rail-road me out the door.
I’d identify myself as a masculine, tattooed, educated truly bisexual biracial guy that enjoys the NBA over the NFL and loves the fattest of asses. HA!