WEB SERIES REVIEW: Finding Me – The Series
Cypher Avenue Rating: 2.5 of 5
First things first, the Finding Me web series is a spin-off of the Straight-to-DVD movies of the same name. Props to the filmmaker for showing entrepreneurial initiative. If you haven’t seen the films, DON’T WORRY. You will be constantly reminded of their existence in the occasional advertisements that fills up a third of the screen when they pop up. I’ve discussed those film before on this website so I won’t bore you with the details.
Also, why are these episodes so hard to find? Do they not want people to find them by searching online or on YouTube? What are they trying to hide? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO HIDE! AND TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS! [Jack Bauer Voice]. This web series automatically loses a full star for making me log into BGCLive just to see the episodes.Next, why are these called “Minisodes” and not just Episodes. Its a web series. Were these originally produced back in 2007 for Verizon flip phones? That’s what mobile content was called back then, minisodes. Have I stepped into a gay time machine? If so, great! It’s 2007 and new episodes of The D.L. Chronicles are on! I’d rather be watching that instead.Let’s just get to the recapping already.
We’re reintroduced to Fabien and Greg from the films. Greg’s depressed about something which is a change from Fabien’s constant angst and issues. They talk cryptically for awhile, confusing the audience members who haven’t seen the previous two films. “I can’t believe I did that, Fabien.” “I know right, Greg.” “I wish there was a way we could all go back and review what I did in reference to what we’re talking about.” “There is, Greg, there is…” *Starts pointing to the Finding Me DVD advertisement on-screen below*
Greg can’t sleep from thinking about some past lover. In any other web series (Momma’z Boi, Steel River and yes you, Freefall) Greg would be grabbing for the baby oil and starting the obligatory masturbation scene that gay filmmakers seem to think we just LOVE to see on camera. But Finding Me takes a different route (maybe they’re saving it for later). Greg pours his heart out into a web camera. This lasts maybe 3-4 minutes, but I get bored long before then and move on to the next episode…er, sorry…I meant Minisode.
The next Episode-uh-Minisode, we see a bare-footed Fabien lying on a full bed spread set (fitted sheet and all!) in a public park while eating TWO open bags of chips. Yes two. Typical Fabien. Always wants his cake and eat it too.Oh shit, look out Fabien! It’s the BLACK SPIDERMAN!
No, actually that’s Fabien’s new dude Morris. Lets be clear. Morris was lying right next to Fabien but purposely made the awkward move to Tobey Maguire him. Is this how the kids are kissing now? I’m in my 30s so this is info I need to know for the survival of my social life. In all fairness, so far Finding Me gets props for adding this handsome Morris character. I actually believe their chemistry and the acting is light years ahead of the previous Web Series mentioned.
Now if only the audio was better. This happened a lot while watching Finding Me: I found myself hitting the Volume Up button on my laptop repeatedly even though it was already at its peak. Why can’t these indie gay black filmmakers save up the measly $300 bucks to buy a Zoom Recorder? NEVER USE THE FUCKING CAMERA MIC, ITS BOGUS! STEP YOUR FILM GAME UP!
Let me stop. Its not like these filmmakers have produced and distributed multiple feature films. They need more time to learn how to finally get the technicals right. Maybe after the FIFTH feature film we’ll get clean, hiss-free audible sound. (Burn! High-Five, bro!) Anyway, not being able to really hear the conversation, I look at attractive Morris for a little longer and skip to the next “Minisode.” Yes I’m trying to respect this young gay web series’ choice to be self-identified as a minisode. Who am I to tell it to fit into the predetermined roles that society has created for web series?
Oh shit, its Bry’Nt! And he’s wearing his Thug Drag. Bry’Nt is so believably Gangsta and Ratchet! Ha! Remember wearing Doo-Rags in Public? That was so 10 years ago but aight. Seriously though, this skinny boy is really attractive, no question…well at least to me he is. I would do him. Repeatedly. Okay um, moving on. Let’s see if his acting skills have improved.*Presses Play*Waits for it…*Stops Video*
Most of these actors in these gay web series make a young Bokeem Woodbine look like a young Denzel Washington. Now I see what The D.L. Chronicles boys were talking about in our interview with them. The talent just ain’t there if you’re looking for Out gay black actors for your films. So Bry’Nt has a quick understated sex scene with a dude that looks like his Ex…Again, I’ll give props to the Finding Me crew for consistently keeping the smut classy since the first film. I never feel like their sex scenes are cliched or typical.The next episode, sorry minisode, starts with some pretty black chick named Tammy having hot flashes in a hallway. Is she menopausing early? The suspense! THE SUSPENSE!
So Tammy’s sister shows up complaining about her girlfriend. Then Tammy’s ex Greg shows up and the stage-play hilarity ensues! Oh yeah, Greg’s Bisexual. Wait, they still exist? After some supposed-to-be-funny riffs, Gabe arrives. He’s the ex-boyfriend of Tammy’s cousin Amera. I guess actress J’Nara Corbin finally got paroled from this indie-series-prison. Kudos to her. GIVE US FREE!
So Gabe somehow misinterprets Tammy’s offer to grab his leftover belongings as a coded invitation for sex. So he strips COMPLETELY NAKED WHILE SHE’S IN THE OTHER ROOM. First off, is that how the kids are communicating sexual interest nowadays? “Let me go grab the book you left over here, man” “Oh so what you’re saying is that you wanna have sex!” “Duh! Of course bro, take off all your clothes!” Secondly, what kind of grimy idiot would even consider having sex with his recently broken up Ex’s COUSIN!? Oh wait, he’s young with a working penis, is that the explanation?
The actor playing Gabe has a great body so no complaints on the gratuitous abs and a̶m̶a̶z̶i̶n̶g̶ ass shots, but lets take 10 more minutes, Mr Writer, to make it all more plausible. Tammy returns and is SHOCKED! Wait there’s more: Greg and Tammy’s sister also return and they all looked SUPER SITCOM SHOCKED!
Then we freeze frame the shot…This fall on NBC!
Then we freeze frame the shot…This fall on NBC!
…then the studio audience applauds and we hear the theme music and we roll credits…
Anyway, we then see that Greg’s ex Reggie is a self-cutter. Is that real? I don’t think that’s real. That’s just in the movies. We see him cutting himself and all that, its all very after-school special and reeks of PSA. So I skip this Minisode. Next we see more Morris. Okay Finding me, So far we’ve had Morris, Bry’Nt and Gabe. You just earned another full ratings star for those eye-candy casting choices alone [Gay voice and stereotypical finder snap].
I sit through a 30-second scene where Fabien freaks about about being called “Fabe” and Morris has to take time explaining. Sigh. Typical Fabien. Then Fabe’s on a job interview with the dude who used to be on Derrik L Briggs’ ADTV. Whoa, he cut the long pressed hairstyle into a ceasar cut and looks really great. Next Fabe runs into his ex Eli (how many random guys have penetrated Fabien in this fucking city?!), who also looks pretty good. I’m still waiting for Fabe to fall in love with a man as “soft” as him. Fabe’s an effemiphobe!!!!!!! Patriarchy!!!!!! Heteronormativity!!!!!
Morris wants to commit to an exclusive relationship but Fabe is still stuck on any number of his recent Ex’s. Typical Fabien. Still can’t get over the first penis he had. Also, he hates being called Fabe. So imma keep calling him Fabe from now on. Why the fuck wouldn’t Fabes get with this fine brother with a good job and straight teeth?! That’s RARE in NYC!!! Morris must not be putting it down in the bedroom like Lonnie did…Maybe Fabe is confused because all of their footage was shot out-of-focus by the cameraman.
So Fabe spends another entire episode deflecting the issue, but is kinda coming around to settling for Morris. I mean he better, at this point he’s community property. Bry’Nt keeps trying to act. Tammy ends up pregnant by some painter dude. Greg breaks up with his dude for some dumb reason that I skipped past. More scenes are way out-of-focus. And it turns out that Morris was married to a woman the whole time! DRAMA CITY! It’s all really just exhausting.
At the end of the episode, Fabe, with no where left to go, goes back to the Penis that popped his cherry of course (Typical Fabien)…he goes to his first lover Lonnie. But wait, that’s not Derrick L. Briggs opening the door! They had to replace him?! Derrick got an early release from this series too?!
Looks like even for just a quick cameo at the end of the finale, Derrick Briggs was like, “Fuck that shit.”I’m with Derrick. Fuck this shit.
Cypher Avenue Rating: 2.5 of 5
Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.
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