When he dropped that vague Tumblr letter online, the gay community embraced Frank Ocean faster than Elmyra Duff in an episode of Tiny Toons Adventures. They grabbed his ambiguous ass and said, “He’s Gay! He’s one of us! I knew it all along! I’m gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever and never use you up!”
Say what you will about Cypher Avenue, agree with our opinions or not, but we at least do our small part for the gay community. We’ve done exclusive interviews with gays and we’ve been interviewed by gays. We’ve gone to Gay Parties and Gay Prides to promote and we’ve supported gay film festivals with cold hard cash. We give advice to gay people in need or we point them in the right direction if we can’t help them. We get called everything in the book just for mentioning feminine men, but what about the people like Frank Ocean who DON’T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY EXIST AT ALL?!
What good is a (tangentially) gay man being your spokesperson if he’s not even embracing the community, speaking for you or even speaking to you? I can maybe understand this distancing from “the gays” if a person was still closeted, but gays keep telling me that Frank’s Out, it’s a done deal.
Look, this isn’t just about Frank Ocean. This applies to more people than just him. As much as I love Don Lemon, has he spoken with or responded to any gay publication or gay group since he stopped his book tour? Anderson Cooper could also fall under this umbrella. When Wanda Sykes came out, that beautiful woman became a strong visible voice in the Lesbian community while still retaining her Straight fan base as well. When Ricky Martin came out, he went out of his way to contribute to the gay cause. These are just a couple examples of people who deserve to be labeled as a spokesperson or representative.
These previously mentioned men, including Frank Ocean, seem unwilling to join the traveling gay circus. I can actually respect that choice. As a gay man, I can understand a person not wanting to be “The Face of Gay.” It’s one thing I hold true. Some of us don’t really care to be defined by our sexuality. I see Wolf Blitzer, I don’t think, “he’s a heterosexual news anchor.”The problem is other gays don’t seem to want to respect their choice for discretion. They either want to drag you out of the closet or drag you onto a stage. So I actually respect Frank Ocean’s decision to not want to be confined into a gay box, to be labeled/defined by sexuality. I just wish everyone else respected that as well.
To be really inclusive, let’s also discuss the obsessive love gays have with known homophobes. So many gays flock to and support these men it boggles my mind. Chris Brown is the first obvious choice, but I can name many other rappers and athletes who either haven’t been friendly to gays or they’ve used homophobic language in a song or during a game. The rationale: “He didn’t really mean it and besides that, he’s cute,” these gay supporters seem to say.It’s like a battered woman syndrome. The man beats them up yet they still run back to him. Maybe that’s why they support Breezy.
So why do these gay men support so many people that don’t support them back or even acknowledge them really? Here are some possible answers:
HE’S CUTE!
Yes many gay men are whores, even just mentally. There’s something about being a fan of a sexy model/actor/athlete that makes their taints tingle, no matter how homophobic the man may be. Oh, they may not actually buy the album, but they’ll still ride out to the music and go to the concerts. They’ll send countless of Twitter replies HOPING AND PRAYING that one day he will send a reply or (happy birthday) a ReTweet. They’ll then take screenshots of that and post it on their Instagram accounts: “Yay, he’s your boyfriend now!” Get real. If one of their numerous chest tattoos isn’t “NO H8” its likely they will never acknowledge you and your gay cause.
THEIR AGENDA DOESN’T REQUIRE RECIPROCAL SUPPORT
Let’s face it, many gays (especially Caucasian gays) don’t care about anything but their agenda. Like a midnight release of new Jordans, they will shove aside their own gay brethren if it’ll get them closer to Hetero acceptance. So what better way to accomplish this than to lump as many people that heteros love into their camp as possible, even if said individuals don’t want to be their representative. He played a gay character in a movie?! Add him to the list! Gay Power 100!
CELEBRITY WHORES
Maybe it’s because the gays don’t like the level of celebrity that many Out gay men, who are willing to be representatives, currently have. They feel the need to pull at loose threads of more famous people. For example, we are big fans of Lasto, Kaoz, Derrick L Briggs and the creators of The DL Chronicles Deondray Gossett and Quincy LeNear. These are men who have been Out for quite some time and they actually DESIRE to be representatives and Gay personalities. Why don’t they have even 1/100th of the Gay Twitter and Facebook follows that Frank Ocean has? These men are actually contributing to the Gay community and embracing everyone within it. Yet for some reason, the people have said, “No thanks, bring on the more famous person who won’t even look in my direction.”
Or it could be a combination of all of these options. Who knows. Gay men are damaged creatures. Sometimes we only see and hear what makes us feel happy or sad or outraged. Never much in between. For now, I’ll take Frank Ocean at his (unspoken) word that he’s not Gay…or maybe is…or not…whatever. Same goes for any other athlete or celebrity who says he’s not gay, no matter how many incriminating photos are released. The reason is there are WAY TOO many men out there actually willing to say the words and assist the community…why should I focus on the people that just turn up their Beats By Dre headphones to block out the shouts of gay people pathetically trying to get their attention.
Some readers will scrunch up their faces and say, “leave my baby Frank Ocean alone, you’re just jealous Nick.” Okay, here’s a test. If he’s really your boy, send him a tweet from your Gay Twitter account and let me know when he responds. I’ll wait.Now send a Tweet to one of the Gay people I listed 3 paragraphs ago and let me know when they respond. That quickly, huh? Imagine that.
Swerve, breh.
– Nick D
EDIT: There seems to be confusion with some with me saying its okay for Frank Ocean to be Discreet and still point out that he hasn’t embraced the gay community. All I’m saying is why put him on all these Lists and Awards and pedestal for coming out as Gay if Frank Ocean doesn’t even want to be identified as Gay? Lets not label him or put him in to a box, fine…Okay, so he’s not Gay, he’s not Bisexual…Or if he is but wants to stay private about his sexuality, lets respect that. Then lets give these “coming out” accolades to people who DO want to be identified as Gay. People who are not so ambiguous about their sexuality.
This is actually something that I see as a reality in my world. I have never once however sent a tweet to the likes of Frank Ocean, Chris Brown or any “known” heterosexual entertainer. I have on the other hand sent and received tweets from Mr. Briggs, Benjamin Watson of LA Complex (Sexuality unknown, but supports), and several other gay or gay supporters who have responded and had a conversation with me at one point as well. Sadly to say just less than an hour ago, I found out that I was blocked by Mr. Briggs and his ADTV twitter account :-(. I am a true supporter and appreciator of his work and now I feel like an unwelcome visitor at the gates of the mansion for celebrities trying to just get someone to respond to me pushing the buzzer at the gate.
Nick thank you for this because I have definitely noticed how Frank has not made many if any strides to expound upon his tumblr letter. I don’t think it is something he should have to do however.
While I get where you’re coming from, I have to disagree with most of this.
1) Who you follow on Twitter is solely based on whose tweets you want to see on your timeline. Maybe he doesn’t feel like following certain people. What does his sexuality have to do with that?
2) He stopped @replying people because of all the bullshit in his mentions. He could tweet “I’m going to the park” and people will respond “SHUT UP FAG”. Who wants to see that?
3) He hardly tweets anyway, honestly.
4) Based on a screenshot of a FB convo that one of his relatives put up, a lot of his family members are EXTREMELY homophobic. So maybe he’s not 100% comfortable yet. If you click my site link, I posted a link to the screenshot from his aunt.
@BKBelle
I disagree with your points about this article, but thank you for posting that FB screen shot.
That facebook post from Frank’s Aunt is Disgusting! and it highlights the ignorance in our community.. After she completes her hate filled vitriolic rant, she closes with saying “only God is the judge”. LOL typical Black people.
Nick D. I love the tenor of this article. And I agree with most of your points (which were made quite well). But I need a little clarification on this part of what you said:
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“” So I actually respect Frank Ocean’s decision to not want to be confined into a gay box, to be labeled/defined by sexuality. I just wish everyone else respected that as well.””
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I was left totally perplexed by that statement. It seems to contradict the entire tone of your article. Am I misunderstanding what you meant here?
Basically, if Frank Ocean doesn’t want to be a Gay mascot/Spokesperson, all these gay groups and gay individuals should respect that. The opposite seems to be happening.
Frank Ocean has become the face of gay causes for a lot of people but he doesn’t do or say anything to support the gay cause. People say him coming Out was enough but did he really come Out? He doesn’t seem to want to represent for gays, why don’t they band around the openly Gay people that actually WANT to be mascots and representatives.
Ok I think I get it…
Your issue isn’t so much with Frank as it is with the lemmings that follow him…Understood.
I swear Nick, you love stirring up a hot pot of controversy. Regardless, at least you get the community thinking outside the box (for better or worse).
In regards to the kids digging FrankyO, well.. its really not that complex. Frank Ocean has a huge mass appeal, meaning he will obviously gather more mainstream attention regardless of his viewpoints (I.E. 1 + 1 = 2). Now add in the factor that he also one of the few successful, African-American Artist to simply admit having a same-sex relationship, it shouldn’t be to difficult to understand how he has been able to monopolize on such a open market (without even trying). Not saying that makes him any better (nor more worthy) than so many Out/Open pioneers within the LGBT community, but it doesn’t make his presence any less relevant.
Similar to what you said earlier, every LGBT peep doesn’t have to be on the frontlines to make a change. You two fellas here at Discreet City serve a powerful purpose within community, even though your identities are ambiguous (for now at least). Frank Ocean, gay/bi/alien/whatever has made a groundbreaking impact, by being a successful, Grammy award winning artist.. who simply loved another man. Something that basic, has changed the mindset of millions (especially in the HipHop/Rap/R&B scene) and has hopefully help open the door for the next artist/athlete/individual, who openly admits that they like dudes too.
But that’s the thing…when did he admit to having a same sex relationship. All I heard is he had one-sided unrequited love for a guy a long time ago. When asked to elaborate, he dodges.
(<_< ) Um, lets review….
"I met somebody. I was 19 years old. He was too. We spent that summer, and the summer after, together. Everyday almost. And on the days we were together, time would glide. Most of the day I’d see him, and his smile. I’d hear his conversation and his silence…until it was time to sleep. Sleep I would often share with him. By the time I realized I was in love, it was malignant. It was hopeless. There was no escaping, no negotiating with the feeling. No choice. It was my first love, it changed my life".
Dude, I don't care if Frank never tasted dick in his life, this letter is undoubtedly some uber gay shit.
I agree, very Gay…but again, that is not the same as acknowledging a full on same sex relationship. If gay crushes and unrequited love makes a full on relationship, then I’ve been in at least 12 of them. Also, one paragraph from a tumblr blog post is not the same as representing the Gay community in interviews, events, panels or speeches. He didn’t even Tweet any same sex support during the Supreme Court hearings.
All I’m saying is the Gays are falling over backwards for a guy who basically turns his back on them.
I understand where you’re coming from Nick, yet.. I don’t see this as a major concern/issue/problem.
I rather these kids (young and old) retweet every Ambiguously Gay tweet Frank Ocean sharts out, than twerk to another Nicki Minaj, 2Chainz, Wacka Flocka Flamming coon fest (they’re far worst alternatives). Even though Frank Ocean could do MORE to support the LGBT community, he has already done ENOUGH to progress it forward. For the first time millions can witness a mainstream, African-American, Male R&B artist openly sing (out of tune and all) about loving another man on the fucking GRAMMY’S. For the first time, we can witness a black male R&B artist admit having a same-sex relationship and continue having a beyond successful career. For the first time, we can witness countless hyper-masculine HipHop/Rap artist (Busta Rhymes, Fat Joe, Jay-Z, Joe Budden, Nas, The Game, Royce Da 5’9″, etc..) show their support for a openly LGBT artist (similar to Frank Ocean).
Basically, by Frank Ocean being himself (a great artist/writer), he has has open up a much needed dialog in pop culture (that has rarely been witnessed before). And if that can inspire/motivate millions to simply become more opened minded to the LGBT community, than why are we complaining (the same can be said about same-sex marriage… but that’s another topic)?
That’s all I read as well. I’ve never heard Frank Ocean say I’m Gay or even I’m bisexual, but the LGBT community has labeled him Gay and made him their poster boy for some reason.
Ya’ll are really making this non-issue, into a more unnecessary clusterfuck than it needs to be.
Regardless if Frank Ocean is Gay/Bi/Tranformer or whatever, regardless if every gay media outlet wants to title Frank Ocean as America’s Next Top Bottom, regardless if you hate him or want to fuck him. The most important aspect of all of this, is that Frank Ocean is living his life (not giving a fuck). And if that inspires/motivates inspires others to do the same, than begone with the rest of this petty bullshit.
They’re far more paramount issues within our LGBT community, than why the twinks and trade like Frank Ocean.
Nick is a comedian, either that or I love to laugh at his comedic banter. I was laughing the whole time I was reading it. Nick has a monthly rant for Frank Ocean. Why? Nick is obsessed with Frank Ocean because he wants Frank to be what he wants Frank to be. Nick wants to put Frank Ocean in this “neat little Gay Box” that he says he doesn’t want to put him in. Because you said, “Frank doesn’t come out to support “gay” causes, or become a spokes person like the “other gays” who are [trying to make a name for themselves.] You are being quite contradictory Nick, because you can’t have it both ways. Either you want him to fit in your box, or you want him to be an individual who can make his own decisions and participate in those events and affairs that he so chooses. I never heard Frank “sign up” to be a “GAY” spokesperson for “ALL” the GAYS. He just admitted he had a same sex relationship. He came “out” to the world. I think that in and of itself is GROUND BREAKING. Literally, an unparalleled milestone by any standard.
Last time I checked Frank Ocean was a very successful music recording artist before he wrote that letter. And all the straight people had been buying his records. So he should just dis his straight supporters and “go gay?”
“LEAVE FRANK OCEAN ALONE!” <<<< in my youtube voice. LOL
Nick, will you be continuing with your monthly series of "I hate Frank Ocean" articles next month too? I love me some Frank Ocean, and I don't even know why…. LOL…. LOL
I want Frank Ocean to enjoy his life and be exactly who he wants to be. I don't want to superimposed my will on Frank's right to his own personal "LIBERTY," which, just to inform you, is written in our U.S. CONSTITUTION. Why do all gays want ALL GAYS to be JUST LIKE THEM? As if though if you are not you are some how "less than gay" or being "true to who you are? That's just a bunch of B*** ****
Even Discreet City's mission is to speak with another voice to represent the voice of "masculine gays." Really? You mean you want Discreet City to be something else other than what the Effeminate "rags" want you to be and act and do? Really? Get a table spoon, go to the medicine cabinet, and pour a dose of your "own medicine."
Long response yet still misses the entire point stressed in the article. This essay is not about Frank Ocean, its about the gays making him something he’s not. Hence the title.
I’m not sure how he missed the the entire point, but he did. A lot of gay black men are like black women. You can’t tell them anything. They will argue you down, but put them to a test and challenge them to prove your point and they won’t bother because they know the truth and the truth hurts. Now I’ll wait for someone to tweet one of the people you listed and get back to us when they respond, but I’m not holding my breath.
Read your article valid points. Based on that a couple things come to mind.
In society most times whether gay or straight, there ‘s a tendency to push, pull people who don’t want to be in the spotlight to the very place whether they want to go or not just because the masses feel they should be there. True Frank Ocean never said anything after his letter but for some people looking for a validation that was enough to make him the unofficial ambassador. Right or wrong it happened more so in my opinion because he’s considered mainstream to more than the brothers and sisters who work doing more projects that are gay related. Is the significance of what he’s doing any greater than that of DL Chronicles, etc. no but society has bias. Whitney Houston had a song…Hero and one line was everybody searching for a hero. To me that’s partly the reason. Take this past month or so there’s been a frenzy to find a gay pro player and social media, media, and a large part of the gay community wants that to be Kerry Rhodes. He never signed up, acknowledged or remotely implied he wants to be that player yet people have made him just that even after he flatly denied the fact or any association to it. Supporting those brothers and sisters who actively acknowledge and engage in projects and activities which move us in positive direction continues to be a challenge but I believe we move closer with dialogue and posts like yours that make us think. The numbers gravitating to the silent but official gay mascots will continue but if one more person searches or supports any of the people you named then something positive has happened that didn’t happen yesterday.
Well said. Thanks for actually reading the entire article (unlike some people) and adding on to the topic substantively.
very nice article. I like the points you brougt up. To echo what Cav said i find that some people take it on themselves to feel someone should become an ambassor. Like you, when i walk into a room i want people to see me, my work and my contribution to better then my sexuality. Frank may just done want to be a poster child and to be placed into a box. As it regards the NFL player I find what the media, bloggers and regular folks doing to him to be disgusting and sad. It is beyond me why there is always a witch-hunt to dig into people’a private life. We always say that we gays are ordinary brothers, fathers, uncles, etc yet be participate in making a spectacle of who is gay and “who is one of us”. Allow people to lice their life and offer what support you can.
I was thinking the same thing about Frank Ocean when Kandi tweeting me after asking her do she think there will ever be a open gay black rapper/singer. She said Frank Ocean has already done and I replied that I don’t even think he’s gay.
This article is so correct because Frank doesn’t do anything for the gay community. It would be nice if he could be a positive influence on what a open black SGL (Same Gender Loving) man can do.
I honestly think it was just a shock factor to put him in mainstream because his whole crew seems to be sum attention whores.
I do believe no matter how hetro a person is they can have feeling for someone of the same sex. It is proven that 93% of people have homosexual dreams and think about it. That was years ago and it’s most likely more now. I think he caught feeling for a dude for real because they were together all the time but he isn’t gay.
Frank reminds me of that black dude on Real World. It was something that happen and most likely won’t happen again. I don’t think people understand how sexual we are as human beings.
Frank don’t show up to gay awards or come out with the videos of when he says boy because he isn’t gay. If he is I would be shock if he comes out with his boyfriend because he trying to make people see him as a gay artist and just an artist.
I didn’t buy his cd no way and if the public would stop hating on gays and being so ignorant maybe we would have an black artist that would go to the grammys, gay awards, and be active in a community that needs a good role model in the entertainment field.
I can see what this article is saying and I agree to a certain extent Frank Ocean is definitely playing a game. But I think it is one that a black queer artist kind of has to do. Frank Ocean’s core market is NOT the gay community that’s just a bonus. Frank Ocean’s market is the African American/ Latino,/.Urban fanbase. Interestingly, Frank Ocean isn’t marketing himself to gay men. The writer is right, Frank Ocean isn’t talking to Out Magazine, or to Advocate, or going to GLAAD awards or whatever.
The reason is, now here me out those outlets are the WHITE GAY COMMUNITY. Honestly, how many black gays give a shit about GLAAD? What has GLAAD ever done for us?
I don’t mind it that Frank Ocean never went to the GLAAD awards that doesn’t bother me.
What annoys me, is the fact Frank Ocean hasn’t really tried ti reach out to the black gay and lesbian community. People like Meshell N’degeocello always reaches out.
I think Frank Ocean’s main concern is making money, using his sexuality as his gimmick in order to make money. The mainstream white media are so stupid, they think this guy is somehow groundbreaking when he’s not.
I am still waiting for a gay black male entertainer who is high profile to be out and proud.
Now, as for Frank Ocean, I do see what the article is arguing, I believe Frank Ocean is using his sexuality to get ahead it is a publicity stunt. The reason Ocean doesn’t call himself gay is because he doesn’t want to be backed into a corner. For marketing purposes Frank Ocean does not use a label, but acknowledges he was once attracted to a man. I say so what? Frank Ocean is being evasive on purpose and people especially gay men and women are stupid enough to drink his kool aid and buy his records.
Guess what? It worked Frank Ocean’s album has gone gold selling over 500,000 copies. Frank Ocean’s tour and singles are popping off the charts. His song Thinking of You sold 1 million copies.
First off.. Thank you for the Tiny Toons Reference. The Elmira Duff analogy was on point and hilarious.
Now, about the article… Great article but it left me a bit confused. It seemed that you called brotha Frank out, threw him under the bus and then said “The problem is other gays don’t seem to want to respect their choice for discretion. They either want to drag you out of the closet or drag you onto a stage. So I actually respect Frank Ocean’s decision to not want to be confined into a gay box, to be labeled/defined by sexuality. I just wish everyone else respected that as well.” Then you threw him under the bus again for not responding to tweets. Although, the article was extremely well written (sans the unnecessary profanity) I was a bit lost on what point of view you were taking.
This is how I see it. The man felt a need to publicly express something very private and everyone else is running with it. I mean, where is it written that every celebrity that comes out is obligated to be a spokesperson for the gay community?
He is an artist. Whats wrong with him just being that?
PS. Love the site. Keep up the good work.
You must be referring to the comments section because I didn’t not use any profanity, swearing or cursing in the article.
Thanks for the support.
This blog is nothing but the truth! Being black and gay can be one of the most frustrating things especially when your a masculine black man in a world where black masculinity is becoming scarce. This blog keeps me motivated.
Leo please understand readers like you is what keeps us motivated. We appreciate you and all of our readers so much.
Feedback like yours humbles me everyday!
Thank You Sir and always feel free to leave your feedback.
Very interesting read. I wasn’t sure how to take this post on first glance. As I read further, the points you made begin to make some sense. A quote that came to mind immediately as I begin to ponder my response from “She Hate Me” sums up, in my estimation the point you were going for in this post. “The American public is a bunch of fucking idiots. They will buy whatever we sell them.” Which in this case, seems to be very true. I respect Frank as an artist and was well aware of him before the hype of the revealing tumblr letter and Channel Orange. With that being said, I do find it interesting that he hasn’t been more out since this apparent outing of himself? But should he be will be the question that I beg to ask? After all, it was the media who sold us the idea that this man was gay, bisexual, tri anything at least once…blah, blah, whatever and some more labeled whatever. And seeing we are living in a time where gay is everywhere…your reality tv, your sports, politics…it was only a matter of time before it hit the music scene. So that small tidbit of information Frank laid on us all that time ago validated many of us, who are still yearning for mainstream to look us in the face and tell us “You know, you’re pretty cool for a gay, black guy.” Or “You know, I don’t even think of you as gay. I just see you as human.” Which when you still think about it, negates a very important aspect of our personality, but one that I think most of the LGBTQ community are willing to accept as long as we receive this acceptance from the masses as being just a normal guy/girl who happens to like other guys/girls. I too, wish the gays would be more supportive of those of us who are actually on the frontlines, living our lives out loud and in color. But America hasn’t sold them to us yet, so therefore, we have no reason to buy into their reality. But the moment that America says that is ok for me to like Kaoz, Lasto, FoxxJazell or any other person of color who is unabashedly themselves in spite of the lack of support from the community who is crying for representation from somebody, anybody, then the lines will be up the block and around the street corner, filled with persons waiting to get their ticket to jump on the bandwagon as well. This article took a bit of time for me to digest and ponder because it did seem a bit confusing on first glance. But thank God for critical thinking…lol. It works when you really utilize it.
I find it hilarious that anyone thinks this man is straight. He’s a decent songwriter and a glorified demo singer.
I don’t think anyone is saying that he’s straight. We already touched on that topic here:
All I was saying in the essay is that there are fellas on the front like like Jason Collins who actually say they are gay and want no ambiguity and want to walk in Gay prides and speak on gay discrimination, those are the ones we should be embracing as the superheroes and representatives. Frank wants to live his gay life discreetly, nothing wrong with that. Lets divert our attention to Jason Collins and some of the other openly gay people I mentioned in the article.
While I think it’s ridiculous that people are all over him because he came out, I do understand why they are. In this culture where same-sex sexual attraction and behavior is assigned lesser value, we desire to identify with those of high esteem to increase our own value (popular by association). We’re not the only ones who do it. I see it when black women emulate Rihanna and when young white guys listen to the latest song by the gansta rapper du jour. We’re social being and this is how our brains are wired.
My opinion of why black gay men don’t admire guys like Kaoz and Lasto is one: media presence (American’s are slaves to the media) and internalized homophobia. We all have it. (I’m realizing a lot more do than I thought.) We fail to idolize those who do not meet the masculine ideal. (Expressing your love for other men is not very masculine, so says society.)
Frank Ocean is definitely into men. Tyler the Creator (his good friend) has confirmed it on many occasions, not to mention if you listen to his music, there are subtle hints. “You were my first time, a new feel” HELLO. He even said “I’m fly and I’m bi….I mean I’m straight” when he was rapping one of Odd Future’s songs. Just because he isn’t flashing his sexuality doesn’t mean he’s faking it, he’s clearly a private person… Why else would he never be in any tabloids?