I actually love dogs. Definitely much more than cats. But dogs can be disgusting and annoying creatures, especially when not your own. This is something that dog owners (and pet owners in general) that you’re dating often forget or just dont care about.

Look, I get it. Your dog is like your child. You think he/she is oh so adorable and smart and clever and irresistible and you just assume that everyone would instantly fall in love with them upon first sight. That’s where you’re wrong.

If I’m just getting to know you and coming over to your place for some quality alone time, trying to make a great first impression, most likely I’ve showered, shaved and dressed in a carefully curated outfit to further win you over. The last thing I want is for an animal that you just took outside in the dirt for a shit to frantically jump and lick on me the moment I walk into the door.

Oh, sure, these dog owners may call out to their animal for him to stop #MeToo-ing their guest, but 100% of the time it’s a half-hearted scolding at best. Rarely do they physically do anything to stop the dirty pawed creature from jumping on my freshly cleaned and ironed jeans. And they KNOW this is how their pet responds to guests, why not be prepared for this from the moment they open the door for me?

Me, trying to show that I’m not against pets, will feel guilted into at least petting and getting my fingers soaked in disgusting saliva from an animal that constantly licks its own, and other dogs’, nether regions.

And don’t let me bring take out food and try to eat around these dogs. They be staring me down, making me uncomfortable, hoping I’ll drop a scrap for them to quickly gobble up.

Speaking of food, never never NEVER do I see the pet owners washing their hands after handling these dogs. No, instead they rub both hands on the tops of their heads or necks, then go into the kitchen, open the fridge and ask if I want anything to eat or drink. Ummm…..


Again, I actually like dogs. Of all the pets out there, dogs have the best personalities, have been known to actually save lives and provide assistance to those disabilities. Cats, on the other hand, are the gay community equivalent to the shade throwing, stuck up, funky attitude, snap queens you see standing off to the side judging people at parties and bars.

Having said that, I blame the dog owners more than the dogs themselves. The utter and complete disregard for new guests around their unsanitary animal is the main reason why I refuse to date dog owners……….

………..unless they are fine as hell. 😎