How Do You Insult A Black Man? Call Him Gay

By OckyDub | Posted Oct 10 2013 | 13 Comments  

I recently watched a video featuring Tommy Sotomayor titled “How Blacks Push Gays Into The Closet & The Problems It Causes”.  For those of you who are not familiar with Mr. Sotomayor he is a radio host and has a YouTube channel where he presents commentary concerning issues within the black community.  Many find his views and commentaries very controversial; however I do find myself agreeing with some of his observations.  For this topic I would like the reader not to focus on the controversy surrounding Mr. Sotomayor but instead focus on the message he is conveying.

In his video commentary that you can view below, Mr. Sotomayor in essence says that black men and women who call black males “gay” or “faggot” as an insult, even when the person they are insulting is not homosexual, can cause many negative ramifications. 

One negative impact the Mr. Sotomayor mentions is that the black males who are gay within the black community will be afraid to come out, live in the closet and be more prone to be on the DL as a way to avoiding being ridiculed.  Also by constantly calling black males “gay” or “fag”, it creates an environment that breeds negative hyper masculinity.  Males are now over compensating in their maleness because they are in fear of being called “gay” or “fag”.

The majority of what was mentioned in the video was common knowledge for me (nothing I haven’t said before) but I never analyzed this particular angle when it comes to black males and hyper masculinity.  Of course I am aware that growing up in certain environments you have to be tough (or at least act like it) or you will be perceived as weak and potentially victimized.  This can absolutely lead some to act out with hyper masculinity especially if the male projecting the hyper masculinity feels that it is working for him.   If most or all the black males in a peer group conduct themselves within the confines of hyper masculinity, what other real life examples exist in the community for them to emulate or counter this image?

Even if you take religion out of this particular equation, the words “gay” and “fag” are hurled constantly as insults from black women to black men and from black men to each other, young black boys learn quickly that being “gay” or being a “fag” is a weak, wrong and bad thing.  Publications and websites that cater to a more black or urban clientele consistently are on witch hunts to Out or speculate which black male celebrities are “gay”.  Many “straight” men are obsessed with “gay” boogey men lurking within their mists and in the process over compensate with hyper masculinity.

It’s like an infinity loop.  Young black boys and girls hear black men and women using “gay” and “fag” as insults regardless of sexual orientation towards black males.  Young black boys (especially those without a male influence in the home) grow up overcompensating and become hyper masculine.   They in turn degrade other black males by calling them “gay” and “fag”.  As for the young black girls, they grow up thinking its okay to insult the black males’ manhood because the adult black women who raised them did it.

Going a little bit deeper, in many cases I believe hyper masculinity in males exists as the results of broken pride and bruised egos.  This can lead to some becoming bullies but also hyper masculinity can lead to promiscuity and having illegitimate children by different women out of wedlock.  Being destructively promiscuous is a way to show how manly one is.  I also think hyper masculinity (misguided pride and ego) is the cause for a lot of beef between black males or as it is sometimes called “Nigga Moments” that result in violence.

*Warning – Old School Rant*
This is why you got these weak, spineless, little wack ass boys trying to be tough. They are afraid to fight but are quick to pull out a gun and shot shit up…because of hyper masculinity.  They can’t comprehend aint nothing wrong with catching an honest ass whippin.  It toughens you up for the next fight; primarily the fight of life and the real world… lil dumb ass bastards.  And when these lil bastards do decide to fight, they will jump one person like cowards and film it with their cell phones, upload it online where other weak, spineless, little wack ass boys see it and think it’s cool.  You little ignorant fuckas!
*Warning – Old School Rant Over*

Unfortunately in my opinion the burden to perhaps break this cycle falls back on the black woman.  We constantly hear black women complaints about the “no good black male” not realizing these “no good black males” were raised by black women in single parent homes.  Of course I am not generalizing all single parent homes run by black women; however if a large percentage of the black family dynamic consist of a single black women raising a family, the female adult parent is responsible. The words you use to describe black males will have an impact on your black sons.

For me boys being raised with only females influences is one reason why some of the younger generations of males are soft and over feminized, which is not a good thing but neither is aggressive hyper masculinity.


About the Author

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

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13 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. hannibal
    Hannibal | October 10th, 2013

    I love his videos about single black mothers. SO mean….but so true.

  2. SB3
    African King | October 10th, 2013

    I think you hit the nail on the head Ocky. I grew up in an environment where you had to front and act hard. However, I never really fell under that persuasion. I learned early on that it is important to be strong and not tough. That kind of mindset usually comes with age amongst not only black men but all men in general.

    • LEE B | October 11th, 2013

      I was raised by my momma and granny. Growing up in the country, I remember how my uncles, who some might say are hyper masculine, and my male cousins would tease me Becuase I wasn’t interested in hunting down Bambi’s parents. I would, instead, take a note book in the woods draw pictures of animals, write down the animals I would see and read about them, or watch documentaries about them later. In their closed minded southern brains, that made me less manly/masculine. I enjoyed the outdoors as much as they did, just not in the exact same way. It wasn’t until I excelled at stiff arming and busting helmets on the football field, that they really truly saw me being as manly as them. It’s a shame because not only were they TRYING to make me feel like I was less masculine, they were inadvertently discouraging me from cultivating my artistic and intellectually side.

      Children are like sponges they take in everything that happens to them in their environment good or bad. This is article reminds me why talking to a psychiatrist/therapist can be so pivotal in the psychological development of the young black gay male, and also young black males from single mothers or broken homes. I had therapy session in my teens, and it helped me to become the well balanced young man that I am today.

      • Dre G | October 11th, 2013

        I know what you mean.My mom raised me on her own for a few years and people kept telling her during that time to make me play football so I wont be soft and gay ( she always told them sports doesnt cancel out homosexuality)
        Now the same thing is happening to my younger cousin.
        My aunt’s husband tries to stop anyone from showing my cousin and his own son ( both are almost 4years of age) any forms of affection because he thinks it will make them grow up to be less manly, when really he’s making them neurotic and starved for affection.

        • hannibal
          Hannibal | October 11th, 2013

          I remember my parents used to hit me all the time for doing things like singing and playing with dolls. They really flipped when I asked for an easy bake oven. I had no idea itwas bbecause they knew I was a little gay boy.

  3. LEE B | October 11th, 2013

    @ocky In response to that old school rant. I always say that a good ass whooping can greatly humble an individual. Especially the ones that think they bad!

  4. Nick Delmacy | October 11th, 2013

    Black men are becoming way too sensitive in general. I’m sick of this shit, lol.

    • Cyrus-Brooks
      Cyrus Brooks | October 11th, 2013

      Not just black men, men in general have become too damn sensitive and emotional. I find it to be turn off.

  5. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | October 11th, 2013

    @ocky I know you asked us NOT to focus on Tommy Sotomayor, but I must first address this man. He only made this video because Black Women throw it at him on a daily via facebook, youtube and twitter as a retort to his views. It stings him so much because HE himself is a HOMOPHOBE! I’ve followed him for a long time and he’s not as evolved as I once thought. His comments about NBA player Jason Collins’ coming out convinced me that Tommy is perhaps not gay himself, but is fearful and bigoted towards gay men. As for the substance of what he’s saying; YES it’s very true. Black Females as well as Black men will use the “gay or fag” tag when other attempts to injure your core has failed. It will take generations for us to remove the stigma and negativity surrounding being “gay”.

  6. questforknowledge
    quest for knowledge | October 20th, 2013

    Yea I can go on and on about this whole hyper-masculine identity that a lot of young males exhibit. It’s really frustrating, a lot of these guys growing up felt the pressure to be hypermasculine because if they didn’t they would quickly be called a pussy or gay. So many black families are teaching their sons, cousins, and nephews the wrong definition on how to be a man. Going off of what we see today it seems like being a man means having sex with multiple girls like you mentioned, not expressing and/or being in touch with your emotions, having a gun at your disposal to shoot someone over trivial matters, having a general disregard for the law, not showing respect towards others, etc. It’s insane that their peers constantly preach this rigid definition on what it means to be a man, this is complete BS. Being a man does not equate to any of these ludicrous assumptions!

    I know the state the of black male is a little better than what it was maybe 10-15 years ago, but there are so many brothers who are in and out of jail and/or having many children out of wedlock while not raising their sons/daughters. It’s clear that emulating this persona can create some issues for young black males. I know someday I want to have kids and if I have a son I will definitely be a good role model to show him what it really means to be a responsible and strong man.

  7. thinker | December 3rd, 2013

    Brothers, the problems we face in the Black community go a lot deeer than what is presented here. It is a symptom of a much larger dis-ease about WHO we are and WHAT we are about. If you want to get a deeper understanding of what I am talking about just go to youtube and look up the irritated genie and his lectures about the effeminization of the black man. The lectures are over 2 hours in lengtth. In his lecture, he talks about the origins of homosexuality in ancient Europe and how it came to “infect” the ancient and modern day Black man. Some of our own brothers and sisters have declared war on us citing race hatred, buying into white supremacy, and treason against our race and our ancestors. Some have called for death. It looks like there is so much support for this attitude and belief.

    Meanwhile, we have no clue as to how dire it is for us as a sub-group within our own community. We fight over the silliest of things like who is or who is not masculine and what people do. What we have not done or seem willing to present ourselves as “not a part of” the “white” gay movement/community. We have not presented ourselves as anything other than self-involved and self-absorbed narcissist. And much like our larger community, we definitely do not have a sense of unity.

    I think it is easy to blame black women for this problem but men don’t get a pass. Who among us are going to call these people to task? Who is educating and fighting back? We let them run over us. Are we…

  8. ldkfjdklf | February 1st, 2014


  9. Lily | September 21st, 2016

    lol just wanted to do that face for somewhat reason

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