I’ve only been back on the dating market for a couple weeks and it has mostly just been a lot of back and forth, even just for sex. And like Squad Members, @ControlledXaos and @RolandG, have discussed as well, there’s a constantly shifting high bar to reach with these men nowadays, especially around our age.

I’m already back to my old habit of approaching the ‘easier to please’ young menz.

Unlike the overly picky, “just hanging out,” slow texting, next best thing seeking, older guys I’ve been meeting….the bathroom-selfie youngins (more often than not) have free time, text back quickly, don’t silently judge me for not being ATL rich with an 8-bedroom suburban home and BMW/Benz in the 4-car garage, and they are much clearer in their intentions (aka less ambiguity): Hookups and/or Puppy Love.

When a gay man approaches another gay man their age, it can be filled with tons of ambiguity and mixed signals. Are they meeting to be homeboys, hang out buddies, sex partners, friends with benefits, dating, companionship, etc…And no one ever says what they are REALLY looking for, just what they think the other person wants to hear to either curb their expectations or to keep them around and on the hook.

When an older gay man approaches a young gay man, they both know exactly what’s up: He wants sex, companionship or both. And the younger guy will usually let him know if he’s interested in the first 30 seconds of the approach.

A successful 40-year-old gay man is never looking to “just be friends” with a new 28 to 30-year-old gay that they meet. Ever. If they happen to become “just friends” eventually, that is usually because the one of the men attempted his shot and the other dude kept him around after the outcome…or they were both already a part of a larger group of gays that co-mingle, so they became friends by association.

So, in my experience, it makes the entire process of approaching a guy more efficient and clear, much like when men and women meet at bars and clubs. When a handsome single straight man approaches a single woman at a bar, in no universe do either one of them think they are meeting to “just be friends.”

I believe a similar unspoken dynamic happens when there is an age gap between gay men.

Will being with any of these retail job holding twinks lead to something serious or long term, doubtful. They can be just as flakey and inconsistent as all other gays, if not more so, but at least it’s less work, I know what I’m getting into and they haven’t yet been trained by the gays on how to waste everyone’s time.

And who knows, maybe it can lead to something serious. Cypher Avenue’s own Octavius Williams was only 32 when he met his older partner, and 10 years later, they are still together to this day. 

If an older guy could pull and keep someone like Ocky and Derrick Gordon, maybe there there’s hope for all of the rest of us Mr. Robinson’s too.