Watching this preview puts me in the mind set of watching a drama filled stereotypical black gay web series, except this is basically a short “real life” documentary.The MTV special profiles two young, black men (Coke and TaRodd) in Ohio who are living secretly gay lives. Nick and I will save our review until after we see the show. In the meantime check out the sneak peek below, which among other things has one of the young men (Coke) looking at a sonogram of his unborn child with his soon to be baby’s mama (Tam). The next scene shows him later that night as he goes over his gay friend’s house to get ready for a night of gay escorting (smh).
All I can say is, Hmmmmm. This preview doesn’t give me much incentive to want to watch this show. In other words, as I was watching, all I could think was, “So, what’s new here?” If this show is NOT scripted (which so many tend to be) I “might” be inclined to watch it but I’ll need more if MTV expects me to deviate from some other (and more interesting) programming to watch or even record this show for later viewing.
I’m presently involved with someone who is in a similar situation, so the preview was very interesting to me in a sympathetic sort of way. Because there are many people who, at a young age, choose to live double lives. And what starts off as an attempt to hide a personal insecurity turns into a life of deception that involves many people, including children, and eventually becomes too deep to get out of. I would definitely watch this documentary because I’m curious to see how he gets himself out of this situation.
Flashback….smh. From experience,and I’m glad it’s behind me. I can tell you the life dude is living is a lonely road. Not that there’s no one around. But that no one knows who you are at any given moment. If you’re fair,you can’t be in a relationship. At least not a meaningful one.
And some of the things “clients” will request …….
I did a “golden shower” for a client as he laid in a tub. And that was my LAST client. I told my “agent” to take me off the roster.
The highs come from the ability to do it . The role playing. The fast decent money. Imagine having $900 laid on a table. And being asked if that was “enough”. And getting away with no sex . Just conversation . And getting naked laying in bed. Smh. The things older, white and rich men want and do.
So you’re hooked until you decide that you can’t have all these masks on and have a real life. Or you’ve seen too much. And you’re tired of needing to “disconnect”.
Money and thrills aren’t everything. Especially if you’re doing something to distract yourself ,from yourself. Like myself at the time,many aren’t in any need of the money. It’s a sport.
I think for sex workers,especially male sex workers who are doing this (excluding the brothers on the cuts) It’s an excuse to themselves. Saying if I’m going to do this,(gay acts)at least I want to get paid for it.
But you don’t grow.
I have no real opinion on whether or not this should be aired. How is it any different from what else is out there. In my opinion ,with only this one episode it comes off as being real “enough”. Possibly the “wife comes home for lunch” scene was scripted. But this escorts thoughts on how he is living are genuine.
I agree, I don’t think that MTV is trying to glamorize the sex trade at all. I see a real person telling his real story and it doesn’t look like he’s living a happy life.
I realize that some people would rather that these truths be ignored in favor of other gay black propaganda to further their own “black, gay, & fabulous” agenda.
Ok, first of all… I knew he was gay as soon as he opened his mouth. Where is the secret? Secondly, this looks like crap! I’m so sick of the same BS when it comes to black gay males. I guess I have to be the change I’m ready to see.
From my experience, black gays are just like any other group of people, many variations with diverse habits, looks, tastes, and opinions. Just because you don’t look like a model, or aren’t extremely masculine does not mean that your story is any less significant. From the clip that I saw, I can only commend this dude for revealing his truth and seeking help. I want to see more, as I know that there are tons of people out there of all races who can identify with his story in some way or another. I think this is perfect for MTV’s demographic.
What bothers me is that the media/entertainment world seems to only associate the the secret gay, down low lifestyle with black males. I rarely ever see this topic associated with white males and the few times I have seen things, it’s always handled with more sensitivity and compassion for the confused man.
Well, you can thank your fellow black media & entertainment personalities; J. L. King and Wendy Williams for that! Over the last two decades, I can honestly say that those two are the main media culprits behind the exploitation and portraying of the down low lifestyle as a black mans issue. Wendy’s last days on NYC radio in the late 90’s is where it all started. She can solely be credited for single handedly making the issue exclusive to black men. J.L and other media outlets just further exploited it.
I agree. Unfortunately Black gay artists are taping into a pop cultural salacious, gossipy intrigue with black gay down low men who and in turn are contributing to a perception that black gay men are disproportionately on the down low relative to any other socio-cultural group. Which I don’t believe we are or at least not in the unbalance proportion in which we are represented in. It seems as if the down low is central dramatic theme in almost every black web series, indie film, and novel. while they may not be reaching beyond a relatively small black gay audience, they are problematic because these are the pathological representations we are feeding ourselves. I’m far from a down low denier. I just believe it should be given its representational space in the range of black gay experiences. I know as long as we have entrenched homophobia and heterosexism in America, down low behavior is going to be a HUMAN( not just black men) occurrence. Healthy expression of sexuality can be problem plagued for many black men , but I refuse to accept the suggestion conveyed by so many black gay representations that having an official wife/girlfriend while indulging in an underground homosexual life is an essential defining part of what in means to be black gay man.
I’m tired of all of these documentaries about the down low. Where do they find these dudes anyway? They’re almost never straight passing. You would never be able to find a straight passing down low brother for any of these series.
This is random but what is it with Gay Men and Neck Tattoos? Is this a thing? I need to know because I’m over 30 and I need to keep up with minimum requirements for being Gay nowadays.
Definitely not @OCKY and @NICK
I am in my 20’s and I feel the same way. I have a few tats and I will probably get a few more, but I would never go down as farther than my bicep, they call that a half sleve, and I would never put a tat on my upper neck or face. MY mom said when I was little ” When your old enough to get a real tattoo make sure it is not visble for when you become a professional”. So that has stuck with me.
It is definitley a fad/trend, and a lot gay kats my age and younger tend to follow every trend thinking they are original and different, and actually loose thier orginality in the process.
I think alot of these dudes tend to not think about what they are doing before they doing it, or don’t plan on being in any other profession other than entertainment, not saying that you cant be a DR. Lawyer..ect and still have tats but you get what I am saying.
A tattoo can be sexy on a sexy dude don’t get me wrong, and for some it is just thier artistic expression, but like I said I feel where you guys are comming from.
Seeing the preview for this special of True Life, does make me feel a certain type of way, I can’t even lie. However these men are being able to tell their stories. I worry this will reinforce the down-low stigmas into people’s brains, but at this point in time, I can see that people will believe what they want to. I really hope MTV takes caution as to how they tell the stories of these men. I’m not fan of the cheating that they are engaging in. I feel their “girlfriends” are going to be embarrassed and humiliated on national television, and no disrespect, but this guy has a child and he’s showing his escort job on television. I don’t know I guess for me that’s something I would have given grave consideration to, had I been in his situation. I agree with many comments on here, that yes white men can also be down low, but for some reason, black people are always associated with alot of negative perpetuated stereotypes. I also think because in the white gay community they are more accepting, then within the black gay community. Alot of black gay people make it their mission to be “discreet”, most will have sex with men on the regular and still refer to themselves as “straight”. And its not all the way their fault, the heterosexual black community plays a big part in it. Because alot of times in the black community, “Being a man” is super important and being gay has all these negative connotations such as “your a punk”, “your soft” etc etc. And also because they maybe don’t want to be associate with their gay counterparts that may be more feminine then they are. And to me that’s where the divide happens. Because our Caucasian counterparts from my experience and from what I’ve seen, tend to be more accepting, more inviting. I mean you got black people who are gay hating on other gay people or talking about other gay people with their straight counterparts (and yes there are white men who probably do that as well, but I feel black gay men or gay men of color do that more in frequency)
This is stuff instilled in their head super hard. This is why although I love the posts here at discreet city (and this particular part of my comment is for Nick and Ocky), guys please be careful about the direction of this site. Because always stating things such as “Discreet masculine men of color”, although discreet doesn’t necessarily mean not being open, but for some it can give off the connotation of being closeted and that not being open about your sexuality is a good thing. And honestly, I understand what your guys’s vision is for this site, to show a different side to the gay community and to really showcase how gay men of color are just like everyone else. Because I look at people like Shaun T (who for the longest time, I didn’t know he was gay), I like that he’s open about it, but you can see it clearly doesn’t define who he is. His hip hop abs franchise really defines him as a trainer and describes his fitness empire that he is currently building. I do like that you guys (nick and ocky) are showing gay men of color that being gay doesn’t make you less of a man at all, and to that I am grateful to you guys for this website
I remember I was at a committee meeting for a panel questionnaire we were forming at my school (wont say the school name, but it’s a university in Florida) and the panel was to discuss issue of race. and one of the guys on the committee said to me “I think we should remove so and so from the panel”. And I remember responding saying why? And their response: “Well I don’t think he could relate to the viewpoint of a heterosexual male” and then I responded saying “His sexuality has nothing to do with the forum of race. if anything his sexuality as a gay man adds to the diversity factor of the panel, maybe he can share the dynamics of race within the gay community”
But it was clear to me that day the homophobia that was sprouting in the room that day. And in my mind I sat there there intrigued, because I was a backup panelist, and little did they know that I was gay
, so I understand sometimes someone’s desire to be discreet, cause you don’t want to be passed over for opportunities for being gay (from my own knowledge). And I don’t want to think this way, but it is a reality, sometimes people could get passed over for an opportunity if they know you are gay and want to pass you over for those opportunities, but will claim another reason why, and therefore one may never know the truth.
Anyways, I “might” watch this episode of True Life to give it a fair chance, depending if my schedule allows. I would like to see how this episode plays out and be fair and open minded when watching. So thanks to discreet City for giving informational reads and really getting one to think!
I watched the first minute of the preview. No. Just no. I can’t anymore with these one sided depictions of the black gay experience. I won’t be watching this shit because I can guarantee you that I will have forgotten about it 30 seconds after my post.
For realz?
Who would pay the queeny trollop for sex?
I’d pay him to keep his clothes on…
o_0
**side eye**
The more I think we are moving away from this downlow stereotypical crap the more it seems to be rearing it’s ugly head. MTV is reaching for straws trying to keep itself relevant. I think they have someone Black on their staff searching for “stories” and they found this one as it plays into what whites want to think, believe, and portray Black men to be and do. This downlow behavior is being depicted and played out before the world about “who Black men are.” It is the perpetuation of a social pathology that attempts to further perpetuate dysfunction among Black people, and I never see any of these situations ending positive. What have we learned from this depiction of downlow behavior? Cultural imperative?
I don’t think we can ever move on from this negative depiction of homosexuality in Black men until we are ready to accept who we are as Black men. We continue to be in denial about our homosexual behavior. The Black community as a whole has a problem with the proliferation of homosexuality in Black men, but we refuse to look at the deeper pathologies that are causing more Black men to represent as homosexuals. Further, when we see shows like this it continues to subconsciously perpetuate the indignation that “homosexuality is wrong.” Because this is showing a Black man being “unfaithful” with a homosexual slant and bias. Is he unfaithful because of his homosexuality, or in spite of his homosexuality? I am always curious as to how Black men are being portrayed in the media. MTV seems to be fascinated and obsessed with the DL stereotype for sinister reasons.
Because there’s a child involved and the potential for hurt and pain I think this should be ironed out behind closed doors. I don’t believe this type of story should be for the viewing public. How much are they being paid to do this? Is it really worth it? How much will this damage their/his relationship with the child? His “in-laws?” It just plays out into one big MESS. But these are very challenging times and desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had cable for 5 years and was never really at home to watch it, so cable “MTV” is not on the agenda. I won’t miss it if I don’t see it because bigger things are happening and there are major shifts occurring among Black people in general. I look forward to the day when homosexuality is no longer an issue for Black people. We will get there, but how soon is the question. We lag behind all other cultures and peoples. The biggest issue is that we are denial about it.
This episode is fake. Apparently this comment was made on The Advocate’s posting of the article via Facebook:
“asecrethater (signed in using yahoo)
THIS STORY IS MADE UP AND VERY FAKE!
I LIVE IN AKRON, OHIO AND WE KNOWN THESE GENTLEMEN FOR YEARS.
THERE ARE NO GIRLFRIENDS, THEY ARE 100% GAY && OUT!
I’VE DATED CALIEL CAREY AND KNOW GUYS WHO SLEPT WITH TAROD!
TELL THE REAL STORY FROM VOGUEING TO PROSTITUTION.. THESE BOYS ARE A COMPLETE SCAM!
AND YOU WOULD BE A FOOL TO BELIEVE THIS MESS…”
http://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/television/2013/05/17/two-stories-rising-above-down-low
Here are the gay dudes facebook pages:
https://www.facebook.com/thee.coke?fref=ts
https://www.facebook.com/TaRodd
These queens will do anything to be seen.
Here’s a YouTube video, I guess this was another stunt they tried to pull back in 2011, you can see him at the 0:40 mark:
Black people have got STOP caring so much about what white people think. We give so much of our power away by trying to keep up with them. We’re only 40 years removed from the horrors of the civil rights movement. We have got to HEAL!! Trying to keep up with white culture is not helping us to do that.
Look, I’ll go on record (again) to state that I’m TOTALLY okay with gay men being Discreet, Closeted, Out, Flamboyant, etc…I have NO AGENDA to drag people Out to be gay representatives in the public. As long as you’re living your life to the fullest, you’re ahead of the game! Life is too short, so do you. Be whatever person makes you the happiest.
I only hope that people respect others and don’t cheat on their partners, whether male or female. That’s all “The Down Low” really is: Cheating on your mate. A straight man cheating on his wife with a female stripper is still creeping on The Down Low. It means the same thing! White people do it too…So yes, people should be open about their sexuality, but they only NEED to be open to those they are trying to have sex with. And even then, if you’re bisexual and dating a woman, you don’t have to reveal that you like dudes unless it comes up.
Women flirt with me all the time. Seriously. every day on my main Facebook and Twitter, its hilarious. But I don’t owe them thirsty chicks shit (especially when they are basically strangers to me). They can lust all they want. They flirt, I say thanks for the compliment and keep it moving. No need to hand them over my fucking diary. Same applies to all these other random people out there who are really just being nosey than actually hungry for more positive gay representation.
There is nothing wrong with a gay man preferring to remain private about his private life! I would scream that gospel even if I were being interviewed while topless in a bed with Lonnell Williams on his web series. I will say the same thing even on the new website.
These dudes who are “Out & Proud” calling Discreet and Closeted Men “Cowards” are full of shit. Fuck them. They just want everyone to be as “gay” as them. Same applies to straight people: If you’re a man that doesn’t like hitting strip clubs frequently or publicly disrespecting women with catcalls, you’re shunned or looked down upon.
If anything, we should all be challenging Organized Religion because it programs up childhood to be ashamed of all sexuality and our bodies, two things that are biologically natural. Get rid of Religion and you get rid of 98% of all the issues related to Heterosexuality and Homosexuality in the world.
Nick just went off lol!!!
But Bravo dude!!! man I agree with pretty much everything you just said!!
I think people missed the true meaning of this episode. The overall reaction that people are having to the episode is the main reason why young black men are in the closet to begin with; the fear of being judged for who they are. I salute MTV for providing a platform to discuss a topic that impacts the black community when a network like BET (which is geared specifically towards the black community) hasn’t even made an attempt to even address it AT ALL. Yes, issues like the one with coke & the mother of his soon-to-be child should have been dealt with behind the scenes rather than in front of the camera however, there are PLENTY of men in situations like the one he is currently in so I understand why MTV put it on television. More and more I’m noticing that gay black people complain about the stereotypes associated with the lifestyle we live but seem to forget that it’s us creating some of the very same stereotypes that hold us back. This issue is a lot bigger than an episode of MTV’s True Life. For example, why is it that when we see a black gay man who doesn’t “look gay”, he’s referred to as “Trade”? Newsflash: not all gay black men look/act like women. Why do we get so upset when the word “Faggot” is hurled at us but use the word “Trade” so freely which, in my opinion, is equally derogatory? I watched the full episode and it offered insight as to why black men are scared to come out.