QUESTION: In High School – Were You Openly Gay, Openly Bisexual Or Were You Pretending To Be Straight?
Many of us are Out and openly dating men now that we’re older….But was that the case for you even in High School?
To be honest, in hindsight, I had a feeling that I was gay as far back as Middle School…but it wasn’t until High School that I started to realize that I was bisexual or gay…
But I came up in the Midwest in the 90s…no black kids were openly gay back then…even the ones who were obviously gay (ie: effeminate men on the cheerleading team).
So I became the kid hiding my growing hormones in the shadows. But the boys just seemed to get better and better looking to me as we all got older. And it didn’t matter what race they were.
There was one blue-eyed Jewish kid that I was friends with (I had even gone to his Bat Mitzvah) who suddenly had become mesmerizing to me. I would see him talking and stare at him like:
There was a skinny underachieving light-skinned black kid with freckles and curly hair that I would miss every time he skipped class (which was often, he eventually didn’t graduate on time with our class). When he was absent I would be like:
There was a tight-bodied dark-skinned upperclassman who was very frisky with his hands and would cop a feel on me from time to time when no one was looking. I was so paranoid about being “found out” that I never reciprocated, always pulled away and feigned disapproval (I still regret that to this day).
But I was also attracted to girls (and tittays…I love me some tittays) so I pretty much focused on them for most of my matriculation through high school. I dated a few girls but no one I would consider a “high school sweetheart.”
Although I was somewhat popular among my classmates, I didn’t date much…I kept myself distracted by joining up with as many extracurricular activities as possible (except sports, I was always pretty tall but never very athletic). Even still, I definitely wasn’t “the gay kid” or even suspected to be by classmates back then (my mother is another story, a long one).
As the years in High School went on, the attraction to fellow teenage boys (that I tried hard to suppress) had grown stronger.
I got erections while learning to wrestle in gym class and changing in the locker room showers…I manipulated attractive guys into friendships just so that I could be around them more…I even secretly sketched caricatures of my dude crushes in my notebooks (yup, I can draw).
I was horny, repressed and became a straight up bitch.
The kind who you imagine reading Sweet Sixteen Magazine. I even kept a secret journal about my overwhelming crushes for these nikkas since I didn’t have ANYONE to actually talk to about it.
I became Drake before Drake even existed.
I wasn’t doing this kind of extra stuff with the girls I was dating or liked…So by the time we graduated I knew I had to accept that I was mostly gay, not bisexual. Definitely not Bisexual enough to become a dude who would eventually get married to a woman and never have or act on homosexual urges ever again in my life.
Once I left the Midwest to attend college in the Dirty South…I knew that I had to have my first gay experience as soon as possible.
This ended up being delayed by 6 months because a fellow classmate FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL decided to attend the SAME college as me. So of course we hung out in the same small group of freshmen friends.
Being that I was still (unnecessarily) paranoid about people from my high school finding out about me, I was handcuffed. He ended up dropping out after only one semester, so I then I felt like I was finally free to explore that repressed side of my sexuality.
I still didn’t become “the gay dude” or have tons of whorish gay sex, but at 19 years old I finally got that first taste of what gay intimacy and intercourse was like with another dude. It was marvelous.
The rest is history. It was on and popping from then.
In hindsight, I do kinda wish I had taken more of a risk in high school to explore my sexuality. While we didn’t have Jack’d, Grindr or sites like Cypher Avenue back then, I did highly suspect that some other classmates were down as well.
And while I may have been rejected if I made a move or just became overly touchy, at least word may have gotten out to a kid on the down low who actually wanted to experiment and/or possibly date…even in secret.
However, I have heard horror stories from men who were outed as a kid and even had to change schools because of the torment that came as a result. So maybe it’s for the best that I didn’t come Out in High School
So what’s your story?
Were you Openly gay in high school?
Were you openly Bisexual?
Were you paranoid like me?
Did you have gay sex at all as a high school student?
Let us know your journey through adolescence….
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