QUESTION OF THE WEEK: What’s The Most Important Part In Relationships?

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Mar 29 2018 | 33 Comments  

Okay, question of the week, Squad:

What’s the most important part in a relationship?

1. Is it the sex? Can a relationship built merely on good sex and attraction but not “love” work?

2. Is it Love? You both love each other but the sex is wack or nonexistent, can the relationship last?

3. Is it Trust? You both fully trust each other and value each other’s secrets, but other areas are lacking, can it still work?

4. Is it Time? You don’t “love” him as much but he’s available and actually spends that quality time with you, does he supersede the others?

About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.


33 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. thegdthadman
    thegdthadman | March 29th, 2018

    Trust, no contest. None of the other concepts stand a chance without trust.

  2. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | March 29th, 2018

    I believe all of these things are important. You need elements of all of them but I think love is at the center. My great aunt gave me this advice when I got married, never take more than you put into the marriage box and never fall out of love at the same time.

    I think if I had to rank these options it would be Love, Trust, Sex, Time. But I am sure the standards are different for everyone.

  3. OckyDub
    OckyDub | March 29th, 2018

    Trust and knowing how to cook or at least wanting to learn how to cook better.

    • 850famuman
      850famuman | March 31st, 2018

      lol….cuz you like to eat (Janet voice)

  4. Demond Murray
    Demond Murray | March 29th, 2018


  5. Mikel Moss
    Mikel Moss | March 29th, 2018

    all of the above

  6. Domeco Mays
    Domeco Mays | March 30th, 2018

    Love..without that none of the other things truly exist…

  7. mojoreece
    mojoreece | March 30th, 2018

    Trust. If Im trying to build an Empire :shades:with u how can that work if I dont trust u.

    Looks–.O.K. This prob sounds superficial but looks. Not saying u have to be a 10. But to be in a relationship with a person u have to actually find them attractive I mean its the face and body u will be sleeping with and looking at for the rest of your life. Or at least at the beginning of the relationship.
    (this also could be from my lack of dating experience and allure of IG/Tumblr dudes lol:p)

    • 850famuman
      850famuman | March 31st, 2018

      LOL. It dont sound superficial, it is superficial. Body and looks are nice but that shyt fades & diminishes over time. Love, honesty, trust, maturity, communication, time, work, satisfaction, friendship these are the accutriments of building a long-lasting relationship #takenotes #getthatchecked 😁😁😎

  8. SB3
    SB3 | March 30th, 2018

    Trust. No question. Ppl like to say 'we cant have ____ w/o trust' but genuine, whole-hearted trust leads to/allows for a comfort level that cuts all of the walls and layers blocking you from addressing any other issues.

  9. Miles Gibson
    Miles Gibson | March 30th, 2018

    I’m stuck between love and trust because the other two can be built upon.

  10. Cyrus-Brooks
    Cyrus-Brooks | March 30th, 2018

    Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Without trust there is no love, without love what good is time. Also you can have sex with anyone even someone you don't even like.

    • 850famuman
      850famuman | March 31st, 2018

      I mean you can trust a friend or a co-worker to do what they are supposed to do. Love can rebuild trust, but trust cannot create or rebuild love. Sex, Trust, and Time are meaningless and unfocused without the defining prism that is love. #thinkaboutit

  11. Omega Level
    Omega Level | March 30th, 2018

    For me it would be LOVE…

    If he fully loves me (which is rare with many people) than I feel he would want to spend TIME with me because he loves me.

    And if the relationship is an open relationship (you didn't specify monogamous or open, etc) than I can get SEX from outside sources and the TRUST would be there up to the point of knowing what kind of relationship we both agreed upon.

  12. DreG
    DreG | March 30th, 2018


  13. Dante Kelly
    Dante Kelly | March 30th, 2018

    2 and 3, and HEAD EVERY DAY!

  14. Juan-Carlos
    Juan-Carlos | March 31st, 2018

    Maybe it’s the romantic Saggitarius in me but I would say Love. If someone truly loves you to the letter it would entail trust, time, sex, an emotional connection and the added physical attraction. It’s a combo platter. If the sex needs to get spicy because it is getting boring then maybe there could be a conversation to bring in a 3rd. I won’t consider an end if all of the other boxes are checked and the sex suddenly becomes lackluster. Sex is physical. Love goes deeper.

  15. DFW Brutha
    DFW Brutha | March 31st, 2018





  16. acessential
    acessential | April 1st, 2018


    A lot of folks seem to think it's love. But you can love someone and still have trust issues.

    If you have trust, you will trust that your love is real, you will trust that even if the sex isn't popping at the moment, you two will work on it to keep each other satisfied, and you will trust that you will try to make time for each other even when life gets hectic. It all stems from trust.

  17. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | April 1st, 2018

    Definitely trust – In terms of relationships: I don't want to have sex with you if I don't trust you. I don't want to spend time with you if I don't trust you. etc, etc.

    I can have love for someone that I don't trust but I can't be in love.

  18. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | April 1st, 2018

    Yessss, i like this

  19. Omega Level
    Omega Level | April 2nd, 2018

    Its so interesting how many dudes say trust on here. And "trust" me (lol) I get it.

    Trust can be a beautiful thing if many humans, especially gay men, can live up to it. Maybe everyone who is saying trust ultimately mean what trust the two of them set up into the relationship through conversation of what is to be expected in said relationship. If thats the case I'm on board the trust train, but I would use the word RESPECT rather than trust for my relationship.

    I just hope those saying trust are not placing hetero-normative expectations from the dude they intend to be with and not broadening their minds between what is fantasy and what is reality in regards to modern day gay relationships.

    I think if you base your relationship predominantly on trust you can ultimately be disappointed over and over again as can we ever really fully trust human beings?

  20. Juan-Carlos
    Juan-Carlos | April 2nd, 2018

    this and highlighted in neon yellow "…use the word RESPECT rather than trust for my relationship."

  21. acessential
    acessential | April 2nd, 2018

    You make some good points. But, I'm curious to hear what examples of breaches of trust you think are inevitable in relationships?

  22. Luke Evergreen
    Luke Evergreen | April 2nd, 2018

    Trust. I cannot love someone I do not trust, i cannot care for them and adore them if they are lying to me and doing things that hurt me, i will feel disappointing, abused and I would want to spend time with them. I would feel uncomfortable being around them and I don't know if theyre having unprotected sex with other people and lying, so no sex.

  23. Luke Evergreen
    Luke Evergreen | April 2nd, 2018

    Also. the meaning of trust is subjective. Some people are possessive and stalk their own boyfriend. They just want to know where you are at all times, with who, what you doing, why you doing it because they are too insecure to be alone. Or they don't believe they are that attractive and expect to be cheated on. Trust and respect to me is feeling comfortable enough to tell me when you find someone else attractive, talk about your temptations, insecurities and concerns.

  24. FutureAtlien | April 3rd, 2018

    I definitely will say love is the most important. If there’s GENUINE love between the two … sex, trust, and time will properly align.

    Many times as gay men, we confuse love with lust or something else so that’s the biggest problem.

    And also the older I get, the less important sex is to me … that’s the thing I’m most willing to compromise on …. I can pleasure myself good enough. I still enjoy sex with men, but I’ve had enough good sex in my lifetime so I’m content (I can bust a nut just simply replaying it in my head sometimes) … so it’s less of a need but a more of a luxury. Finding a nasty slut to please me sexually is relatively easy, finding a quality and compatible partner is relatively hard and the most rewarding.

  25. Coon_dalini | April 3rd, 2018

    Great comment.. I wish I could settle for just “respect” ..aka “ don’t be sloppy with your bullshit..,

  26. Omega Level
    Omega Level | April 3rd, 2018

    Well I think or at least it seems the under current of what many are hinting at on this thread in regards to TRUST is not having your dude cheat on you. Being able to trust him to be with only you and not stray in the direction of another. I totally understand that. It doesn't feel good to assume you are in a monogamous relationship and later find out otherwise. (Side note – Monogamy is so un-natural its laughable, but thats a whole other thread.)

    However, to answer your question "What examples of breaches of trust I think are inevitable in relationships"? I would say they can run the gambit as human beings can often be unpredictable and many change as the years go by. We are not the same at 25 that we are at 35. (hopefully). Cheating can arise, hiding money, hidden drug problems, undisclosed std they caught. etc. Yes of course their are relationships where none of that may occur, but i'm just in a place now where nothing a human being does will absolutely totally surprise me. Including the person Im in a relationship with.

    I was all about trust in my 20's and maybe early 30's totally expecting dudes to mean what they say and say what they mean. And yes, that is the ideal. But I just dont think its based in reality with putting 100% whole hearted trust in another human being.

    Now at 40, if im entering a serious relationship I would like to adjust my expectations with direct conversation with my dude. What we are about, will tolerant, won't tolerate, or background and consider if we are of the like mind to do the damn thing together. Believe me, I know, its a bunch of grey area in that description and adjustments may need to be made in the course of the relationship. But today I just will not enter a relationship totally trusting that my partner is incapable of ratchet shit, the occasional fucked up shit, or whatever.

    But I would indeed hope he respects me and LOVE me enough to bring whatever it is to me and we deal with it together. If he isn't or its later discovered he's not that kind of dude, im pretty good being solo dolo.

  27. Coon_dalini | April 4th, 2018

    Try reading the book Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow or You Tube. Summary of it and you may think differently on how “unnatural “ monogamy is humans. Although you didn’t clarify if you meant in the straight or gay community in the end it makes no difference because we all at some point have desired something monogamous and there must be some “natural “ reason for that. And we all experience a level of pain (naturally) when agreed upon monogamy is breached.

    It may be best to say most “animals “ aren’t naturally monogamous. But most of us would like to think we are just a notch above being beasts in nature. What if it depended on how we “managed “our sexual energy within a committed to being monogamous relationship determines our potential success with desired monogamy? The book explores that biologically.

    I’ll be happily single until I come across someone willing to go down a road less traveled to have shot at something more than what most are calling relationships today. Three week, three month, and if you’re lucky enough 3year trysts. Other than that I’m with you on how “unnatural “ it can be to be monogamous if simply choose to have no discipline.

    Dating, talking to , “involved”. What IS a relationship today in the gay community?

  28. acessential
    acessential | April 4th, 2018

    I thought you may have been referring to cheating, but I didn't want to make any assumptions. You make some valid points. Monogamy is a lifestyle choice that not everyone is interested in. But, I think that if a couple does decide to forgo monogamy and have an open relationship, that still requires a certain amount of trust. It's no longer cheating, because you're open, but any relationship regardless of type is still going to have a certain level of "understanding" amongst all parties involved. That still requires trust.

    As far as the other things mentioned like money and drug use, I don't think those are inevitable at all. I think those things exist completely outside the conversation of trust.

  29. JodyBell87
    JodyBell87 | June 11th, 2018

    I’m going to say 5.) Communication
    Honestly, if you do not have healthy communication, you can not achieve a healthy level of any of the above attributes.

  30. Jai
    Jai | June 11th, 2018

    I'd say trust…If I don't trust ain't f**kin me so no sex, cause I don't love you and I ain't got no time for your bullshit*t.

    Now if you trust a brutha…oh you get comfortable around him. Let him slide in, love all up on him and make time for him.

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