Many of us are Out and openly dating men now that we’re older….But was that the case for you even in High School?
To be honest, in hindsight, I had a feeling that I was gay as far back as Middle School…but it wasn’t until High School that I started to realize that I was bisexual or gay…
But I came up in the Midwest in the 90s…no black kids were openly gay back then…even the ones who were obviously gay (ie: effeminate men on the cheerleading team).
So I became the kid hiding my growing hormones in the shadows. But the boys just seemed to get better and better looking to me as we all got older. And it didn’t matter what race they were.
There was one blue-eyed Jewish kid that I was friends with (I had even gone to his Bat Mitzvah) who suddenly had become mesmerizing to me. I would see him talking and stare at him like:
There was a skinny underachieving light-skinned black kid with freckles and curly hair that I would miss every time he skipped class (which was often, he eventually didn’t graduate on time with our class). When he was absent I would be like:
There was a tight-bodied dark-skinned upperclassman who was very frisky with his hands and would cop a feel on me from time to time when no one was looking. I was so paranoid about being “found out” that I never reciprocated, always pulled away and feigned disapproval (I still regret that to this day).
But I was also attracted to girls (and tittays…I love me some tittays) so I pretty much focused on them for most of my matriculation through high school. I dated a few girls but no one I would consider a “high school sweetheart.”
Although I was somewhat popular among my classmates, I didn’t date much…I kept myself distracted by joining up with as many extracurricular activities as possible (except sports, I was always pretty tall but never very athletic). Even still, I definitely wasn’t “the gay kid” or even suspected to be by classmates back then (my mother is another story, a long one).
As the years in High School went on, the attraction to fellow teenage boys (that I tried hard to suppress) had grown stronger.
I got erections while learning to wrestle in gym class and changing in the locker room showers…I manipulated attractive guys into friendships just so that I could be around them more…I even secretly sketched caricatures of my dude crushes in my notebooks (yup, I can draw).
I was horny, repressed and became a straight up bitch.
The kind who you imagine reading Sweet Sixteen Magazine. I even kept a secret journal about my overwhelming crushes for these nikkas since I didn’t have ANYONE to actually talk to about it.
I became Drake before Drake even existed.
I wasn’t doing this kind of extra stuff with the girls I was dating or liked…So by the time we graduated I knew I had to accept that I was mostly gay, not bisexual. Definitely not Bisexual enough to become a dude who would eventually get married to a woman and never have or act on homosexual urges ever again in my life.
Once I left the Midwest to attend college in the Dirty South…I knew that I had to have my first gay experience as soon as possible.
This ended up being delayed by 6 months because a fellow classmate FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL decided to attend the SAME college as me. So of course we hung out in the same small group of freshmen friends.
Being that I was still (unnecessarily) paranoid about people from my high school finding out about me, I was handcuffed. He ended up dropping out after only one semester, so I then I felt like I was finally free to explore that repressed side of my sexuality.
I still didn’t become “the gay dude” or have tons of whorish gay sex, but at 19 years old I finally got that first taste of what gay intimacy and intercourse was like with another dude. It was marvelous.
The rest is history. It was on and popping from then.
In hindsight, I do kinda wish I had taken more of a risk in high school to explore my sexuality. While we didn’t have Jack’d, Grindr or sites like Cypher Avenue back then, I did highly suspect that some other classmates were down as well.
And while I may have been rejected if I made a move or just became overly touchy, at least word may have gotten out to a kid on the down low who actually wanted to experiment and/or possibly date…even in secret.
However, I have heard horror stories from men who were outed as a kid and even had to change schools because of the torment that came as a result. So maybe it’s for the best that I didn’t come Out in High School
So what’s your story?
Were you Openly gay in high school?
Were you openly Bisexual?
Were you paranoid like me?
Did you have gay sex at all as a high school student?
Let us know your journey through adolescence….
In 1983 in the Dirty South, you had BETTER NOT be black and openly gay, LOL…I had known since middle school but mentally confirmed it in 11th grade. From that point forward I read everything I could get my hands on. If Janet Jackson’s song “He Doesn’t Know I’m Alive” had been out then, that would have been the perfect descriptor of my feelings for this hispanic friend named Sean. Oh how I would have loved to have been sexually active but I valued what shred of a reputation I had. My high school was exactly like the one depicted in “Clueless” and my social capital/swag was -0. Although my black friends (a VERY loose term) suspected (so much as to ask me if I would consider the priesthood), I never said anything to anyone or even tried to find like minded individuals. I just read everything I could about homosexuality while desperately trying to fly under the radar and be what everyone considered “normal” – including not dispelling any rumors about perceived “girlfriends” that I had. For a period, I thought gays only lived in big cities and black gays only lived in DC, Philly, NY and Los Angeles. I hated high school and black males (because that’s where the teasing came from). So I gravitated toward non-black students. I, too, was determined to end the physical virginity in college and did. My undergrad alma mater (an HBCU) even had a copy of Mapplethorpe’s infamous Black Book!!! Talk about picking the “right” school, LOL…that was like a sign from heaven. I will never forget how stupid I felt about all of this when, after dancing at a local gay bar I spotted some acquaintances (white) from high school. We greeted each other and they said “we thought you were gay in HS but we weren’t sure so we never said anything. Think of all the fun we could’ve had if we had just known…” Ugh…but life got better
In 1983 in the Dirty South, you had BETTER NOT be black and openly gay, LOL…I had known since middle school but mentally confirmed it in 11th grade. From that point forward I read everything I could get my hands on. If Janet Jackson’s song “He Doesn’t Know I’m Alive” had been out then, that would have been the perfect descriptor of my feelings for this hispanic friend named Sean. Oh how I would have loved to have been sexually active but I valued what shred of a reputation I had. My high school was exactly like the one depicted in “Clueless” and my social capital/swag was -0. Although my black friends (a VERY loose term) suspected (so much as to ask me if I would consider the priesthood), I never said anything to anyone or even tried to find like minded individuals. I just read everything I could about homosexuality while desperately trying to fly under the radar and be what everyone considered “normal” – including not dispelling any rumors about perceived “girlfriends” that I had. For a period, I thought gays only lived in big cities and black gays only lived in DC, Philly, NY and Los Angeles. I hated high school and black males (because that’s where the teasing came from). So I gravitated toward non-black students. I, too, was determined to end the physical virginity in college and did. My undergrad alma mater (an HBCU) even had a copy of Mapplethorpe’s infamous Black Book!!! Talk about picking the “right” school, LOL…that was like a sign from heaven. I will never forget how stupid I felt about all of this when, after dancing at a local gay bar I spotted some acquaintances (white) from high school. We greeted each other and they said “we thought you were gay in HS but we weren’t sure so we never said anything. Think of all the fun we could’ve had if we had just known…” Ugh…but life got better 🙂
Please, I was nowhere near ready to accept it in hs! I did end up messing around w the dude whod become my ex years later during my sr year of hs.
Im just happy as hell that we didnt have to shower after gym class, cus some of us looked and were built like grown men, and I dont think id have been able to control the boners.
I definitely had urges but was still fighting my sexuality so pretending to be straight for sure. I didn't act on anything until college
The year before I graduated, some friends of mine from our community choir, wanted to go visit a gay bar on a lark. The ring leader spear heading this adventure was out and gay and proud long before it became fashionable. So we went to this club called The Flair. It was a hole in the wall, but I had never seen such a huge array of different people. Drag queens, butch lesbians, feminine lesbians, feminine men, straight acting men that liked the young guys, whites and blacks, old and young. I loved that place. Having a little more than bus fare a lot of times, I sneaked to that place all summer long when ever the opportunity presented itself. I went back to school that final year and I was out. My mentor was the guy that first took us to the Flair. He was a few years older and I modeled myself after his boldness. However, my out-ness was limited to the school music room, where I freely displayed my gayness. There were other gays, but they were low key and some of them did not seem to know they were gay at the time. I reveled in being a young good looking seventeen year old queen. I had a lot of close female friends that would leap to my defense if anyone tried to offend. Don't judge me too harshly. I was young and wild and totally naive at the same time. It was the 1970s. The Sexual Revolution was in full swing. I got swept along with it.
Nick you already know I was openly gay in HS. LOL. But no seriously… explain this long story about your mom being suspect about you???
This article was a great read by the way.
In high school, I was there with my twin brother. Looking back, we both could have taken a lot of boys down. We had dudes that were VERY touchy feely with us and guys that were even BOLD enough to ask if "we were packing down there" because we are Nigerians lol. But yeah there were guys that would just stare at us and smile that were on the sports teams or whatever. They would be hot and cold. Be cool with us one-on-one then around their other overly hypermasculine acting sports buddies they would maltreat us. As high school drew to a close, we had guys that used to pick on us start warming up to us and complementing us on our clothes and our looks. I was like…."??????" I asked myself, "why are these people so wishy-washy?" Didn't understand why back then but we do now.
If we were both as confident back then as we were now, man… high school and especially college would have been very memorable. Both of us really just stuck to overloading ourselves with work and extracurriculars to distract ourselves then when we came out to each other it made sense why we kept so busy.
Both of us pretended to pretty much be str8 but my twin had a sexual experience with a guy when he was 20 I think. Thank goodness it was just over the phone back then lol. When he told me that he had phone sex, I had to clutch my pearls! LMBO JK. But yeah I was still getting used to him being openly gay with me and I was getting used to myself still accepting myself for who I was until I came out to him when I was 22. I am now 25 and so much further along in my journey. Still haven't had sex yet but it is fine. Porn will have to just do the job until I find a man worthy of me.
Wow! That is wonderful. You have a twin and you both are gay. Beautiful, and a little envy invoking. Keep us apprised of your journey, you have your whole life ahead of you.
I guess I was closeted but it wasn't a big struggle. I never tried too hard, never had a girlfriend and was never questioned about it. If you had asked me I probably would have told you but since you didn't… I was whatever you assumed I was.
Plus I kept myself occupied. I messed around with dudes when I was in ROTC (first gay kiss and bisexual experiences) and some were also on the Varsity basketball team so both groups were pretty tight. After all of the shenanigans we all identified as straight and treated it as nothing. Whatever happened in the locker room, auditorium or at your homies crib stayed top secret. I enjoyed myself rocks
Yup, ya'll were definitely trippin', I would have gotten me some. Grabbed some ass/dikk, something.
I feel like a lot of men have had some sort of homoerotic experiences during childhood/teen years and would never admit it – or at least in our generation since a lot of other members here grew up in different times. How much you wanna bet the actual straight guys were having all the fun while you and your brother were missing out on all the action? f**k them Nikkas, you ain't gonna see any of them in four years go ahead and cop a feel lol
Growing up in a small town in Arkansas, I definitely wasn't out in HS and made an effort to nerd/geek myself up so the the girls wouldn't be interested. Hell, I learned in elementary and Middle School what happened to the "sissies" (none of which were actually openly/admittedly gay). In fact, the only actual "gay scandal" that happened in HS involved a white girl that was caught making out with another girl. I didn't even know who she was until she she showed up with her mother on campus to go through the process of transferring out of the school. Keep in mind this was the same HS that a study revealed had a teen pregnancy rate of about 35% with all the fathers being just a handful of guys on campus (no scandal there though). I took all AP classes, made no attempt to be fashionable and trendy, and the only extra curriculars were Chess Club, Quiz Bowl, Yearbook Club, ect. Got plenty of comments about being Steve Urkle's twin (which didn't bother me) and for the most part everything was cool. All the females kept their distance….except for one. Of course there had to be the one girl who figured she'd be smarter than her peers and hook up with the nerd who many people figured would be successful.
I was not in high school, I was sleeping with women to prove that I was not gay.
*Checks his age* 15 years younger…:nope:
Yeah homie, you young dudes def had it a bit easier. That's a good thing though. And thankfully it'll be even easier for gay kids in high school today.
So what's your story?
Nothing spectacular. I had crushes on a few guys. One guy liked me a lot & did him though I was quite reserved. He was Brown skin, nice braces that made him super cute, pretty boy toned. He had just transfeerd from another school & he looked at me and came and sat near me. He was the cutest boy in the damn school..(too me) I fondly remember one day seeing him on the hall. I had went to turn in something to the office for a teacher. When I came back out he was coming out of the classroom to the water fountain on the other side. He paused as he saw me coming down the hallway & smiled. He then slowly lowered to the water fountain and started thrusting against it while looking at me and sipping the water. I panicked and ran back into the classroom… I still coin myself as a dumbass til this day.
It was awkward for us pretty much then. Even more so when he joined the football team. I was pretty nerdy in H.S. and so my group didn't hang with the jocks…and so our flame fizzed out.
On the flip side. One day I went to the bathroom and walked in on him another player close and as I stepped in, one backed away and I paused & acted like I didn't see anything. I knew other boys were doing stuff.
One of my friends use to tease me about this saying I let someone take my man….
Its interesting too see those people I knew in High School now……thanks to Facebook and well…a lot has changed…Ill leave it at that..
Were you Openly gay in highschool?
I was not openly gay..& I wasn't openly straight either… I kept to myself & it was almost like I was asexual but as far as my attraction to guys, I kept it secret except for my close friend.
Were you openly Bisexual?
Nope.
Were you paranoid like me?
Well not really paranoid. I just avoided people coming on to me….girls or guys. From the footballer player on to big titty Tia..who was trying to fondle me behind the lab table..I moved away from her…& she looked a bit confused..
Did you have gay sex at all as a high school student?
Nope, I stayed a virgin a looooooooooooooong time. Very distant from sexual advances. I did give a bj to my best friends cousin but that was after H.S…
Let us know your journey through adolescence….
Pretty moody. I'm short and nimble, but don't like sports…Im into the supernatural and space and other stuff & so I was regarded as weird. I didn't fit in per say but I was still stylish but ever so reserved.
Most guys I had crushes on were just that and nothing more…Girls never really caught my attention unless they were real pretty.
I remember My mom caught me watching gay porn though….that was ummm…let's just say….not a Kodak moment.
I didn't really have access to porn until my friend at the time gave me an Enrique Cruz VHS film called Aprende & another called ThugPorn Volume 2 or (maybe it was Thug Passion) I forgot.. How he got it…I have no idea..
Great story Nick.
I was technically openly gay in high school. With the struggles of other kids making fun of being gay and the whole mental mindframe of the straight kids I went to school with regarding sex in general, it really was a mess even thinking about being gay during that time. However, once I got into high school, I faced me fears and finally accepted that I was gay. Although I can say with all the times my ass would be smacked (i.e. booty hanging out the tight uniform pants) and some on the low kisses from the "straight" boys I went to school with, gay was in the air, just no one wanted to smell it. I loved dudes since elementary school and Mr. Bohanan, our guidance counselor, made it clear with his honest discussion on sex indeed. I didn't shout it out and wear it on my sleeve at all. As far as sex goes, I didn't act on my HORNINESS, because I was so focused on school and everything else. But BOY OH BOY, I wish I did, because there was fineness and I was BRICK CITY 24/7. A couple of other high school kids asked me and I didn't deny it. Everyone else who didn't ask didn't know and kept it moving. There were some guys who found out from gossip that looked at me funny, but I just said "f**k You" and called it a day. Two guys tried me, but they didn't want it at all. I remember Shelby Boozer gave me her phone number in the 10th grade and I kindly gave it back to her with a note saying "I'm gay" on it. She was dikk-hungry floored. But I was sooo proud. I was asked to have sex by a dude the 9th grade but passed it up. I'm not sure if he was gay or bi, but he was cute tho. And there was a guy named Don Moore in JROTC who was two years older than me in my French class who used to touch my hand to make me move it to get some of my assignments answer every single day. Did I say no? f**k NO!…lol. It was a coming of age time for me in high school, with no regrets. I'm glad I was able to come to terms and accept my sexuality and move forward. It made me have a second skin with the real world. Experience is the best teacher.
This is great. I feel like I had a completely different experience in high school. I attended a Performing Arts High School so there was all kinds of people gay, straight, bisexual, weird, popular you name it we had it. I had openly gay teachers and administrators and despite all of that, I was not open. I just didn't acknowledge my sexuality at the time. I had friends who were girls and boys and always actively remained marginal. For example during dances I would ask girls but only as friends and we always went out in big groups. Because of our environment, no one really asked if I was gay or not because it really didn't matter. We were all Arts kids. In many ways I was a confused teenager, I remember fantasizing about boys and girls and didn't do anything with anyone until I was 17 when I hooked up with a Ballerina Dancer a few times. I didn't hookup with a guy until I was 18 years old and that is when I confirmed I liked men. It felt more normal to me. I was out of high school then and people just assumed I was bisexual until I came out at 21 years old.
I grew up in VA and was in HS in the 90's, so there was NONE of that "Gay shyt" LOL. I guess I kinda flew under the radar for the most part because I was such a nerd and into nature and art that aside from the obligatory "f**got" slurs that EVERY high school dude throws, I didn't really have an issue. There were a few dudes that now in hindsight, I'm sure f#%k'd with me relentlessly either from their own insecurity or because they were somehow attracted to me (I cant imagine how, tho, I was an ugly ass kid. LOL) but my main teasing was from my disinterest in anything that didn't grow out of the ground, live in water, or have more than two legs. I was, ironically, a titty man as well, as was reflected in my artwork, which probably helped the subconscious cause. Once I hit my junior and senior years, there was actually a chick that I genuinely liked and probably could've ended up with, but things never went that route, thankfully. Im in relatively close contact with my friends from HS now, and none of them ever said "oh we knew you was gay, etc etc" so either it just went without saying, or they never thought as much. LOL There were some dude's here and there that I had crushes on, especially this "high yelluh'" dude named Romaine (yes, like the lettuce) that CONSTANTLY f**ked with me, and this Greek dude named Styge (Stah-gee) but for the most part, I just wasn't into that shyt. Now, had I gone to school here in NYC, shyt would've took a WAAAAY different route. LOL!
I was teased a lot in middle school (called f#&&@+, too many times) and by the time high school came around I was going to redeem my social reputation. Along came HipHop and I somehow was able to gain respect as a rapper and musician. I was able to balance being a great student with being a blunt smoking part-time party boy. However I really knew what was going on inside. I fell in love with all the other HipHop dudes, the whole culture is really homoerotic. This was the mid to late 90s. There were a number of really fine dudes that clocked me and would arrange for hangouts at their house (their bedrooms), it's like they were reading from the same script. I'd show up, they'd have their shirts off, they'd be wearing basketball shorts with their underwear showing. They would parade around their rooms, no one else was home. Each time I never took the bait. If I had played it better I really would have had many beautiful experiences. But I was afraid, teasing and bullying had taught me to never let my cover be blown. I came out to a small group of friends in junior year as bisexual, I even dated a really beautiful young woman who knew I liked dudes as well. I consider myself on the spectrum to be a very very gay bisexual. So I never felt like I lied to the girls I dated or fooled around with. It wasn't until I experienced what it was to be with another man (in my early twenties) that I figured out that there was no way I could live without men – and after that I no longer claimed bisexuality as an identity. I'm really happy that kids today can come out earlier and earlier. I think I did the best that I could have done.
Was in high school during the 90s. I was on the football team junior and senior year. No feelings of awkwardness with peers or any influences or thoughts of MSM. It wasnt until college when I became bicurious after a hot 3sum. Never indulged or engaged until after i graduated college and moved to another state. Being in a new environment made me more open to try. I met an attractive guy online .he came over and it was on. #turned out on the first experience. Though there was an obvious difference it was the difference that made it more of a fetish to me at the time. Feeling another masculine, muscular guy under me and the moans and the hot visuals .Later is when I discovered that I could have a meaningful and monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex. So, straight to bisexual to SGL.
I had already come out to a handful of people before freshman year. None of whom went to my high school, so I decided to play it completely straight and even had a girlfriend for a little bit. We soon broke up. Sophomore year, I reconnected with a childhood friend who I hadn't seen in years on MySpace. He was openly gay. After a while, I came out to him and he invited me to this LGBT youth group. At the group, I ran into a guy from my high school who everyone suspected was gay. He pursued me, but I was hesitant because he wasn't really my type and I had never been with a guy before. I gave in and we dated for a little bit. We broke things off and he basically outed me to the rest of the school through his group of lesbian friends. Rumors started spreading. Soon people we're coming up to me asking me if I was gay. I denied it at first, but eventually stopped caring. I guess I was "discreet" because people knew about it, but I never announced it. I never got shyt for it. People were cool. I was heavily involved in school and was nice to people so nobody really had any reason to hate me. I think being more "gender conforming" also helped a lot. The more feminine gay guys did get teased a bit. And I think a lot of guys had crushes on my sister so even if they thought about starting shyt, they risked making her mad. I don't have any salacious stories about random guys approaching me for sex. I just dated two guys from high school and that was it. High school was chill. I was voted homecoming king and most likely to succeed, so I guess it wasn't that bad.
I wouldn't say I was open, but I did deflect occasional questions. If asked about girls, I'd say I'm too busy studying and trying to get scholarships and can worry about girls later. Once, a girl in a summer program straight up asked me and I said I was straight.
I wouldn't say I was pretending because my sexuality rarely arose as a topic. I was a very awkward, nerdy, average looking, very overweight kid that tried to minimize my interaction with others. Others seemed more curious about my awkward, uncomfortable demeanor than my sexuality. They probably assumed I couldn't get with anyone if I tried. I welcomed the lack of interest due to general discomfort and low self-esteem.
I didn't know I liked dudes in high school, but I wasn't really actively dating women either. I had one girlfriend in high school (freshman year) and had already lost my virginity several times over in middle school (same girl, every summer for YEARS!), so I definitely wasn't questioning my sexuality. Toward the end of my senior year when I bought my own computer and started getting those free AOL trials (who remembers dial up?), I started to get into porn and was "secretly" turned on by looking at other men naked. Nevertheless, I never associated my porn watching "secret" with my sexuality. I was class prez, drum major and involved in a lotta shyt, so having no girlfriend wasn't a big deal because I was always doing shyt, and I didn't really give anyone a reason to think I wasn't into women. I went through college watching the hell out of gay porn, but never had a desire to be with a man. Sexual feelings toward men started when I moved to DC after graduation. I think my "turning point" came after an encounter with someone from my apartment complex. On the way home from work, I would catch a shuttle from the Metro station to my apartment. One particular guy in my complex used to ride the shuttle and would always look at me. I was naive to the look he was giving, but eventually determined that dude was gay and musta been attracted to me. One day, dude finally decided to strike up a conversation. I was scared as f**k. He was obviously gay, I wasn't and I wasn't interested, but dude was just attractive enough that it made me feel a certain kinda way. I awkwardly responded to his questions and damn near ran home when we got off the shuttle. Lol. Needless to say, I had a hard dikk for quite sometime thinking about that interaction and what could have happened. It was over 3 years after that, at age 27, before I finally did anything physical with a guy.
I wasn't truly open in h.s. I wasn't exactly good at covering my tracks either though. I was 16 when I started kickin it on a same sex level with this freshman in the band. He was messy. Had me on 3-way with a notoriously gay dude from our school as I spit all this game about how much my 16 year old heart cared for the freshman guy. I was passed a note in class from the gay dude saying how he knew I was gay and how he wanted to talk to me. Smh… So I went the remainder of my hs years trying to be as lowkey as possible, even though there were rumors about me going around. I was the drummajor of the band my senior yr and was told that a band dude from another school said he was my boyfriend… Trying to defend my fraudulent ass heterosexuality, I ended up checkin ol boy at the Battle of the Bands… I made it out of h.s. without too many people thinking or knowing I was gay, or at least without it being a big topic of convo for all of Flint Northern High School. I dated a dude that lived in a whole nother state. I stopped going to school sometimes. After graduation though, I stopped caring and went out to the only gay spot in the city where people were sure to notice you. Now that we're about to hit our 10 year reunion, a lot of folks know about me but dont really care. Wish it had always been like that…
Life in high school in Jamaica was a mashpot of testosterone so any sign of homosexuality was and is looked down on. The only out students were in music club and they were generally left alone because they banded together. I on the the other hand generally sticked to myself, avoiding all relationships. At this point I was committed to finding a girl to be with so no guy was on my radar. But there was the occasion where a random attractive guy would come by and i would try my best to look from a distance. then immediately got a guilt of doing something wrong. So to save myself I avoided all such individuals.
Luckily sports/ physical education was not mandatory here so I wasn't tempted by the freaking hot dudes on the track team. Track and field is pretty big in the country. and these track guys wore the full track suits…… the ones that show everything….. and all these fuckers were
….damit .so i stayed away from sports .
My adolescent years I made it a point to hang out with the straightest, manlyest dudes I knew. Luckily they remained good friends even when I told them I was bi.. That's rare in this country.
It wasn't until i started gyming hard in the last 3 years that I have tried anything.
LOL and how I wish it was like that. That I didn't care. But growing up in the church and being the first two sons of AFRICAN parents is NOT easy. Expectations are high for success, marriage, and the list goes on.
True. I also have to remind myself that my location plays a big part and plus I was on the fitness team in JROTC so that brought out a lot of homoerotic nature. And as much fun I had, I hope that these younger folks are being safe about their shyt if they're out there doing the same (especially if they're in sports). I also feel like we're slowly getting to the point where kids don't have to sneak off to express themselves or explore.
No I wasn't openly gay, infact I would deny being it when asked, as I shamefully remember it. I wasn't normally asked mind you, but could always sense when the question was coming before it was asked and I always hated it and myself for it because at the time I told myself and everyone else I was straight…but it always felt like a lie, like I was rejecting apart of myself.
I kept myself from having (romantic) relationships with anyone all throughout high school because I didn't want to hurt anyone or waste their time with someone that couldn't make up their mind about what they like so sometimes I regret not being able to enjoy myself more back then. We had plenty of gay people at our school, but that wasn't enough to persuade me and no one ever approached me so I just tried to focus on other things like school! Lol
But I definitely knew by high school that I was attracted to guys, before middle school really. I had crushes on girls, but they were few and far between compared to the guys at my school. My high school to this day has one of the best basketball teams in the state so there were the finest, big and tall dudes you could imagine that went there! It really made it hard for me (literally) lol
So definitely by the time I got to college I was starting to get antsy. Then, in my second sophomore semester I had a class with this freshman. You guys. When I tell you he was the most gorgeous man I had ever personally laid eyes on! GOD DAMN!! (And I don't even curse! XD) He was so cool, down to earth, creative, and unique too, so he was a serious game changer for me. I had no choice but to stop and reevaluate my life after I met him because, even though I've never been in love or anything, I was catching major feelings for him that I'd never felt for anyone else before!!
He had a girlfriend though, I met her she was nice and beautiful naturally, so I figured there was no reason for me to maintain a relationship because I felt like my feelings would just get in the way and I honestly just lost my cool whenever he was around. I haven't heard from or seen him in a year now and it sucks but I guess I did the right thing *shrugs*
I guess if I hadn't met him though, I wouldn't have been able to be more honest with myself even though I'm still not technically out in the open so that's a good thing.
Sorry for writing a novel but y'all got me over here reminiscing!! lol
No I was not openly gay in high school. My high school was in the deeply Christian rural south. This was also back during the "dark ages" of 1990s so things were a lot different than they are for the youngins in high school now. I knew I would've been a complete outcast, also my physical safety would've been in jeopardy. So I quickly got very good at pretending to be something that I wasn't as a means of survival.
I was actually in a denial in high school. I didn't think I was gay. I dated chicks, I just never wanted to have sex with them, or talk on the phone too long with them, or spend a lot of time with them. The relationships never lasted long.
I grew up in a slightly less homophobic country in eastern Africa(relative to its neighbors) . I was definitely not openly gay, since that was and is still a taboo and shunned upon. I went to boarding school; all the boys lived in one huge dormitory, meaning there were bound to be some homoerotic play. Surprisingly enough, this is considered a normal transition into adulthood in my country as "teenage boys will be teenage boys" is the usual reaction when these stories floated around in living rooms conversations.
I knew that I was attracted to boys at an early age. I never accepted and thought it was something that just going to pass. I thought it was more envy than attraction, since I always admired the dudes that were athletic and physical fit while my lazy fat ass was out there nerding it out 24/7/.
I went private catholic elementary and secondary[high] schools(two different locations) and I met my high school best friend/crush there. We literally did everything together when we were young and ended up being selected to attend the same high school. We became closer and closer as the years went by; we were inseparable and to me his smile, demeanor, and physic was to die for.
I didn't know what the relationship meant and neither did he. but, we played along and nobody really questioned us. I had a "girlfriend", but I wasn't really into her like that lol, but we kicked it here and there.
Well, all good things come to end. I graduated high school, took a job as a cashier for this little hardware shop next our house until I got my visa to come live in the U.S. I haven't dude in 8 years but we talk very sporadically on Facebook. He has changed and it doesn't look like he has a girlfriend or fiancé or wife either. Maybe, this might be a good time to drop in and ask how his dumbass is doingkobeb
Now, the real juicy story comes in college. Let me know when that thread gets created lol
OMG….. I've actually been to college with this person and come across him afterwards…. SMALL @$$ WORLD
So what's your story?
I was in high school in the early to mid 90s.
I always knew there was something different. I knew when I was watching porn at the time I was always more into seeing the dudes' behinds and dongs, comparing their performance and stamina with my jerk off stamina.
Junior high school was when I noticed white boys matured faster than the black ones. Usually sprouting hairy legs and underarms before most of the black guys. So I knew something was ticking then but I wasn't quit sure what it was.
Were you Openly gay in high school?
No. I was defaulting to Straight as I really wasn't sure. Or maybe asexual? I wasn't trying to attract attention from either sex. Prior to that I was not even getting my hair cut on the regular. It was a rough time for me socially. Until I picked myself up out of that awkward funk, I started caring more about my appearance and was mid range popular. Some chicks took notice. Others didn't. I really stayed out of the loop with that.
I didn't associate or identity with the clearly flamboyant guys in my school. If being gay was what they were doing then the I wasn't gay.
Were you openly Bisexual?
No. See above.
Were you paranoid like me?
No. I was who I was. I guess being cynical and hating the way the social structure of my small town high school was, I was thinking that dating was pointless. I was gonna be in college and not looking back. I just relationships were pointless at that time. The irony of that is, that I missed out on that social interaction and by the time I landed in college, trying to get to know guys but not knowing what I should be doing (and not be doing) kinda was trial by fire. I have to agree with the advice from Orange is the New Black. I should have found some ugly chick with low self esteem to practice on in high school. lol Anyway… all of chicks who I found attractive were googly eyes for basketball and football players. I am inclined to think that that small circle of jocks and cheerleaders were all screwing as I think back.
Honestly it was just something I didn't think about. I didn't go to prom junior year. Senior year I forced myself to go. Again hating the social caste system…. I went stag.
Did you have gay sex at all as a high school student?
No sex in high school for me but college….. I'm not a Gold Star Gay. lol
I had some guy crushes though in high school though. Phew… I have a few I can name.
But the summer after high school I was in a program before starting college. A good selection of those jocks were also in it and the college dorm they put us in had communal showers. I would always try to shower alone fearing I'd pop a woody if I were in there with anyone else.
As luck would have it one day I'm in there and one of my classmates comes in and it didn't take 30 seconds before I could feel things rising up. I quickly left the shower avoiding what I was sure to be a disastrous and embarrassing encounter.
I remember suspecting at least one of the other guys who was in the program was gay. He seemed overly concerned that I had a tissue package that wasn't open suggesting that there was something wrong with me because I clearly wasn't pooping. o_O and one of the RAs who was supervising us I'm sure was gay looking back.
In college I eventually got used to seeing nude dudes in the communal showers. Not an issue for me anymore but I'm also not running to be in communal nude spaces either now.
Kids these days have some good and bad. It would be very easy to find other young gay males today, gays are more accepted, people can see that gay doesn't necessarily weak, feminine, and girlish. However knowing how teens are I can definitely see that there would be more experimentation today and a lot of gay men end up getting caught up.
I know several stories of small town gays which go off to college in lather metro areas and lose focus and get to punkin and clubbing and drop out banished to working in retail and food service. Nothing wrong with making an honest living but don't make "living to be gay" your focus.
I was kinda the invisible wall. Looking back, I did have like four or five friends, but nothing more. Besides, half the people who I knew back in school, knew me because of my older sister, who was more popular with some of the people, and that's how they knew me ("Aren't you Jessica's brother?" SMH). But of course coming out was never a question! I could've never imagined myself coming out back then, especially when my mom saw that I was browsing through gay websites back in the mid 2000s, AND she's Christian. I hated my school life. I wasn't popular, nor I was smart. I was average. I made C's throughout the majority of my whole high school years, and some of my middle school years. I hated it. Being out of the closet with my extreme low self esteem would've not work at all, especially after watching two boys cry after being picked on for being gay anyways. Looking back, all I would've needed was confidence in myself. I think I would've been alright, but the way my life was/is set up…
LOL!! huge coincidence. I googled "sexy black men" and he was like top 50. He just looks like my high school crush
LOL that is crazy. But yeah that guy in the photo I actually have spoken with him and all that. He can REALLY dance.
I knew I like men in Middle School; 6th grade to be exact. My first crush was a tall, light-skinned, nice bodied guy who rode my school bus. As middle school went on, I had more and more crushes, daydreamed about other boys, and even had them in my dreams. I had gF's……many. But those crushes never died. I was the somewhat popular guy who girls liked, so I never had to worry about if ppl thought I was gay. Even in HS I was on the homecoming court twice and was asked to be girls' dates for the Cotillion and Jabberwock (Spell check?). I was the guy who suppressed his feelings by joking on the gay guys while secretly wishing I were that brave. Looking back, if I could change not being out, I would. But, you live and you learn.
I was the one who was Gay and there was no hiding t. At that time in my life I had to be the Loudest, have the brightest hair colors and have the baddest chicks in school as my besties…. I was the only one in my school of that nature, hell I was damn near the only one in the city of Boston of that caliber…. By day I was called a gay and Tormented and by night the boys would come over and we would do unspeakable things that we vowed to take to the grave… In my school I dealt with 3 Types of Boys: 1- The Wannabees, they wanted to be accepted by the real nukkas so they started trouble with me and we ended up fighting. They always got that ass whipped, but everyone wanted to be the first boy to whip my ass… (Hasn't happened.) 2- The Toys, my toys had girlftiends and claimed that they was cool with me cuz their girl was cool with me… HOWEVER, when she went to sleep, Babeeeeeeeeeeeeee…… The things I played withhhhhhh. Yes Gawddddddddddddddddd. Ooh, memories. 3- The Fronts, the fronts dogged me in the hallways and made me appear as less than human. They called me all types of names and chose to always ensure that they made my days hell. When day turned to night they all wanted their dicks sucked, balls licked and they wanted to f**k. We played around for YEARS and we ended when high school ended. I don't know what type of a zone I was in at that time but I was really dealing with a lot of acceptance issues and trying to figure out what it was to be gay and figure out how I was suppose to navigate as a black male. Thanks to high school, I refuse to date. I hate all men. I look at men as property and I have an extreme lack of emotion……… BooM
I knew I was gay since I was a little boy I would mess around with boys and girls while growing up, but by the time I got to high school I knew I was gay. I didn't say anything cause am naturally shy and don't speak or express my self much.
I was not openly gay in high school. Being gay was very taboo back then ('70's). I did not want to be labeled a sissy or queer. I had many friends, both male and female, but never had a special girlfriend. I was very popular in school and excelled academically. I participated in extracurricular activities, such as marching band, student government, elected class president, and voted "best personality" for my senior class. I did all the things to make sure my college applications looked great and to fit in with everyone. However, I did have a crush on one guy in high school. I felt I was in love, but never expressed my true feelings to him. He was a year older and we both had a different set of friends, so we never got a chance to "hang out". We would only share secret glances when we passed each other in the hallways or other parts of campus. This lasted for two years. Neither one of us wanted to let our friends know that we liked each other. We did have one class together where I had a chance to sit near him. But we never had a chance to actually be alone where we could have talked about our feelings. Needless to say, there was no sex. However, I would have jumped at the opportunity if I had the courage. When he graduated, I felt my only true love in high school had departed. We never connected after high school. I never knew what could have been. So I guess by default I pretended to be straight, a part of the status quo.
No I was pretending to be Asexual. I didn't do anything with anyone. Whenever a girl would show interest I would just shy away. Whenever a dude showed interest I would…oh wait…that never happened lol
As someone who's only been out of high school only a year ago, I always had an attraction towards guys, but never really identified with any sexual orientation in high school. Just recently I'm now comfortable with acknowledging that I am a black gay man. Unlike most closeted gay males in high school, I never took a chance in dating girls because I didn't see the point in trying to fake it. In high school, I never dated because 1. I didn't find females sexually attractive and 2. Nobody in my high school came out as gay without repercussions. The only gay person that I knew of in my school was a black guy who wore makeup and beads in his hair. What really got to me was that while many of the students ( I went to a predominately black school who were even suspected to be gay got teased… most of the athletic guys or jocks horse played in a gay manner and nobody said anything. There was a guy who I had a crush on in school who made it an effort every class period to feel me up under the desk and flirt with me. But when the day ended he returned to his jockish ways and handled the girls. So in a way I was quiet about my sexuality because I didn't know if my feelings back then were real or if I was just getting played.
From South Africa here. I went to an all boys high school in Johannesburg in the mid 2000s. The senior English teacher was gay and married to his partner. So being openly gay was not anything new or much of an issue. There were a few of us (openly gay/bi boys) in every grade, some of us got along some hated each other. The difficulty was being put in a box. Once you came out, you had to convince others that your interest in contact sport was genuine. Yes there was constant name calling but the school was a meritocracy. So it became pointless calling the openly gay top achieving students "gays" or "fudge packers "… Looking back I think it was easier to be out in an English speaking Boys school in South Africa. The culture is liberal and emphasis is on individual development rather than assimilation. Sex. Boy there was a lot of sex. The DL, fems, curious boys all got sex in and outside school. Being openly gay meant you'll be cornered and have your numbers asked for or made to answer stupid questions about gay sex. Flashing was a thing back then so it wasn't so hard to flirt with a straight guy. Or suck off a closeted senior. Yes, gays/sgl boys were definitely a minority and the majority were definitely straight but it definitely was common to hear classroom discussions about "if there were no women… I would only allow another guy to suck me off etc". I have to mention that I was lucky in that the mid 2000s were a special time for LGBT in South Africa. For the first time gay marriage was legalised and gay kisses were all over prime time television. So classroom conversations were often following these developments and perhaps that's what made it easy for me to come out so early in my teens. There was no culture of repressiveness. The big issue came up with us black students having to come out to our black families (who mostly hold traditional African values i. e reproduction is good for the family etc). Few of us did and those who did, found it easier to do so in urban areas than in rural places. Paranoia was/is always there. There will always be that straight guy who will give off confusing signals and the fear of rejection. I was rejected ALOT in high school, I tend to be attracted to guys who manly in their habits and boyish in their looks. So it hurt to be rejected but by the time I got to varsity it made me confident.
I pretended to be straight at high school even though a couple of ppl had a gut feeling that I was gay.
for me i thought i was bisexual so i said i was bicurious however by the time my senior year rolled around i knew i was fully gay. however i found this very disturbing that everyone from my class to the seniors during my freshmen year were so concerned about my sexuality in hindsight i found out that my high school was and still is the home of down low motherfuckers as far as the men, the girls that were gay/bisexual no one cared but all these motherfuckers were so thirsty to know who i was with like WTF. anyway my friends knew and I told them and they didn't care and we are still good friends till this day. i wasn't so much paranoid around them it was just my parents that's all. and till this day i have not had sex with another man and there are many reasons why (another story for another time)
The one thing I find interesting about my high school was that everyone new all the girls who were lesbian. Even at the other high schools near by. And the funny thing is, no one would mess them about or even think of giving them abuse. They would simply knock you out if you tried lol. Glad to say that years later (many years) when I still see these women now, they always stop and we have a chat.
When I was in high school, I didn't have romantic or sexual attractions to dudes. I was always able to say that dudes were handsome, but never had any other desires outside of that. I didn't realize my attraction to dudes until about 5 years ago.
In HS i never messed with a guy. I was always curious really young but the whole religious thing scared me. In college was when I first started messing around with guys. I was on BlackPlanet and Migente.com. Come up with a creative name and stay in the chat room and you will get someone. My impressions of gay bi guys were all flames to be honest. When I started meeting guys like myself I was taken back and surprised. I would do my late night runs and I compared it to being like a vampire. DO the deed at night and bounce before sunlight. It turns out people I went to school with are the same way as well so I found out.
So what's your story?
I was always more attracted to other males inside but I played along with what society and my surroundings deemed acceptable.
Were you Openly gay in high school?
Not at all. I was quite popular with the horny rebelling Italian and Albanian girls. I looked old enough to be a senior when I was a sophomore with my wrap around beard and baby mustache.
Were you openly Bisexual?
Closeted bi-sex in cruising areas but when I had a girlfriend, I was faithful to just her.
Were you paranoid like me?
Extremely paranoid. The 80's in Da Bronx were a funny time. Homosexuality was rampant but still taboo.
Did you have gay sex at all as a high school student?
Not with other high school students. The cruising spots were always adults, older dudes.
I've been sexually active since I was around
9 or 10. Curiosity has always been one of my worst traits.
Let us know your journey through adolescence..
It was a fun but dangerous time. Anal sex at that point in my life wasn't a pleasing option on either end (pun intended) I did try pretty much everything multiple x's to know honestly whether I liked it not.
Outdoor sexing was for a long time during my formative years the only option but it was always fun.
I was able to say to myself that I tried different dudes and girls and knew that as fun as they were, I liked sex better with a connection and I wanted to connect that way with a dude permanently.
It was kind of weird for me….now, I knew I wasn't straight because I was attracted to dudes but at the same time, I didn't like or have any romantic feelings/lust for boys. Truthfully yeh, during high school, I found myself being attracted more to girls and getting butterflies when interacting with them. And when it came to boners, it was mostly for girls….Like Nick, titties were my weakness, I loved me some boobs. And going to high school in the souf, the girls down here were thick from the cornbread and the cabbage. When it came to guys, it never passed more than "he's f*cking hot" or "he's got a really nice a** (till this day, a dude's butt is my ultimate weakness!).
So in that sense, I never ventured out or explored anything with dudes (or girls for that matter)….not a kiss, not holding hands, not even copping a feel. I just didn't care nor had the need for exploration, I mostly was like "f*ck that."
In university is where I started having strong romantic feelings/lust for guys. But even then, I still didn't have the feeling or urge to explore it, I still had that "f*ck that" attitude. And it wasn't because I was ashamed or I was scared to try things with a guy, I truly did not have the desire to. Don't get me wrong, I kissed guys and did homoerotic things with other dudes, but mostly all cases were because of college and frat parties.
I didn't start dating till months after I graduated and got my degrees, which was like a year and a half ago….But, I do regret having that "f*ck it" attitude and regret not having the desire or interest to explore in general with guys….I think it would have made dating now a lot easier for me.
….Aww, Nick, this kind of made me sad.
….Aww, Nick, this kind of made me sad. 🙁
Now that I think about it…. I got more action in HS than in adult life. what the fucks good? dafuq3
Pretending still to this date
In high school I was out since I came out in eigth grade. And looking back on it I kind of wish I would have waited. Because when people started finding out, everyday of high school felt like a day of mortal kombat for me until junior year came around. Because I was always having to defend myself. And once I even had people follow me
Home from school. Planning to jump me. And as a 14 year old that sh** is scary dude. And it made me think to myself "what have I done"? Lmao I never announced I was gay, but of course in high school close friends have the biggest mouths. My first encounter with a guy was when I was 12. So while I wished things could've been different it has allowed me now after 10 years to be comfortable with my sexuality whereas most 22 years old are now attempting to try to become comfortable with it. Now coming out younger is easy. But at the time I wished I would've had say a helping hand or a mentor, or someone who I felt could look out for me, but I had none of that.
I had my brother and he would stand up for me but that was it. He didn't understand what challenges I faced. Not to mention I was trapped in a house with parents with old school Haitian thinking that didn't embrace homosexuality, so things were tough and I felt like it was me against the world. Because at that time gay people on time were just tokens on tv, such as the "cartoonish gay best friend" and that was really it. So it made
Me question a lot. And some
Of the people who put me down as being gay in high school I came to learn years after graduating were gay. Which while it makes sense…, I still feel that why do that? Like even though you couldn't intervene why jump in to those kind of things. That timeframe was good and bad, I would say. Lol but it's made me
A stronger man, and I never hold ill feelings or build up any resentment because at the time
I was a kid and so were they, so they didn't know any better. And I'm sure for some
Of those who identify as gay are hopefully choosing to do better
I first became fully aware of my SGL feelings in high school. I wasnt out because I guess you have to perform a certain kind of identity in order to fit in. I was a popular kid, played most every sport, held most offices, Homecoming King and was always playing some instrument or another so the lens was often on me! I never felt I could be myself because I represented more than me which I believe is why once I got to college I eventually came out as bisexual in a big way. I had a girlfriend and boyfriend off and on in High School but the "boyfriend" at that time wasnt necessarily understood to be that to me but from conversations when we were both adults I can see how that was definitely my first experience with same sex intimacy although I would not consider it my first relationship. I didnt have my first serious and out relationship with a man until I was 20.
Nice to see another dude who came out super early like me. Sorry to hear about the issues you faced though. But you're right, it DEFINITELY puts you in a better position in terms of accepting your sexuality by your 20s. Sometimes I forget how difficult it can be for other dudes my age because I've been out for so long and pretty much have gotten over everything. I hope that younger dudes coming up now are able to adjust even better than we did.
What age did you come out? And yeah it does, I feel it puts us ahead of the game, because all of the ugly stuff we don't have to deal with as much anymore. But sometimes I ponder upon the question, would I have been more better equipped coming out at my age now than back then? And yeah sometimes I forget too, how it is for people our age. I'm just surprised though more people within our age ranges arent as out.
I started when I was 13. I feel you though. Better "equipped?" Maybe. But like I said, I do think it overall puts folks in a better position if they come out earlier rather than later. I know a lot of dudes who say they wish they would have come out sooner.
I was in the closet in High school and 30 years later I'm still in the closet
I wasn't openly gay I wasn't in the closet and I wasn't play straight, I was me. I was cool with the majority of the people I went to school with, your typical non-threatening all around nice guy. Being cool with females in all different types of clicks I was alway hooking my males friends up with female friends of mine. I knew I was gay and had a few guys I messed around with but at that time people didn't asked me if I was or wasn't. Some may have assumed I was because I never had a quote unquote girlfriend but I guess because I wasn't effeminate I was left alone. Mind you this was in the eighties, we did have Gus in my high school that were gay but nobody f**ked with them in a negative manner, they were cool with everybody. I was once asked why I never came out in high school and response was I didn't see a need for me to do so, notion I ever did was done in the dark, the guys I went out and hooked up with were all masculine your typical jock, popular BMOC types that at the time would say it was just messing around and we kept it between us.
It pains me to think of High School, I would change so many things If I could do it all over again. I graduated High School in 2004. I grew up in a rural, predominantly African American town in Maryland; a town where I had only seen a few gay people. Coming out was not an option. There were a few guys in high school who were undoubtedly gay; even these guys had "girlfriends." I knew I was gay in the 6th grade, the time I got a boner at the urinal, when my crush took a piss beside me. Ever since, I decided to use the stalls. However, I was definitely in the closet in High School. I had the occasional girlfriend, our relationship would end abruptly after I failed to visit after school. I had straight friends that I lied to about who I had sex with. I was so stupid. I had the opportunity though. There was this blue eyed, white guy who I'm pretty sure rubbed his leg on mine in art class, offer to take me home from school. I denied. The closest I came to having sex with a dude was…. I'll make this short. There was a girl in our neighborhood who was very generous with her services. She regularly gave head to me and all of my friends. One summer, I think I went and got head daily, just to watch her suck off other guys. lol. We practically had our d**** stacked over one another. Had it not been for that, I would've chucked the deuces. Anyway. I was very much closeted until I went away for college.
I went to an all-male, Catholic high school in NYC in the early 60s, had my first inklings there that I was attracted to boys, but never acted on it. Had a tight circle of friends, about 1/3 of them later came out. Our common interests involved Manhattan movies on the weekends, occasional Broadway shows, museums – you can see the stereotype forming. But I was never sexually attracted to any of the boys in the group. So, it was all pretty closeted. I don't recall any conversations about sexuality but they must have happened. I did have a serious crush on one guy. Nothing really special, not an athlete, not an above average student/achiever, good looks but not model type. Could I explain it to myself? No. I just could not take my eyes off him when I was around him.
About 15 years later, I moved back to NYC for a while, was at a party with friends. I did not know the person whose apartment we were partying in and I did not know most of the men there. I heard a voice I thought I recognized, I looked for the speaker and when I saw who it was I thought he was familiar but could not place him. A friend told me his name and then I remembered. I introduced myself (again) to my now grown boy crush. He remembered me. We talked for the rest of the evening. He was/is straight but he was still a turn on. I told him about my crush (after all it was pretty much a gay crowd at the party). He was surprised, asked why I never said anything. It struck me as odd – really in 1965 in a high school hit on someone – not likely, as least not for me. In high school I was still trying to figure it out.
Like all good parties and food, it's really best to enjoy them the day after and the next day my friends were curious why I spent so much time talking to him. When I told them the reason, one friend who knew the guy a little, said that I may have been the first to have an unrequited crush on him, but a very long line followed me.
It took college, weekends in Boston and back in NYC to figure it out and act on it, but even then it was still undercover. It took a while longer to blow the doors off the closet.
Well, as usual, I'm the outlier in the statistical population. My life is a lot like Kevin Kline in "In and Out." While a lot of bruhs here were open or discreet at that age, or at least knew and repressed, I had no damn idea that it was in me. In high school, I thought my destiny was to get married, have kids, wear a cardigan sweater and dispense wisdom like Mike Brady (considering his real life, the irony is delicious). I'm very cisgender masculine in daily life, and church women still hit on me (which is hilarious as I'm both gay and at least knew I was ATHEIST since high school). I knew I appreciated the male form when younger, particularly the black male form, but I thought it was just an art class thing, as I appreciated drawing fine female bodies, too. Years later, it starts unwinding slowly and I realized how so much shid from teenage years onward was a repression of that side of myself (it all came out in therapy). So, I envy a lot of you all, as you were at least cognitively aware what was going on. My conscious mind was repressing subconscious desires BIG TIME, like my superego was some closeted Republican hypocrite oppressing the id and ego. After you realize what's going on consciously, it's strange to see how things were going on around you and you didn't have a damn clue; e.g. Professors and grad students that were intimating things and making moves on me, particularly as a freshman and sophomore, and me clueless as hell!
In retrospect, unlike Nick, my dik might have regrets as to not being aware about my orientation when younger, but my soul don't. A lot of those same people I knew in college later died of AIDS and I went to college right before AZT came on the scene. Knowing me, I would have belly flopped in tha life and probably be dead myself. So, coming into your true self later ain't so bad. If you got to be the colonial era farm peasant that gets the pox, better to be exposed AFTER Pasteur shows up than before!
There wasn't anything but thoughts of f****g dudes and chicks at the same time in my head in high school. I was a preachers kid. So if it didn't happen at church, it wasn't happening!
I was openly straight in high school but it is when I started to experiment with another player on the basketball tea but it was on and off because I wasn't ready to accept doing gay stuff. I had some females throughout high school and one serious relationship. I wish I was openly gay though just to see how different it would have been.
Late to the party, as usual.
Openly gay? Not in my school. But I was suspect.
I wasn't confused about what I liked in high school: masculine guys, girls for company and big tits.
I was a nerd so girlfriends weren't on the menu even if I wanted them. I wasn't part of the "in" crowd so the jocks never got the opportunity to grill me about my masculinity (or lack thereof). Maybe alot of my classmates suspected me but they weren't going to get me to confirm it.
I had a HUGE crush on one of the jocks. He taught me the art of watching without staring. Came in very handy in college. Lol
Just finished reading your story Nick and it is AMAZING how similar a lot of our stories are.
I pretty much knew that I was attracted to the same sex since nursery school. Lol! That's young right!? By time middle school hit and all the other guys started going through puberty and having a strong attraction for girls, I realized that I still didn't share that same attraction. That's when I thought,
"okay, something must be wrong with me."
I use to justify why I wasn't attracted to girls by thinking that I could just be a late bloomer and once high school hits, I would develop nicely and just be a complete ladies man…and into sports…
yeah, that didn't happen… lol.
Damn…
So in high school I was just confused as hell. Growing up, my hobby was drawing so I decided to attend a high school for the arts. This made my process a little easier because I was surrounded by SO many different types of people. People who came off as being comfortable in their own skin.
During 9th and 10th grade, I was completely closeted. I tried to act like I had crushes on girls just because they were pretty. You know how that goes, the pretty girls are always the easier targets because "in my mind" they would make me look more "hetero" if I liked them or could even get with one. I dressed in extra baggy clothes and all that bs, just to through people off. Baggy clothes were in style back then though lol.
In 11th grade I discovered chat groups on the internet. This started getting me more comfortable with the idea of being "gay" because I chatted with a lot of different type of guys. One reason I always struggled with the idea of being gay is because I never saw other "gay guys" who I was attracted to. My thought was,
My future isn't looking too bright for this whole gay thing, smh…
I use to chat with my best friend from school and Yahoo Messenger a lot. Good ol' Yahoo Messenger. That is the moment I had the courage to finally "come out" to someone. Her response was PRICELESS. She was completely unbothered, lol, which made me feel a lot better about myself.
12th grade was when I was basically out to a lot of people.
Wow, I can't even imagine how life would be growing up gay in Jamaica. I've heard stories. Btw, which movie or show is that GIF from? lol
you get use to how to navigate the environment, but every now and again you hear of a scenario. as for the movie , just a random gif i found somewhere
Yeah bruh. Same here I must've been twelve or so. Got sexualized early on and kept it moving throughout middle and high school. Then got really quiet and booed up in college.
Bruh, I definitely connect with much of ya story.
I was sexualized at a very early childhood age. I played house with a lil neighborhood girl all the time.
My middle school buddy formally introduced me to much more. Actually, I was fucking everybody in middle school. Dudes and chicks.
I created a Lil special group of dudes in high school and kept em in rotation, while also focusing on knocking down lots of the popular cats, athletes, and sexy niggas that seemed otherwise unattainable.
Thinking back on it, I wasn't openly anything. I was just getting it in-school bathrooms, gym locker rooms, stadium bleachers, cars in parking lots, auditorium and cafeteria.
Damn the shit sounds pretty sad when I put it out like this.
I was openly gay, subconsciously. I dind't have a choice. If I wanted to straight act and fit in more, not get bullied as much, and just let it not be an issue, I would have.
In H.S. during the 90's I was in the closest. I knew I liked dudes but I would say to myself that I was bi. I never did anything with a guy until the summer after H.S. I dated two girls for a short time in H.S., I probably could have dated/messed around with a few other girls, but didn't. I did have some crushes on few guys in H.S. but did nothing. I didn't know of any other dudes who where gay in H.S.
Running Track was a blessing and a curse in H.S. It kept me busy after school, but some of my teammates and some from other schools where fine as fuck. Especially when we would compete in Boston. A lot of eye candy during the Boston meets with dudes from all over the state.
And with our track uniforms like this…
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There were a few wardrobe malfunctions. This one hurdler on my team, it seemed like his peen would pop out a lot of times.
I had a huge crush on one of my track teammates. I thought he was the most beautiful. He's black about 5'9" or 10. He had a very funny personality. He would always be making jokes and stuff. He played football in the fall and track the other seasons. He also lifted weights because he said it made him more popular with the girls. He had a very nice body. A lot of muscle for a high school kid. We would hang out sometimes. Since we both were on the track team, I would occasionally get a few glimpses of him naked in the locker room. I think he might have suspected of me. I think he caught me a few times checking him out, which he didn't seem to mind and never said anything to me. Another teammate did notice that I liked this dude and mentioned something, but more like joking around. I ran into him a few years ago and he still looks good.
Also, Looking back, I wonder about this one dude. During freshman year. He might have liked me a little to much. He would always give me compliments and he seemed to stand a little too close to me. But I will never know. He moved after freshman year to live with his Dad.