Sex with an Ex
“Some say the ex, make the sex, spec-tacular, make me lick you from yo’ neck to yo’ back, then ya, shiverin’, tongue deliverin’, chills up that spine, that ass is mine, skip the wine and the candlelight, no Cristal tonight,if it’s alright with you,we fuckin’…” Fuckin’ You Tonight by The Notorious B.I.G.
There are levels to this thing for sure. You have to examine the relationship/situationship in of itself; you have the feelings involved, and the temptation factor. Being on my grown man shyt, I am not about that life of sticking every willing hole. Sex, for the thirtysomething me, is about the connection (physical & mental) for it heightens everything to a new level of orgasm. Not to sound too hippy-dippy, I believe when you commune and share your body with your partner you do offer some of your own energy. The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Energy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another. That’s why my self-imposed celibacy is intact for most aren’t worth my time and mos def don’t deserve my energy…facts.
In my limited dating experience, there are only two exes that I would do the Hulk Smash.
Mike was a bit conceited though he had a reason. Physically, he could easily compete semiprofessionally as a body builder, handsome, and masculine. Often times when we went out together he would get equal attention from both sexes. We used to make it a competitive game. I remember once while at Lenox Mall, the male sales associate flirted heavily in front of me. I don’t get jealous yo. I get even, just kidding. I stepped away and the guy gave him a discount and slipped him his phone number on a piece of blank receipt tape. As we were walking out the store, Mike handed me the slip of paper while telling me what happened when my back was turned. He threw his arm around my shoulders with proud reassurance that it could only be Me. I crumbled up that slip of disrespect into a tiny wad and popped it in the trash bin as we exited the mall. This is what I would call the “Back 4 2nds” fuck. We are reminded when we were at our best and that best was mostly in bed together. While our relationship ended as a clean break with mutual respect for one another it was awkwardly done stemming from a provoked fight. Months later we had a reunion of sorts after I received a dinner invitation out of the blue. After dinner, I followed him home from the restaurant and got dessert at his place. Sex with Mike will always be in my top 3. The Scorpio-Sagittarius sex connection is galaxies beyond. Just the energy, passion, and the whole physicalnessness. I think about it most on Wednesdays. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.
The second type is what I call the “Goodbye Fuck.” Whether or not the ending was amicable the only way to get your ex out of your system is to fuck one last time. When I think about a missed opportunity for the GBF I think about Kelley. Kelley and I had quite a connection. I learned a lot about myself while we were together and we had the most fun. Being this vulnerable, I discovered a weakness though my strengths were soon realized. I think about him most on his birthday for I hadn’t seen him in a decade. When I think of him it is fondly with kindness and respect for this is all I have to give. [And] yes, he’s another Scorpio.
What happens between two consenting adults is their business whether it’s private or personal, right? What if the ex is partnered? Is a hall pass on the table? Is there a difference between physical cheating and emotional cheating?
There’s a website that caters to couples (married or unmarried but partnered) with the intention to have an affair. According to one of their surveys…
- 6% of its members have considered a fling with an ex.
- 8% have slept with their ex.
- 4% have confessed to hooking up with an old boyfriend or girlfriend or date.
- 1% have found and hooked up with a former lover on Facebook.
This reinforces my belief that Facebook ruins lives and destroy relationships for a sake of a like.
Whatever your thoughts are on this topic it is about setting clear expectations. Expectations from the sex and in knowing how you both are feeling about one another and about the breakup. Most importantly, a clear understanding that this will be a one time thing. Sex with your ex could give you the closure you need. Only you can decide.
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Hooking up with my last ex would not be a good thing! Things had become violent and physical and I can't go back to that, but I do miss the wild, hot, passionate sex we had.