NICK’S ADVENTURES IN DATING #1: Black Gays in Atlanta Be Like…

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Jan 11 2016 | 29 Comments  

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It’s finally 2016, the year that the United States of America gets a new President and Nick Delmacy gets a new Man. So I’ve decided to (somewhat) document my journey here on the site in a new series called, “Nick’s Adventures in Dating.”

I won’t go heavily into detail about the men or dates that I’ll go on throughout the year, but I will give enough broad strokes for you to get a sense of my progress or lack thereof.


Those of you who follow politics know how members of the GOP always say that President Obama’s low unemployment rate (currently resting at 5%) is full of shit because so many people have just stopped looking for work out of frustration that they’re not being counted in that low percentage.

That was me in 2015.

I purposely took myself off the market for various reason:

1: The Black Gay Dating Cycle is Typically Short & Stereotypical

Dating in Atlanta be like:

2: Many of the Gay Men In Atlanta Are Not My Type

I’m a simple man who likes simple things.

I don’t need my dude being a gaylebrity, a gay personal trainer, a gay web series actor, a gay socialite, a gay fashion label whore, gay Instagram famous, a popular gay bartender at gay bars or a well-known gay party/club promoter.

These are the types of everyday black men I’d ideally like to meet and date:

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Here are the type that are usually available to me in Atlanta:

Gay-Fem-2014-Bold-Sugar

 3: Meeting Guys is Boring and Repetitive

The process of meeting new guys can be really dull, repetitive and full of the same boring script:

“Sup? How you doing? Where you from? How long you been here? You like it here? What kind of work do you do? What do you do for fun? What gym do you go to? What are you looking for? Just friends or more? When was your last relationship? How do you get down?”

I know all of those questions are needed when initially getting to know someone, but if you’re texting, chatting and/or talking to multiple men in an attempt to whittle your way down to one, it gets old very quickly.

Some members of the Cypher Avenue Squad may think I’m cynical and jaded on dating and relationships. This is far from the case. I just keep it real.

Black gay men seem to want honesty from me when it comes to reviewing web series and LGBT musicians, but conversely they prefer for me to regurgitate the same positive-only fantasy about gay love, dating and relationships. Lying to them gives them hope, I guess.

But you know what, all areas of life aren’t fair. You want the world to be one way, but it’s the other way…

Being gay is gonna suck at times…Dating is gonna suck at times…Being black and gay and dating in a gay lifestyle that you don’t relate with is REALLY gonna suck at times. But this is the world and reality we live in.

Although I had to take a break from the gay madness, I know that I still want and need to play the game from time to time.

As many of you heard in our podcasts, I temporarily jumped back into the dating scene last year by joining non-gay-hookup sites and apps like OKCupid and Tinder. The results ended up with me being either shunned by black men for white men and/or being dragged along by gay men just looking for hookup sex or a texting buddy to “pass the time.”

This experience didn’t turn me off from dating altogether, it just let me know that digital gay dating may not be for me.

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So in 2016 I will be going back to meeting dudes the way that worked well in the past: Live and in person.

No more hookup apps. No dating sites. No digital nothing.

Where will I be meeting these men if not the Internet and smartphone apps?

Fortunately for me, gay men exist everywhere. In grocery stores, at gas stations, in malls, in everyday life. I have friends who know other gay men. Gay men go to “straight” events, parties and functions. We’re everywhere. Especially if you open yourself up to non-black men (White, Latino, Asian-American, Middle-Eastern, etc), which I’m definitely doing in this go around.

Although this direct method opens me up to more in-my-face rejection, luckily I live in Atlanta where attractive gay men are like buses, miss one next 15 one comin’.

Having said that, excuse me, I see a handsome guy in the cereal aisle of this grocery store who’s just my type….

See you guys in the next update!


Feel free to ask any questions or share your own dating experiences in the comments section!

 

About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

   
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29 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. scooter
    scooter | January 11th, 2016
    0

    Yo Nick I really hope you find a boo the dating scene is tough and I'm dealing with the same issue, but I'm praying for you my bro. keep you head up in ATL.

  2. Omega Level
    Omega Level | January 11th, 2016
    0

    Nick, didn't you just write a whole damn article about "Why do you even WANT a relationship". Now you got a dating "docu-series"? ( STRONG ASS SIDE EYE) Im just kidding man, do you. Wish you all the best. Going back to my quote in said article; Omega LevelFor instance, its SOOOOOOOO obvious Nick wants a relationship. :iverson:LMAOOOOO…You know I gotta get ya Boi

  3. madmoral | January 11th, 2016
    0

    i'm so effing glad I'm out of the dating pool. It's…a lot of work. I'm never going back….you hear that bae…we're dying together :sucka:

  4. SB3
    SB3 | January 11th, 2016
    0

    I just found out today that he's a virgo, nick will be fine

  5. Omega Level
    Omega Level | January 11th, 2016
    0

    But oh yeah, you did also say in said article; Nick DelmacyLOL I think the only thing that's obvious is that I like dating, not necessarily that I want a relationship.So fellas in ATL, know that if you date Nick, don't expect anything from the sh*t. He "likes" dating. So enjoy your dating him for however long so he can wipe that out and get onto the next dude he dating. Remember how he feels about relationships. So yeah, don't try that ''ish" with him. :iverson: BTW bro, in bullet point number 2, why do you state Nick DelmacyThese are the types of everyday black men I’d ideally like to meet and dateand have a picture of those dude but, kinda dissing the "fem thot ghetto" looking dudes. Yes, i know its said in jest and the fem dudes wouldn't be my type either. But the attractive, beard having, fedora wearing men can easily be Nick Delmacya gaylebrity, a gay personal trainer, a gay web series actor, a gay fashion label whore, a gay socialite, gay Instagram famous, a popular gay bartender at gay bars or a well-known gay party/club promoter.And those dudes in the first pic you say are "everyday black men" definitely look like the gay socialite, instagram, fashion label dudes. Im just saying bro…. With Love :youngsabu:

  6. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | January 11th, 2016
    0
  7. SB3
    SB3 | January 11th, 2016
    0

    Told u not to take the bait n just sit back w ur popcorn n 125 oz fountain soda…

  8. Omega Level
    Omega Level | January 11th, 2016
    0
    SB3
    Told u not to take the bait n just sit back w ur popcorn n 125 oz fountain soda…​

    Yea, you did warn me about that. Dammit!!! Let me gone sat down somewhere.

    I didn't even mention how he also said,

    Nick Delmacy
    Here are the type that are usually available to me in Atlanta:​

    than later close the article saying

    Nick Delmacy
    luckily I live in Atlanta where attractive gay men are like buses, miss one next 15 one comin’.
    Nick Delmacy
    Having said that, excuse me, I see a handsome guy in the cereal aisle of this grocery store who’s just my type….​

    Nicca which one is it? They in ATL or Not, Im confused!!!! I know I know… Going to sit down now…..cpnoway

  9. DreG
    DreG | January 11th, 2016
    0

    SB3Told u not to take the bait n just sit back w ur popcorn n 125 oz fountain soda…

  10. SB3
    SB3 | January 11th, 2016
    0

    DreG

    This is clearly my next avatar. This young sir and/or mam is a perfect candidate for the title. You never disappoint @DreG

  11. DreG
    DreG | January 11th, 2016
    0

    SB3This young sir and/or mam

    :deadmanny:

  12. Jaa
    Jaa | January 11th, 2016
    0

    I'm a little confused by the inclusion of the Banana clip under 1: The Black Gay Dating Cycle is Typically Short & Stereotypical. The dark-skinned guy catches the eye of the light-skinned guy and has this wild daydream about their fun, passionate relationship ending with the other's untimely death, then comes back to his senses and goes on with his day (which involves showing his coworkers that he's wearing a c*ck cage, but that happens later in the episode). Unless the clip represents gay males typically entering relationships with the mindset that it will either be unreasonably happy or disturbingly tragic or turbulent. I hope most Atlanta relationships don't end with one half's early death.

  13. cypher21
    cypher21 | January 11th, 2016
    0

    That video was depressing…I hope all goes well for you, you seem to have a positive can do personality and spirit…have genuinely interesting ideas, point of view, and career so I'd say your chances are much higher than mine. I didn't know you were a Virgo too? No wonder I instantly took a liking to you. Good luck.

  14. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | January 11th, 2016
    0

    cypher21That video was depressing…

    For me it wasn't, its just life. I think a lot of us have an unrealistic "happily ever after" expectation for many parts of our lives. I like to live life one day at a time.

  15. Jaa
    Jaa | January 11th, 2016
    0

    cypher21That video was depressing…

    In context, I think the daydream is meant to show that the guy has an overactive imagination that sometimes triggers when seeing a cute guy. The rest of the episode shows that he tells tall tales about his relatively boring life and attempts to antagonize his family with salacious discussion of his sexuality when they're fairly accepting, as if he wants his life to be more eventful than it really is. I mean, he smiles once he gets off the bus, so he wasn't bothered or at least recognizes that the fantasy was all in his head and not representative of some tragic, expected reality.

  16. cypher21
    cypher21 | January 11th, 2016
    0
    Jaa

    In context, I think the daydream is meant to show that the guy has an overactive imagination that sometimes triggers when seeing a cute guy. The rest of the episode shows that he tells tall tales about his relatively boring life and attempts to antagonize his family with salacious discussion of his sexuality when they're fairly accepting, as if he wants his life to be more eventful than it really is. I mean, he smiles once he gets off the bus, so he wasn't bothered or at least recognizes that the fantasy was all in his head and not representative of some tragic, expected reality.

    Thank you for the context, that makes things clearer. I understand life doesn't play out like a fairy tale but without any other context to go on, the point of the video seemed rather dark, as if to suggest the mere thought of getting into a relationship is futile. My initial interpretation, that's all.

  17. alton
    alton | January 11th, 2016
    0

    Dude, I here cracking up at the "Guys available to me here in Atlanta" pic. Reminds me of a LOT of the civilian gay dudes in Fayetteville when I was down there. LOL!!!!

  18. Tuquan | January 11th, 2016
    0

    Nick I feel you. Woke up feeling the same way today then I saw this. I'm 30 and came into the dating arena kinda late in "gay" life…like mid 2015(29y.o.). So maybe I'm just going through the motions and feel some unreasonable sense of urgency because I hit 30. I went through my month or two of naivety, but I'm well versed on gay life and myself now thanks to experience, friends, and this site. I too am trying not traditionally gay apps, but majority of the guys are basically looking for hookups because that's how most gay men use them…though I have found a couple people that I'm JUST friends with through the app. If I wanted to hookup I definitely know what apps to use now, but I don't want just casual sex. It's hard out here to find a average/regular masculine guy with good qualities [and hygiene] who are looking to be monogamous. I've had about the same amount of success by organic and digital means. I've been running into the guys that are masculine around me…but not their friends–yaaassss, have HIV(NonD–so they say), want an open relationship, won't be sexually compatible in the future (top/bttm), or just "going with the flow"…which is code for I just want a fvck buddy. I'm already open to any race and I am not strict on height and body type. Most recently I shifted from the 20-somethings to 35+ thinking maybe it'll be different. The results are the same. Makes me want to be like these guys out here are sh–, but I know that I exist so others like me gotta be out there somewhere. Our paths just haven't crossed yet. Until then I'm DOLO I guess.

  19. Omega Level
    Omega Level | January 11th, 2016
    0

    In the end fellas, the whole dating thing is interesting to me because while yes we know its some crazy, overly flamboyant, want to be celebrities, weird, or whatever else dudes out there, there are also some that are a real good catch as well.

    Im a person that tries to typically always look within when something I am experiencing in life is less than ideal. I know thats some Iyanla sh*t. LOL.

    But, I just really do believe that what you "think about, you bring about". And that includes people.

    So if you ever find yourself going on one terrible date after another or getting involved with BS guys all the time, you know of course its not them with the problem. The energy that radiates from us comes back to us all the time in every way. Financially, Spiritually, Emotionally, and Romantically.

  20. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | January 11th, 2016
    0

    Comment Imported From Main SiteNick I feel you. Woke up feeling the same way today then I saw this. I'm 30 and came into the dating arena kinda late in "gay" life…like mid 2015(29y.o.). So maybe I'm just going through the motions and feel some unreasonable sense of urgency because I hit 30. I went through my month or two of naivety, but I'm well versed on gay life and myself now thanks to experience, friends, and this site. I too am trying not traditionally gay apps, but majority of the guys are basically looking for hookups because that's how most gay men use them…though I have found a couple people that I'm JUST friends with through the app. If I wanted to hookup I definitely know what apps to use now, but I don't want just casual sex. It's hard out here to find a average/regular masculine guy with good qualities [and hygiene] who are looking to be monogamous. I've had about the same amount of success by organic and digital means. I've been running into the guys that are masculine around me…but not their friends–yaaassss, have HIV(NonD–so they say), want an open relationship, won't be sexually compatible in the future (top/bttm), or just "going with the flow"…which is code for I just want a fvck buddy. I'm already open to any race and I am not strict on height and body type. Most recently I shifted from the 20-somethings to 35+ thinking maybe it'll be different. The results are the same. Makes me want to be like these guys out here are sh–, but I know that I exist so others like me gotta be out there somewhere. Our paths just haven't crossed yet. Until then I'm DOLO I guess.

    Well said. Thanks for sharing your experience, Tuquan.

    Yeah the game is not as black & white as most other guys make it out to be. Especially here in Atlanta.

    media

  21. alton
    alton | January 11th, 2016
    0

    DreG

    LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. African King
    African King | January 11th, 2016
    0

    I can't wait for part 2!

  23. hannibal
    hannibal | January 11th, 2016
    0

    I've been volunteering as tribute for years! When I'mma get my turn?

  24. JodyBell87
    JodyBell87 | January 11th, 2016
    0

    "If you really are a prince, I"ll marry you" 😉

  25. DreG
    DreG | January 11th, 2016
    0

    JodyBell87"If you really are a prince, I"ll marry you" 😉

    Go on honey! Take a chance!

  26. JodyBell87
    JodyBell87 | January 11th, 2016
    0

    Lmao! Somebody gets me 🙂

    DreGGo on honey! Take a chance!

  27. Dezmond | January 15th, 2016
    0

    So you're looking for a black lumbersexual? Ain't none of those Nikkas ever been out in the woods.

  28. OhSheit
    OhSheit | January 17th, 2016
    0

    U have my support. 🙂

  29. Jai | January 17th, 2016
    0

    I have an imagination like that sometimes… Bananas in all.

    Anyways, so I see ATL has a wide variety of men to select from. This was an interesting thread.

    The colorful picture of guys was funny.




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