Turns out the process of watching these shows was like shoving a hanger through my nose to pull out my brain. We’ve complained a lot about the state of black gay cinema, so I won’t go into bitching about the lack of action, thriller, fantasy, suspense science fiction or mystery stories in ANY of the web series.
Instead I’ll recap and critique each web series based on what they presented to the public. Their story, the camera work, the lighting, the audio, the acting and the directing will be analyzed.
Normal people don’t go to a restaurant, decide they don’t like the food and respond by taking out a bank loan to open their own restaurant to “do better.” Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch remember this, this is one man’s opinion. My momma never told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Because its bullshit.
Speaking of Mommas, let’s begin!
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RATING:
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The things I do for this website. The web series Momma’z Boi (yes with a Z for no reason) was a chore to make it through. Bad story, bad audio, bad lighting, bad camera work and bad bad acting to say the least. Okay, call me a hater. I’ll wait. Are we done? Aight, let’s recap some of the episodes shall we?The show opens with a nameless gay boy (he’s obviously gay) coming Out to his older sister (but he’s obviously gay, no need). Wait, that’s supposed to be his mother? Oh, okay…No…but I’ll go with that for the sake of argument. This is supposed to be a dramatic scene between three characters: A closeted homosexual, his sister-mother and a smoke detector. Yes, a low-battery smoke detector makes a riveting cameo all throughout this episode.
The Sister-Mother is upset that her Brother-Son is Gay. Don’t worry, SECONDS LATER she is completely fine with it and begs her Brother-Son for forgiveness. We keep dissolving between cuts (for no reason) until we meet the nameless gay guy’s overly pierced best friend (not sure if the piercings are ever explained, they really should be). They end up making out and have sex, then they pillow talk about other men they’ve wanted to be with sexually. Wait, is this how Gay pillow-talk is done? I’ve been doing it all wrong!
At her job, Sister-Mother has a Gay best friend co-worker (of course she does, this is Gay World!) who looks very familiar. He’s handsome but it’s not clicking where I know him from. DING DING DING! I’ve seen his Dong! He’s a gay porn actor (I can’t bring myself to say Porn Star as I’m not sure what qualifies a person for the title anymore). Wait why is he acting so flamboyant for this role? Oh, that’s how he normally is? But isn’t he kinda “different” in the porn? Okay never mind, moving on. The Sister-Mother works in an office that looks a lot like an apartment bedroom. And Sister-Mother is also maybe Gay?! (of course she is, this is Gay World!) The Gay Best Friend Co-Worker (there will be a lot more of those mentioned later in this list, trust me) pops back up a few more times but his penis keeps upstaging him (his cock is typecast!)
Wow, us Gay men must go through relationships like condoms (well the ones of us that actually use condoms anyway). Skimming though more episodes we hit a lot of gay checklists: Gay Domestic Violence, Hookups, More Porn actors (I think…hard to tell when they have clothes on) and masturbation scenes (won’t be the last one in this article – Yes, I’m talking to you Freefall).
This show confirmed what Ace Rockwood told us about himself and others: Porn Models should just be seen and not heard.
Look, I understand that they didn’t have the budget to do a lot of things the “right” way, and I understand that they are trying to add creative content to the limited depiction of gays in television/film…but come on. As Patrick-Ian Polk said, I think we should aspire for quality and excellence if we’re going to represent for our community. This series…is not that. Wait am I supposed to lower my expectations because this was made for the web? If so, this is the lowest my expectations can go. Oh wait, keep scrolling below…It gets worse.
I have finally stopped laughing at the wit, jokes and pictures. Thank you for lighting up my day.
More importantly the honest constructive criticism was the “meat” of this feedback sandwich.
Kudos to you for having the patience and stomach to watch these web series…I would have never done so nor do I plan on watching most of the black gay web series out there. These reviews and commentary are hilarious and ‘bulls eye’ on point.
I have a strange feeling we will continue to see the copycatting conceptual idea of many characters paths somehow intersecting that was made popular by the movie “Crash” with an M. Night Shyamalan twist.
To me this shit is somewhat mentally lazy and I am beyond tired of it.
****Thought****
You know how many young black males want to be famous athletes or rappers and enjoy the millions in riches and notoriety?
I feel like many gays want to be famous but don’t have the similar “millionaire famous” role models to look up to. They want to see their name in lights and they want this notoriety FAST.
So if they can’t sing or dance or don’t want to be in gay porn…they do the next best thing and that is to quickly write, star in and produce a gay web series that is shot with a home video camera.
I also think it is a part of our overall narcissistic society.
OMG you have me rollin’ with this…. Nick you are so outspoken! LOL. I guess with the ratings of at least one star, you guys are giving these guys some credit! 😛
I’m aware the hyper-masculine aura of this site is not to fond of uber gay lingo, but Nick.. its undeniable that you served pure shade in your post above. With that said, the majority of criticism was technically justifiable (while being a bit harsh). Yet, hopefully this list doesn’t discourage black LGBT filmmakers, but more so encourage them to do better. So in the spirit of “Each One, Teach One” here are some tips for current and future filmmakers.
BASIC VIDEO PRODUCTION GUIDE
THE CAMERA – Canon T3i Body ($518.99 on Amazon)
In this beyond accessible/affordable DSLR era, their is no excuse for serious filmmakers to be filming with their Grandma’s VHS Camcorder from 1993. Many of your favorite independent and (even pro-scale) filmmakers are filming brilliant video productions with DSLR cameras that you can afford even on a minimum wage budget.
THE LENS – Canon EF 50mm 1.8 Prime Lens ($110 on Amazon)
I’m going to try to keep this simple and sweet by just saying primes.. Primes… PRRRRIIIIIMMMMEEESSS. Assuming if you’re filming with a DSLR and you’re still recording video with a pre-packaged 18-55mm kit lens, you are surely failing at life (or at least decent videography). To say in short, prime lenses are key in capturing that juicy bokeh (blurred background/forground) look, while offering quality footage even in darker light settings. You can start off with the uber affordable standard 50mm prime (starting at around $100 a pop) and eventually invest into a decent wide angle and telephoto prime (I.E. the Sigma 30mm 1.4 or Canon EF 100mm F2).
THE AUDIO – Do NOT Record Audio With The Built-In Camera Mics
So, while Nick was destroying hopes, dreams and everything in the list above, dude highlighted the importance of quality AUDIO, while showcasing a key piece of Audio Gear (the Sony ZOOM H4N Audio Recorder). Now to further elaborate on what Nick noted earlier, I’m going to attempt to give you a quick breakdown of what you need (Audio Wise), so you can avoid having your video production with bathroom alley sound qualities.
Audio Recorders – Sony Zoom HN1 ($99 on Amazon)
Now an External Audio Recorder *ALONE* is normally not enough if you’re trying to film a quality video production. Even though it can be great for interviews and live performances, its not the best standalone option when trying to record a film/show, since you have to be relatively close to your talent while recording (which may not be appropriate for every shot). Even though you can sneak a External Audio Recorder into a shot *Discreetly* (I.E. placing it on a table, etc..), its best to use a External Audio Recorder + Shotgun Mic Combo (see below).
Shotgun Mic – Rode VideoMic ($149 on Amazon)
Most shotgun mics can be attached on top of your DSLR camera (aka HotShoe) and pointed towards your talent, in which the device can actually pick up a pretty damn decent audio feed (even from a distance). Paired up with a decent external *Audio Recorder* (maybe the Sony Zoom H1) and you got yourself a powerful Audio Recording Combo.
THE LIGHTS – Film Lights + Barndoor Kit ($149 on Amazon)
Now if you can’t afford a basic light kit, I advise you film in natural daylight outside only. Although, if you want to film those good old gay orgies, that folks seem to be so thirsty for, than please invest into a decent light kit (similar to the one listed above).
THE ACCESSORIES/GEAR (Some Items Are Optional)
– Tripod – Raveli 61inch Tripod ($18 on Amazon)
– Slider – Glide Gear Video Stabalizer ($100 on Amazon)
– Stabilizer – Opteka SteadyVid Pro ($150 on Amazon)
THE SOFTWARE – Adobe Creative Suite CS6 (POW)
I know I’m going to get a lot of slack for this, but FUCK FINAL CUT PRO. Adobe is running the entire Graphic/Media Production industry now and Final Cut can just fall back, But seriously, Final Cut Pro is still worth learning, since its still the standard for most video editors. But Adobe After Effects and Premiere have really stepped up their game in recent years, offering features that IMHO blow FCP away.
THE RESOURCES
BORROW LENSES
http://www.BorrowLenses.com
If you can’t afford certain equipment or just need a specific piece of camera gear for short period of time, BorrowLenses will seriously save your fucking day.
FILM RIOT
http://www.youtube.com/user/filmriot
Easily one of the most educating, but still incredibly entertaining tutorial series for amateur (and pro) filmmakers.
THE MOST IMPORTANT TOOLS OF ALL
– Creativity
– Determination
– Motivation
Being a aspiring filmmaker myself, I started with just a dream. I’m far from where I want to be as a visual artist, but I continue to move forward in making this dream a reality (peep some of my past work below).
FRANK OCEAN – Voodoo (Unofficial Video)
I was riding the waves of Mr. Ocean, far before he came out.
DISCREET: Labor Day Party (2012)
“Shade” or no “Shade”, the gay world needs more creative truth tellers.
As for your equipment advice to filmmakers, while its all looked very informed and thorough, none of that technical stuff was really that big of a deal to me as you saw in my critique of the web series. I mostly focused on story, acting and characters. That is they main problem they have. True, they could all use help getting shots in focus and/or making sure the audio sounds better, but I’d still enjoy a web series with technical problems WAY more if it at least was well written and featured believable acting.
As for discouraging future amateur filmmakers, I hope I did. There should be a filter in these people to make sure their work is quality BEFORE they go putting it out in the public. But as i stated in the article, most of these shows get a lot of web views and have lots of “fans” so what you and I say about what they need to do to improve means nothing to them since they are already (somewhat) successful.
Speaking of No Shade, there’s a new black gay series with that exact same title (from the folks who brought you the viral fuckery known as Goons VS Gays). It may be a bit to “fem” for the Discreet City crowd, but its actually has some decent qualities to it (as well as some common stereotypical flaws).
Now, even though I agree that a solid story, amplified with quality acting and character development is key in a proper film/series production. None of these creative factors substitute for the fundamental foundations of core filmmaking skills. You can have the greatest actor/script in the world, but without a decent director, cinematographer, video editor, producer, etc.. all you will have is a cute screenplay and a overpriced piece of talent. Each puzzle piece in the art of filmmaking plays a paramount role. This is why I give credit to even the most flawed inde filmmaker. since many of them are juggling the majority of the production (Director, Producer, Video Editor, Sound Mixer, Key Grip, Screenplay Writer, etc..) all on their own.
Not saying this give them a free pass on constructive criticism, but I refuse to discourage another young black gay filmmaker from following their dream, since we are damn near non-existent in the film/television industry as is. I’m sure many critics discourage Patrik Ian Polk, Maurice, Deondray, Quincy, etc.. but if they didn’t defy the disapproval of others, they would have never pioneered the platform for so many inspiring black gay filmmakers.
So as much as we criticize how flawed many of these productions are, lets learn from these mistakes and motivate ourselves to create better video productions of our own. The tools are not only out here, but are accessible to all. Their is no excuse to complain about the lack of “Masculine Men Of Color” in Gay/Bi video productions, when we have the power as a community to visually create these non-stereotypical stories.
1. Re: No Shade web series…wait until Part 2 of the the list…You may be surprised…
2. What I meant about discouraging black gay filmmakers: These wack mofos should stop. Not defending my position, just stating fact. My opinion is if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it as right as possible and try to get better each time I do it. If I try to sing, but I sound HORRIBLE, I’m not gonna release a mixtape and expect nothing but praises just because I’m black, gay and made the attempt…that kind of blind encouragement is only for pre-school kids.
One one hand you say quality and techincals matter then on the other hand you say we shouldn’t call out wack quality and wack technicals for the garbage that they are and just automatically support the gay filmmakers for the attempt…Very Inconsistent.
I enjoyed the “24” reference.
LOL I’m mad that this is the first time I’ve put one on Discreet City. I used to love that show.
Well u may be overwhelmed with non-erotic pleasure, Kiefer Sutherland said he would love to do a 24 movie and they are in talks to do one now.
We have to do better. At least they are trying to depict more masculine guys, but nothing comes close to DL Chronicles. I hope the creator of DL Chronicles could make another series that’s similar to the ones listed above.
Your critique was spot on, I thought I was the only one thinking that these series are overrated. People only watch because they’re gay lol
Yeah The D.L. Chronicles continues to be the best representation of gay men of color for the sheer fact that they add more character nuance outside of just BEING GAY. You feel like these characters actually exist.
Nick Bravo for being opinionated and funny. I had only seen Freefall and a few Finding Me episodes but I hadn’t seen of the other shows. Naturally, I wanted to at least watch a little bit of them before I read your reviews. They were pretty bad.
But I will commend them for painting such wonderful gay worlds replete with ridiculously beautiful men with high sex drives and great bodies. In the words of Liz Lemon ‘I want to go to there’
I’ll check back to see the next set of reviews. Please keep the comedy coming.
Agreed, I don’t mind gay sexuality and eye-candy depicted on these shows. I just wish the writing, directing, camera work, lighting, audio, editing, acting and music were better. Damn, that basically covered everything, lol. Its hopeless.
OMG…am I dead yet? You spoke the truth. I’ve seen only two of them and always wanted more. I dunno, maybe its too expensive for some who really want to send a message. BTW thanks for the info on cameras because I’m in the market for one and had no clue what to look for as I work to expand. Man, I friggin love this site lol ….now….on to this Kerry Rhodes story. I’ m so thirsty to hear your thoughts
Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllled iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt……
I have hope for Freefall! If they could only beef up the acting & character development, I’d stick around. Everything else…eeeennnnnhhhh…
P.S. WTF is up wit Venom (the er, um….pornstar…) doin minisodes??? (yeah, that’s his pornstar name…LMAO, I’m not ashamed!!)
This sht right here niga….lmao. Im not an astorlogy expert, but Ima throw my bet in that Nick is either a cancer, sag, or a virgo, cus this review…
Hilarity aside (pls dont ever have ur grandma watchin ur youtube gay web series hookup scenes), the qaulity is pretty bad. I could give you a pass on cam quality if you at least stopped using all of ur friends as ‘actors’.
But oh well…at least this review was fukn hilarious! Nick, Ima treat you to a 40 of Old E for that 1
This was absolutely hilarious in every conceivable way lol I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard at anything I’ve read in a very long time
LOL glad you enjoyed it!
Mama’s Boi is one of the better ones, especially season 1.