This is an excerpt from a draft of this article…
But what about the gay man who are hyper masculine? Is he like this because he is afraid of being called gay or fag? Is he like this because hyper masculinity is more attractive and appealing within the gay community? Is he like this because of personal insecurities?
LOL. Does hyper masculinity exist within the gay community? Of course it does; however (sorry for laughing) I’m thinking REAL hard to the last time I’ve come across a hyper masculine gay man. I’m sure they exist but it’s been well over 7 years since I came across one. I have been called hyper masculine or “aggressively” masculine (whatever the hell that means) but I know I’m just a regular masculine guy.
It seems like when a conversation about masculinity and femininity takes place within the gay community, it always exists within two extremes. For many masculine men we think of the Ultra Effeminate man and for many effeminate men they think of the Hyper Masculine man.
I stopped to pause and acknowledge what I just typed. I’ve been called and labeled hyper masculine. I was bothered by this revelation and acknowledgement and begin to reflect on the many times I have been called hyper masculine by gays within the last three years. I called my partner to pick his brain on whether or not hyper masculine is a fitting description of me.
His short answer was yes, “you can be perceived as hyper masculine”. He mentioned my natural scowl, the lines and wrinkles that exists from my eyebrow ridge up though my forehead, my overall facial expressions, how loud, assertive, aggressive and domineering I can get during conversations and in addition to my love of violent video games, TV shows, aggressive sports and movies. The lists went on and on. He also admitted how we both (him and I) can walk with our chests (if you don’t understand the reference then…).
As he proceeded with his explanations, I could feel myself getting defensive and zoning out. “Me, hyper masculine? Get the hell outta here; really? When? Say what now?”
I know he and I talked about being Alpha Males during our relationship podcast and I thought, “does this equate to hyper masculinity”?
Being that I was now in a defensive and antagonistic mindset, mentally, I began to rapidly examine my partner’s actions and demeanor. Humph, this dude drips masculine confidence to the point he leaves wet foot prints behind when he walks. His tone, demeanor, body language and aura no doubt states, “I’m a man, I know it and come test me”.
Enough of this; with a side eye and continued defensive stance I’d heard enough. Let me call my friend Nick Delmacy and pick his brain. Maybe through some form of friendship psychic osmosis, he will give me the answers or feedback I want and need to hear…Nope. This jerk basically said the same things. He added how certain actions and mannerisms he has committed, have also lead to him being called or perceived as hyper masculine. Wow. My main support systems have the same perceptions of me. These aren’t “passers-by” on the street perceptions. These are real, first hand perceptions from my partner, my friend and business partner. Those bastards.
What the hell was wrong with me? Why am I so uncomfortable and defensive about being labeled hyper masculine? I feel like I know and seen real hyper masculinity. As a black man in my mind it equates to the thugs, gang members, pimps, prison convicts and the bravado that exists within the majority of rap videos. That’s not me but I think I’m stating to get it.
My initial reactions are due to my mental baggage and perceptions as it relates to the term “Hyper Masculine”. These were my negative perceptions of what hyper masculinity is because by psychological definition, it’s a negative exaggerated male stereotypical behavior, in addition to what the world’s version of what hyper masculinity is; sexual aggression, behavioral aggression and abuse towards women and gays. Ok, Got it…but how again does this apply to me? I’m none of these things.
In the past, I’ve gotten drunk and “cried like a lil bitch” over nothing and will probably do it again. At the same time I can be quick to assert my dominance and establish control as Alphas sometimes do but Alphas should also know when to adjust and fall back. I know me. I have a beautiful spirit, in addition to my un-quivering loyalty and honesty. My ethics and attributes are stellar all the while attempting to be a master chef in the kitchen. I take pride in these attributes just as I do my maleness and masculinity. Together they help make up the totality of who I am.
My personality in conjunction with some of the regular masculine or traditionally male behaviors that I possess, within this overly sensitive day and age, can be viewed as “hyper masculine”. So what…that’s not my problem. Again, I know me and I’m a sweetheart. I don’t want anyone to exist under the boot of oppression or discrimination. Nor do I want those who are different to be cast out.
So why not become empowered and view my “hyper masculine” characteristics as positive attributes to add to my repertoire? Oh I’m empowered!
I recognize that I have been influenced by the definitions and perceptions of hyper masculinity that are housed by others. The descriptions from my partner and friend are spot on; why shy away from them? It’s who I am and I’m good with that. I’m good with being aggressive, loud, domineering and assertive. I’m cool with my cave man like scowl and swag as I bipedally glide to and fro. Yes some of this may be as a result of my upbringing and environment; however what about the instinctual innate sum of parts that exists simple due to my biological masculine interests? I bathe in its richness and I’m satisfied that maybe it’s how I’m supposed to be. Maybe I was born this way.
Currently, just ordinary masculinity is viewed as a societal evolutionary hindrance that hastily needs to become extent. I’m tired of masculinity being treated as an affliction that needs to be eradicated so gender lines can be blurred to make the meek comfortable. In my opinion this is the cry of feminists’ centric thinking and attitudes.
Just for a quick example, depending on the context, when I hear “man up” in my mind it doesn’t necessarily equate to a man not having emotions and feelings, it means having more control over your emotions and feelings. I think this simple angle in thought and language interpretation is something feminist and many effeminate gay men can’t conceptualize. It may not exist within a feminist or effeminate train of thought.
There are elements of right and wrong or good and bad in everything. The examples that I gave above (gang members, convicts, etc.) show that hyper masculinity can embody many negative attributes; nonetheless very few of the negative attributes apply to me. I refuse to dim my masculine or hyper masculine light in order to make others shine or feel comfortable.
If throwing a “middle finger up”, is a display of hyper masculinity when getting ready to take a photo, well then, I’m going to say cheese.
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