Weekly, the gossip websites are filled with messy foolishness that keeps the Reality TV and celebrity worshipers fed.  I guess by nature and definition that is what they are supposed to do.

All of these sites have their doses of gay gossip as well.  We see headlines of which celebrity or athlete who may be gay or who has been potentially “outed” by a former lover.  In my opinion, nothing surpasses the fuckery that exists on the black gossip sites when it comes to black gay male celebrities or athletes.  We discussed this recently.

All of these websites (bossip, media take out, hot ghetto mess and the worst of them all, worldstar hip hop) consistently accomplishes and achieves the astounding goal on a daily basis; and that is creating a cluster fuck of negative stereotypes, negative energy and imagery that pollutes the black community.

The latest lightning rod for the black “zombie gossip rumor mill followers” is the situation concerning former NFL Arizona Cardinal Kerry Rhodes.  There are pictures all over the internet supposedly showing Kerry Rhodes with a “male lover”. (yawn)

The complexities abound with this salacious bit of gossip…and the complexities are all negative stereotypes that benefit no one.  Like the DL black man, hiding and spreading disease; the effeminate messy queen who loves to be sponsored and taken care of; the angry suspicious gossiping black woman who thinks all men are out to get her.  The bible thumpers and anti-homosexual crowd who gets to say “I told you so. Nothing good can come from that deviant wicked lifestyle.”  All the while those outside the community get to look down at us with reassurance and think, “If this is how they view and treat each other, fuck em.”

To dissolve my possible never ending rant, let me just highlight a couple points of frustration that grab my attention with these stories depending on which site you go to…

1.The angle in which the story has been presented means the masculine male accused is hiding his sexuality.
-This in turn creates the narrative that the perceived hidden-but-now-uncovered sexuality is wrong.2. The idea of the jilted effeminate bottom outing his celebrity masculine closeted former lover.
-This in turn caters to the stereotype that effeminate gay men are messy gossiping queens.

3. The gay friendly black women who are really not so friendly towards masculine black gay males.

1. A man is attractive, masculine and you (the public) don’t know his sexuality.  Why should you?  Why does it seem like the heterosexual world is obsessed with the transpirings that go on in the homosexual bedroom? Why does it matter?So because a masculine gay man’s sexuality is not readily identifiable, this poses a problem to the heterosexual world at large because they need to know who the “others” are.  Is the masculine sports hero, the heart throb actor or a sexy celebrity personality secretly “A GAY”?

Have they followed this man on twitter or on facebook?  Are they a member of his fan club? Have women lusted, fantasized and had naughty thoughts about him?  If so then they feel betrayed simply because they didn’t know, not because the man was deceitful but because they were a victim of their own thoughts.

Living a discreet private life is not hiding one’s sexuality. It’s simply minding one’s damn business.  If he aint fucking you, then fuck off and stop worrying about who he is sleeping with. Mind your business and find something else to occupy your time.  If you are obsessed with a masculine black man’s sexuality that means you are lacking something within your life and your own sexuality.  The near constant deluge of damaging views, nasty anti-gay language and speculative gossip in the black community over black men and homosexuality is a major factor in why many black men are closeted.

For some of the flamboyant gays, I get it.  I understand you want to show the world there are those who are “like” you who may be lurking unnoticed within the heterosexual world; and you recognize you couldn’t be in the closet if someone pad-locked you in but that doesn’t mean its okay for you to pull others out of the closet. Regardless if you are a masculine or effeminate man; it’s never okay to ‘out’ or spread rumors about someone just because you don’t like how they live their gay life.”


  2. Yes we all know effeminate gay men can be messy gossiping queens.

Yes this is a stereotype that is pretty much perpetuated with every current black gay male character and personality on the big screen, small screen and even radio (like the Eugene character on the Steve Harvey Morning Show).

Is it possible to be an effeminate or ‘soft’ gay black man and not be this entity that is a “messy gossiping flamboyant queen”?  Absolutely yes!  However; why is it you rarely if ever hear effeminate men counter the “messy queen” label?

Regardless if it is network television and film produced by white Hollywood or web series and films produced by individuals in the black gay community, these effeminate black male caricatures proliferate our media.

Why aren’t more of the effeminate or ‘soft’ black gay men who reject this stereotype (because it doesn’t represent them) speaking up and out against it?  Like it or not these images make an impression. Why aren’t effeminate or ‘soft’ gay men challenging other effeminate flamboyant men to say, “hey your messy, gossipy buffoonery affects me and it impact us all.

Why are they not challenging the many black gay film makers for who paint us all with same negative strokes?


 3. Understand, my thoughts here are not directed on the black women who are opposed to homosexuality in all facets.  There is no point here to challenge a person’s religion or faith just because I don’t personally believe in it. Why waste the time?However I am specifically perplexed by black women who;

  • Don’t have a problem with or are friends with effeminate / overly flamboyant black gay men


  • Have a serious problem with masculine black gay men.

I touched on this is a past post “The Black Woman’s Acceptable Homosexual

In that post I stated…

“Let me break this down a little further (in my opinion).  Most gay friendly women don’t have a problem with flamboyant gay men of color because THEY ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM…let’s keep it real.”

Most women of color don’t look at these flamboyant men with the same condemnation as masculine gay bisexual men of color because they view them as “good girl friends” to hang out, talk and go shopping with.  However many view the masculine gay bisexual black man as missed potential life partners, boyfriends, husbands and ultimately a waste.

These black women feel betrayed or tricked by masculine gay bisexual men because there may be some attraction there and they like what they see…but it cant be reciprocated and this can be viewed as rejection.

Dear Black Woman,

I’m not your adversary.  We are not after the same thing.  I don’t want your man. I like homosexual men, not heterosexual men. I don’t wear my sexuality on my sleeve and will not curb or alter my masculinity just so you can feel comfortable knowing which side I am on.  I am not DL and have never been in a sexual relationship with a man and a woman at the same time. I am secure and honest with myself so therefore I have no reason to deceive you.

If you know that all black women are not angry fat lazy ghetto hoochie welfare queens (like the media portrays your to be); please understand that not all masculine black homosexual men are low down lying HIV spreaders who are out to hurt you.

I used to get emails daily from friends and co-workers filled with depictions of black people in various places (in public, clubs, parties, etc.) “looking” or “acting a fool”…think “Hot Ghetto Mess”.  Then the emails stepped their game up. They evolved into depictions of black gay “hot ghetto mess”.  These were pictures from black gay pride functions and events that showed effeminate flamboyant gay black men in all their glory.

But then I noticed something. During black history month I wouldn’t get any emails about any black leaders or historians.  Nothing concerning our ancestors of color. Nothing about our culture and our traditions and not one email even about the Civil Rights Movement.  From that day I instructed anyone with my email address do not send me anymore negative stereotypical imagery of black people.  I also advised if I did get an email with the hot ghetto mess foolishness, I would not be forwarding it onto anyone else.  So in my own way I was stopping the cycle.

I feel that maybe we can personally take this type of stance with the lightning rod celebrity gay rumors and gossip when they appear in our emails and in our Facebook and Twitter feeds.

I know some of you have heard this analogy…if you go up to the top of a building with a pillow case filled with feathers and turn that pillow case upside down and allow all the feathers to fall and travel on the wind.  You may be able to go down and collect some of the feathers but you will never be able to collect them all.  This is what you do when you facilitate rumors and start gossip.  You put this information out on the wind that can be hurtful and damaging to others and you can never take it back.

In this day and internet age, rumors and gossip can lead to someone’s career being destroyed, someone becoming depressed and even committing suicide.   Do you really want to be a part of that?

Please feel free to share your feedback.