1. Dwight Eubanks – “The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Flamboyant)
2. Miss J – America’s Next Top Model (Flamboyant)
3. E. Lynn Harris – Author
4. Don Lemons – CNN News Anchor / Author
5. Bill T. Jones – Choreographer / Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater (Flamboyant)
6. Carson Kressley – “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” (Flamboyant)
7. Sean Cameron – Hair Dresser / Drama Queen (Flamboyant)
8. B Scott – Video Blog Drag Queen (Flamboyant)
Do you see a pattern here? My mind was all over the place analyzing this list and the thoughts behind it. I must admit, I was slightly irritated. I was thinking…”I wonder if a masculine gay bisexual man of color who was a NFL, NBA, MLB player, or a black leading male actor, or a black R&B singer or Rapper was out and open, would they have made the list?”
Like it or not (and I don’t) these are some of the faces of Black Male Homosexuality. For me, most on this list did nothing but reinforce what I have felt for years…
That a lot of women of color that are gay friendly may only be gay friendly towards out F.F.F. gay men of color. F.F.F. stands for Fabulous, Fierce and Flamboyant (an acronym I just made up but is very fitting).
You know the gay men as the author puts it that are “hot messes”. The gay men of color who act like black girls in the eighth and ninth grade. You know the ones who are always being loud, trying to “read” somebody while goose necking and throw’n them shade…or doing the cheer steps mimicking the junior varsity cheer leading squad. Or the ones who wear the word “DIVA and Good Girl Friend” with a badge of honor. Yeah, those ones…
I hate to beat a dead (and two times divorced) horse, but I can’t help but think of the tweet from Tameka Foster suggesting that gay men need to wear wrist bands because of the way some look can be confusing. You know how we look right? Like regular masculine men…how dare we??!!!!
Let me break this down a little further (in my opinion). Most gay friendly women don’t have a problem with flamboyant gay men of color because THEY ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM…let’s keep it real.
Most women of color don’t look at these flamboyant men with the same condemnation as masculine gay bisexual men of color because they view them as “good girl friends” versus missed potential life partners, boyfriends or husbands. These black women feel betrayed or tricked by masculine gay bisexual men because there may be some attraction there and they like what they see. Of course I am not talking about the DL / double life / married gay bisexual men. I am talking about the regular gay bisexual masculine man.
Some of these women start to feel or realize that “hey we’re single and don’t have and or can’t find a good man because our men are in jail, gay and only date or marry white women”. Some of these women view us as deceivers because they may be attracted to us but by definition we are not attracted to them.
These women need stop and think logically for a second; even if we were straight, we may still not be attracted to them anyway. Do straight women automatically engage in every straight man that comes there way and shows them attention…hell no. So why would you think that every man that you are attracted to and show attention to would want you? It reminds me of the same logic that some straight men have in that they are uncomfortable with gay men because they feel the gay man wants them, even though most straight women don’t want them…sigh…
Look black women; you are our mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers. Love us they way we love you. Don’t get offended because we are masculine gay bisexual men of color and you can’t tell that we are not straight. We are not hiding, we are just being our natural selves…This is just who we are. Don’t be bitter because you may not have found Mr. Right yet and your biological clock is ticking because chances are, we may not have found Mr. Right either, LOL.
No we don’t want to go shoe shopping with you or do your hair, but we can change your flat tire, kill the spider running across your wall and still be your friend.
Feel free to leave a comment.
-Octavius
In our society we have to have defined rolls or else we’re loss. Now these defined roles have lead us all to know our roles(if you will). Masculinity and Femininity is what most of the world uses to help them be comfortable in their own skin.
This type of thinking isn’t just limited to heterosexual men and women, it has also influenced the GBLT community as well. We are all looking to find something about us that can help others identify with who we are, or how we feel inside.
The Flamboyant gay male is just playing a role that is acceptable to the world around him. These men get lost in the show
Excellent observation, Choc
I’ve pretty much surmised the same thing
This is on point because I have heard my black female friends say they don’t have a problem with gay guys but in general conversation, they’ll say really quick most good looking, successful black men are with white women or gay. Its not so much that they said it, but the tone and body language they gave off when they said it. I think most black women feel like black men are obligated to date them because of the “blacks supporting bruthas and sistas” that was raised in all of us. It is pretty messed up though that they’d rather have a “girl” gay friend than a masculine one.
I… kinda just think that it stems from a lack of representation. I cannot think of one famous out “masculine” (in the way that general society would describe masculinity) black gay man. Not one. Maybe they exist, but they’re certainly not as visible and as relevant as the men on this list (even though the bulk of these men are pretty obscure to most people anyway.)
Yeah that suck that we dont have a famous out masculine gay black man.
Maybe there’s a correlation between the lack of famous masculine gay black men and out masculine gay black men. One thing I hear from a lot of gays is that “It’s no one’s business who I sleep with – I don’t have to go announcing it down the street”. Why would someone who comes from this type of gay culture put himself out there on TV?
…lol and before you read me I’m not saying all or even most masculine black gay men are closeted. What I’m saying is “feminine” black gay men aren’t saying “it’s no one’s business but mine”. Not that being out = being feminine. I just don’t want my words twisted.
hey im feeling this article so much. and i cannot unstand why so many black women feel the need to have and marry black men. i mean if black men date and marry outside their race why cant u. like the other day in my store i saw a black women with this a white man(and he was cuuute) both were young and couldnt help but think shes got it. there r a lot of men out there of diffrent ethnicities and its about time black women start datin out of there race too. it doesnt always have to be a black man. i think my generation is startin to change things little by little
I agree. There are many other ethnicities that would love to date a black woman but the black woman has to be open enough to give them a chance. Thank you for your feedback.
…..but what’s so wrong with being Black and only being attracted to Black men? Why would you fault a sistah (or brutha for that matter) for only wanting that Black loving?
I so love this blog!.. It’s always the god given truth!..lmao Im going to start tuning in more often..lol
Wow… I love this website! This article was soooooo on point and so well written. Ocky, you were able to articulate a subject that many people think about but never discuss. I have a female coworker friend who desperately/officially wants me to tell her that I’m gay. It’s so funny to me. She does little things to try to get me to come out or reveal a more feminine side. LOL. I’ve NEVER shown interest in her and she’s a bit perplexed as to why. She’s extremely attractive, educated, talented, and funny. Everyone at work wants her, but she has gravitated towards me. I don’t feel like I have to tell her that I’m gay. She should read between the lines, but not try to get me to be her “girlfriend”. I’m just not that dude! Awesome article man! Keep ’em coming!
I AM NOT CERTAIN WHERE YOU FIND ALL OF THESE PICTURES OF ULTRA FEMININE GAY
BLACK MEN BUT IT IS TOO DAMN FUNNY. ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!