So I am looking at this article titled “The 8 Gay Men that Straight Women Love” from black women’s blog-site  In the opening paragraph the author states…“We mean love like enjoy. Like we enjoy chocolate-dipped strawberries. The following men are either delightful, entertaining, inspiring or downright hot messes that we just can’t get enough of.”    Then the photo blog-post goes through the list of the 8 gay men the author has selected, which are…
1. Dwight Eubanks – “The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Flamboyant)
2. Miss J – America’s Next Top Model (Flamboyant)
3. E. Lynn Harris – Author
4. Don Lemons – CNN News Anchor / Author
5. Bill T. Jones – Choreographer / Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater (Flamboyant)
6. Carson Kressley – “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” (Flamboyant)
7. Sean Cameron – Hair Dresser / Drama Queen (Flamboyant)
8. B Scott – Video Blog Drag Queen (Flamboyant)

Do you see a pattern here?  My mind was all over the place analyzing this list and the thoughts behind it.  I must admit, I was slightly irritated.  I was thinking…”I wonder if a masculine gay bisexual man of color who was a NFL, NBA, MLB player, or a black leading male actor, or a black R&B singer or Rapper was out and open, would they have made the list?”

Like it or not (and I don’t) these are some of the faces of Black Male Homosexuality.  For me, most on this list did nothing but reinforce what I have felt for years…

That a lot of women of color that are gay friendly may only be gay friendly towards out F.F.F. gay men of color.  F.F.F. stands for Fabulous, Fierce and Flamboyant (an acronym I just made up but is very fitting).


PictureYou know the gay men as the author puts it that are “hot messes”.  The gay men of color who act like black girls in the eighth and ninth grade.  You know the ones who are always being loud, trying to “read” somebody while goose necking and throw’n them shade…or doing the cheer steps mimicking the junior varsity cheer leading squad.  Or the ones who wear the word “DIVA and Good Girl Friend” with a badge of honor.  Yeah, those ones…

I hate to beat a dead (and two times divorced) horse, but I can’t help but think of the tweet from Tameka Foster suggesting that gay men need to wear wrist bands because of the way some  look can be confusing.  You know how we look right? Like regular masculine men…how dare we??!!!!
Let me break this down a little further (in my opinion).  Most gay friendly women don’t have a problem with flamboyant gay men of color because THEY ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM…let’s keep it real.

Most women of color don’t look at these flamboyant men with the same condemnation as masculine gay bisexual  men of color because they view them as “good girl friends” versus missed potential life partners, boyfriends or husbands.  These black women feel betrayed or tricked by masculine gay bisexual men because there may be some attraction there and they like what they seeOf course I am not talking about the DL / double life / married gay bisexual men.  I am talking about the regular gay bisexual masculine man.

Some of these women start to feel or realize that “hey we’re single and don’t have and or can’t find a good man because our men are in jail, gay and only date or marry white women”.  Some of these women view us as deceivers because they may be attracted to us but by definition we are not attracted to them.

These women need stop and think logically for a second; even if we were straight, we may still not be attracted to them anyway.  Do straight women automatically engage in every straight man that comes there way and shows them attention…hell no.  So why would you think that every man that you are attracted to and show attention to would want you?  It reminds me of the same logic that some straight men have in that they are uncomfortable with gay men because they feel the gay man wants them, even though most straight women don’t want them…sigh…

Look black women; you are our mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers.  Love us they way we love you.  Don’t get offended because we are masculine gay bisexual men of color and you can’t tell that we are not straight.  We are not hiding, we are just being our natural selves…This is just who we are.  Don’t be bitter because you may not have found Mr. Right yet and your biological clock is ticking because chances are, we may not have found Mr. Right either, LOL. 

No we don’t want to go shoe shopping with you or do your hair, but we can change your flat tire, kill the spider running across your wall and still be your friend.

Feel free to leave a comment.