Disclaimer: The following text is satire and is not meant to encourage division, homophobia or even be taken seriously, for that matter.
“GAY FACE”  gā fās1. “GAY FACE” is a descriptor given to homosexual men when lustfully starring at another man for an uncomfortably extended period of time.

a. The occurrence of Gay Face has historically been associated with men who also have feminine traits and behaviors. However, since the disastrous epidemic androgynous period of the 1980’s, masculine men have occasionally been witnessed “giving” Gay Face in public.

b. The duration of the stare is what gives Gay Face its “gayness”. An uninterrupted stare of approximately 3 – 7 seconds is classic Gay Face. A stare lasting 8 seconds or more becomes something else entirely (see “THIRSTY” or “LONELY GAY MAN”).

c. Signs of classic Gay Face are the 3 – 7 second stare; a slight dip in the head forcing the chin closer to the chest; an open mouth and a slightly low hanging bottom lip; eyes filled with eagerness and/or hopes for a sign of mutual interest from the other man.


d. GAY FACE can appear in any situation or location. Typically it is witnessed in public. Victims of Gay Face encounters have stated that places like malls, restaurants and grocery stores are common. However the most popular places to see Gay Face are at Gas Station pumps and Gym chains like LA Fitness. The victim of Gay Face usually feels the stare around the 3 second mark. If the victim has decent peripheral vision, he will notice the perpetrator out of the corner of his eye. The victim may look into the Gay Face perpetrator’s direction or choose to ignore him, however neither option will break the stare. The victim typically becomes uncomfortable around the 8 second mark, usually prompting him to leave the vicinity immediately.

f. Gay Face is not limited to homosexuals. Heterosexual men have been known to give inadvertent Gay Face. Straight men that are unnaturally “pretty” give classic Gay Face at least 5 to 9 times per day without even knowing it. Something about their perfect skin and features makes it unavoidable.

g. Photographers often encourage heterosexual male models to give Gay Face during photo shoots thus creating new unintentional pornography for homosexual men (see “BEAT OFF MATERIAL”).

h. Famous Musicians have built careers from giving Gay Face while still somehow dispelling rumors that they themselves may be gay. For Example, pussy-hound singer PRINCE has been giving classic Gay Face since the 1980’s in movies, music videos and album cover photos yet he remains rumor free.

i. Unfortunately, there is no cure for Gay Face. A person afflicted with it can only learn to live with it and try not to dwell into the 8 or more second territory. The most common sign of a person severely afflicted with Gay Face is a man who wears sunglasses when indoors, especially in night clubs and bars.

– Nick D