While in the supermarket today I saw these three magazine covers and had to ask The Squad:
Which of these 3 very different types of dudes would you date if he was gay? 
Remember, we’re talking DATING, not just for sex….
I’ll go first…
Let me start by saying that superficially, all three men are very attractive. 
But how I imagine they would be as gay boyfriends is another matter altogether.
While “Gay Dwayne Johnson” would likely be a Total Bottom (which works for me), I also imagine that he would LIVE in the gym, making him a very inattentive boyfriend. He’s so into fitness that there would be no room for date nights full of junk food and alcohol (very important to me) and he would be limited in conversation topics (also very important to me). Also, he would likely be an abusive borderline alcoholic, forcing me to tell my boy Ocky Williams that my bruises are from me accidentally falling into doorknobs. Ain’t no way I’m ending up diagnosed with Mary J Blige Syndrome after dating “The Gay Rock.”
Now “Gay Michael B. Jordan” is def my type physically, but while I imagine that he would probably be Versatile Bottom (which still works for me), I can’t help but assume he’d be one of those young messy, stuck-up, conceited, entitled homosexuals who has been Out and gay clubbing ever since he 16 years old. He looks like he would be the type of gay dude that LOVES DRAMA! He probably wouldn’t be faithful and all of his “best friends” would be people that he’s fucked in the past. “Gay Creed” is not about to have me calling my boy Ocky Williams to cry about how some young hot boy dude keeps waving red flags as I constantly refuse to break up with him just because he’s so cute that I can’t stay mad at him long:
That leaves “Gay Idris Elba” who, I suspect, would be Versatile Top (which only marginally works for me). Don’t ask me why I think that, I just look at him and think “British Top with only occasional bum play.” But I gotta admit that out of the three dudes, he looks like he would be the best boyfriend. Not only would he be an attentive lover, he looks like the whole gay clubbing scene is long in his past, if he ever had that phase at all. On top of that, he looks like he would love a dope conversation, laugh at my bad jokes, suffer through watching my nerdy TV shows and movies, support me with my personal goals and just be an overall good dude who willingly enabled my clingy intimacy addictions.
Who of the three men would you choose if he was Gay and why would you choose him?
Reading this…at first I was like… …then I was like… and finally I was like… I'm gonna go with,
All 3 are very hot!
Here's how I imagine may dates with each.
I'd suggest a nice 10 mile walk to the Gay Rock and he'd insist on a 20 mile run. I'd then ask how 'bout some cold stone and he'd say he prefers skinless, unseasoned boiled chicken and celery – Done!
Plus, I'm sure he's waxed down there! nope!
I wanna do a Netflix and chill with Gay Mikey B. and he says he'd rather we go get manni/pedi's and then hit up this new club – Done!
I know he's waxed down there! nope!
I invite Gay Idris over for a chicken cacciatore dinner and he complains about the unsanitary conditions of me cooking without a shirt on. He'd also only ½ smile at my witticisms – Done!
He's neatly trimmed down there! nope!
:mjlol::mjlol::mjlol:
media
:mindblown: at you turning down Idris Elba….
But :feedme: at you cooking without a shirt on….
Michael's young, so he's probably not looking for anything serious just yet, and is just having as much fun as he still can in his age. That's good for me, because I'm just now entering my 20s and have a similar mindset, but some things, like clubbing (assuming that's what Michael would like to do), don't really do it for me.
Idris has probably calmed down, and is much more mature, having more life experience. That's nice, because I do like a more relaxed scene, but with the age gap, we're in different stages of life, probably with different expectations. I guess that'd be a learning experience.
It's hard for me to choose between those two.
Yes, but I'd have fixed that 9yr drought with him first.
How else would I know how neatly it's trimmed down there?
Keep this quick:
1. Rock-I don't find him attractive. Especially that eyebrow raise he use to do back in the day on the WWF. It was really corny to me.
2. Michael-I like him but…no. I can't answer why at this moment it's probably because I agree with everybody else? But…no.
3. Idris-He is the most attractive to me. I love his even dark tone. The British accent, you don't get that much here in the U.S. He doesn't give me gym nut tendencies but takes exercise seriously. We could have excellent sex-as well as excellent convo.
I agree 100%
Your analysis of all three men was thoroughly entertaining! I don't see why you automatically pegged the Rock and Micheal as bottoms but I found it hilarious so either way lol. I'm going to disagree with you about Dwayne though, out of them all I actually like his personality the best. He seems warm, friendly, fun-loving and not at all an abusive drunk, more like a gentle giant! I would choose to date him even though physically he isn't really my type except for that winning smile of his..I like Micheal B Jordan's body and looks more but I don't feel as drawn to him or Idris as much.
I get the sense that the two of them are more likely to get bored easily and step out kinda like you said. Micheal is probably caught in living the life and Idris is a male sex symbol..kinda intimidating so I'm not sure how things would be.
The Rock seems as steady as one and I like that about him! He puts on a tough guy persona but you can tell he's a softie! 🙂
*sigh* Gay Rock …. the guy is a giant and i am a skinny dude. We would look terrible in pictures together. And where do you even start from topping this guy. :camby:
Gay Jordan… hmmmm now with those looks and that smile i may trip and accidentally fall in love (even while every tells me his a player).
Idris .. well his def the more mature one. and i would swoon every time he said "pass me the remote". But the age gap is huge and i just feel like he will expect me to cook for him…. every day
First of all, very funny and well written piece.
I like it. I would have to go with the guys in this order:
1. The Rock… OMG, he is smart and all about the business. He is a brand and I love how his brand is pristine and well preserved. He will go extremely far. He also seems grounded.
2. Idris – just seems like a stable dude with lots of knowledge and naughty sides to him.
3. Michael. Yea, He does not do it for me for some reason. Maybe be it is his newness and not being as established. The part of him cheating would also be real!
I guess I have to with the majority on this. Idris. But I would like to have Michael in my back pocket. What I didn't notice twice til @Nick Delmacy posted this, is that my days of crushing over Dwayne Johnson are over.
I would pick the Rock. He would make a great workout buddy, health coach and boyfriend all in one. He also seems mature, adventurous and fun to be around. Hes the kind of dude that would prob propose on one knee, cook, travel together, and buy me a customized sports car for my birthday.
Mike seems too fresh to me. He would still be caught up in living the cleb party and ballroom life.
Idris despite his charm is know to be a flirt and prob would not be faithful to the relationship. He would just be lying trying to sell me a dream. It would be fun to travel with him to his mothers home country of Ghana though.
I'd go with Idris Elba. We're close to same age. He's 43, I'm 38. I find him physically attractive and it seems like we would probably mesh well since we're in the same phase of life. Plus he's confident and charming.
I do find Michael B. Jordan to be attractive but I probably wouldn't date him. He's a decade younger than me. He'd have to be very mature for me to even consider him. I just don't see that out of him. He'd probably still be trying to hoe around.
Dwayne Johnson just doesn't do it for me period.
The Winner
Damn @Nick Delmacy has an interesting imagination. Determining sexual positions and personalities lol!
They're all built well and handsome but none of them would be in my Top 5. Umm… but if I had to pick, I would go with Idris Elba first followed by Mike then Dwayne.
Well…I WAS gonna go with Michael B. Jordan (albeit, I was just going off the superficiality of his looks), but your psycho analysis completely f**ked it up for me. LOL Idris is sexy as f**k, but not someone Ide see myself in a relationship with, and Dwayne….well, lets just say "aesthetically" he wouldn't do it for me (I hear) LOL.
I feel like you have DWAYNE JOHNSON pegged. I think the same things and I also think he'd be the type to only date other bodybuilders and mature hairy tops, and be sucking d*** at Pride events in a restroom/alley. But I can't get into submissive hulk dudes–turn off! Also I kinda feel like he'd do gay porn. LOL IDRIS ELBA seems like a total top that does oral. Maybe even in-between, and a lot of deep v-neck shirts. LOL. He likes to have someone consistent/plan B, but he's really a player w/o feelings. Like he'd sneak off all the time to "use the restroom" when you're out at dinner, but really he's picked up a waiter or with dudes he's found on PoF, Grindr, and Jack'd. When you confront him he'll be unapologetic and say that he can't help it. He's a nympho and he can't help that he's attractive and constantly approached (ego). Plus I'm personally not down with uncut and he's British so…nope! MICHAEL B. JORDAN would be MY CHOICE! I see him as slightly closeted and only his mom knows and close friends know. He turns-up, travel, and has only a few gay friends, but he's not really in the "lifestyle." He's career focused and wants to make something of himself that his mama will be proud of. He'd be a versatile top and uses dating apps for SAFE hookups, but really wants his bae, probably a masculine short dude, to come into his life so he can stop being a ho. LOL.
Given your profiles I'd still choose MICHAEL B. JORDAN. You can train the younger ones.
Whilst all three are hot, I am opting for Idris Elba. He is the type of guy that screams top. He will help with the housework. We would go for walks in the park. We would have fantastic sex. I like him in the tv show Luther.
Yes, I would give Idris the booty if I saw him on Jackd and Grindr, but I need for him to stop being in these OMG! He's Fine As Hell EVER! conversations…Jesus!
The Rock is too buff and muscular for me. Reminds me of some of the guys who do gay porn like on Men.com…Lol
Michael gets my vote. Cute, great fit body in size and tone, and the whole nine.
I feel like Idris would be a str8 up player. Too mysterious for trust. I've loved him since he was Stringer, but I would not trust him as far as I could throw him.
Im just not that into Mike B. He def had me seeing him in a new light during Creed, but, I just think, (me being an admitted 'ageist' n all) I'd have a hard time taking him seriously.
Dwayne it is! Idgaf what he wants to eat, he'll just have to deal w me putting bacon n cheese on everything I eat. N, as a completely un-needy mate, who requires space n u bein outta my face generously, he can spend all of the time he wants basket weaving, doing yoga, or in the gym if he wants. I have 0 problems admitting that, while it's not a priority, I have 0 problems w a man who likes to keep his body tight. Not to mention, he's nothing but likeable, and we know how the gays are about trying to find a reason not to like likeable ppl…
I'm going to go with Idris. The life stages, attractiveness, and potential for conversation win me over. Michael is TOO DAMN YOUNG. I don't give a shyt about the things he's interested in and his excitement about the "gay world" leaves me bored. The Rock, well….gosh he's cute…but I know better.
Ok.
Going by Nick's version of these guys…
Iris Elbow while attractive, would just irritate me. Like, he'd be too busy trying to make me happy or say the 'right' thing when I would rather him be honest and have a real opinion. Sex probably would be good, I could imagine all nighters and laying in the juices.
Michael B. Jordan would probably be the most 'fun' when it came to some things but wouldn't be responsible. Like I could imagine him going to eat at Applebee's 4 days before payday on his last 30 bucks, ordering an entree, cocktail, and dessert instead of using that money to get groceries. But I bet he can screw very well, spontaneous and adventurous.
The Rock would probably be the best as a FWB or F-buddy. Simply because I know he'd probably be able to whip me in to shape so that I can upgrade from him to someone better who is in that 'bodied up' caste. Also, probably wouldn't be too bad to eat with because that one time he ate all them pancakes. His sex probably would be not as good as Mike's but still good, just not next level.
I really don't think I could date any of the three in this situation.
Outside of that, it would be betwixt Mike and Dewayne for me though. The Rock has something about his personality that I like, he can hit the quan and then he can teach me how to ride a cycle and we ride cross country shooting arrows, camping in the woods and he'd probably be the only one out of the three would run with me in obstacle races.
Mike probably would be a hyper active sex bunny which isn't a bad thing but I feel like I'd be spending too much time teaching him stuff. I'm not tryna be nobody's daddy.
Idris, again attractive, but I just find nothing about him interesting other than his accent.
I'd go for Michael B. Jordan and Idris Elba, Michael seems like the fun type but after a while you'd wanna settle down and he probably wouldn't want to which is why i also chose Idris.
Really? I think he's dope, I just think he aint shyt
I have never been a fan of his is all.
The comments are hilarious, interesting article Nick, haha! I agree with you Nick. Idris Alba is true gentleman. I would definitely date him. He's quite a profound thinker as well. I've seen a lot of his interviews and he just oozes humility and depth. Whilst I think he'd make a great top. I think he's the type of guy who'd be open to bottoming to his boyfriend if that conversation was started. Now topping him would be a dream come true… Dwayne Johnson -great top to call on a lonely Friday night haha. Not dating material though, there'd be too much attention from strangers… The other guy- great eyecandy, wouldn't date him if he was gay, looks like he'd be one of those gays with endless drama. Now that I think about it. I agree with you wholeheartedly, despite our age differences, we seem to have the same taste in men hehehe…
Blasphemy! Stringer Bell could get me liquored up n, tell me what his interests are, who he be w…(10 points)
I don't trust any of them. Not even Idris, he's too mysterious and I'm not falling for his act. Michael is probably the side ho and Rock's the "personal trainer."
I just hate men thouugh.
I mean he looks handsome. I just never really got the appeal. I don't get Denzel Washington either so I put them in the same class. That's not to say I won't ever be won over. I didn't think Morris Chestnut could ever do anything for me but… Things have changed.
Idris all the way. He has that mature swag & looks like he is very passionate and romantic. I don't find the other two attractive really. Michael just has a nice body. he's like a buffed up chipmunk. The Rock….mmm no deal…
….Michael and I would be fighting for bathroom time too much, so that n*gga can miss me with that sh*t. Lol.
….The Rock would put my a** to work on a daily basis, so that n*gga can miss me too. But, overall, he's personality is sweet and he has a great sense of humour….if he was gay, I think we'd definitely be a great match.
….Idris fine ass (if he was gay) would be my choice, but that English accent has got to go! I can't hear that everyday of my life, yeh. But, physically and mentally, I think I'd be a better fit with Idris….it's just that, he's 19 years older than me; that's nearly 80% of my life.
….Honestly, this wasn't fair….that was hard.
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Michael because we would have more in common based on age.
The Rock seems like a fun date but I feel like finding a place to eat that would match his diet would be too much
Idris looks like he can show me some new things but I think he would be too serious all the time
I think all three are very attractive. But I would pick "Gay Idris Elba" for two reasons: 1. Complexion – I have always been more attractive to dark men. 2. Sexual Role – Based on the description on his type "Versatile Top". Although I am more comfortable with men who are equally versatile 50/50,I can rarely find a truly versatile man. Those who profess to be versatile bottoms, usually turn out to be too feminine for me. So those who profess to be versatile top usually retain their masculinity and are okay with a versatile male and don't mind being more versatile when they need to be for me or we end up satisfying each other by other means.
I would have to go with my future hubby/baby daddy Michael B. Jordan although we'd fight over bathroom space, he's still fine enough for me to overlook his antics and plus showering with him would be fun although he'd have to fight me for shower head space, being that I'd have him wrapped around my finger whereas he'll let me have my way when we're trying to shower.
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1)Idris Elba – mature , gets better with age like fine wine love the skin tone. 2)Dwayne (Rock) Johnson- fun and adventurous can inspire me to be more active .. 3)Micheal BJordan – young yes but has the the potential to be a good lover , has lots of enegry and stamina to get the job done .