The Gay Gatekeepers
I understand that I’m reacting. My reaction is in part disappointment due to feelings of not “fitting in”. It can be a tough feeling like you are always outside the gates of acceptance. Not feeling accepted in the heterosexual world. Cast out by society’s religious cults. My complexion viewed with suspicion or instantly as the enemy. My masculinity regarded as if it’s an outdated bondage that’s keeping me from living free. This existence at times seems like purgatory between groups beyond the fringes.
This feeling permeates when perusing the internet while viewing mainstream gay content. All of these mainstream websites, blogs and print publications proclaim they are all-welcoming; regardless of race, sexuality, gender, gender conformities (masculine / feminine), body types or age. Regardless of these statements, I don’t feel welcome. The overwhelming majority of gay content is not for me. It doesn’t speak to me or peak my interests. Outside of homosexuality, I have virtually nothing in common with this content, but why? I’m homosexual, so why doesn’t it appeal to me and men like myself?
Missing Identity
I can’t identify with what I see. The majority of mainstream gay themed content is whitewashed and almost absent of color. There is very little imagery featuring African, Asian, Indian, or Black American men. I thought we were all a part of this rainbow? If you look at the contributing staff and/or board of directors of the top major gay websites, blogs and print publications they are all mostly white.
In many societies the racial and cultural experiences are different. This holds true for gay society as well. My concern is not fully with the differences, my concern is with not having different perspectives to discuss and thus write about those differences. Persons of color don’t even have a seat at the table or a voice in the discussion with many of the companies, so how can they properly comprehend or conceive diverse points of views relating to other’s experiences, entertainment, pop culture, music, etc.
A simple search of the top major gay media establishments returned few, extremely dated, or no results for The DL Chronicles: Episode Thomas, No Shade, Free Fall or The Life Atlanta. What about the Asian film Baek Ya (White Night) or the Latino film LA PARTIDA (The Game). They barely or don’t bother to mention fundraising campaigns for films like Naz and Malik and Pier Kids.
All of these were/are major web series or films in gay communities of color and have huge fan bases and followers but few or zero mentions within these major gay media establishments. However, they are free flowing with films and web series featuring white gays and lesbians. Why the omissions of web series and upcoming films featuring LGBT people of color? Do our films and web series not matter inside the white gay bubble? I think the evidence is clear.
For people of color, racism is a part of life’s frequencies. Regardless if it’s readily discussed or admitted to, white privilege exists. Just because they’re gay, gay white men are still white and benefit from white privilege. Our cultural experiences will differ; however why claim to be a manifestation of the colorful LGBT symbol which is a multicolored diverse flag if your site, blog or publication is predominantly white?
At one point, we had an article that was being discussed on a popular predominantly white gay website. A commenter questioned “why are there so many black men on their site?” Someone replied “why are there so many white men on ours?” With this one exchange, it brought to light what you see on many of these mainstream websites. They claim “diversity” and all are welcome but a simple scan of these gay media houses will show you their true colors.
The Gender Conformity, Non-Conformity
As stated above, many websites, blogs and print publications proclaim they are for everyone regardless of race, sexuality, gender, etc. This is false. If you look at a cross section of all gay media, there is one thing that is evident. The primary perspective is through the lens of trendy effeminate gay men. They hold a key position in the realm of the Gay Gatekeepers. This is the dominate prism in which all gay trends and content flow. The dominating topics include, Circuit Parties, Gay Marriage, Gay Pride, Fashion, Gay Clubs & Bars, Drag Queens, Musicals, Reality TV, Diva Worship, Homophobia, HIV/AIDS, Glee, Transgenders and Celebrity Gossip. Even their Travel sections consist of finding gay clubs, gay saunas and bath houses for possible hot sexy encounters. Barely anything mentioned about the actual culture of the target destination.
Is this it? Is this all that being gay consists of? Well according to the fabulously fem, perhaps, but in my opinion, this does nothing but to further the stereotypes and negative perceptions of all gay men. What about our interests sciences, technology, comic book and super hero culture, urban culture, geek culture, video games, cars and aeronautics, action movies, etc. I can go on and on about the non-gay interests the many gay men have in common but that are completely ignored by the gatekeepers of mainstream gay media outlets.
Unfortunately most of the time, homosexuals are not presented as well rounded individuals. There are so many homosexual men whose lives are not dominated by “Gay”. They exist with their sexuality being a part of their lives but not encompassing their entire lives. Gay people do non-gay things but you wouldn’t know it by the gay media and gay content that is offered.
Usually the language located in the about section, bio of a founder, editor in chief, staff member or contributor within these gay media groups have the same type of language, “all voices of the LGBT community are welcome and should be heard and not ostracized based on their femininity, masculinity, gender or sexuality”. Again this is false and misleading. That’s because there aren’t many masculine voices present within the gay media and its content, thus traditional male gay points of view are noticeably missing and nonchalantly ignored.
What the masculine homosexual male thinks doesn’t matter. A mere mention of the word “masculine” causes the gay mainstream to get defensive and get their gay pitch forks. A homosexual man being proud of his masculinity is scoffed at, rebuffed, ridiculed and marginalized. With most of the gay media content, the masculine image is present; however it exists as sexual objectification, desire and lust. It’s there to sell a product or event. It’s there to de-stress after fighting a long day against inequality. It’s there to fetch your slippers and run your bath water. Masculinity is degraded to equal TRADE to the effeminate Gay Gatekeepers.
There have been a handful of blog posts and articles in the mainstream gay media about Cypher Avenue (f.k.a. Discreet City), which were of course negative. These articles were from self-proclaimed gay queens or gay male feminists. When we contacted these “reputable” journalistic gay media outlets and requested an opportunity to offer rebuttals or offer our points of view, we were denied. This rejection personally troubled me for a short period of time. Here we are, the largest “safe for work” gay website in the world for men of color and “they” don’t want to hear our voice.
On the last day of my “troubles” I stared at the computer screen. Looking at the websites that rejected me, I realized; I don’t look like them, I don’t share their interests and I don’t exist in their gay realm. Just as I reacted to the religious community and to elements of the heterosexual community, I asked myself, “why do I fucking care”?
Yes it’s unfortunate I have to exist in the gatekeeper’s world by definition of being homosexual or gay; nonetheless my voice matters and my masculine points of view are important. If they won’t recognize masculinity as it pertains to the homosexual man of color, WE WILL. As it stands now, we are the lone voice and we will wear it with pride.
Sexuality & Body Image
I will not ignore that when it comes to gay sexuality, masculinity reigns supreme in the form of masculine privilege. Yes, masculinity is highly sought after regardless of the seekers gender conformity. But is it really masculinity or the masculine image? Maybe a little bit of both but in my opinion its more so the latter. Again if you take a cross section of all gay media, when it comes to sexual imagery the Gay Gatekeepers push forward certain trends. It seems like the three main trends for sexual observation are transgender women, twinks, and masculine men.
Transgender women are praised for the feminine sexiness. Their makeup, breast implants, hair and curves seem to be highlighted and applauded for their almost perfect resemblance to that of the biological female form. The thin twink is another example of a sexual trend but there is a caveat here. The usual image that is presented of the twink is that of the very young and naive. Many times they are objectified as a “play thing” to be used until they get of a certain age or gain weight. In addition to this, Asian men are not only viewed as twinks but also submissive undesirable bottoms. Many White gays are quick to get offended by the tag lines of No Fats, No Fems, Must Be HIV Neg but will unconcernedly say, No Blacks, No Asians.
The most dominate sexual trend of them all is that of the masculine man. The masculine male image doesn’t need to be masculine, it just has to look masculine. This means it has to have muscles or be fit with a six pack, possibly have a five o‘clock shadow or a beard and have tattoos. This image is used to sell gay centric products from mobile apps, party promotions and events, under wear, vacation cruises and travel destinations. As stated before, this image is highly sought after and sexually prized.
What you usually will not see displayed on these effeminate run websites are images of overtly effeminate and flamboyant men being displayed as sex objects. Its almost as if they attempt to save dignity for themselves and are above sexual objectification. It seems like it’s okay for the overall content to be in the form of feminine points of view; however this halts when it comes to being the object of the effeminate gay sexual fantasy.
Let me be blunt; fems don’t desire fems sexually. This would be like a gay male form of lesbianism. But what about the masculine men who view femininity in other men as sexy and desirable? Too bad because remember, masculine perspectives don’t matter and are not relevant to the gay narrative.
The Gay Gatekeepers
The White Gay Establishment, Queers, Feminists and Effeminates; these are the Gay Gatekeepers. They determine what “gay” means along with its culture in today’s society. They set the stage on what type of gayness is allowed. They give the marching orders on who and what to be outraged against. They block out any other gay points of view that go against their mainstream narrative. Many of the ilk wear the badge of Feminist proudly while questioning what masculinity is. The elitist white gay establishments are the curators of the gay lexicon and in turn dictate and mold the conversations. Pretentious intellectual Queer Studies programs teach you how to tap into your feminine powers and be better effeminates and queens while being intolerant to traditional male interests. Their expertise is telling you how you are “doing gay wrong.” As it stands right now, the image of the overall gay community is that of sassy flamboyancy, limp wrists, lisps smacking, diva worshiping fashionistas. For me its madding that the traditional gay male image hasn’t changed or evolved in decades.
These are the same people that want gender lines to be blurred so they can feel more comfortable in their skin. In my opinion this is a form of self-hate, intolerance and rejection of maleness. Gay men of color are used when they are needed to fight for gay causes; however when the goal has been accomplished, the Gay Gatekeepers regulate them back to their respective camps until their services are needed again.
Gay men of color are fighting for racial equality in addition to sexual equality. Gay men of color have more concerns besides getting gay married. Gay marriage is a luxury fight that can be afforded to white gays while Jim Crow and racism persists for men of color across the globe.
The Gay Gatekeepers view masculine men as knuckle dragging oafs that are good for dick but not conversation. Masculine men are viewed as self-hating effemaphobes while not being true to themselves. Black and Latino masculine gay men of color are automatically labeled DL regardless if they are out and proud. Because masculine gay men can blend into the hetero-normative majority, for queens this equates to “hiding”. This leads to the false perception that masculine gay men don’t face discrimination or can be possible victims of gay bashing. Remember via their own media outlets they have made known that masculine voices and perspectives of color are not relevant and don’t matter, but guess what…
We do matter and we are relevant. Cypher Avenue will continue to be unapologetic concerning issues of gay male masculinity and I will continue to do my part and be a voice for masculine gay men of color. Thank You.
Good article! I see where you come from and you make valid points…. I’m thankful that there are people like you and @nick who have created a cite like CA because you give us a voice that is heard even if others try to ignore it!
Really great article. Makes me proud to know somebody is standing up to the “gay big brother” lol keep it up guys I’m 100% with the malsculine platform.
QUOTE: “I don’t look like them, I don’t share their interest and I don’t exist in their gay realm.” – So Fuck em!
@Ocky You betta speak on that shit son! I was on another black gay website (that shall go unnamed) and they actually had an acticle about how Gay Black Men should stop complaining about the lack black gay men on television, but instead should IDENTIFY with Black Women such as Scandal’s Kerry Washington or Gabby Union from Being Mary Jane. I nearly blow a fucking gasket! So yes, I understand and agree with your frustrations.
Yo man thanks for the shout…but this week here..I been on these “other” websites and became so fed up I had to speak on it. Fuck this. I’m going hard hence forth being unapologetic in my masculinity. We need to be strong and stand proud. WE MATTER!
hummm. Would this “unnamed” website start with an M?
@Ocky, you mentioned something a while back, probably in jest that you don’t even remember and it stuck with me. You said why does it seem like white bottoms in porn seem to always be more masculine than black bottoms. I was thinking that white masculine gay men in general are less masculine than masculine gay black men. I think that masculine black gay men are foreign even to white gay masculine men in terms of demeanor and interests. I just don’t think they can relate to be honest. We use the term, hypermasculinity, on here sometimes to refer to “thuggish” men. Could it be possible that these white publishers/editors are equating our points of view with this imagery?
oh no…I remember the statement clearly. For me it boils down to numbers. Black gay men are a minority and lesser in number to white gay men, therefore they (white gays) have a higher masculine ratio than black gay men, thus more appear in porn. Does this make sense?
Yeah. I understand in the porn arena but in everyday life, I don’t think that masculine gay white editors/publishers understand the men of Cypher Avenue. Our interests, hobbies, histories etc. Which is why it’s fucked up they wouldn’t let you explain yourself and give your point of view. That just smacks of censorship in my view. In journalism school, we were always taught that if you mentioned someone or some entity/organization in a story, you should at least give them the courtesy of a reply. Some people don’t understand us and I’m afraid they’re not beating down our doors to get to know us.
Ok…let me explain and give my perspective. I do feel masculine white gay men have things in common with masculine gay black men outside of our racial dynamics. When I view some Reddit groups on this subject, I fully relate to some of the white masculine gay men and their experiences from the same gay (mostly fem) mainstream.
The sites that would not allow us to provide rebuttals were governed by fem white gay men, not masc gay white men. I know because I looked them up, viewed bios and viewed some of their interviews which confirmed my suspicions.
A lot of very good points brought up here. Particularly as it relates to masculinity.
Yo @ocky or @nick can someone review this?!?! I call a flag on the play!
got it, thanks!
This article was amazing. Thank you for sharing our perspective on this. So many times I have wondered why I just don’t “fit in” in the traditional “gay scene” and every time I read one of your articles you breathe life into my scene where I just want to be a man who happens to be gay.
This article is another reason why I’m so grateful that Cypher Avenue exists. Up until 2 years ago, I spent a lifetime with a belief system that I did not fit in anywhere. A black make attending predominantly white schools. I wasn’t black enough for some black people because I spoke proper english. Fast forward to dealing with men, I was considered weird because I don’t worship club life, am a sports fan, and do not subscribe to one definition of what is means to be gay. With that being said, I’m 41 and still feel I don’t fit in when surfing the net for gay content that may interest me. That feeling of invisibility is also found on some of the websites for gay men of color because they cater to young, effeminate men just starting out and still shutting clubs down. I’ve seen gay themed movies that are set in major gay hubs, all focusing on the experiences white men in their 20’s. There is plenty of gay content out there, it’s just not welcoming to everyone as they claim. There is a feeling of exclusion I get when I visit some of these sites. You can look, but clearly they’re not speaking to me or for me. Kudos to Cypher Avenue for being that the starting point for changes to come.
I concur! I wondered where you went Ruelon! Welcome back!
I know I’ve been so behind on my Cypher Ave. That will not happen again.
Have you checked out HBO’s new gay themed series, “Looking”, yet? So far it is just as you described, centering around gay white men in their twenties.
LOL further proves my point…
Okay, just read this and while (of course) I agree with all of it, I’ll play a little Devil’s Advocate and say that in Cypher Avenue’s desire to represent an alternative gay point of view (our POV), we have become Gatekeepers ourselves.
As mentioned, we are a very popular website for gay men of color who prefer not to be besieged with pornography. Having said that, the site is definitely “masculine leaning.” We have a filter of what will be posted on the site. We have a filter on what imagery is used. We have a filter on what advertising is selected.
While we get many submissions from effeminate writers, effeminate musicians and effeminate web series creators, we only post updates on the site that reflect our “brand.” This could (technically) be argued for the feminists and/or white gay sites as well.
Granted, the other sites have more “power” in the gay community, which goes to your point. But I would argue that we have a little pull as well…yet we have padlocks on a few gates too.
You have indeed become gate keepers, but let’s visualize this. I’ve taken away from the article the “white gate keepers” control the city and have a strong hold. We are the smaller sect of people living in the city. We have an area that could be seen like little Italy or Spanish Harlem or something like that. We have our own community and we have our own set of rules we abide by in the community, but that is only here. We have to do dealing outside our community and still function and play by the “gate keepers” rules. So Yes our interest are secured here and we feel safe, but we will not be accepted into to the whole scheme of things.
I think the difference is the other sites are saying their standards = the ultimate and only proper gay image,whereas you guys are adding another perspective to the big picture..
@nick I understand you are playing Devil’s Advocate but here’s the thing; as it stands right now, in the grand scheme of things, we are nobody.
Also we created a niche website in reaction to; we never claimed to be the representatives of all of the LGBT community as a whole like these popular websites have claimed for themselves. The difference is that they actually lie when they say they represent all.
We don’t have control or power to change Presidential elections and laws for the US, The Gay Gatekeepers do. We just chilling in our little house. Honestly, what power do we have in the LGBT community? Having followers who like our website doesn’t equate to having power. Does it? Maybe I’m being to humble…IDK
You’re right…we kinda don’t pretend to respesent the entire gay community but our “About” page implies that we are more inclusive than we actually are…
You can’t both boast that CA is the number one black gay/bi website in the world and also say that we are nobody. We do have a little power and influence…Maybe not to the point of impacting an election, but we do.
Case in point, my continuous sissy fit over Frank Ocean eventually caused enough chatter to get him to at least acknowledge being on Out.com’s 100 power list. Our single Tweet about the Kerry Rhodes story prompted entire essays to be written on more popular sites. We partially inspired the making of Freefall, one of the most popular gay web series out there. The list goes on.
Look at it like this. In High School you have Jocks who have power over the Nerds. Well guess what, the Faculty/Staff has ultimate power over all of them. In this analogy, we are the Jocks of the gay community. The Gatekeepers are the Faculty/Staff. While we’re not the MOST powerful, we still have a little and we sometimes use that power selectively to fit our own agenda (and we do have one), just like the Gatekeepers do.
This article was the truth. (Sidebar: there is nothing wrong with being a feminist, I strongly support equal rights for women, & I am a masculine man. I want my mother and sisters to be treated equally.) I really wish gay websites would be more like Cypher Ave: articles about real shit other than HIV prevention and circuit parties. I can honestly say you guys have managed to be pro-masculine while not discriminating against our more feminine brothers. Sometimes people need to understand that this is our space to express ourselves. This is combating masculine invisibly one post at a time.
Thank you for your feedback and coming to our site. Let me expand on my thought a little bit.
I think you will find very few people (men & women) who are not feminist in the purest sense of the word. We all want equality for women. Today’s feminists have morphed into something different. Female Hardcore Feminists are damn near misandristic and feminist gay men want to shed and reject their maleness. Both react negatively to masculinity and want gender lines blurred. To me this is a big difference from traditional feminists.
I have learned a new word from your response, misandry. Thank you.
The thing is feminism stopped being about equality for women years ago and is about promoting female supremacy and bashing masculinity. From what I see effeminate gay men want to cash in on feminism since they think of themselves as quasi-women.
Serious? Female supremacy. What feminists are you listening to?
Simply an awesome and well-written article. It’s true that pretty much many of the other gay-themed websites out there touch on much of the same sex, relationships, porn, “gay vacations and events”, celebrity gossip, and the like. You guys have truly drawn out the BLUEprint for the next set of 20 somethings to start up a site or a movement like your own that will help other young gay men of color coming behind people like me, @ace6, @domsmith01, @thatguy, @leeb860, @drewski23, @rox808, @jd412, @jsdestiny, and so many more.
Great article. I think I felt this four years ago when I first came out. I could not relate to white gays and I could not relate to the girls here in Atlanta. The white gay establishment wants your money but do not want to express your own masculinity or your identity. I have spoken to many white gay man and lesbian and they not only feel superior to you they really don’t consider you a part of the gay community. Our money becomes their money and their agenda.
Great article. Im not gonna sit here a repeat what everyone else has said. However, as Ive said before, I think u guys are the catalyst to seeing some of this change.
This site provides a place where people can come and see/hear that masculine gay men are out here. That men in women’s clothes and makeup dont represent all gay men, black, white or purple.
I think that visibility is key. Some guys join ‘the bunch’ becus they know early on that they’re different and the only representation of ‘different’ to these young boys is the ‘big fem character’. Im optimistic that we’ll see this change in coming years, in large part due to cypher ave and the likes.
A large part of my decision to ‘come out’ 5 months ago was based not only on my own comfort level, but also on the need for people to see that gay, like black, is not just what u see on tv.
Take this 20 year old kid who works in a diff department at my job, but is always trying to hang w me, lol. In his young, minority ignorance, he tells me about seeing 2 guys flirting and exchanging numbers, and uses the word ‘fags’ to describe them. It was great to not only check him on his language, but to also make him aware that he never knows who’s one of ‘them’. Even people he look’s up to.
Keep doin what u do @ocky n @nick
@ocky The mainstream media has always been white and is always going to be as long as they hold economic power. Systems of oppression work in tandem and that’s why intersectionality is important.
As for the mainstream gay media’s representation of gender, I believe there is a feminine bias. However I believe that has more to do with selling what sells than promoting cultural ideals. And this is true for the media as a whole. Why you think gansta rap is all over MTV but John Legend is mentioned in passing. The media only sell what’s profitable. When money is involved, forget true representations (porn industry!!)… unless money demands so.
“The problem with stereotypes are not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete.” Many gay men, fem and masc, are interested in the dominating topics you listed (what wrong with diva worship? it’s the same as athlete worship… any LeBron fans?) However, listing interests such as science, tech and video games as masculine/non-gay is problematic. There are women who like technology and fem men who like video games. And what is the “traditional gay male” point of view? Also, I wish you would stop saying “effeminate”. They’re feminine men.
“Also, I wish you would stop saying “effeminate”. They’re feminine men.”
This is false. We used the descriptor incorrectly in the past as well. We were rightly corrected by an effeminate man who visits the website.
WEBSTER’S DEFINITIONS:
Effeminate: having or showing qualities that are considered more suited to women than to men : not manly.
Feminine: of, relating to, or suited to women or girls.
I think you missed my point or maybe I didn’t explain myself properly but you never heard me say anything is technically wrong with the dominate attributes that I stated these websites display. All people like many different things; we are multifaceted and complex; however popular LGBT website don’t focus on the totality of the gay man, they usually only perpetuate and prop up the stereotypes.
I’ve thought about this subject as well and think a few things are going on 1: fem gay men are the face of what a homosexual man is because it fits the cultural narrative we grew up with. When I was in high school back in the stone age of the 1990s the effeminate boys were harassed and picked on. They stood out as gay. A fem man by default is out most masculine gay men don’t want put onto the “not a real man” box with the effeminate men and try to fly under the radar. 2: the fem men by default run gay culture. They see masculine gay men and heterosexual men as there natural enemies and heterosexual women as there natural allies. Thus on the gay scene masculine gay men have the odd position of being sexually desired and viewed with suspicion and resentment. 3: The straight world likes fem gays because that’s what their comfortable with. It fits their narrow view of reality where gay men are viewed as being weak and not real men and are less threatening. Heterosexual women luv fem men and treat them like one of the girls. Effeminate men are more than happy with arrangement and lend their support to feminist and anti male causes. I think if masculine gay men want to push the balance of power in our favor we need to 1: come out. 2: Form alliances with open minded heterosexual men because not all gay men are natural allies.
I’m late to the party but this was a solid read that talks about things I have known and spoken out on for years. There is institutionalized racism in gay social media, yes some of it boils down to what makes the most money but the reality is that when people are talking about gay equality/issues you will rarely find a person of color in that depiction.
About a year and a half ago I deleted my account on A4A because I got pissed off at the white gay agenda and the general display of racism on the site. A4A has a blog where they talk about gay issues/interests that sporadically pops up at the bottom of your mailbox when it’s updated.
In this blog every single post that was made was targeted at white gays, which I’m use to, and I pretty much accepted this as “the norm” on predominantly white sites but the last straw for me was when they finally did a posting on black men, and you what it said?
It was essentially a re-post of a report that the CDC released that said Africa-American men lead the % of men infected with HIV… I wasn’t upset about the report because facts are facts but what pissed me off is that out of the 100’s of blog posts that never catered to people of color, the one time they do it’s to basically say we all have AIDS, and of course from their the comments went south; it was full of a bunch of white people feeling justified in their racist behavior.
Wow…thanks for sharing this. That would have pissed me off also.
Your point underlines something that black gay men need to understand. That is that white gay men are not your friends or allies by default just because they’re gay too. Their homosexuality doesn’t exempt them from racism and white privilege. Just like black skin doesn’t make heterosexual black people our friends just because they’re black. That’s why I laugh at str8 blacks who start experiencing diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to the “gay agenda”. The so called “gay agenda” is about extending the privileges of being white to middle-class and wealthy white gay men. It has nothing to do with the struggle of black and Latino gay men.
Ha…I really wish we had some other races on here to add to the conversation. I would like to hear their take on our attitude and views.
Great article. One thing I couldn’t relate to was that about masculine men seeing feminine men as sexy and desirable – wouldn’t that be a weird form of heterosexuality? Anyway, I do know how it feels to be shut out by the “gay gatekeepers”, too, as my critical posts on mainstream gay sites are regulary flamed or censored. It’s so weird.
And those silly heterosexual women who surround themselves with queens and then proclaim themselves to be experts on male homosexuality annoy me so much. Often they are rather dumb, anyway.
While I’m only attracted to guys with a masculine physical appearance, I do find guys who have what people consider to be feminine personality traits attractive. A shy, gentle guy is def sexy.
Ah, I see. Gentleness and shyness can be very attractive in a guy, that’s right, especially when he’s hot looking and not queeny g. Although I do wonder whether that’s “feminine”. I certainly wouldn’t call it “effeminate”. A lot of otherwise feminine women are not shy or that gentle, I guess. A lot of straight guys are shy and gentle, too. But, what “feminine” and “masculine” is is often a very intuitive, personal perception/denomination, I guess.
Majority culture considers shyness and gentleness to be feminine qualities. I don’t. And I don’t consider “effeminate” to be a valid descriptor. It’s loaded with gender expectations (like emasculate) and I find it has a derogatory connotation. I think masculine and feminine should only apply to physical appearance really.
This is a very good point. I’ve often read the comments section on “mainstream gay” (aka white gay) sites and there will be a white guy or two in the threads speaking the truth as he sees it and he gets attacked. Usually his comments will be well articulated and not bashing anyone, but because he’s speaking against their narrative he gets pounced on.
We’ve tried to curtail that on this site as much as possible. We welcome conflicting points of views just as long as the person doesn’t get into bashing and name calling.
Fantastic article, I’ve seen this in person many times and sadly I ave never been able to voice it this well. Great write up @Ocky Williams
The Bible says, “Come out from amongst them and be ye seperate.”
This is why I distance myself from anyone that promotes the negative characteristics of this thing we call the “black gay experience.”
I grew up in the church (COGIC), went to inner-city schools and lived in the inner city and did not realize people could be so hateful, mean and mean-spirited until I started hanging around black homosexuals.
When I first came into this “lifestyle” I learned and learned quickly that if you don’t know who you are they will make you something and it won’t be anything good.
This is why I don’t deal with certain character traits period. I don’t care how “nice” they seem the real them will come out eventually.
I was friends with a dude for over 2 years and come to find out that whole time he felt like I was less than him. He went on FB and ran all my news all because he got drunk and almost got his ass beat over some mess HE started. People these days have a bad view of what friendship is all about.
However, I am glad that I know who I am and that I don’t need validation in order to wake up everyday and love me.
Incredible article.
There’s so much here I agree with, especially on how white gay men have dominated the LGBT movement, and how most major gay media exists to serve only gay white men.
What I don’t like, is how you’ve laid the blame for this on feminists, instead of men.
Painting with broad strokes, it is white men who are content providers, content consumers, and target audience for major gay media. Many of those white men, like myself, grew up with images of being a sissy or queer was the only way to be gay, and have spent decades wrestling with that nascent image of what a queer life could be.
I think this bell hooks quote from We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity adds some perspective here:
“Within neo-colonial white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, the black male body continues to be perceived as an embodiment of bestial, violent, penis-as-weapon hypermasculine assertion. Psychohistories of white racism have always called attention to the tension between the construction of black male body as danger and the underlying eroticization that always then imagines that body as a location for transgressive pleasure. It has taken contemporary commodification of blackness to teach the world that this perceived threat, whether real or symbolic, can be diffused by a process of fetishization that renders the black masculine ‘menace’ feminine through a process of patriarchal objectification.”
I don’t think feminism is to blame for these woes, I think it’s the cure.
…A Very Powerful And Arresting Article My Good Brother. The Perspective You’ve Shared Has A Profound Sagacity, And Is Something Along The Vein Of What Eye Have Touched On Myself At My Site:
http://galacticwyzedome.com./2015/06/10/gaysguardians-of-the-gates-agenda-pt-1/
A Visit And Comment Would Be An Honor, Looking Forward To Reading More Of Your Contributions..