Cypher Avenue Rating: 2.5 of 5      

Seeing Season One of Freefall was like getting set up on a blind date with an attractive guy’s Best Friend. You get all hyped up thinking the date will be as sexy as him, only to find out that his friend is a Lord of the Rings Ork. We expected this series would be like the director’s previous work but we were bamboozled. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad…I mean, the opening title sequence was good…and…there was music in there…and…and…it wasn’t Street Behavior. Yes…that. That was the best thing about Freefall, it wasn’t something much much worse, Street Behavior.

The camera and lighting looks good sometimes but its inconsistent. The story makes sense and is easy to follow which is a big plus compared to some of these other series. However the audio and acting is pretty poor throughout. Okay, less talk, more recapping.

Opening shot, we’re introduced to Xavier and Trent. They’re in bed and they’re about to have some good old fashioned morning gay anal sex. “Hey Mom, Dad, Grandma! Check out my new web series! The one that starts with gay anal sex!” “Boy…I’m so proud of you. That was the best damn Gay Hookup Anal Sex Scene I done ever seen.” *Wipes Tear*

The filmmaker seemed to be saying, “Y’all bitches want a Gay web series?! I’mma give you a Gay Web Series! Here ya go, gay sex in the first 30 seconds! Take that, Mothafuckas! Bussin’ all up in ya FACE! OPEN WIDE, BITCHES!!! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!” [Gladiator reference, son. That’s how I get down.]


Yes, it turns out that Xavier is just visiting because this was a Hookup…a random sexual encounter. I think. Its hard to tell because the audio is so fucking nonexistent throughout most of this series (see the advice given to Finding Me above). Although it seemed like that was their first time having sex, we learn that Xavier has actually spent the night there. The sex must have been better than he let on if he not only stayed overnight but he also agreed to have sex again that morning.

He goes to the bathroom after our introductory sex scene and talks into the camera. Oh shit, the writer is using the character to tell us back story and exposition instead of just showing it? Methinks the filmmakers are waving a “Red Flag,” sire. They’ve surrendered! Thanks to Xavier’s recap, we learn that he’s currently in a relationship and he’s cheating on his dude with a complete stranger all because his boyfriend hasn’t slept at home in TWO WHOLE FUCKING DAYS!!! Damn son, Xavier is a needy, clingy, high maintenance lil bastard. Despite his good looks, Xavier’s stock is rapidly dropping.

Next is Trent’s turn to have a chat with us. Trent seems to like Xavier and says he hopes to find one consistent “piece” but everyone wants to “live in the moment.” Ahhh, Trent…saying sweet things like that makes me like you more already. Then TWO MINUTES later he says to Xavier, “I don’t do relationships. Never did, never will.” Trent, make up your mind…Seriously, we just met you. Stock plummeted. What is the opposite of living in the moment? A fucking relationship, stability, consistency. Sigh. Freefall Writers, is this what we have to look forward to for the rest of the season?

We’re only five minutes into Episode One and these Freefall Writers are already making my brain go:


Xavier leaves. Finally! For a hookup, he was doing way too much. LEAVE ALREADY! Needy, clingy, high maintenance, chump ass character, argh! Next thing I bet he’ll be asking if he can move in with him! Oh wait, that DOES happen?! Wow!

Trent’s “straight” roommate Cam shows up and makes makes an Astroglide joke. Clue #1 that he ISN’T straight. Then he asks Trent if he got penetrated during his Hookup…details about his roommate’s gay sex affair. Clue #2 that he ISN’T straight. Then he asks to watch a movie with Trent…in Trent’s bedroom…while stretched out on Trent’s bed, ass-up in the air. DING DING DING! We have the Gay Trifecta! He’s a homo. But we’re still led to believe that Trent thinks his roommate is 100% hetero.

ARGGH! FREEFALL WRITERS! *Waves fists in the air*