I am a 47 year old, divorced, out and open father with a 22 year old son. I came out to my son’s mother which is what ended our marriage. I no longer wanted to live a double life and needed to be true to myself. Since then my son and the rest of his mother’s family and my family know that I am open. Even though this was a struggle for everyone for some time; I have full support from my son and my ex-wife.
My son came to live with me when he was a sophomore in high school due to the school in my area having a outstanding football program. My son went on to excel in his grades and football and in his senior year got accepted on a full football scholarship to a Division 1 college here in the south east.
My son is basically following in my footsteps, because I too played football in high school and in college. Being an athlete and the lifestyle that came with it, along with my family’s Christian background and the homophobia in the black community, led me to be in the closet. At 47 years old, I am a single, attractive in shape and take good care of myself. I am often told I look young for my age and still get hit on by women.
In high school and now in college my son’s friends have known of his gay father. Last February 2011, one of my son’s teammates “Tim” came home with him for the weekend. This is not unusual and my son has brought friends home with him before, just as he has went home with his teammates or friends before with no issues or problems. Tim and some of my son’s other college friends live about a hour from our house.
That morning as my son was outside washing his car, Tim asked me “when did I know I was gay”. After pausing and being puzzled, because this question somewhat came out of no where and I was not that familiar with this young man, in a nut-shell I told him I have pretty much always known. When I asked why did he ask the question, his reply was “no reason” and that was the end of that topic with no follow up questions from him. From that point, I begin to suspect this young man was in the closet.
Over the past months Tim and other teammates have come to the house many times with my son. I feel I have raised a good kid and because my son is of legal drinking age, I do not object to him or his friends drinking in my home as long as they are respectful to themselves, my house and any female friends my son may have over. As I stated earlier I have never had any issues or problems in the past.
Well that changed this past holiday break. Let me set it up for you. Tim came home with my son for the first portion of the holiday break. My son also invited some friends over from high school. As the evening was going down my son’s other friends went home but Tim stayed over. I don’t know how much beer was consumed but eventually I heard my son go to his room. There are sleeper sofas in the basement which is where my son and his friends usually hang out and where they sleep when they stay over.
About 3am in the morning I used the bathroom and head downstairs to the kitchen to get some juice. I notice Tim is sleep on the living room sofa (something I don’t allow, I’m old school that way). I woke him up and told him to go downstairs to the basement. As I head back to the kitchen he stops and says “can I come get in the bed with you?” I attempted to laugh it off being caught off guard and turned my back to place the juice back in the frig. Hearing him motioning towards me; as I turned Tim was a little to close for comfort. “Well can I?” he repeated. I promptly told him to take his drunk ass to the basement and go to sleep. He went downstairs and I went back upstairs to my room.
Full disclosure here. At 6 ft 4’ 225lb brown skin, Tim is sexy as F@%#. I cant remember what back-up position my son told me Tim played but Tim has a nice stature. I was completely turned on when he was shirtless with me in the kitchen. Why wouldn’t I be, but this was wrong and very awkward on so many levels that I think are obvious. But I defiantly thought about him until I fell back to sleep. Next morning it was as if nothing had happened and Tim was off to spend the holiday break with his family. I thought this situation would not happen again but felt odd with Tim coming back over to my house with my son.
4 days past and I get a text picture message of TIM…shirtless. What was going on here? First I thought how did he get my cell number but he and my son are pretty close so I assumed he got it out of his phone or my son gave it to him. I didn’t want to reply or call him as this may encourage something in his 23 year old mind. So after staring at the pic for awhile I deleted it.
My son’s mother and I have alternating holidays and this year it was my son’s turn to spend Christmas with my ex-wife and her family and he decided to take his girlfriend with him. So in I was at the house alone for a couple of days until my son came back.
Man it was so hot! Being that I had a couple of drinks, I found myself contemplating very hard about replying this time. Looking at his broad shoulders, back and ass really really had me hot and heavy. But with me, cooler heads prevailed and again I did not reply.
The next day, around 7pm on Christmas Eve I get a knock at the door, it was Tim. He asked me could he come in and talk to me. And I said sure but you are not going to come in here and disrespect my house. But in the back of my mind I wanted to rip his damn cloths off and take him right there. We sat down and he apologized for sending the text messages and that is when I noticed the smell of alcohol on him. I begin to tell him how the texts were inappropriate and how they made me uncomfortable and were somewhat disrespectful cause I am his friend’s father.
He apologized again and said he was attracted to me and thought that seeing him naked would make it easier for us to “get down”. He said he had never been with a man before and this is what he usually would do at school when he wants to get with a girl. I am the only openly gay black man as he puts it “that acts like a dude” that he knows of which is why he felt comfortable coming on the way he did.
But he than abruptly asked “don’t you like what you see?” I begin to tell him that it was irrelevant what I thought he looked like and that he is my son’s friend and teammate. At which point he began to look agitated and I begun to feel sorry for him. As I got up and sat on the arm of the couch where he was sitting, I attempted to explain to him, that I understood what he was going through and I know its hard feeling sexually different, but he interrupts me and abruptly asked me “can I just touch it?” Shocked I said “touch what?” He said, ”you know, your dick?”
At that point I knew this wasn’t going anywhere and said to him when he sobers up a has a clear mind I would not mind talking to him and helping him with his feelings but said right then and there that he had to leave.
Since then Tim has sent me several text messages that are sexual in nature and I have never responded to any of them.
Tim has not been back over to my house with my son. I am not sure on how to tell my son but I do know I am not comfortable with Tim visiting while my son is at home. My close buddy has given me some good advice, but what do you think about it?
Okay so here is my advice,
Horny ‘n’ Nasty Switched Turned On;
Oh shit…muthafucka that is some hot ass shit right there. You should’a got that ass nigga. Yo if it was me, I would’a hit that shit, I mean dudes fuck with young bitches all the time…what is the big deal?
Horny ‘n’ Nasty Switched Turned Off;
You sir did the right thing and obviously in your case, with age comes wisdom.
Of course two reasons you did the right thing is that…
#1 He is your son’s friend and teammate.
#2 He is a young man that has some things to work out and come to terms with himself and his sexuality.
Actions like Tim’s could potentially come along with being a college athlete and he may be used to getting what he wants including sex. It’s unfortunate because you could have offered a unique level of mentor-ship, being that he may be going through the same experiences you went through when you were his age. The wisdom and human condition that goes along with this lifestyle that could have been passed on to him, has now been blocked by his sexual aggression and immaturity…sad. Hopefully Tim will get it together.
As far as your son is concerned, you stated you have raised a good kid…he is smart and close with his father, so tell him the truth. “Hey son, I don’t want Tim in my house anymore…for these reasons”. You should point out to your son what a difficult time Tim may be going through with his sexuality / confusion, that coupled along with his age, may have caused him to act out the way he did towards you. Not making an excuse for Tim but perhaps giving a reason for his actions.
I would hope it wouldn’t strain the relationship between the two, but as your son gets older he will learn (if he hasn’t already) that people come in and out of our lives for different reasons and it is up to him if he wants to remain friends with Tim.
Side note; did I read correctly when you stated Tim said at school when he wants to get with a girl, he sends them nude pics via cell phone? WTF?…I mean these girls (or any recipient) can forward these pics to any one any where. Maybe it’s just a sign of the times and I am getting old. Sigh…but I digress…
Well Man, I hope my response along with the advice from your close friend helps you through this situation, but as I believe with everything there is always the good with the bad.
The good is that at 47 years old, you can still pull and attract them 23 year olds. Go get em…LOL
-Octavius
Engaging in a sexual encounter with the friend of your son would be an example of the gay definition of “messy.” Hell even if this were a heterosexual encounter it would be considered messy. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen this episode on The Jerry Springer Show. I’m not saying that the age gap is an issue, just the limited degrees of separation. Ignoring the boy or banning him from your home was/is the best call.
I have to disagree with Nick ;-). This story is pretty hot to me because I’m 25 and I find that I am most attracted to older men. I’ve had several dealings with older men in the past and there was never any trouble between us. In your case, I wouldn’t have done anything with him either just because you’d be his first and we all know the drama that could come along with that. It is best that you don’t have him over again. Just letting you know that it is possible to have relations with younger people, finding a good, mature one is the challenge. He hasn’t found himself, so you’re asking for trouble if you deal with him…..especially if you put it on him good and then break his heart lol
Just do it. why are people always trying to hide, or down play their sexual desire.
I agree, with that much persistence going on I would have fucked him good. I wouldn’t ever tell my son that I and his friend was having a relations unless it became obvious. Shit happens. He drew the line, but was he happy in the end? It is evident the father doesn’t have a partner otherwise nothing like this would or could have transpired on this level. I would have taken pleasure with that young ass and enjoyed every minute of it. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I can see it from both sides really. He should never tell his son. That is wrong. That’s like outing somebody without their permission. SO SO WRONG!
Cosh- you are sounding quite thirsty. There were other people to think about- his son, his ex and the newness of Tim. Thankfully wisdom and restraint won out. And btw- 3 young bois pursued me last yr. all under 25. And yes- it was an unexpected treat. : )
I really admire this dude’s sober behavior and self-restraint.
I hear everyone’s “should have banged the kid,” but since he’s attracting this fine man, I’m sure he can get plenty of dudes who are NOT his son’s friend – and still very (or more) attractive.
Besides, at 47, don’t you want a dude that can lead to a relationship? Especially after having already had a marriage. At least, I can say for myself that part of what I find especially attractive in a man are the qualities that give long-term potential. Short term potential = 23 years old, has a dick, has an ass. Every man has two of those three. An example of ‘long-term potential’ = the wisdom and sober thinking this man has. Not every man has that – and this kid didn’t appreciate, or even recognize that.
Sounds like two hours of sex that creates lasting problems (like when his son finds out, he thinks his dad’s a perv, forever).
Could you ever forget if your DAD banged your FRIEND? Would you lose respect for him, permanently? It might change how I see my dad, forever.
So go bang some kid from a bar!
As I read thru the letter, I began to feel a self righteous anger towards the father. But after reading further, I thought to myself “what would you do in a similar situation?” Juggling ones natural sexuality with your good judgement can be a tough task. But it seems the dad handled it as best as he could have. If the events depicted in the letter are true, quite frankly, I’d be surprised that this dad used restraint. Most gay men of advance age only want to f*ck young men half their age. So I think the dad will ultimately give in to the advances of the 23yr old.
He would tell himself it’s okay because the young man was aggressive and persistent. But in the eyes of many, he’s just another NASTY F*G who wants to prey on young men. If he were heterosexual, it would still be as creepy.
He is grown!!!! You have some brother who are his(Dad) age he shouldn’t have sex with. Tim is a grown ass man!! Tim is a friend of his son not his son’s lover. Tim is old enough to legally drink, join the military, get married, buy a house, become a elected official, be medical doctor, drive a car, get a tattoo,be a father,in graduate school,donate a kidney,……………………but he does not have the capacity to decide who he wants to fuck? Get real!!!
Thanks for diging this out of the grave.
This is a situation where the potential for damage is too much. There’s plenty of dudes in the sea. You don’t have to go fishing for them out of the closest puddles.
Definitely did right by avoiding that. Hell, this sounds like a setup for a Fatal Attraction/The Crush movie.