The MYTH of the HOMEWRECKER
Homewrecker. There is no term in global society more confusing to me than this. For those not in the know, a homewrecker is the person who creates temptation for his/her target to cheat on their lover. This person supposedly breaks up a “happy home.” Seems to be a pretty clear idea to most people but I could never logically grasp this concept growing up, even now into adulthood. How can a third party be responsible for breaking up a relationship? Especially through mere temptation?
This universal disdain for “homewreckers” is (at the very least) the definition of misplaced anger and (at the most) it is outright denial of logical thinking. The Homewrecker is a myth, a red herring, a scapegoat. Let’s Examine.
Gay men seem to be increasingly lacking self-responsibility. The “blame game” is a consistent trait. Verbally stressing why anything bad that happens to them is no fault of their own is worn like a badge of honor. So the “homewrecker” term makes a lot of sense for gay men.
Imagine if gay men’s lack of self-responsibility were a force field covering their entire bodies. This shield becomes extended once the person gets into a relationship. Their lovers are now “protected and infallible.” This is how they think: “It’s not my man’s fault that he cheated on me, it was that sexy homewrecker!” Let’s be real for a second. If you were in fact had a “happy home” your man would have never cheated on you in the first place.
A relationship is like a binding contract. Watch any of those daytime courtroom shows for proof of this. If two people enter a contract and one person breaks the contract by involving a third party, that third party is NEVER the one that gets sued.
As many of you already know, I’m a big believer in the numbers game. There are over 7 billion people in the world and at least 350-500 million of them are gay/bisexual. With the modern capabilities of meeting individuals outside of your immediate area through the Internet, limitations in gay dating have reduced dramatically. So a single person has plenty of options outside of that “married guy” and could/should deal with fellow single people. Having said that, they’re single. By definition they can hookup/date whoever they want.
BUT HE’S THE SINGLE ONE
I’m not advocating that people knowingly chase after committed people…but let’s think logically about it for the duration of this article. Single people ARE NOT responsible for the strength of your relationship. If you broke the contract of trust with your lover, that Single, non-attached man that came on to you in the club wasn’t to blame…the culprit is your own will power. All human beings are constantly bombarded with temptation on a daily basis. The individual that can remain faithful in a sea of temptation truly demonstrates his level of commitment.
NOT MARRIED = TECHNICALLY SINGLE
This shouldn’t be that bold of a statement but I’ll defiantly say it anyway: People who are in non-married relationships are still technically single. By my reckoning (and most other people), marriage is the proclamation that the two people involved are now officially OFF THE MARKET. If that is not the case, why even get married in the first place? It can’t be just for the tax benefits.
So if the previous assertion is true, what weight does the “monogamy talk” have within non-married relationships worldwide? For the sake of this discussion, let’s call these monogamous non-married relationships: Marriage Light. To further enforce my point, I reluctantly bring up the lyrics to a Beyonce song, “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.” To me this meant, “if you wanted to truly commit to me, you should have married me.” So marriage seems to be the TRUE symbol for commitment, not a “monogamy talk.” If that is the case then all people in Marriage Light relationships are still technically single.
If that is the case, are all bets off? Are these people still technically “On the Market” for potentially dating and/or sexual relationships? Is a man who knowingly tries to seduce a married woman worse than a man who seduces a woman just monogamously dating? My opinion, if said man is single himself: ALL BETS ARE OFF.
Men in committed relationships, however, are 100% responsible for giving in to temptation and breaking their contract of trust/monogamy with their lover. The man actually in the relationship who cheats is the only “homewrecker” there can ever possibly be.
– Nick D
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