Be Cool and Take Our Advice

It’s been awhile since Cypher Avenue had an ongoing advice “column”. Even though I was spearheading this idea, the questions that we kept receiving were becoming very similar and one dimensional. Mostly relationship and sex questions that were answered in numerous posts already published on the website.

Hopefully third times a charm as we attempt to bring back Cypher Avenue’s Advice Column. Yay!

First up in our reboot comes from a young man living in the NYC who is early in his dating phase. Check out Nick Delmacy’s advice and feel free to add your own thoughts or comments.

Hey what’s up Nick and Ocky

I’m T from NY. First off I just want to thank you two for even starting your sites (Discreet City to Cypher Avenue). I came across your website at an important time in my life. I had just turned 18 and pretty much said “Ef-it, I’m going to do me.” This meant actually dating guys and whatever. So I randomly stumbled across a link to your website on someone’s Jack’d profile and I’ve been riding with you guys since.

Your posts have helped me stay true to myself when I was feeling the pressure of the “gay lifestyle” to conform to the gay stereotypes, which wasn’t me at all. The straight life was more “me” and the gay life that I was introduced to had me feeling like a fish out of water. So thank you for creating a much needed space.

But anyway I do have a question for this submission. I’m fairly new to dating; I usually focus on work, school and recently my website. I just started dating someone for about 2 weeks and his birthday is coming up and he expects me to buy him a present. Naturally, I would get a little gift, nothing major (I’m a college student and money is tight). But he actually asked me for gift. There’s something that turns me off about just meeting someone and them asking you to buy them presents. I never ask anyone I just met for anything. Maybe it’s different for me. So my question is, when it comes down to dating and getting to know someone, are there do’s and don’ts that you guys follow or recommend? How do you feel about someone asking you for a gift that you’re getting to know?

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Hey T,

Thanks for being a longtime supporter of the site (both of them), even though we know the site is popular we sometimes feel like we’re blogging in a bubble until we get affirmative letters like this from you!

As for your dilemma, don’t think too much about it. You’ve only been dating for a couple weeks so the pressure isn’t too high at this point. I’m sure you really like this guy so far, otherwise this problem wouldn’t have prompted you to ask for advice. However, there’s no guarantee that you’ll still be seeing him a month from now. If this were to happen, you’ll likely find someone else so who cares about making others happy. This brings me to the solution to your problem. If he’s also in college, he should understand the money crunch…if he’s older and out of college he should also understand that a young college student can’t afford to buy an Xbox One for a guy he met only 2 weeks ago.

You didn’t say how old the guy is but there’s no reason that you can’t get creative and get him something cheap that is tailored to his own interests (or your perception of his interests). You could even make something from scratch that is personalized and more memorable than a store bought gift. The internet is full of websites offering cheap/free gift ideas. Obviously, this “free” gift shouldn’t include sex…save that gift for after you’ve been dating for a while longer, LOL

Good Luck and feel free to email us and comment on the site in the future!

Nick D