Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website. The episodes will be available in four ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube, download a MP3 version or subscribe to us on iTunes for automatic updates!
In this podcast, Cypher Avenue founder Nick Delmacy once again gives us a solo pod full of personal stories, self reflection and introspective thought on being a black gay man.
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My best friend had a similar situation happen to him. One day he called an old fling that he messed with while he was living in ATL to get a status update on how he was and stuff but he never picked up …. so he did a google/facebook search and found out he was in fact dead. I was the first person he called …. he was definitely shook a bit but we got through it.
We still to this day don’t know exactly how he died but we think it’s complications from AIDS. He was known for having unprotected raw sex for years (he use to talk about) so we just ultimately connected the dots. There was a rumor also that he died from cancer but it’s just not adding up … we both think it was AIDS knowing him and his religious family. They likely said cancer to conceal his gay lifestyle because he was not out, but exuded gay tendacies, and his family was simply homophobic.
– great idea to try n make a podcast a wkly thing..we RLY do kno yall have lives n careers, but a 20/30 min sitch might work for the approach
– nice to find out the ‘cinnamon toast crunch’ dude in ur life..I remember it being brought up
-can’t wait to find out the story of who had u feeling vulnerable (human) appreciating Mary (a place we’ve all been at a certain age..)
Nice to see @nick trying to be more open..Believe it or not ur helping some young dudes out here man
Great podcast homie..
I’m sorry he couldn’t live the life he wanted to the full extent of his potential.I too watched cancer destroy someone rapidly (and graphically),but I still think the death of a young person is worse.For you,I’m glad you were able to realize that your hand couldn’t change the course of his life.Self-imposed guilt helps no one.
@Nick great podcast man. I agree with @SB300 that I am glad you are opening up more. Like you, I came out late. And in many ways at 32, I feel I am having to make my way through the maze of the gay culture. The secrecy, the lies, the whoredom, etc. It makes me reserved sometimes way more than I would like to be. I use to talk to a guy who reminded me of your story. He was DL in conversation and operation, but as I meet people in ATL, he was all but not DL.
Oh thanks for posting cause this all night grad school project was making me fall out, but your voice had me wide away 🙂
This was a great Podcast. When I was in my early 20s I remember coming out to my college roommates and going to a gay club on my own for the first time. I remember looking extra casual and being sorta terrified but excited at the same time. I remember being approach by this guy who basically cruised me and introduced me to his friends. He was markedly more flamboyant than anything I was use too but he had a southern charm that was irresistible. We ended up dating for a couple years. I liked him because he was the complete opposite of me…he was in the fashion field and I knew nothing about it…we split up because his dreams and aspirations took him to New York and LA and our time was simply not right. Even though I am happily engaged, I think about that guy all the time and we have remained friendly via FB but I always wonder what could have been and I am extremely proud of him and his accomplishments. I totally get not wanting to be with someone but thinking about them often and letting your mind wonder.
Ayo, I appreciate you sharing your story. When you make it personal it’s honest ; when it’s honest, it’s real. Glad you two made a decision to do so . You see the audience becomes more loyal when there’s a even greater connection . [As]different as we are in experiences we all are connected for we are here, support your work and platform.
Man I truly enjoyed this personal Podcast. I think most of us has had that defining relationship when we first start participating in the gay world. That one relationship, no matter how it ends. you’ll always have that person in the back of your head. Thank you for sharing I hope there’s more stories coming.
I was a full grown adult during the AIDS Epidemic, for a while every week there was news of someone being “sick” or of someone dying. It was truly a tumultuous time. Friends and rivals dying left and right. Sometimes I suffered survivors guilt, because I was “out there” doing a lot of the same things they were doing, I just stopped doing them earlier than a lot of them. Keeping it totally 100, I hated having to make that adaptation. Getting dick use to be easy-breezy and fun. Then it changed into a game of Russian Roulette. It was either change with the times or die. You said we don’t have to extend condolences to you, but I will extend mine. Even though you carried it off with total aplomb, I could still sense your underlying pain. Thanks for sharing.
I had a similar story on so many levels. The time shared. The impact. The losing touch over 7 years. Then getting the news late just months after he went home sick to another state and died. It was aids related . Someone who lived with me for nine months. And I couldn’t even say goodbye. By the time I came back to the U.S after a 3 year hiatus he had already gone to rest a couple of months earlier.
I just take comfort in my faith that he will be just fine in paradise as I work on my faith to be around to see him then,,,,,again.
Hi Nick,
What an interesting story and quite pensive. Sorry about the way it ended for your friend. I guess sometimes thru the complexities in life, people make choices based out of their circumstances and maybe JAMES was so consumed with his own wares and tares of his life that he didn’t think anyone cared or would understand whether it was from Family or Friends. Its been a long long time since I’ve been by Cypher Ave and logged on. And when I do pass by, its usually to see how things are going with u guys! Its looks great in here by the way… Always enjoy the podcasts!
But very cool of you to share your story… Hopefully, it may touch others to reach out!
God bless!
wow this really got to me (no i’m not in tears or anything lol). Like just listening to this just had me a little frighten. Like i had some people in my life pass on and most of the time it didn’t sit well with me either. I can only imagine your thought process when you saw those comments. Because i know for myself it would bother me for awhile.
But I’m really glad you shared that with us man. I and most likely many others appreciate you for that man. It was deep. And it gave me something to think about.
Keep up the good work.
At 55 I have heard plenty of stories that I stopped counting after 10 people. I came out when I was around 22. Most of the guys I knew had been out since their teens. But even then from 22 – 26 I was on the low and dating women on the side. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your podcast sounded a lot like the podcast you or Ochy did with the vampire story! MAN I WAS SO IMPRESSED WITH THE SOUND EFFECTS, MUSICAL BACKGROUND, AND EDITING! You are an E-book author waiting to arrive! I am really going to look into making E-books as a back up for the book I am writing which is a fictional memoir which I have loaded it with a ton of my own personal poems. Check my spelling bruh! sorry!
Please tell me you are doing something with your writing talent????
WHY LET IT GO TO WASTE!!!!
I haven’t commented here since you became Cypheravenue but I just had to tell you that your story was very moving. You delivered an excellent memorial to your late friend.
Your testimony caused me to remember some of my fallen friends. I’m older than you so I remember the mid/late 1980s and early/mid 1990s when it seemed that someone I knew was dying every 2 or 3 weeks. It was a scary/depressing time to be a gay man.
Fortunately, HIV/AIDS is now a supposedly treatable disease (if you have money/medical insurance) so that sense of impending doom we all had then has lifted to a great degree.
All of which leads me to a broader point. When you are in a relationship with someone and the relationship ends try to keep in touch, if you can. Just because you can’t be “lovers” anymore doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Sometimes that’s not possible but often it is. Perhaps an encouraging word can literally save (or at least help) a friend in need.
Again, your testimony was deep and intense and you didn’t say anything bad about your friend (which says to me that you never stopped loving him in your own way). I will admit that I almost cried. Almost. lol Keep up the good work.
Kinda sad that people always think the worst if someone black and gay suddenly dies.
Is that what you just expect?
I don’t know. I can say I’ve seen a few situations that read as “hook up gone bad” and details are scarce when the gay guy is found dead. If the thought is that someone bought a House in Virginia and died, that certainly doesn’t have to be the case because people can get Healthcare for that.
I think if you are already out there and people know you are gay, there’s no point in hiding that fact. But I don’t think people need to know if it’s because you have a disease. Most people with cancer have no issue telling people that’s what they have. So I’d likely call bullshit if someone told me that was why someone I knew died.