My gloves are off and my rant is on and it begins with WHO GIVES A FUCK???
I think I have a motto that is befitting of me and I will begin to use often. It is “My analysis usually takes multiple paths to come to a few conclusions which can literally translate to “my thoughts being all over the place.” I will try to keep it together.
There are many dynamics circulating here. There are rejection issues, bullying issues, body image issues; self-esteem issues…issues upon issues upon issues.
I want to deal with the dominate “issues” that I think are at play.
NO FEMS
First, I don’t understand why some effeminate men are offended that some men are not sexually attracted to them. If I have “NO FEMS” on my online hookup account this is a problem to you…why?
If I was still dating, I would have on my online profile…”not interested in fems”. So what? Who the fuck am I that if you were fem you should waste your time on me? I am just one homosexual dude out of the many gay and bisexual men out there.
Ignore me and move on!
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Better question is why are you offended by someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Am I missing something?
If a man is not sexually attracted to effeminate men how and why is this problem? It seems like fem men are offended that a potential sexual or life partner has been eliminated from their personal candidate pool. Sort of like the way some black women are offended and put off by masculine black gay men.
But the thing is…effeminate men are still having sex!
The Kerry Rhodes situation proves that there are plenty of men who want and are attracted to effeminate men. So why waste time and energy on men who don’t want you, when there are plenty of men who do want effeminate men?
Personally I think this has to do with the fear of rejection. Believe me I empathize.
Out, gay and effeminate men may have been rejected early on by their family, classmates, and social groups. Now as an independent adult they now have to deal with the rejection of another gay man not being attracted (sexually or otherwise) to their effeminacy.
Second, rejection is a part of life…but it gets deeper and bigger (yes, pun intended).
At least every other day on gay and non-gay websites, there are articles about people who don’t like homosexuality or are anti-gay. Its constant and confusing.
Why do people (websites) who are gay or gay friendly spend so much web space, time and energy on individuals or groups who don’t like them? Versus featuring, fostering, nurturing and given web space to individuals and groups who do support them? I don’t get it.
If a man has “NO FEMS” on his online profile, move on. Forget him. Focus on the man who will sex you down, befriend you and love you in all your effeminate glory. Focus your time and energy on this man who wants and accepts you like you are, instead of the man who only wants masculinity.
There is a certain “victimhood” that exists amongst the feminine gay community when it comes to life and dating. Yes I know masculine dudes are just as if not bigger victimhooders (yes dammit I know this is not a word).
Breathe Easy…There are plenty of men who love and enjoy more submissive or effeminate men. Learn how to focus and enjoy them in return and not waste your time and outrage on the “NO FEMS” dudes. Think of it as their loss and another man’s gain.
The same goes for these publicity hound websites that constantly feature televangelists, political pundits (mostly republican) and the religious followers who don’t approve of the homosexual lifestyle or who are anti-gay.
Stop giving these people more publicity and a space at your table! The more you high-light them the more publicity they receive and the more popular they become as your adversaries. In the process you may be causing more harm than good for your cause.
NO FATS (this will be quick)
Why…because I will echo much of what I already said. Actually no I will not. Just read again what I stated above.
In summation, there are plenty of men who like and love heavier, non-muscular, non-six pack, non-zero-body-hair men. If a man has “NO FATS” in his online profile, FUCK HIM.
Move on to the next dude and don’t waste your time, thoughts and energy on some non-tangible entity that exists via the internet. You and your time are valuable. Don’t waste an ounce of outrage on some guys you don’t know who may be hooking up with someone else by the time you are texting and tweeting to your friends your outrage.
I am tired of gays feeling they are empowered because they are outrage by trivial nonessential bullshit. Your life should be more important than messages on dating apps.
Stop buying and feeding into the gay mainstream media hype and selective outrage. Think and question for yourself. If you sit and accept you don’t know what’s correct or incorrect.
As far as the dating apps go…Fem and Fat dudes, say to yourself;
Yes Fems, Yes Fats, YES SERVICE…and keep it moving. Do you and get your life! Hmmm…That sounds like it could be on a T-Shirt.
Feel free to leave your feedback.
Hilarious article.
You need to know that fems like me aren’t offended by peeps like you for not finding us attractive. We don’t want to have sex with you either…trust me! It’s that ‘No Fems, No Fats’ is divisive.
Why can’t you say what your INTO instead of what your NOT into?
It would be like me saying “gay-acting, no mascs.” All those mascs give normal fems a bad name! When you read it time & time again it gets boring!
Its fine to start with but gets tiring in the end.
“Why can’t you say what your INTO instead of what your NOT into?” because many feel like they don’t want to waste time…and having no fats, fems, blacks or whatever is a filter.
I personally don’t see how its divisive to be offended by a random person you don’t know behind an obscure computer monitor. Its intriguing to me for someone to waste time and hurt feelings on someone they don’t know who doesn’t want them. Be thankful I say.
I agree with the article. I am a gay man…that is a little soft and thick. If I see a profile that reads, “NO FAT, NO FEMS” then I just move on. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. It took me sometime to come to this for myself. But at the end of the day….. I love me more. So if someone is not interested “fuck them”. Like the article say “do you and get your life…..
Ocky, you can’t fix that which is hopelessly broken. Honest. I once had this white guy to message me on adam and he engaged in a conversation with me. In my profile it says that I am not interested in whites. He asked me why I said “no whites” in my profile after he tried persuade me that he was genuine. I said I still was not interested. HE CALLED ME THE “N-WORD.” Now that is what you call really really CRAZY.
One minute you trying to get me in the bed with you and the next minute you are CALLING ME THE N-WORD because I don’t want to GO TO BED WITH YOU. I found that it happens so often that this one BLACK DUDE has it the exact same scenario POSTED IN HIS PROFILE. I was like WTH. Yes, he posted the exact same scenario that I had gone through in his profile. I was like THIS IS CRAZY! If a person doesn’t want to be with you, THEN MOVE ON. It’s as simple as that. By you calling me the N-WORD you are showing by direct ADMISSION that you don’t like BLACK people, but 5 minutes ago you were trying to GET ME IN YOUR BED?
This has happened to me more than once. Ocky, figure that one out for me PLEASE. LOL
Some white gay men don’t know how to take NO for an answer. Some of them love Black Dick and they want it at any cost. I used to have white guys hound me at porno theatres when I used to go in my 20s. They would get bent out of shape when I didn’t want to be with them.
@Blacqlove & @COSHAMO
I know we’re slightly of topic here but I wanted to chime in on what you two just mentioned. The reason why white gay men find themselves in your inbox (despite reading NO WHITES in your profile) is because PLENTY of your decent looking black snow queens give these older white men the green light to tap the ass or ride the dick… It’s just that simple! If you’ve gotten encouragement from relatively attractive black men, then why stop at reading your profile. Afterall, they’re WHITE, so you gotta want them right…?
Real talk! People need to get over it and move on. People have a right to their preference. If you are not his type move on.
You’re quite correct. People have the right to be as exclusionary as they like. Remember that the next time you can’t get a cab.
Really dude?
So a person not being sexually attracted to someone is the same as a cab driver not picking up black folk?
You linked this together how?
I hate to say this, but his post didn’t dignify, or warrant a response. It’s just that simple. It just goes to show that “it” will rear its ugly head any and everywhere.
are you kidding me. You comparing racism and denying someone a service just because of skin colour to me not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who i not attracted to? I see you were attempting to making the point of right or wrong but you used a bad example.
We all are looking for that nut it shouldn’t matter how you get it.
Love the article. This issue has been going on for 20 years or so. It will continue to be an issue because people like what they like and want what they want. The only issue is we need to respect it and move on. Don’t take it personal. Just like you mentioned in the article Ocky, nobody likes rejection but it is apart of life.
I remember back in the day ( when I was in my 20s) I was on Go.com, Blackplanet.com and Black Gay Chat. I noticed that everyone had that NO FEMS NO FATS NO DRAMA AND DISEASE FREE. When people are looking for a hook up they want a muscle dude or average body dude they don’t mind saying hello in the morning when the sun comes up.lol
Let’s be honest if you are a regular gay man, you don’t want no Fem dude trying to be on top of you.lol Just saying. I like a regular dude and call me ignorant but in my life I haven’t met any fem guys that can carry on a regular convo (politics, God/spirituality, health, love).
Not being attracted to fats and fems have been going on longer than 20 years. A person as a right to not be attracted to what/whoever it’s just when they are going out of their way to not be associated with them is the issue. Gay is gay and it’s high time non-fems stop acting like they are better than fems, just like it’s high time for fems to stop think they have to were their sexuality on their sleeve. There is a big difference between fem, and flamboyant.
That boy Ocky said, “…Get Your Life!” LOL. I like. That should be on a T-Shirt!!! HA!
Anyway, I do agree with you about people wasting time. It kinda goes back to the point I made earlier today on your previous post where people “fiend for what they don’t need”. A fem dude may WANT a certain masculine guy that has “no fems” on his profile but that’s not what he needs. I do think that there is someone out there for everyone. The other day, a friend of mine was at the barber shop and a masculine dude came in there with a TRANSGENDERED female and he was so confident in picking her as his partner. The other barbers were making silent commotion because they were noticing the transgendered female. After he got a haircut, he looked at her and said with a smile, “let’s go!” There are people out there who do not want anything to do with transgendered/transsexuals and then there are others who find that attractive. As the saying goes, “To each his own.”
Rejection will be there but I say just look for where you’ll be appreciated and don’t try to force anything on others who don’t agree with you because those people are already set in their ways/views.
Another one Ocky! Two in a row today! Let’s toast to that! (glasses make “clinking” noise) LOL.
Here’s the question I would pose for Fats and Fems:
Would you F*ck yourself?
I’ll answer for you > NO! you would not. So stop telling me I’m wrong for not wanting to sex you when you wouldn’t be interested in someone like “you”.
Ocky, I’m buying you a ‘drank’…..
Good question!! Often times folks are not IN LOVE with themselves and want to project it onto others as if THE EXTERNAL is responsible for their happiness when we all know that is not the case at all.
HOWEVER, as a MAN OF SIZE….there is no need for you to answer it for ME!!! HELL YEAH I would “PHUCK ME” cuz I love what I have to offer and if I had seen ME walk down the street, YEAH, I would double take and see how I can give me MY number and set something up…
BUT…not everyone has that confidence..,,,,
I so agree with you on this because although we all have our preferences but do so with a degree of respect without offending anyway in the way that you say or do it.
Big Meach,
COSHAMO & Black Pegasus would like to watch while you do it. No lie. ???
Once again here is someone being rude and insulting instead of saying no you’re not my type.Why would you ask someone who is fat or fem if they would fuck themselves ? You seem to suggest that a person like this views themselves through the lens that you view them through.There are some people like this who are very confident and feel very good about themselves.It is only people like you who by your comment is telling them that they shoudn’t.
Again, people with those attitudes are hurting inside THEMSELVES, so the only remedy they know is to project that hurt on someone else. They probably feel that they have this top-notch body, amazing abs, perfect height, and they still get rejected (probably because they lack personality and character). They can’t figure out why they get rejected, so they, in turn, reject others who THEY feel SHOULD BE rejected instead of him.
Well, let me say this, YES, I do agree with the MOVE ON theory, but here is where it gets funky and why folks get offended…. and mind you it’s a double edged sword; however, this is the dichotomy of debate:
Often time folks get offended because THOSE SAME FOLKS WHO PUBLICLY denounce NF squared are the same ones who SECRETLY come pushing up on a brother in the dark….and all is good until the sun comes up or the lights come on…. What makes this sad is that those who accept this (and yes I was one of them at one point in my life) have become accustomed to be the “Rice-a Roni” and/or the “Turtle Wax” of the community. Yeah, the CONSOLATION PRIZES…
It’s one thing to know your own likes and preferences, but often times those “preferences” mask PREJUDICES and that’s what many folks don’t want to accept. If you have discriminating tastes, that’s FINE, but be HONEST with it and not hide it under umbrella terms that suggest “all is cool, but…..”and also KEEP ALL THAT SARCASM, MALICE, and DISCONTENTMENT to oneself……
A lot of times, the OFFENSIVE NATURE comes as a result of being DEFENSIVE toward all of the harshness that a lot of folks project when they want to tell someone they are not attracted to this particular part of the populous. The Gay Culture dictates all of the superficiality as some kind of law and precedent, and just like our mainstream counterparts, we have become THE OPPRESSED turned THE OPPRESSOR and viciously criticize, dehumanize,and ridicule the Fat and Fem populous of the culture.
One other point to mention is that often times in addition to being the Consolation Prize many are AFRAID to admit their attraction to this side of the community and treat it as an embarrassment and/or don’t want their friends to see them for not wanting to deal with the ridicule and scorn ( and we all know how shady and vicious the children can be; especially when you supposed to be dating a “MAN”)
You make a good point, I’ve heard it a couple time before: Men passed on in public are approached later in the dark. Like the transgender women that “straight” men wouldn’t look at publicly but will have sex with in private. That was a issue that came up in the Kerry Rhodes controversy. Its claimed the the real problems with the effeminate man began once Kerry made the public statements denying their “relationship.” Either way, the advice in the essay still applies. Move on to someone better, someone not ashamed. I don’t understand how men and women feel “used.” Sex is a two-way street. He got no more out of a one-night-stand than you.
PROPS to you Nick,
“SEX IS A TWO-WAY STREET. HE GOT NO MORE OUT OF A ONE-NIGHT-STAND THAN YOU.”
Truer words have never been spoken. “Now MOVE ON!”
One of my all time favorite songs: “I CAN’T MAKE YOU LOVE ME”
by Bonnie Raitt; Remake by PRINCE
In this situation, “YOU CAN’T ME WANT TO BE WITH YOU, YOU CAN’T ME LOVE YOU!”
“YOU CAN’T MAKE MY HEART FEEL SOMETHING IT WON’T”
“YOU CAN’T MAKE MY D*** GET HARD FOR YOU IF IT WON’T”
Get a clue and leave me *** **** alone!
Whoever *** **** you are!
This is an exalent point. Big Meach you took the words out of my mouth. People try and pass their hatred off as simply a preference. I think that is where the cab comment came from. This also happens with the top and bottom thing. I cannot tell you how many times I have told dudes that I am a top, but some will make a comment about my not meeting the right person/dick. This usually came from other tops, so I did not understand why would they come at me like that but they are not trying to grab their own ankles. After a while I noticed that many people who said they were tops were really vers. That just gave tops a reason/way to see if they can score a flip over. If a dude does not like what I like, and we are in a sex hunt envirement, A4A and others, I just move on. Having said that, rejection is very very painful, and it is hard to understand why a particular thing would cancel any chances out. Aside from the reasons written about in this post, there are people who are fem who do not think it is a big deal and they do not know why you do. The same with some big dudes and so on.
Even though I am with Ocky and Nick, we all should not dwell on people who do not want/like us for things we cannot change, and I have even been upset when some dude or female for that matter does not understand the not my type thing, it is very hurtful to be on the rejected end, and I am still working on being able to take rejection better. I do feel bad at times when I have to turn somebody down as well. This crule world.
I am a person of size…somewhat. Definitely not slim or muscular. But I know from experience, for every person out there who is NOT into “fems” or “fats”, there is another person who want’s nothing less than a fat fem! I think the offense comes in the derogatory and demeaning terms used to describe those who are more feminine or those who have some girth. I don’t prefer guys over a certain size, but I prefer more feminine guys over thugs. Some slender people complain that people tell them they are too skinny, and every now and then you will find a profile that reads “no skinny dudes”.
We all have preferences, but I think there is a way to go about making that known without being offensive. I stand by my statement from years ago, “Only hurting people hurt people.” This supports the previous assertion that the oppressed becomes the oppressor. Even those of you who have perfect bodies and muscles or whatever, try this: try not being so harsh when someone approaches you that you’re not attracted to. Because all that does is anger people and make them angry at the next person and creates a never-ending cycle of anger and frustration.
Yes my point exactly you can state your preference without being rude and offensive.
To All that’s been said…My sentiments exactly!
But now, I have to wonder hypothetically (Go with me for a sec-lol!)…….If the shoe were on the other foot…and Well fit/Muscular/or So-called sexually attractive people were considered the rejects of the world ( because keep in mind, the world we live in tells us who we are-from media to social networks, on down to our very own friends and family with their in attempt to mean well, outta love opinions)….Lets say that they were the ones being ostracized on a regular for being sexually/fit and was totally discriminated upon and being a big person was THE STANDARD TO LIVE BY on ALL accounts, WOULD we be having this discussion???
And again, without being redundant-EVERYONE is entitled to their own preferences, but an OPINION IS LIKE AN ASSHOLE…EVERYBODY GOT ONE! You like what you like, so move on…I GET IT! BUT, when your opinion is coming across as if its attacking or spitting harsh statements, its not nice! WHY must we continue in going out of the way just be nasty! If you don’t like Effeminate men or FAT men, FINE…MOVE ON! as its been said! I’ve been told countless stories of masculine cats trying to get with a big/fem dude behind closed doors and pulled shades. I think that’s one of the main reasons the effeminate/thick-type a people are so enraged!
If we were talking about a fine ass built like a brick shit-house CHIC that rejected a guy or brushed him off, we’d be calling her all kinds of Bitches, sluts or whatever! Its done all the time heterosexually, but I feel its a little different when you are particularly a FAT, STOCKY, BIG OR WHATEVER person where the world says you’re repulsive on a constant, its NOT cool! Now you add to that the equation of being FAT, CONSIDERED UNATTRACTIVE, UNAPPEALING by most standards, AND GAY/HOMOSEXUAL???…YOU’RE REALLY IN TROUBLE!
Nobody bothers you when you’re accepted or fitting in!
Here’s a quick story:
In 2008 I was in London at this place called Bar Code. Around this time I was coming into my own understanding of what being gay meant and learning all of the nuances of our community.
I was having a good time, drinking with some new friends and enjoying life when this dude comes up to me. He was Middle Eastern or Indian, I can’t remember because I was drunk. But I’ll never forget what he said to me.
Him – Oh My God. Are you gay?
Me – Yup.
Him – You do not look gay.
Me- Really? Why’s that?
Him – Because you are not fit
It was taken aback I must admit, but I never let him see that. I just laughed in his face and switched the conversation to something else for the following few minutes I was in his presence. All throughout the night though I kept catching him staring at me but I had already brushed him off for his rude ass comment.
I can’t speak for any of my other thick brothas but I can say I learned from that experience, and a few more from my dealings with the sites, not to take this lifestyle so seriously.
I’ve also learned that once I see No Fats then he’s definitely not the dude for me so I move on.
And honestly, the fact that so many of us yearn for the acceptance of a handful of shallow people on the Internet is asinine. I know rejection sucks but chasing a man who doesn’t want you and then getting mad about it is infantile.
When I see No Fats I take a moment, say to myself ‘Your loss brotha’, and move on to the next one.
Its true that rejection has been going on for more than 20 years the way the rejection is happening is 20 years in the making. Computers have made it very easy to be rude and insensitive toward other people. There is no way in hell most of these rejectors would tell someone tovtheir face to “stay off my page u fat sissy.” Yet online it happens hundreds of times per day.
You’re so right Ray!
The Computers/Digital-Age is a slippery slope to me. Its great on way side with being able to travel many places digitally to educate yourself, and yet computers have desensitized humanity with removing human contact in how we interact normally! Theres NO WAY some of the things said online would be acceptable in everyday physical!
The title of this piece is “No Fats, No Fems, No Service”. I can remember a time when the term was “no fats, fems or BLACKS”.
Was there a reason you left off the word “blacks”? Did you know that once upon a time blacks were one of the “rejected” groups?
Btw, “no fats, fems or blacks” was not just about white gay men who only wanted white men. It was also about black gay men who only wanted white men.
The reason “blacks” was left off is because the post was about “no fems and no fats”. Simple.
Should I have also included, no Irish, whites, dogs, Native Americans, Asians, Jews?
When exactly should the title have ended for the post I created?
Everything you said is true no ifs and or buts about it. People like what the like! You should be glad a person list not fems of fats, it saves both of you a lot of wasted time! Beside most of those sites are filled with guys looking for sex and face no one wants to have sex with a person they aren’t sexually attracted too!
I’m not in the “…Fem…Fat” categories, but I’m glad someone addressed this to the community. Great article man!
I agree that you should move on if the person aint biting but Sometimes to me the no this or that can be a little confusing to me because it makes me think to myself am I too fem or too fat or to white. For example I don’t really think of myself as fem (I’m no transsexual or finger snapping queen) but I know I speak with a quiet voice at times or I know genteel things but I also have a deep voice and know about sports. Also I am white but I have had many people tell me I look Latino or Puerto Rican (probably my Italian and Russian roots). So sometimes I am unsure when someone posts No Whites I wonder do they mean me or Beaver Cleaver and the Brady Bunch.
But really it is best to move on if you think you not a fit. Really most men on the online hook-up site seem like they playing games or not knowing what they want. They is another article on this site by that I think best advised me. Online sites may be great for some and can be certainly entertaining or a quick way to relieve boredom but it’s not the only place you can meet fellas. For sure meeting someone face to face in the real world is often more rewarding.
I have an admission to make. In 1993, I used to put ads in blk magazine and similar magazines. I was the first to use the term no fats, no fems. For real, it’s my fault.
But as the years have moved along, I gained weight. I am a victim of my own words. I honestly can’t believe the karma that I caused myself. It was terribly funny back then, but caused much hurt to many thousands of people. Please forgive me for accidentally starting that nonsense.
I’m a lil late in responding to this because I am new to the site. You made some great points in your article. Many people have experienced some rejection in their life and turn to apps to fill whatever void they need filled. In theory they should just get over it and keep stepping.
If you are not FAT or FEM is easy for those statements to roll off your tongue,and say MOVE ON..THAT’S LIFE. the problem is the NO FAT NO FEM thing seems to be a general consensus, and people are putting it because of sexual/lifestyle conditioning. Folks will be so against fem dudes and be adamant about it in their profile, but if someone has a body OUT OF THIS WORLD he’ll make an exception ON THE LOW..for sex.
Now, the fat thing…is totally changeable and I KNOW people that were fat, complained about dudes not wanting fat boys. Then when they got in shape they did the SAME THING, lol. The ideal male image is a height/weight proportionate body.
@Ocky, I think you’re looking at this on an individual basis. The real issue is that culturally those who are “fat” and “fem” are given lesser value than those who are “fit” and “masc”. This is not a personal dating preference but rather a reflection of a cultural norm. It is for this reason that many are offended.
And it is all about rejection. Being rejected by one person feels bad but being rejected by your own sex/race/community/nation does harm to your ego (in the Freudian sense). Any group of people who are dehumanized (saying “fats” and “fems” is like saying “illegals”. you don’t ever hear anyone say “fits” and “mascs”.) and assign a lesser value should be up in arms. Before the 1960’s, cultural norms assigned Black Americans a lesser value.
In this individualistic American culture we too often focus on the micro and not enough on the macro. Society and culture almost completely shape our lives.
“Everything want to be loved. Us sing and dance and holler, just trying to be loved.” – Alice Walker
My whole thing is this, why put something on your profile that you aren’t going to stick by? I’ve encountered time and time again guys that will hit me up with “no fats, no fems” on their profile and when I tell them I’m effeminate it “suddenly” turns to “but you’re a cool dude” or “you’re sexy though” etc. Caucasian, slightly heavier, bad skin, jacked up teeth having, “hood”, “DL”, “bisexual” men aren’t really my flavor but I don’t go out of my way to firstly put them all in the same box and secondly exclude them ALL when I know that there may be that “exception to the rule.” It just appears to me to be an ostentatious and unwarranted display of one’s own insecurities. I’m fully knowledgeable that there are preferences: there are gay men whom aren’t attracted to effeminate men and there are those men whom are utterly fond of effeminate men. I digress though. If putting “no fats, no fems” makes an individual feel all the better, then go for it. I in fact encourage it because it let’s me know who to stay away from and who to block. If you don’t like effeminate men there’s no need for you (generally speaking) to continuously stroll pass my page. There’s no need for us to converse on an intimate personal level, because you’ve made it a POINT to let me know that I’m not someone you’d be interested in regardless of my other qualities.
You ARE missing something. When people publically generalize a group of people….that’s no longer a private preference, thats a public prejudice.
It’s a form of sexual segregation and it’s really twisted…especially the fem bashing. I think gay men glorify masculinity because there is a underlying misogyny that is still VERY prevelent in our society. Gay men don’t like femininty because femininty is still treated as inferior in the mainstream.
To say that “fems” have a “victim mentality” is like saying… “black men/woman always claim racism.” WELL… that’s because when you post things like “no fats” “no fems” “no blacks” “no asians” it becomes a generalization that dehumanizes an entire group of people.
It’s not Burger King…you don’t get to just “have it your way” when you’re dealing with real, complex human beings.
But you just generalized by saying
“Gay men don’t like femininty because femininty is still treated as inferior in the mainstream.”
There’s nothing wrong with femininity if that’s what someone wants or is attracted to. There are guys who like fem men. If the problem is that if 6’2″ 205lb 10% body fat manly guy only wants another guy exactly like him then what’s the problem? If he doesn’t want a fem guy and you are a fem guy then he’s not for you anyway.
If it was a fem guy who said he didn’t want fem men would that be a problem? Why is this only a problem when the guy is attractive to a wide range of guys?
Many flawed assumptions regarding the lack of attraction to men who make display of feminine behaviour.
It is clear to me that male homosexuality makes most gay men naturally attracted to ways we deem masculine such as your body language, speech pattern, etc. It is a natural predisposition and you cannot change it. Remember, masculinity is a spectruum so don’t stick to a stereotypical archetype of masculinity as you see in movies or publicity, for example where masculinity is exaggerated.
Have you ever wondered why most heterosexual men prefer and fantasise with feminine women? It is because nature made them attracted to femininity.
When men reject feminine men it is not misogyny; it is simply that your brain is hardwired to react/respond to stimuli deemed masculine. The more you align with femininity while being a man the less attracted men will feel to you.
While attraction is a fixed trait and you don’t have control over it, you simply respond to stimuli or not, gender expression, on the other hand, has a strong learnt component. Our personalities are heavily affected by the people around us as we grow up. It is likely that some gay men acquire a feminine persona after subconsciously observing women because women and gay men share the attraction to men and some learn from women how to seduce men.
I have read it many times and I will expose it this way. If you are a feminine gay man, have you ever wondered why you look for masculine gay men and reject other feminine gays? You probably, on a subconscious level, associate certain traits with men and you find them appealing. Now wonder, if you are naturally attracted to these traits you associate with men don’t you think that the other gays also find the same traits attractive in men? Why would they not feel attracted to the same traits you feel attracted to in men?
Now, there aren’t absolutes when it comes to attraction, there certainly are gay men who find femininity attractive.