QUESTION OF THE WEEK: $250 and Up…How Much Do You Spend On A Gay First Date?

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Oct 5 2015 | 45 Comments  

Now that Cuffin’ Season 2015 is upon us, its time for the single gay men of the world to get booed up for these cold winter months. But how much are you willing to spend to find him?

Before you can get to the point where you can ‘Netflix and Chill’ with a dude (aka pretend to watch a movie and instead have sex a third of the way through), you must meet one another in a public place at least one time. Historically, this meeting has been called a Date. As we all know, gay men are VERY afraid of this word, instead they like to say they’re “just hanging out.”

Even if you just meet in a parking lot to talk and get to know one another, that’s a date!

The question is, however, how much should you spend on a First Date?

Tha Life Atlanta 2013 - Full Episode

Recently I got into a heated debate with a black gay man from D.C. who said that spending $200 on a first date is not only average, it’s on the low end.

Then I read this article on the topic posted by a heterosexual black man on SingleBlackMale.org:

If you want to date in a major city, be prepared to spend a pretty penny. Don’t let money control your decisions on the date. The way to be a gentleman is to figure out what she wants out of a date and do that. Don’t worry about the cost. Again, if you’re worried about the cost, you shouldn’t be dating. They say, “if you don’t got it, you don’t got it” for a reason.

When an article was published that stated the average man in DC spends $177 on a date, I thought to myself, “Sounds about right.” I did some quick math with a friend of mine.

Dinner for 2 at Oya followed by some fun activities in Chinatown DC:

Pre-dinner drinks: $10 x 2 = $20
Appetizers, entrees an dessert: $50 x 2 = $100
Drinks during dinner: $20 x 2 = $40
Fun and games at Penn Social (a bar with arcade games): $60
UberX the two of you home: $30
Total Cost: $250

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that a man really doesn’t have to do all that on a first date. And you’re right, you don’t. The problem is, I will. It’s not just about me; it’s that other men will do that too. They will put their all into a date to make a woman feel special. Men are competitively raising the bar every day to separate themselves from the pack.

Personally, there’s no way that I’m spending $200-$250 on a FIRST DATE with a guy that I just met. I don’t care how many other suitors he has that would do that and more. It’s not about the money, its about… You know what, fuck that…it IS about the money. Spending $200 to wine and dine a dude that I might not even want a SECOND date with is insane.

Secondly, does that total imply that I’m paying for everything? Granted, the above calculations were made by a heterosexual man taking a woman out on the town. So it (sorta) makes sense that he would pay her way. As a gay man, I don’t follow those heteronormative customs.

I can’t imagine another dude paying for everything on a first date with me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable about that as a man…or even vice versa. I’m not treating you when I don’t even know you.

If we’re going out, we’re dutch…or we’re alternating the costs. If I take care of the Movie Tickets, he always offers to buy the concession items. If I offer to pay for the dinner, he always offers to take care of the drinks.

I know there are some hot-bodied gay men out there seem to attract the Down Low Pro Athletes, the Down Low Musicians and the Down Low Preachers who have deep wallets and want to spoil them on a first date, but that ain’t me.

And we’re talking about a FIRST DATE!

Some of you might be calling me cheap…Yes, I am!

I’m also a casual dater. If I’m first dating upwards of 3-4 different people every other week, that’s over 2 stacks just to “get to know” some strangers that I’m not even having sex with yet.

Bruh, I live in Atlanta where there are TONS of great inexpensive things to do while determining if you two are a match.

Here’s my own calculations:

Dinner followed by dope conversation at a sports bar:

Entree: $25 x 1 = $25 (no appetizers and dessert for me, I don’t show up on a date starving)
Drink during dinner: $10 x 1 = $10
Head to a sports bar for drinks: $20
Total Cost: $55

Even multiplied by 2, that’s still less than $125.

And granted this may not sound like a very elaborate or romantic date, that’s because it’s not supposed to be. I’m not going out with Beyonce or Michelle Obama, I’m meeting up with another DUDE (that I barely know) for the first time. One that I may never see again afterward.

Here’s another one I’ve been known to use in my arsenal:

Lunch followed by dope conversation while browsing at a bookstore (yes, they still exist):

Lunch: $15 x 1 = $15
Dope convo walking around a bookstore (or mall) with coffee: $5
Total Cost: $20

First date. Simple. Ample time to talk and get to know one another. I could do this all day.

Tha Life Atlanta 2013 - Full Episode-1

My theory is if you need to spend $250 to impress a dude enough to go out on a SECOND date with you, that says a lot about the lack of confidence you have in your personality, looks and quality of conversation.

Anyway, what are your thoughts?

How much would you spend on a first date with another gay man?

Who should pay the bill?

 

 

About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

   

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