Giving Up The Keys To The Social Media Vault

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Apr 12 2016 | 35 Comments  

6358996299217242101946721168_tendenze-del-2016-immagine-copertina

Question Bros: How do you guys who have active social media accounts feel about a dude immediately asking for your handles or sending you a follow/friend request soon after meeting him?

Is this too much, too soon? Does this subvert the whole traditional “getting to know you” dating process?

Or is this totally acceptable?

In this hypothetical, you met this person out in public, not online or on social media.

Asking for a friend. (not really)

 

 

 

About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

   
Tagged as:

35 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. DreG
    DreG | April 13th, 2016
    +1

    Doesn't bother me.Hopefully his social media profile won't be a total open book.If he's putting EVERYTHING about his life on there,then that's an entirely different problem.I have some of my favorite music on there ,or maybe a song I'm listening to ,but any aspect revealed on social media is usually the tip of the iceberg with me.

  2. mojoreece
    mojoreece | April 13th, 2016
    +1

    I don't really have a problem with it since the content I put out into the world is not bad. I also don't share my whole life online. You can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to put out there into the world.

  3. African King
    African King | April 13th, 2016
    +1

    I have met people in the club (recently), and other gay places and we add each other FB. No issue.

    There was a guy I was interested in and he seemed very cool. But he puts his whole body, thoughts, life, etc all over social media. I just backed off of that one. Looks amazing but just not into those who don't hold someting for themselves. Those who are everything with the whole world is off putting for me.

  4. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | April 13th, 2016
    +1

    I was just talking about this with a friend recently. I think in part it is really generational. I feel like all of the Millennial types, myself included, do not see a problem with adding or inquiring about social media profiles immediately. Its a new dynamic of "friendship." I don't see more mature people using social media in that way. When I was a diplomat-in-residence at a university, I would always tell my students that their networks are important and they should cultivate them. I would also tell them that they should follow up with people. In return, I would receive probably 30 friend requests on FB a term instead of a brief email from the business card I gave them. Having a presence on social media is a sign of the times. I mean, I am skeptical of people who don't have any social media what-so-ever and they are not a senior citizen.

    [​IMG]

  5. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | April 13th, 2016
    +1

    I'm less likely to ask for social networking info for potential mates than random strangers. I want some mystery. With Facebook, you can upload your phone contacts and it'll find people you know that way. If I really want to see your feed or what you share to the world, I could go that route.

    I'm considering making different groups so that I can select who sees what if I want only inner circle people to see stuff. I don't have anything posted that's hide worthy thought. If I want to share something I may not want my mom to see I'll send to a group chat. It's not that serious.

    But why dudes be having 3 Facebook profiles tho?

    • DiamondKesawn
      DiamondKesawn | April 13th, 2016
      0

      You hit the nail on the head. Most have Multiple profiles based on who is looking…… Example: I have Dimitri for my School and Corporate Colleagues. I have DiamondKesawn for my Industry side of life. I have _________ for when I'm being Nasty and the person and I met in a way where I don't want them to know ish about me… Lmfaooooooooooooooooooooooooo….. However, to the guy who made the reference about the contact uploads, that is true as well which is why I have 3 different number and based on how we met determines what number you will get… #DontJudgeMe

  6. DiamondKesawn
    DiamondKesawn | April 13th, 2016
    +2

    I think it is totally fine to ask and exchange information… I feel the whole point in social media is to be social. Some people put too much as if asking for a handle is like asking for an address. LoL! Social Media is to be Social…. Meet. Engage. Enjoy.

  7. Omega Level
    Omega Level | April 13th, 2016
    0

    I think this is a perfect "Dude, get over yourself" scenario is someone you just met and had a conversation with doesn't want to share their social media items. Whats the point of being on social media than? Its the way of the world today.

    If you just met someone and had a great conversation, begin following them and have them follow you as well. Get to know each other more and on multiple levels. Im not that active on social media, but I do know that if I met a dude and after convo/night out I asked his profile info and he was like "Nah, I'm good". That sh*t would be a turn off for me. Not completely, but that would make me raise my eyebrow.

  8. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | April 14th, 2016
    +1

    I think many of you misunderstood the question, or I phrased it incorrectly….

    What I meant is DATING only, not just networking, being social or making friends….

    If a man you met for dating immediately asked for your social media handles, would that be a little forward? Especially in this age of Cyber Stalking and Messy Social Media Breakups.

    Also, one of the great things about dating (for me at least) is the slow trickle of information about the person through conversation and dates…If you can find out everything by a simple Friend Request, doesn't that cut out half of the enlightening "getting to know you" conversations?

  9. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | April 14th, 2016
    0

    Nick DelmacyI think many of you misunderstood the question, or I phrased it incorrectly….

    What I meant is DATING only, not just networking, being social or making friends….

    If a man you met for dating immediately asked for your social media handles, would that be a little forward? Especially in this age of Cyber Stalking and Messy Social Media Breakups.

    Also, one of the great things about dating (for me at least) is the slow trickle of information about the person through conversation and dates…If you can find out everything by a simple Friend Request, doesn't that cut out half of the enlightening "getting to know you" conversations?

    The get to know you questions can proceed to something much deeper and less superficial. You can skip all the formalities, where you went to school etc. and talk more meaningful things that could connect you faster, like your hobbies, etc. Plus I think, a fairly quick glance at someone's social media can tell you a lot, who are their known associates, where do they "check-in" frequently, what do they allow to be publically posted…I don't think anything is wrong with checking the socials out off rip. If we gonna connect, we will be moving beyond that surface social media status.

  10. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | April 14th, 2016
    +1

    BlackguyExecutiveThe get to know you questions can proceed to something much deeper and less superficial. You can skip all the formalities, where you went to school etc. and talk more meaningful things that could connect you faster, like your hobbies, etc. Plus I think, a fairly quick glance at someone's social media can tell you a lot, who are their known associates, where do they "check-in" frequently, what do they allow to be publically posted…I don't think anything is wrong with checking the socials out off rip. If we gonna connect, we will be moving beyond that surface social media status.

    Yeah I agree that the conversations should eventually get deeper, I guess I'm just more skeptical that people are ONLY glancing at social media profiles to skip past the formalities.

    Some of us may want to save that kind of access for actual "friends," not nikkas we just met and don't know anything about yet. I'm not too eager to have a dude I just met in the club to now have access to all of the immediate family photos I may have posted or been tagged in online, before we've even been on one date!

  11. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | April 14th, 2016
    +1

    Plus mofos be trying to see how many degrees of separation there are. It could also be used as a way to actually get to your cute friendly which they are really into.

    I think getting to know the basics actually help move conservation along. Looking up everything on social media just seems like someone is on career builder looking through resumes.

  12. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | April 14th, 2016
    0

    I see some judgments already about people who do not use social media. I don't judge those who do-if it works for them fine. But some people are just more private and just would not be that forthcoming in person about their personal information. Social media is one tool of many-it is not the only way to go. I find it disturbing that people are ready to be suspicious of someone who is not on social media. Some people actually value their privacy-just like they did 25 years ago. Just because things are less 'private' does not mean that is a good thing.

    Do you and enjoy the social media if that is what you like, but drop the judgements of those who are not so inclined. JMHO. And no I am not a senior citizen. And yes I have been online for close to 15 years and am online on various boards and chat sites but I have seen people literally consumed by social media and it is just not for me.

    *There is something very shady about 'it is the way of the world'-sort of a group-think pressure thing. And don't forget the people who have cut back on social media-including facebook. I did not come up with the term 'devilbook'-that was from someone who ended their relationship with facebook altogether.

    Nice to know that in my job hunting I will be encountering people who are going to negatively judge me simply because I do not have a social media presence.

    Regarding the topic, I think a mix of social media, texts, calls all ok. I would not want someone all up on me on social media(even though I am not on it) because I would not want that in any setting. That is kind of like how it used to be when you were meeting someone, and they would immediately ask for your number, and you just met them and are not so sure you want them having your phone number. And then they get it and call immediately and keep. calling. all. the. time.

    I would take it beyond social media if you are interested and you want to get to know them better. I think talking to someone on the phone is crucial-reveals more about who they are and closer to an in person meeting.

    Sorry for the novelette.

  13. alton
    alton | April 14th, 2016
    0

    Nick DelmacyI think many of you misunderstood the question, or I phrased it incorrectly….

    What I meant is DATING only, not just networking, being social or making friends….

    If a man you met for dating immediately asked for your social media handles, would that be a little forward? Especially in this age of Cyber Stalking and Messy Social Media Breakups.

    Also, one of the great things about dating (for me at least) is the slow trickle of information about the person through conversation and dates…If you can find out everything by a simple Friend Request, doesn't that cut out half of the enlightening "getting to know you" conversations?

    "Also, one of the great things about dating (for me at least) is the slow trickle of information about the person through conversation and dates…If you can find out everything by a simple Friend Request, doesn't that cut out half of the enlightening "getting to know you" conversations?"

    OMG Thank you! I mean I get it, it's a generational type thing and we now live in a "Microwave/ Open Book" society and muhfukaz gotta have everything in 5mins or less, but damn nikka. Be easy. Can we hangout a few times and get to know each other?! Are people that lazy that we can't take the time to date a few times and find out shyt little by little? lol

  14. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | April 14th, 2016
    0

    alton"Also, one of the great things about dating (for me at least) is the slow trickle of information about the person through conversation and dates…If you can find out everything by a simple Friend Request, doesn't that cut out half of the enlightening "getting to know you" conversations?"

    OMG Thank you! I mean I get it, it's a generational type thing and we now live in a "Microwave/ Open Book" society and muhfukaz gotta have everything in 5mins or less, but damn nikka.

    Yeah I think its a generational thing…A lot of these youngsters LIVE online and through devices so I guess I get it…Many of them would rather text and snapchap each other than talk on the phone or meet up for coffee or a drink. One young dude I met at a bar (early 30s), we exchanged numbers and, later that evening, instead of calling me for convo he immediately started sending multiple pics of himself expecting me to do the same.

  15. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | April 14th, 2016
    0

    alton"Also, one of the great things about dating (for me at least) is the slow trickle of information about the person through conversation and dates…If you can find out everything by a simple Friend Request, doesn't that cut out half of the enlightening "getting to know you" conversations?"

    OMG Thank you! I mean I get it, it's a generational type thing and we now live in a "Microwave/ Open Book" society and muhfukaz gotta have everything in 5mins or less, but damn nikka. Be easy. Can we hangout a few times and get to know each other?! Are people that lazy that we can't take the time to date a few times and find out shyt little by little? lol

    Somehow they don't have time, or they have a laundry list and want to quickly pick through your social media life to find out if you violate something on the list so they can just never contact you again. It is a combination of time and that I think. Why else would they want social media info right off the bat? They want to check that list as soon as possible lol.
    The list comes before who the person actually is or even getting to know them so you can process the list with the knowledge of who they are not just from social media, but from interacting with them personally.

    *and if that is what they want, fine-they need to date how they need to date. What I don't care for is how it spills out into other aspects of life. I am wondering is my not being on social media going to hurt me looking for a job? Some 30 year old not finding me online on social media and finding that 'Suspect' or something? smh.

  16. alton
    alton | April 14th, 2016
    0

    ControlledXaosPlus mofos be trying to see how many degrees of separation there are. It could also be used as a way to actually get to your cute friendly which they are really into.

    I think getting to know the basics actually help move conservation along. Looking up everything on social media just seems like someone is on career builder looking through resumes.

    "Plus mofos be trying to see how many degrees of separation there are."

    I actually used this method on this site I used to go on called Badoo, because they have a FB "Degrees of Separation" type feature that shows if the person who's profile your're looking at knows any of your FB friends. This was at a time when I had a fair amount of people on my "friends" list that I had learned won't shyt, but hadn't deleted. Since Gay Birds of a Feather tend to Flock Together, I utilized that feature QUITE often to know when I was wastin' my time.

  17. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | April 14th, 2016
    0

    ^^ I give up. outta this thead lol

    I am going to get on facebook and have if full of crazy shyt just out of spite now.

  18. alton
    alton | April 14th, 2016
    0

    Nick DelmacyYeah I think its a generational thing…A lot of these youngsters LIVE online and through devices so I guess I get it…Many of them would rather text and snapchap each other than talk on the phone or meet up for coffee or a drink. One young dude I met at a bar (early 30s), we exchanged numbers and, later that evening, instead of calling me for convo he immediately started sending multiple pics of himself expecting me to do the same.

    LMAO!! I have to laugh. Don't get me wrong, I actually think it's all kinda cool (socially detrimental, but cool none-the-less), and I wish I was just comin' up now in this time with all this tech and where it's so easy to meet people for WHATEVER, but since I know what "real" dating was, none of this shyt is for me LOL!!!

  19. alton
    alton | April 14th, 2016
    0

    ColumbusGuyI see some judgments already about people who do not use social media. I don't judge those who do-if it works for them fine. But some people are just more private and just would not be that forthcoming in person about their personal information. Social media is one tool of many-it is not the only way to go. I find it disturbing that people are ready to be suspicious of someone who is not on social media. Some people actually value their privacy-just like they did 25 years ago. Just because things are less 'private' does not mean that is a good thing.

    Do you and enjoy the social media if that is what you like, but drop the judgements of those who are not so inclined. JMHO. And no I am not a senior citizen. And yes I have been online for close to 15 years and am online on various boards and chat sites but I have seen people literally consumed by social media and it is just not for me.

    *There is something very shady about 'it is the way of the world'-sort of a group-think pressure thing. And don't forget the people who have cut back on social media-including facebook. I did not come up with the term 'devilbook'-that was from someone who ended their relationship with facebook altogether.

    Nice to know that in my job hunting I will be encountering people who are going to negatively judge me simply because I do not have a social media presence.

    Regarding the topic, I think a mix of social media, texts, calls all ok. I would not want someone all up on me on social media(even though I am not on it) because I would not want that in any setting. That is kind of like how it used to be when you were meeting someone, and they would immediately ask for your number, and you just met them and are not so sure you want them having your phone number. And then they get it and call immediately and keep. calling. all. the. time.

    I would take it beyond social media if you are interested and you want to get to know them better. I think talking to someone on the phone is crucial-reveals more about who they are and closer to an in person meeting.

    Sorry for the novelette.

    "Social media is one tool of many-it is not the only way to go. I find it disturbing that people are ready to be suspicious of someone who is not on social media. Some people actually value their privacy-just like they did 25 years ago."

    I caught that, too. LMAO Hey! Maybe that's why I'm single. My face/body/dikk is not all over the net (well, actually it might be LOL) and my "life story" isn't readily available. I'm a "Social Nobody". LMAO

  20. RolandG
    RolandG | April 14th, 2016
    0

    Nick DelmacyYeah I think its a generational thing…A lot of these youngsters LIVE online and through devices so I guess I get it…Many of them would rather text and snapchap each other than talk on the phone or meet up for coffee or a drink. One young dude I met at a bar (early 30s), we exchanged numbers and, later that evening, instead of calling me for convo he immediately started sending multiple pics of himself expecting me to do the same.

    I have no social media so most of the time, guys seem to be confused about how to proceed with me knowing they'll have to actually call me or text at the least in order to communicate. The black model I was dating, who's picture was posted in a section here on CA, ended up by sorta like that young dude you met at a bar. He actually communicates more through text, and even worse, he communicates more through gifs instead of words. When did mofos start texting gifs as a means of communication?

  21. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | April 14th, 2016
    0
    RolandG

    I have no social media so most of the time, guys seem to be confused about how to proceed with me knowing they'll have to actually call me or text at the least in order to communicate. The black model I was dating, who's picture was posted in a section here on CA, ended up by sorta like that young dude you met at a bar. He actually communicates more through text, and even worse, he communicates more through gifs instead of words. When did mofos start texting gifs as a means of communication?

    Maybe because they have grown up with or adopted social media to the point where when it comes to actually having a real conversation they are stunted and have a limited vocabulary, have no real interpersonal communication skills to speak of, and they have no deep or important thoughts or nothing interesting to say since they are limited in the breadth and scope of their knowledge outside of pop culture and, of course, social media. LOL! Just kidding you young social media guys! :troll:

  22. Lancer
    Lancer | April 14th, 2016
    +1

    I will see it as been too forward. I would like to get to know the person IRL interactions and let information exchange organically. I never give out my social media info to dates and never ask for theirs.

  23. Tyroc
    Tyroc | April 14th, 2016
    0

    I'm not on the Facebook any more but I still have an account and it's linked up to family and work friends.
    That's not something I'm not comfortable sharing with someone until I feel like I know them even if I'm really feeling them.
    If I was living that adventurous 007 life, I'd be reticent to share it with my peers because then there'd be too many questions and comments all around.
    Who'd you go with? Can I get an invite next time? My daughter is still single and looking! Who is that in the picture in the black t-shirt?
    Then there would be the inquiries of how and why do you know this person that is only friends with young shirtless mens!?

    Also when I was on, it was basic info. I've led a long funny life that is usually best told in reflective asides. Someone worth getting to know will take the time to find out anything there is to know.

    If someone felt some kinda way that I don't social network then I'd handle it the same way I always do.
    To each his own & [email protected] You!
    View attachment 2674

  24. alton
    alton | April 14th, 2016
    0

    altonLMAO!! I have to laugh. Don't get me wrong, I actually think it's all kinda cool (socially detrimental, but cool none-the-less), and I wish I was just comin' up now in this time with all this tech and where it's so easy to meet people for WHATEVER, but since I know what "real" dating was, none of this shyt is for me LOL!!!

    Actually, I suppose I have to correct my statement (slightly) I kinda know what real dating was, but not really since I came up in the AOL Chat Room Era of the late 90's. LOL

  25. Tyroc
    Tyroc | April 14th, 2016
    0

    altonActually, I suppose I have to correct my statement (slightly) I kinda know what real dating was, but not really since I came up in the AOL Chat Room Era of the late 90's. LOL

    I've done all the dating kinds.
    Through real life interactions, cruising, hook-ups, set-ups, online chat rooms, dating sites…I should write memoirs of my extensive dating past.

  26. alton
    alton | April 14th, 2016
    0
    Tyroc

    I've done all the dating kinds.
    Through real life interactions, cruising, hook-ups, set-ups, online chat rooms, dating sites…I should write memoirs of my extensive dating past.

    LOL!!

  27. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | April 14th, 2016
    0

    :troll:

    TyrocI've done all the dating kinds.
    Through real life interactions, cruising, hook-ups, set-ups, online chat rooms, dating sites…I should write memoirs of my extensive dating past.

    Parks, restrooms(college are the best), rest stops, bath houses…even old time newpaper ads like in Drummer magazine? you mean you didn't learn anything from 'Cruising'?
    :sass2:

  28. Tyroc
    Tyroc | April 14th, 2016
    0

    ColumbusGuy:troll:

    Parks, restrooms(college are the best), rest stops, bath houses…even old time newpaper ads like in Drummer magazine? you mean you didn't learn anything from 'Cruising'?
    :sass2:

    View attachment 2675
    Check, check, check, never never been, check
    but aside from the newspaper ads, I've never dated through those mediums.

  29. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | April 14th, 2016
    0

    TyrocView attachment 2675
    Check, check, check, never never been, check
    but aside from the newspaper ads, I've never dated through those mediums.

    never been….to a bathhouse? really?

    Mine would be the exact opposite.

    no check, no check no check, check, no check. I was in a drummer magazine once-just a picture when they were here-but thank God that was decades ago and cannot be traced lol.

  30. bisonboy
    bisonboy | April 24th, 2016
    0

    I believe that it should be something to wait on exchanging honestly. There are somethings that you might want to share about your early experiences with the person that you may not want them to see. There may be somethings about your past posts and the like that you also may not want them to see. I honestly don't believe in sharing that information with someone I am interested in until maybe 6 months in. Now if we are already on social media together, that is inevitable.

  31. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | May 3rd, 2016
    0

    Nick DelmacyI think many of you misunderstood the question, or I phrased it incorrectly….

    What I meant is DATING only, not just networking, being social or making friends….

    If a man you met for dating immediately asked for your social media handles, would that be a little forward? Especially in this age of Cyber Stalking and Messy Social Media Breakups.

    Also, one of the great things about dating (for me at least) is the slow trickle of information about the person through conversation and dates…If you can find out everything by a simple Friend Request, doesn't that cut out half of the enlightening "getting to know you" conversations?

    If I'm not already following, I purposely don't follow for this reason. With everything at your fingertips, you have force yourself the mystery haha.

  32. OhSheit
    OhSheit | May 17th, 2016
    0

    I've already looked up every dude I've been dating or hooked up with since I've been getting into that stuff lately (and rapidly smh). So you don't have to give me anything, I will find you. As soon as you give me your full name or an email all bets are off.

    Found out that one dude I was dating is a minister and he kept that from me. Crazy thing is that his house had nothing of the lord and he never mentioned anything about his religious affiliation but his instagram and facebook proved that he was legit a minister. It wasn't a deal breaker at first, but I didn't like the shyt he was posting once I found his accounts and it seemed like he was living a double life.

    As for me, I have no problem giving out my stuff as I don't even post lol.

  33. Budda3001
    Budda3001 | May 24th, 2016
    0

    I really don't use social media for dating. I use for informational purposes only. A few friends do invite me to events that I support but I never really have not met someone I wanted to date. Social media allows me to share my point of view and if I can meet someone on a relationship level that's a bonus…

  34. Nicholan
    Nicholan | February 14th, 2017
    0

    I wouldn’t mind because there is so much more to me than social media. I can’t say that my social media pages are a true reflection of the “3-dimensional” me. Therefore, that wouldn’t cause a disrupt in the process of getting to know each other.

    As the saying goes, “you think you know, but you have no idea.”

    Now if this is a guy who I was completely uninterested in, then I would be annoyed if he asked for my Facebook or Instagram lol. It is what it is…




You can add images to your comment by CLICKING HERE.


Want to add BOLD or Underlined Text? CLICK HERE    |    To See The Comments Section Rules, CLICK HERE