Celebrating Long Term Gay Relationships – Yes They are Possible!

Here at Discreet City, we have written a couple of posts with subject matter concerning being single, hook ups, searching for the right guy, “Ex’s” and relationships. 

They include…

Relationship Oriented VS Hookups: Fighting the Beast Within
The Gay Friend Delusion
-(The Infamous) Top 15 Reasons That You’re Still a Single Man
Why Make Him Wait For Sex?
The 10 Level Guide to Meeting a Masculine Gay Man

Part of our main goal on our site is to dispel the stereotypes and misconceptions around masculine gay men of color and of course a big misconception in the gay community as a whole is that there are no long term relationships.  Now I know some out there consider 3 to 6 months long term but as Discreet City co-creator Nick D said before…”anything under 6 months is not a relationship, it’s just a fling”.


Well being honest there are not many representations or examples that we can refer too.   Mainly for many reasons that have been discussed in the posts above; however they are out there.  For example, well known film makers and creators of the “DL Chronicles” Deondray Gossett and Quincy LeNear who have been together for well over 10 years.  Also there is ESPN sports writer and CNN contributor LZ Granderson who is currently in a long term relationship with his partner.

My main objective of this post, future posts and interviews to come, is to celebrate long term homosexual relationships concerning men of color.  I touched on this previously in my postLooking for a Healthy Long Term Relationship”  I would like to continue with this theme by sharing my own personal experience on the subject.


My partner and I are approaching 3 years of being in a committed relationship and
I must say, I enjoy and love the man I am in a relationship with.  Let me also stress I enjoy and love our relationship.  As with any relationship we have our occasional problems (yes we argue about some bullshit weekly) but we fulfill each others needs, wants and requirements.

We both have our character flaws and vices.  We both can come off as the “Alpha” male. We are stubborn, opinionated, passionate, and can be jerks at times.  But we also share everything, travel together, cook for each other, rub each others back or feet, shower together, laugh and joke on one another, work on each others cars and we are about to add fishing to the equation.  I can go on but I think you get my point.

Picture Most importantly we trust each other with every thing.  This man always has my back.   We are monogamous and committed.  We love ourselves first before we love each other.  We are happy with ourselves alone and separately but we enhance each others happiness when we are together.  

We have learned and are learning to compromise.  We try our best to make sure we keep the lines of communication open. We understand that this is a process.  We understand that our relationship may have an expiration date.

As people grow, sometimes they grow apart and that’s okay; however for the time that we are together (if it’s 5 or 10 years), why not attempt to make it the best time possible? If it does end, what was learned from the experience that can help me be a better man for my next partner or relationship if one should happen?  A lot of times people come into your life for you to learn lessons and help develop yourself for the next chapters. You have to be open and available and try to make sure you receive the lessons.

I am a firm believer in the laws of the universe and attraction.  I know this may seem a little “new age” to some but I know where I was as a person years ago and can measure my personal growth and transformations.  Believe me…I would not be in this loving relationship if I had not evolved and changed as a person, years before me and this man crossed paths. Because of growth and transformation, I was available to receive this man in my life.

Picture By no means am I attempting to force relationships on anyone because I also feel that everyone is not meant to be in a committed relationship.

There is nothing wrong with being happy and single, but I see and hear so many great men who say “It’s hard to find a masculine man” or “there are no good men out there”.

I feel by having this attitude and this particular outlook when it comes to dating and meeting men…you get what you ask for…you think it so it must be true. You may not realize that you could be self sabotaging yourself by having these negative preconceived ideals. 

Logically, why would a “good” person think that they are the only “good” person out there?

Let me be clear…I was the man that thought for a long time that “it’s hard to find a masculine man” or “there are no good men out there”, but now I know I was completely wrong.  Once I begin to change my thought perceptions; my actions and my reality changed with it. The caliber and stock of masculine men I began to meet went up and dating became fun and interesting…not a burden.

Yes I did have some experiences that were not that favorable but I did not allow them to outweigh or dominate my over all perception and dating experiences.

We all have stories (for some, horror stories) about how bad dating and relationships can be and yes I have my share.  The more we talk about and share our experiences, the more people realize just how alike and similar we are.

Hopefully with this and future posts; we can begin to open some minds and change some perceptions about meeting men, dating and fostering our relationships.

As always, feel free to leave your comments.