Is There a Stigma with Being Sexually Versatile?

By Ockydub | Posted Jun 7 2012 | 55 Comments  

Picture
One summer afternoon in 2004; my roommate, one of our mutual friends and I are drinking, smoking and cracking jokes while Enrique Cruz’s homo-thug porn movie “Off the Hook 2” plays in the foreground through the smoky haze. 
 
In one scene a sexy dude is beating up the booty hole of another handsome dude in a recording studio.   A couple of scenes later the same actor (the top in the previous scene) is now getting fucked by another actor. On cue, both my roommate and our friend (both of whom are bisexual bottoms) groan in objection and disappointment as the “top” in the prior scene has now been “topped”.

Confused I asked “wait a minute, what’s wrong with dude getting fuck?  I think that shit is hot.”  Their reply was “dude is wack and he ruined it…he fucked it up.”  I was like, “fucked what up?”  They say “we’re thinking dude was a top and he ruined it!” We all laugh. Even though personally I disagreed with their sentiment; I understood what they meant.

What really couldn’t be articulated in that moment was that they were loosely fantasying about this male actor on screen when he was in the top role. Those fantasies vanished when the same actor was now performing in the bottom role.  Now I can understand a bottom not fantasying about another bottom; but this dude wasn’t a bottom, he was versatile.


PictureAs men, I think it is safe to say we sometimes fantasize and visualize about the actors we see in porn movies. Whether it’s penetrating or being penetrated by the actors we see on screen.  For some, when the actor in question steps outside of the imagined sexual role we have mentally assigned to them, there may be some form of disappointment.


Take the case of porn actor Phat Daddy.  When he was topped by Tiger Tyson in “Take Em Down 4”, he later had to apologize and explain why he allowed himself to be penetrated (money) due to the backlash from his bottom fans. SMH.

Stepping away from the gay porn movie fantasy, this attitude of course is mirrored in reality. Some bottoms may be quick to frown upon finding about a potential date maybe versatile. Some tops will kick it with a masculine versatile man but will be quick to say “he aint fucking me”.  I personally see nothing wrong with a man who predominately assumes the role of a top wanting to be penetrated every now and then. I think any masculine top who seeks out another masculine man knows at some point, that other man may want to use his dick and may want some booty.  I have yet to come across any homosexual man who has not been penetrated at least once. So what’s the big deal?

For some men, visualizing a perceived top man being penetrated somehow diminishes their sexual attraction to them. It’s as if they now feel they are not being fucked by the manly man they thought they knew.  His masculinity card now has some infractions placed upon it.

I think this is related to a previous post I authored titled The Stigma of Being a Bottom where I discussed how being a bottom is looked at by many in the homosexual community as being weak, lesser than, and at the lowest point of the totem pole of gay society. Being labeled a bottom is thrown around as an insult in many gay circles.  I have even heard a bottom say that no man is really versatile; he is just ashamed of being a bottom.

I think being versatile is the homo best of both worlds. You get to enjoy all the pleasures a man has to offer. I feel like if you are having sex (regardless of what sexual role you are playing); enjoy it for what it is and enjoy the man you are sharing it with.
 
What do you think? Is there a stigma with being sexually versatile?

Please feel free to provider your input.

About the Author
Ockydub

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

   
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55 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Kashun | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    Just curious, what is your position? The article is interesting and relevant. Dudes be tripping on this position shit. I would rather compromise from time to then miss out on having a good dude in my life. On a side note, can we at least get one pictures of you and the buddy you founded the website with. Another question I had is where you guys based out of New York City?

    • Ocky | July 7th, 2013
      +1

      I’m versatile

      LOL…Don’t hold your breath on myself or Nick putting our pics up on the site. We both respect our privacy.

  2. Craig | July 7th, 2013
    0

    Gay MOC are too stuck on roles, gay men in general have equated masculine to TOP & feminine to Bottom causing many to have identity issues when it comes to actual sexual intercourse. I get that your boys are bisexual bottoms, but it leads to ask does their reactions to dude being fucked have any reflection on the way they define gay sex, meaning if they’re masculine and get fucked why can’t the brother who topped get fucked. Another question to ask “Is there a masculine way to be fucked? Truth is there are guys who are total tops & total bottoms and masculine brotha’s who like both giving & taking dick. It’s like Kashun said, “I would rather compromise from time to then miss out on having a good dude in my life”. For me it’s about finding the pleasure in both and figuring out who you think can provide it for you. If a bisexual bottom found out the guy fucking him also got fuck would he let dude fuck him again, how may times does a gay for pay bottom have to get fucked before he acknowledges he’s bisexual or that he likes taking dick, those are the 64k dollar questions many are afraid to answer. It’s interesting that the one aspect of the gay community that doesn’t seem to have an issue with a masculine guy being versatile is the leather muscle/bear community, what the general gay community has issues with they embrace.

  3. Black Pegasas | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    As a Top, I find it repulsing when a gay bottom dude reacts with disgust after finding out a Masculine dude is versatile. I see it all the time in the comment section on myvidster. Bottom queens acting like the world is coming to an end because someone they once thought of as a Top is now vers..

    Have I been fucked before? YES, I have…but that was in a relationship years ago. And sadly, I cannot tell that to some dudes I hookup with because they may see me differently, and may refuse the ass to me lol.

    If you wanna know if you’re a “True Top” or not, ask yourself what you think about the most when you masturbate? For me, I can honestly say that I think about pounding some ASS 99.9 percent of the time, so I know what’s happening when me…The fact that I may take a Dick every Total Eclipse of the Sun, doesn’t mean shit..lol

    Masculine Vers Dudes are SEXY as hell!

  4. Tee | July 7th, 2013
    +3

    There is definitely a stigma with being versatile and the black gay (male) community is to blame for it. Its funny we don’t like when straight people compare our lives to theirs yet we relate sex between two men to sex between a man and a woman. I think that every top should be penetrated at least once, just so they know the feeling of penetration.

    My friends and I were discussing this the other day and we all agreed that it makes sense because a top who has never been on the bottom just sticks his dick in and pump. point.blank.period. It all feels the same to him. When you’re on the receiving side; however, stroke, position, and the way you’re lined up on the dick can all trigger different feelings ranging from comfort to extreme discomfort.

    I personally don’t see anything wrong with a versatile dude and I think they are more fun to be with sexually. I like it either way honestly LOL as long as I get my release, I’m good. In my current relations, me and dude have an understanding that he just does not have the desire to be topped….and honestly I don’t have the desire to top him.

    • Ocky | July 7th, 2013
      +2

      “I think that every top should be penetrated at least once, just so they know the feeling of penetration.”

      This needs to be a law that is passed by the Congress and Senate! LOL

    • Please | July 7th, 2013
      0

      You’re obviously versatile. Some people are more connected with their body rhythms and know what will work for them without trying it. I don’t need to dabble with coke/crack or any other drug to know that it’s not for me.

  5. JMafia | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    As a masculine versatile man, reppin the Maryland area, sadly I find it difficult to please a “total top” or a bottom…. I quote total top because I feel that ….come on bruh…we are all gay so we all like dick…. U can get ass from a chick….but that’s another story….
    I recently got out of something with a bottom dude. I can honestly say that I was not fully satisfied. I was bored with just doing him all the time…. I wouldn’t mind him doing me but he told me that he did not want to….He also said that he would lose sexual interest in me if he saw me getting fucked…. Well damn…. I feel its not fair that the bottom gets fully pleased but yet the versatile person if half pleased. I feel that as gay men, we need to get out of the close minded stage and just do what makes us happy….. we are too old for labels, well I know I am.

    • Please | July 7th, 2013
      0

      Being gay has nothing to do overall with body parts. Sorry. You can be a gay man and have absolutely no interest in another man’s penis. You can have a love affair with being with a man and dominating his hole like a lot of tops. So take into account perspective that doesn’t always align with your own beliefs. The key to being open minded is to understand that there are several ways to view a situation beyond your own.

  6. Jeremy | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    Being versitile is the best. However, I realize that it isn’t for everyone, which is cool. What I have found is that the sex doesn’t get as predictable as it would in a purely top/bottom relationship. Hell, sometimes, I want dick, and other times I want ass. Its good to be with a partner who can supply both, but that’s just one man’s opinion on it.

    I love to see verse guys in porn. I’m still waiting for Knight to get those chocolate cakes beat in lol. Plus, I think it helps to be verse because you have some tops running around here that don’t understand that you can’t just ram it in lol

  7. Ty | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    Total tops and total bottoms are boring to me. I think every gay man has bottom at least once to try. I guess tops have to lite about cause cause bottoms wouldn’t like them anymore if they found out. I think its dumb to lose interest in someone cause they bottomed. But Im verse top. The times I did bottom I also topped them too. I had tops to try to get me to bottom then say If you let me top you can top me too. I don’t believe in total tops.

    • JMafia | July 7th, 2013
      +2

      LOL… yeah i dont believe in total tops too…. Just over the weekend I was with a “top”…..has ex wife and children and tatted up…. gives you real masc look….He’s been telling me for months “nah yo, I only fucked with a dude ONE time and i was the top”…..so we messed around Sunday for the 1st time….. yup… wet plat helped me slide right in …. it wasn’t loose, but it sure wasnt a virgin.

      • TG Virgo | June 4th, 2014
        0

        LMBO!

  8. EccentricBlackDude | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    This is a very interesting convo. Well…I must be honest, I know that some people feel that people like me do not exist, but I have never been fucked. It just is not something that I have ever wanted. I am the kind of person to do things that I want to do. I think that some are right when they point out that top is thought of as masculine, and bottom is thought of as fem. I have always been what is called an oral top, and while I grew up around that bottom is fem stigma, I also grew up around that stigma of being fem/sub if you suck dick as well. I had to go through a process to get that out of my head. Since I like sucking dick, the stigma was fucking with me. I did what I wanted to do and delt with the stigma as time went on. I am not totaly cured of those stigmas, but I am much better. At this time, I do not think I will get fucked, but I guess time will tell.

    • Ero11 | July 7th, 2013
      +3

      I cosign on this one….and every point you’ve made infact. Never have bottomed….had to get over the stigma of sucking dick. Wouldn’t even TOUCH a guy I messed around with dick at first.
      Lotta guys let me get away with it too. Then was seeing a dude that told me I was outta my mind if I thought he was gonna let that fly. Told me straight out up front if I wanted to hang I was at least gonna have to swipe. I really liked him…and was curious to know if I would be any good at it because I was always wowing joes with my mad kissing and oral body play skillz…. so I finally gave in after a few encounters. Turns out I was a natural at it. Took to that shit like a fish takes to water, you feel me?

  9. Craig | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    A question for brotha’s who consider themselves total TOPS…..your in relationship mode, you meet a dude who you totally click with, you want a lock it down but there’s on issue niether one of you wants to budge on, he’s versatile and at some point he wants to fuck you, is it worth losing the man that could be your Mr. Right only because you both want the same thing sexually?

    • Please | July 7th, 2013
      0

      In the world that are a billion Mr. Rights/Mr. Wrongs. If he’s Mr. Right he won’t leave because you choose not to bottom for him because there will be a billion other things that will keep him there. If someone not submitting into a sexual role they don’t feel comfortable in is the catalyst for someone leaving a relationship they were gone a long time ago, or where they ever really there?

      • SwagJack
        SwagJack | June 8th, 2014
        0

        “In the world that are a billion Mr. Rights/Mr. Wrongs”

        Hmmm…I know that finding someone that is a damn good match is worth compromising for on certain issues. I hear your argument bruh, but a relationship working out depends on how compatible two people are and how much they’re each willing to bend on certain areas that they’re not compatible in. If this dude in Craig’s example is a resolute top, then that means he’s not Mr. Right…for you. But if you’re a top that is just saving the booty for the right person to try it with…then maybe it’s worth a shot.

    • EccentricBlackDude | July 7th, 2013
      0

      Craig, That is a great question. From how I see it, it would depend on how strong you feel about getting fucked. I happen to think that sex should be enjoyable for both parties, and as men who are having sex with other men, we should look for those who are compatable with us. To me, there is nothing wrong with talking about sex, and what is enjoyed if you are interested in each other. While the debate about who gets fucked does not usually happen with straight couples, not every person is going to like the same thing, and often, with many straight couples, one person may find out that the other wants/needs something that is incompatable after they have already been with each other for a while. While I believe that sex is part of what makes a relationship a relationship, this does not mean that one or the other partner should not be open to compromize. With all that said, if a top really really did not want to be fucked, should he deal with unenjoyable sex just to keep his partner happy? It depends on the two people involved. As I said before, I know that there are some people who do not believe that total tops are real. I believe that they are real, but too many people say it when it is not true. OK…I will stop, I can go off into something else, but I will save it for a blog of my own if I have the courage to post SGL stuff. LOL.

      • Ocky | July 7th, 2013
        +3

        I think some kats are just to rigid and closed minded when it comes to sex. I mean you got dudes out there that don’t consider themselves gay if they don’t get fucked or suck dick.

        • Craig | July 7th, 2013
          +3

          Ocky….that has been blowing my mind ever since I was 18, how is it a man is going to have sex with another man and not consider yourself gau or at least bisexual…my question to them is “when your sticking our dick in another mans as then what are you cause your sure as hell not straight and DL is not a sexual orientation”

    • NutBuster | July 7th, 2013
      +1

      I can’t believe no one has hit on this yet, but there is one common denominator in both scenarios: “Bottoms.” Bottoms are the only ones who seem to have an issue when they find out someone who was perceived as a top is bending it over just as well and in some cases better than they do. And bottoms are the only ones who throw around insults at other bottoms for being a bottom. I used to have a friend who was overweight and would talk about other overweight people. It’s the fat girl shoving a big mac down her throat; at the same time talking about how fat someone else is. It’s insecurity within themselves. I have yet to hear about a top or versatile man doing any of these things.

      • Ocky | July 7th, 2013
        +1

        Well I am going to disagree a little bit in that Tops, bottoms, vers kats…ALL of them can and some do suffer from insecurity etc. and all can be messy, katty, and gossip.

        • NutBuster | July 7th, 2013
          +1

          Tops and versatile men don’t have the same insecurities pertaining to sexual position as bottoms do. Most tops will still try to smash even after they find out you’re a top. It doesn’t turn them off. That’s nothing but a challenge. A bottom on the other hand acts disgusted when they find out someone who they thought was a top is actually a bottom or versatile. They’re so disappointed. Then they get upset and lash out. Tops don’t do that. And I think it’s safe to say versatile dudes don’t do that. They can go either way.

        • EccentricBlackDude | July 7th, 2013
          +1

          Yes, it is true that anybody can be katty, but I understand the main point. How can fems and bottoms and others object to being rejected/shunned when they use those same qualities to rip down others who are like them. Low Self-esteem/lack of self love is a pandemic.

    • Dreamchaser | July 7th, 2013
      0

      Total tops, and total bottoms are simply too much work. My experience has been that versatile bruthas are more interested in MUTUAL pleasure in bed–making sure both of us get that nut. I consider myself “ver/top.” For me, that means that while I enjoy top more than bottom–I would never ask the guy I’m kicking it with to do something in bed that I’m not willing to try. Strict top/bottom roles in bed are boring. Versatility is the spice of life! Some days I want to take the lead–other days, I am content to follow. You feel me?

      • Please | July 7th, 2013
        +2

        Too much work for some but not for others. Some total bottoms and total tops enjoy great sex in bed because they’re satisfying their sexual interest and enjoy the roles that they play. You being versatile you prefer something different sexual. As they say “different strokes, for different folks”.

  10. Blaclove | July 7th, 2013
    +1

    I have always been top cause I love booty. but I want to become versatile. I am scared as hell. I hear horror stories about the pain. but I know I will enjoy it because I like having my ass eaten out and I have fingered myself and came on myself. I want to be fully vers with someone special.I dont believe in limitations in the bedroom

  11. Cognito | July 7th, 2013
    0

    I think sexual roles should always be flexible. Granted, my boyfriend is a Top but he’s dabbled before. I myself am Vers but he prefers not to be bottomed. I respect that.

    And poor old Phat Daddy. I saw him doing that apology vid and I was like -_- it’s too bad that fans have such an influence on what goes on in this grown man’s ass.

    -_Cogito

  12. Please | July 7th, 2013
    0

    The reason that most vilified Phat Daddy is because of his outspoken demeanor of being a total top and degrading some of the bottoms that he had been with with this overtly masculine “I don’t get fucked persona”. The major backlash came after he filmed the video and said that the only reason he agreed to it was because he was in a financial bind and coerced into it. He’s an adult film performer, there are jobs a plenty at many studios who he could have went with. He chose to do it this way and should take it like a man so to speak.

    • SwagJack
      SwagJack | June 8th, 2014
      -1

      Same happened with Castro and Alejandro. My guess is that they probably were already verse dudes, but the studios offered them a substantially larger check to bottom on camera for the first time.

      I’m a verse bi dude. But I first tried the bottom role about 5 years ago. Have had a few problems with it over the years, but mostly from a few dudes that want to top me. Those dudes just weren’t masculine enough. I’m really selective as to the dudes who have topped me. I have to get to know them outside of a purely sexual realm. Because of that, my body count on that end is very low. I can count them dudes on two hands with plenty of fingers left over. But I’m celibate now, so it’s kind of a non issue at the moment.

  13. ptseti | July 17th, 2013
    +1

    Again here we are determining on the roles in the most intimate of human pleasures..SEX. In the hetro world there are men, TOPS, who are penetrated by the women they screw. Again we are all different, wired differently , with different wants and needs. All men can perform the top role, but some are uncomfortable with it so they prefer the passive role. Others prefer the dominant while others don’t mind which way is up. The bottom line is – sex is sex. Its a union of two people. If it is done freely, willingly, unconditionally. lovingly and openly then it does not matter who is zooming who. At the end of the act the question is -was it worth the orgasm?

  14. SB3000 | July 19th, 2013
    +9

    Its bcus WAY too many men associate WAY too many things with gender roles, and whats accepted in them. Bein vers dsnt mean u lose ur masculinity card.

    Like ‘total tops’ who ‘only fuk n get head’. WTF? Why are u messing w dudes again? Cus females are sucking dik n takin anal in 2013. If there’s nothing exclusive to MEN that attracts you to them, then go get a wifey and make your life a million times easier.

    Or, you could realize that it dsnt make you ‘the girl’ in ur m2m relationship just becus u treat the MAN ur w like another MAN. Im concerned if sum1 Im into DOESNT want their dik acknowledged..

    How about we stop trying to assign str8 gndr roles to our single gndr relationships.

    @’PLEASE’ – Imagine how long a str8 dude would stay w a female who wont suck his dik..exactly. It’d be a wrap, just like it should be for 2 grown azz MEN. Its alot 2 ask sum1 to do what u wont do for them in a relationship. N this comes frm sum1 who has only been vers in his only 2…

    • Ocky Williams | July 27th, 2013
      +6

      “Bein vers dsnt mean u lose ur masculinity card.”
      Exactly

  15. PAPIMARCOVIBE | July 23rd, 2013
    0

    I GUESS the whole stigma has some purpose. just the fact that in a sexual health context, if a man is receptive as in the sexual act he assumes a higher risk of being infected then the nonsexual receptive. so some one wanting a 100% top would in theory but not in actual fact lend to a safer sexual partner for a bottom and a vers well because he is receptive part of the time raise the risk of him being able to infect because he give and takes not hating just stimulating some conversation. peace.

  16. keffie | July 27th, 2013
    +1

    Being a versatile man I have ran into some of the things in this article a lot. I have had some dudes that I was interested in completely turn me down after I told them I was versatile. Some dudes that are strict bottoms that I have dated have turned me away because they feel as though I would cheat on them because the need to be penetrated would make me cheat on them. I have never had a problem with dudes that are total tops accepting it but I do have a problem accepting them because I am a man with a penis and I do like using it. lol

  17. X | October 4th, 2013
    +4

    OK Wait, THAT IS CLASSIC!, Two bisexual bottoms??? Don’t they realize that they are exactly what the guy in the film is (from a bottoms perspective)? These are men who have sex with females and then bottom for men? Most gay bottoms, not all…love the idea of being topped by a masculine straight male who is curious. But the thought that this straight male wants to bottom? Your friends didn’t like what they saw in themselves. I guess we all have our hangups…myself included.

  18. bjincali . | July 1st, 2014
    0

    I prefer being with someone who is willing to participate in the sex that I want to have. I’m selfish like that. And tomorrow night, or hell, later on tonight…I’ll return the favor. I’m generous like that. Easy. Done. Let’s go shower and get this going. All this masculinity talk and it hurts talk is silly. Just complications. Sex can bring out your softer side. If you don’t have a softer side, I’m not interested. But this aint about me. Is it? And yes, sex can hurt. I used to say if it didn’t hurt, you weren’t doing it right. But I was just gettin it in when I said all that madness. I’m older now and can afford more “stuff” and I know more techniques. 🙂 It’s all a learning process, don’t complicate it for yourself. Let your body experience the joys from the inside and the outside. Or concentrate on one thing. Do yourself a favor and get gold medal status at what you like and take the bronze at all the other stuff you’re willing to do. Either way, be sure to get with someone who likes what you’re itching to get naked and do. You’ll thank yourself when you drift out of the induced coma and basque in the after-glory. To answer the question directly, who cares what other people think of being versatile. I can’t imagine what difference it would make…unless you’re a pornstar…and I suspect you have bigger fish to fry if you’re a pornstar.

  19. blktotlbtm | December 31st, 2014
    +2

    Ok, I feel comfortable confessing this anonymously: I am a true total bottom, and have been since my first sexual experience. I’m masculine, and rarely perceived as gay, but I have never liked topping a guy, and over time I have found I don’t even like getting sucked. Hell, I am addicted to dildos and don’t even jerk off that much! I ONLY hook up with a guy if he is doing ALL the fucking, or lets me do ALL the cocksucking. I’m so fixated on this that I would rather be celibate than be versatile. When I am too old to be attractive to most tops I will probably hire escorts because otherwise my sex life will end. On my online websites, I don’t even look at the bottoms…and if a top is hung, long winded and unflippable, I don’t even care what he looks like. I’m definitely interested.

    Most guys I have confessed this to will lecture me about how I need to be more versatile. I’d love to find The One, but it will only have a chance of becoming the full deal if he’s all top. I have tried being all things to all people and it just never works. If a guy wants my cock, I just lose interest, even if he’s wonderful in every other way. It might be psychological, but at this point I know I won’t ever change. Fortunately for me, a few guys (all total tops) were glad to have met me and while we may not have become partners, the sex was always fun for both of us…we were always in the mood for the same thing. No negotiating or weird surprises.

    • Ocky Williams | December 31st, 2014
      +3

      Just in case I missed the memo, what’s wrong with being a total bottom? If that’s what you like and what your sexual partners like, what’s the problem?

      My only thought would be, are you a bottom because of other reason/s in addition to. Meaning you said “it might be psychological”…what does that mean?

      • blktotlbtm | January 1st, 2015
        0

        I don’t think there’s anything wrong with who I am…I just get frustrated that I am in a gay culture that mostly looks down on bottoms, so much so that most bottoms pretend to be vers or lie about who they are…which explains the whole laughable “top for top” profiles I see online. It’s probably related to cultural misogyny that seeps into the gay community, and an assumption that all bottoms are effeminate.

        As for the “psychological thing”, see my response to CX. I think racial, physical, age related and fem-hating choices are all psychological to begin with…despite most of us having them. Maybe sex roles (top/vers/btm) are psychological too, unlike sexual orientation.

        I’m just casually wondering how I got this way, not saying it’s a sign of dysfunction, because I’m doing pretty well in all areas of my life…the only tinge of frustration I feel is that the number of total tops that I find myself fully compatible with sexually is so limited (and so in demand by so called “versatiles” and “top for tops”), it leaves little to choose from. We all know the number of bottoms vastly outnumbers tops almost everywhere. Oh well.

    • ControlledXaos | January 1st, 2015
      0

      I understand that you like what you like. I totally get that. I’m versatile and I’ll admit I like being on top more but I’m not 100% adamant about not bottoming, obviously, but I think since you mentioned that you want someone ‘unflippable’ that maybe you are equating that if they were receptive sexually, that you’d find them less manly and therefore, less attractive since you’re losing all interest when they are ‘wonderful in every other way.’

      To me, it sounds like you are making sex extremely high on the priority list and less about someone one who treats you with respect that you can grow together with and build something with. Sex can be a base for starting a relationship but it usually isn’t strong enough to maintain one on its own.

      If you think it’s psychological yourself, you could always go to a psychologist and talk about it I guess.

      • blktotlbtm | January 1st, 2015
        0

        I think most vers guys project the “not manly enough issue” on bottoms who reject them, when that has nothing to do with it…at least for me. I have been pounded by fem and nelly guys as well as masculine ones. I don’t get too hung up on masculinity, if a guy knows how to please me in bed then we’re good to go. I just don’t know why some guys feel like if you’re not vers, there is something wrong with you?

        As for the “psychological” issue…I don’t know if being a bottom is inborn (like homosexuality itself), or something that is psychological. All I know is that I never liked topping, but I am able to do it…I could probably fuck a woman too, but I just have no interest and don’t feel that it’s because “I’m not man enough”. I just wonder sometimes if it’s inborn since I seem to have all the nerves of sexual pleasure in my ass, or if that grew out of a psychological need? It’s not that I am complaining either way. But I am sure most of us wonder how we became different from our peers when we are different.

        And I’m perfectly capable of being in an asexual relationship with a guy who is vers or even bottom. But I think it’s dishonest to do things sexually that you don’t like. I wouldn’t want a guy to pretend for me, as I wouldn’t pretend I liked to top him either. Sexual dishonesty is a big reason most relationships break up, it seems. I myself have dated guys who said they were “all top”, and found out they were trying to get dick on the side. If they could handle honesty (I am always honest) and/or were honest with themselves, they wouldn’t have found themselves in that predicament to begin with. Getting emotionally involved with someone you want to change someday is ALWAYS a big mistake. Accept them for what they are and grow together from there….

        • ControlledXaos | January 1st, 2015
          +2

          Hey, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being strict top or bottom. I just did not understand what the problem would be if you found out someone was ‘flippable’ but seeing your explanation now about ‘dick on the side’ I see your point.

    • socalbtm
      socalbtm | February 7th, 2015
      0

      i feel ya

  20. hannibal
    Hannibal | January 1st, 2015
    0

    I just wouldn’t want to mess with a verse because I would die if in the middle of the session they turn around like “Your turn!” NO SIR!

    • ControlledXaos | January 1st, 2015
      0

      Bwahahaha! Yeah… it doesn’t happen like that.

      Now you have attacked my sensibilities and I must sit in the corner and pout.

      Why the shame, man? Why the sha-hay-hay-hame? ;_;

      • hannibal
        Hannibal | January 1st, 2015
        0

        lol it’s no shame. I’m just saying. I know what I like and can and cannot do and topping aint in my list of skills. So I wouldn’t want that awkward situation where my man gets an “itch” that I know I can’t scratch.

        • ControlledXaos | January 1st, 2015
          0

          [attempts to roll eyes]
          [realizes it’s not in his skill set]

          But seriously, I mean, I understand. People know what they like and clearly there are lines people are not crossing because in The List of the First 3 Questions a Dude Asks You When They Are Interested In You “You top or bottom?” is going to be there 95.59485% of the time. And based on the answer of that question, will lead to someone deciding if they will bother asking you for your number or not or if they have it already, if they will bother using it.

          Usually dudes who do not ask early on are verse, at least, that’s my experience.

          And this is why a Bottomcist and Topcist. I’m prejudiced against tops and bottoms for dating and hookup purposes. 😛

          But we can be frawns tho’. 😀

          • alton
            NYCforEVER | January 2nd, 2015
            +4

            LOL. I don’t mind a total bottom (or top) for Hookup purposes, but I just can’t deal with those ones that are all like…”ughhhh, don’t touch my d#$k. Ughhhhhh….don’t look at iiiiit”. ESPECIALLY if yo shit bigger than mine. SMH. Same shit for total tops that don’t want to touch mine. I may not like gettin’ BJ’s too much, but if a dude wanna run up in this spot, you damn sho’ gonna grease this pipe and run it across yo vocals at some point. For relationship purposes, total ANYTHING ain’t gonna fly with me. I get bored REAL fast with sex as it is, and if a muhfuka ain’t willin’ to switch it up every now and again then I have no time for you.

            • Dre G | January 2nd, 2015
              +3

              I love every word that you have ever typed on this site!tumblr_lwqd1npikt1qbcq69.gif

              • ControlledXaos | January 2nd, 2015
                +4

                As do I.

                “you damn sho’ gonna grease this pipe and run it across yo vocals”

                I’m dying at this!

  21. SB3000 | January 2nd, 2015
    0

    Can we just stop and discuss the fact that yall came back to an old post that I have 7 ‘thumbs up’ on?!?! ijs…

    • ControlledXaos | January 2nd, 2015
      0

      [golf clap]

  22. socalbtm
    socalbtm | February 7th, 2015
    0

    wish i felt more like topping
    (no prep lol)
    understand the variety factor
    helps an LTR….




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