Is There a Stigma with Being Sexually Versatile?

By OckyDub | Posted Jun 7 2012 | 55 Comments  

Picture
One summer afternoon in 2004; my roommate, one of our mutual friends and I are drinking, smoking and cracking jokes while Enrique Cruz’s homo-thug porn movie “Off the Hook 2” plays in the foreground through the smoky haze. 
 
In one scene a sexy dude is beating up the booty hole of another handsome dude in a recording studio.   A couple of scenes later the same actor (the top in the previous scene) is now getting fucked by another actor. On cue, both my roommate and our friend (both of whom are bisexual bottoms) groan in objection and disappointment as the “top” in the prior scene has now been “topped”.

Confused I asked “wait a minute, what’s wrong with dude getting fuck?  I think that shit is hot.”  Their reply was “dude is wack and he ruined it…he fucked it up.”  I was like, “fucked what up?”  They say “we’re thinking dude was a top and he ruined it!” We all laugh. Even though personally I disagreed with their sentiment; I understood what they meant.

What really couldn’t be articulated in that moment was that they were loosely fantasying about this male actor on screen when he was in the top role. Those fantasies vanished when the same actor was now performing in the bottom role.  Now I can understand a bottom not fantasying about another bottom; but this dude wasn’t a bottom, he was versatile.


PictureAs men, I think it is safe to say we sometimes fantasize and visualize about the actors we see in porn movies. Whether it’s penetrating or being penetrated by the actors we see on screen.  For some, when the actor in question steps outside of the imagined sexual role we have mentally assigned to them, there may be some form of disappointment.


Take the case of porn actor Phat Daddy.  When he was topped by Tiger Tyson in “Take Em Down 4”, he later had to apologize and explain why he allowed himself to be penetrated (money) due to the backlash from his bottom fans. SMH.

Stepping away from the gay porn movie fantasy, this attitude of course is mirrored in reality. Some bottoms may be quick to frown upon finding about a potential date maybe versatile. Some tops will kick it with a masculine versatile man but will be quick to say “he aint fucking me”.  I personally see nothing wrong with a man who predominately assumes the role of a top wanting to be penetrated every now and then. I think any masculine top who seeks out another masculine man knows at some point, that other man may want to use his dick and may want some booty.  I have yet to come across any homosexual man who has not been penetrated at least once. So what’s the big deal?

For some men, visualizing a perceived top man being penetrated somehow diminishes their sexual attraction to them. It’s as if they now feel they are not being fucked by the manly man they thought they knew.  His masculinity card now has some infractions placed upon it.

I think this is related to a previous post I authored titled The Stigma of Being a Bottom where I discussed how being a bottom is looked at by many in the homosexual community as being weak, lesser than, and at the lowest point of the totem pole of gay society. Being labeled a bottom is thrown around as an insult in many gay circles.  I have even heard a bottom say that no man is really versatile; he is just ashamed of being a bottom.

I think being versatile is the homo best of both worlds. You get to enjoy all the pleasures a man has to offer. I feel like if you are having sex (regardless of what sexual role you are playing); enjoy it for what it is and enjoy the man you are sharing it with.
 
What do you think? Is there a stigma with being sexually versatile?

Please feel free to provider your input.

About the Author
OckyDub

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

   
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