It appears that the only group of people on the planet that internally hates themselves more than African Americans are Gay Men. I can’t think of any other groups of people that consciously chooses to use immensely offensive words to describe themselves.

Self-Hatred is a serious matter and I don’t want to take this lightly. Many people do not think race should be compared to sexuality in any way, but I think there are some correlations here.

It can be argued that Black Americans’ use of the word “Nigger” as a casual descriptive term of endearment is the result of the unimaginable trauma caused by American Slavery and the subsequent period of Jim Crow Laws. Some say the wound created by that brutality will take much more time and therapy to heal. So Black people have chosen to attempt to use the word in a way that takes away its power.

What are Gay people’s excuse for the terms they use? I log into websites and message boards daily and see words used amongst gay men that if said by a non-gay person (more specifially a heterosexual man) would be unbelievably offensive. Gay men are masochists. They seem to like being mistreated and humiliated.

Are gay men also embracing the offensive words to take away their power when used by racists and homophobes? If that’s the case, why are the words still just as abrasive decades later? If African Americans have “redefined” the word “Nigger”, why did Paula Dean get such a backlash in 2013? Why can’t Justin Bieber say, “Whattup, Nigga” when addressing his boss Usher Raymond?

Its because the “redefining the definition” excuse is all bullshit. The word is just as offensive and potent as its always been. The same applies to gay terms, gay terms that gay men are seen using daily on Twitter, causal conversation, blogs and even University classrooms, are all still offensive. Which words am I referring to? Let’s look at 5 of them.



This is one of the oldest gay epithets known. Most gay men come out of the womb knowing the potency of this word. It is a word used by heterosexual bigots for decades to imply that a boy or man wasn’t living up the performance expected by his gender role. It was even more psychologically damaging when heard coming from a parent or father figure. “Stop being a sissy!” they would say to try to push away any signs of feminine behavior.

Yet gay men can be seen calling other gay men sissies all the time. One would think gay men would abolish this word from their self-descriptive vocabulary and quickly chastise anyone that used it as well.

Gay men and African Americans are probably the ONLY groups on the planet that do this. You don’t see Jews calling each other Kikes. You don’t see Chinese men calling each other Chinks. We must collectively end the self-hatred disguised as a “redefinition” of the offensive words.



A serious debate came up when blogger Waddie Grant covered the battle between two Memorial Day Gay Event Promoters last year. The founder of Sizzle Miami accused the promoters of DC Pride of printing flyers that stated something to the effect of, “The Ladies will be at Sizzle, but the Real Men will be at DC Pride.” No evidence could be produced to confirm this but the reaction from gay men online was, how could they do that…that’s so offensive to call effeminate men “ladies!”

The problem with this is gay men do it causally ALL THE TIME!

Here’s the deal. If one or two descriptive terms like “masculine” or “discreet” have to go, they all have to go. If gay men have a problem with others in the community saying that they’re not “real men,” they can’t in-turn call themselves or others “Girl” and “Ladies.” Need an example of this in action, check out the video below:

Hahahaha! Yeah, pretty funny. But it’s funny because its true. Its totally fine for men (gay or straight) to have effeminate mannerisms. Who cares, right? But there’s power in the words we choose to use to describe ourselves and one another.

Say my gay boss at the office gives me an assignment, is it appropriate for me to say, “Yes, ma’am” when responding to him? Especially if he himself often says, “Yes, ma’am”  amongst his gay male friends over a round of Daiquiris?

This doesn’t only apply to effeminate men. All gay men should have a problem with female pronouns used to refer to other gay men. Especially the so-called masculine men that casually do it without a second thought of the ill effects.

How can we as a community get pissed at heterosexual men who attack us as being not “manly” when we as a group don’t even refer to each other as men? I’m not saying that gay men should try to adhere to some specific idea of what is masculine. However I do think we should not refer to ourselves as the opposite gender while simultaneous shouting that we’re all still in fact men.

Picture this: Justin Timberlake and Eminem adopt traditionally African American mannerisms and behaviors. That’s fine. But what if they also started calling themselves Black or African Americans? Like literally saying, “Us brothas are dominating the music game right now!” Everyone would be like:

Da Hell?

So let’s all abolish female descriptors from Gay terminology. We will still embrace our effeminate, inbetween and masculine brothers, but the difference is we’ll all be referring to each other as the strong men we are.

The list continues on the next page…