How Soon Is Too Soon To Reveal Your Freaky Side?

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Nov 24 2017 | 29 Comments  

Not gonna lie, I like some freaky shit. Well…minor freaky shit. Nothing like bondage, golden showers or fisting. But we all like what we like… Stuff I like is still the kinda stuff that may be a little off-putting to reveal to a dude you like the first time you both mess around (or have sex).

One time I was with a dude I was REALLY feeling, first time being fully naked & intimate and I was caught up in the moment. I remember going the extra mile to help him “finish” and then it was my turn. Like a drunk dude at a party, I started making requests.

He obliged, I was done, wiped myself off then looked at his face:

Then I realized that I may have revealed some things too soon.

So my question is, how soon is too soon for a dude you’re newly dating to make freaky, outside of the norm requests while being intimate?

About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

Tagged as:

29 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | November 24th, 2017

    Hahahaha I can't even imagine what tf you requested.

    Some things should definitely be reserved for later. But honestly, that's a hard question to answer not on a case by cases basis. What's freaky to one person, may be par for the course to another.

  2. mojoreece
    mojoreece | November 24th, 2017

    So true. It really depends on the relationship and dude. Like I would prob be pretty open minded to almost anything freaky:D. But only w/ someone I knew for a long time.

    If its a person u want for long term; it's better to wait get to know the person and slowly drop hints, clues, and jokes about what u like.

    p.s. when I think of the topic I think if Isaa in the Insecure scene w/ the eye patch. I guess it was a lil too freaky for her
    baaa haaa lol :tears:

  3. Dean
    Dean | November 24th, 2017

    Depending on the request and the person I would go three rounds before I break out the bag of tricks. If I'm not comfortable enough by then something is wrong.

  4. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | November 24th, 2017

    That's a good point.

  5. Juan-Carlos
    Juan-Carlos | November 24th, 2017

    It's mos definitely subjective though I would say gauge your share by your comfort level and based by what the two of you have done and already done sexually. Timing, for me, would be before we'd ever phuk around. I'm vanilla swirl with my shyt. I'm not into anything heavy and what most would consider socially "not the norm" though I like spontaneity. I'm passionately aggressive and if there is a connection I will consider and keep an open mind about some things. There are some things that doesn't shock me though there are some things that are flat out of discussion…dead ass like urolagnia, fecalphilia. polyembolokoilamania. and felching. I feel when you are a point to discuss the full extent of what you like without judgement and it being or feeling awkward is when it could phlow there after following the cues (whether it is visual or directional) without it being too verbal and forced. Everybody has their own "thing" or vice. I recently found out what B8 meant. So, just being aware is a good thing and essential….like oxygen.

  6. RolandG
    RolandG | November 24th, 2017

    I’m prolly gonna get slammed for bottom shaming here but this is a forum to be honest so I will do just that. I’ve fooled around with other tops before who have had freaky requests and I was totally down to oblige. Sorta turned me on actually. But i was dating this one dude who was a bottom and he revealed some freaky stuff he liked to do and my peen went limp instantly. Maybe because i was imagining him doing this with other tops he messed with in the past. Not gone lie. I sorta was thinking you slut. LOL Moral of the story is tops can get away with some things that bottoms can’t. It’s not fair but its true.

  7. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | November 24th, 2017

    What was he into?

  8. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | November 24th, 2017

    Yea those things are a no-go for me as well.

  9. Lean Lantern
    Champagne_Papi | November 24th, 2017

    See, I play too much yeh so I’m always saying some off the wall shit that niggas consider “freaky” and it’s either lead them to feel comfortable and snap back some freaky shit at me or to inquire what other things I’m “into”. I remotely blame this on the weird way of talking to strangers like I’ve known them for ages (but that’s because of growing up in the south).

    I’m going for knowing when is more of a feeling, it may take round one or round 3yrs into the relationship but I honestly promote doing that shit up front; I just like to see compatibility closer to the beginning. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? At the end of it all, you lot can always talk about how it made you feel.

  10. mikeyllo
    mikeyllo | November 24th, 2017

    This depends on the connection you have with the person thus far and how important his participation in your freaky stuff is. Sometimes bring up front as soon as possible is appropriate. I had a dude tell me that being open to threesomes is a requirement because one dude in the bedroom bores him. That was good to know up front as I was able to keep it moving before any sexual encounters and it didn’t have to be an issue where either he wasn’t getting what he wanted or I was pressured to do something I had not desire to do.

    Again, depending on how important the freaky thing is to you should be a factor in when you come clean about it. Also, the level of freakiness should be considered too. If you know that what you desire is kind of out there (it involves deer, or nails through body parts, etc. LOL) you may want to factor that in too. If you have a light freaky desire that is generally accepted, probably not a big deal…and your man might appreciate you for bringing it up. If you are a black belt from the Fifty Shades of Grey…umm, you may want to feel the person out a bit before sharing and be willing to accept that they may not be from that same school of thought.

  11. mojoreece
    mojoreece | November 24th, 2017

    :rolleyes:lol [​IMG] [​IMG]

  12. Juan-Carlos
    Juan-Carlos | November 24th, 2017

    I want to push in and out of OBJ until the thick white shoots and his AF1 are hot. #size13 #dearsanta


  13. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | November 24th, 2017

    Good Lord, I had the same thought. Bwooaayyyy, matter fact, hit me up if you find out he down to play and I'll do the same for you. We can all bust two birds with one stone (<– didn't make much sense but dammit, you know what I mean)

  14. acessential
    acessential | November 25th, 2017

    Ha. First dates are never a good idea to let your freak mind run wild. Unless you don't plan on ever seeing that person again and/or are prepared for things to end before they even start.

    I'm pretty vanilla, but there are certain things I like that some people would consider freaky. I never reveal it right away and I can usually tell early on whether or not a guy is into it. Just have a casual conversation about sex and slowly push in the direction of something you like and if they start to get noticeably uncomfortable, you know it's a no go. Not being into what I'm into it isn't a deal breaker for me, but it does make for a more satisfying sex life.

  15. RolandG
    RolandG | November 26th, 2017

    Nick, it’s funny you used the image of these two dudes for this post. Famous instagram couple who now filming their freaky stuff for a $9.99 subscription fee. SMH. People pretend their relationship is so sacred while posting muscle selfies all day but eventually, they have to resort to amateur porn because where else is there to go after the soft core porn of instagram.

  16. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | November 26th, 2017

    I didn't know anything about them doing porn. But I'm not surprised. Y'all think I'm joking but the longer I do this website the more depressed I get about this "lifestyle." I actually kinda envy the dudes that live in relative anonymity in rural cities without knowledge about the hyper sexualized gay lifestyle, softcore porn web series, gaylebrities, etc…

  17. Aejae
    Aejae | November 26th, 2017

    Once you're my boyfriend, your eggplant and all of its essence belongs to me.


  18. Jai
    Jai | November 26th, 2017

    I don't think it should be right off the bat but I will be honest…Maybe after the third sexual encounter. I have very strong freak tendicies, though they are closet freak type stuff. I absolutely love being naked or at least half (in private of course.) so bae needs to be the same as well, lol. There are things I'm not for though. Don't ask to piss on me, spit on me or my face, scat, fist, ass to mouth or anything like that. I think there is a difference between being freaky and just being nasty. Lol But I guess it depends on the person and their kinks.

    Even tho I don't have sex, I am pretty sure that if I'm really into a guy I'm going to a number of things to him whether they involve food, whipped cream, specialized toys, handcuffs, massage..etc. I'm kind of more into sensual things to a degree. Plus, I'm the type of person that will plot to do something days or even a week ahead of time. I think it's good to catch bae off guard. It makes the blood rush quick.

    For me, I don't find toes appealing but I know lots of dudes that find it freaky to suck on toes while they are smashing. I just wouldn't find it to my liking to be smashed missionary with my legs opened and a guy sucking down on my toes. Doesn't feel good…it just tickles and is annoying after a while for me.

    I've had a guy that said he wanted to eat me but that I shouldn't shower. You can guess I was pretty much turned off by this. I know "musk" is the rage these days but I like the "clean scent".

    Don't come to me after the gym smelling like the Swamp of despair and Wildebeest balls expecting some "love me long time" from me. To the shower sir…

  19. Lean Lantern
    Champagne_Papi | November 26th, 2017


  20. machoBLKnerd
    machoBLKnerd | November 27th, 2017

    out of curiosity, how does this couple "pretend their relationship is so sacred"? and what does that even mean?

    i'm asking b/c you appear to have a lot of judgments on this thread (the slut comment earlier and now this) that remain unsubstantiated by reason.

  21. machoBLKnerd
    machoBLKnerd | November 27th, 2017

    nick, can you give an example or two of what you mean by freaky? i'm trying to envision what kind of request would make someone react like that. why would dude go along, then act weird afterwards?

    it surprises me how often i find guys are unable to say that they are uncomfortable w smthng. with jumpoffs, i'm usually a prude so i'll tell you in a heartbeat, oh nah we won't be doing that.

  22. jusrawb
    jusrawb | November 27th, 2017

    I think once the sexual conversation comes up, what you into should be revealed because why waste each other time. If your into something that they are not willing to even try, it saves time being upfront. A lot of people don't realize sex is about communication too. Sometimes you may have had bad sex because the other person didn't know how to please you.

  23. mojoreece
    mojoreece | November 27th, 2017

    I agree. I think i'm going to change my mind .
    To be honest the gay question has to get out the way 1st "are u top or bottom or vers." I mean if ur not flexible in that it's best to know up front. Then the freaky stuff, its just best to put it all on the table to let folks know that there dealing with.

  24. RolandG
    RolandG | November 27th, 2017

    By sacred I mean that some couples give interviews, facebook/instagram posts stating they don't allow other people into their relationships or bedrooms because some things are only between the two parties only to then go out and make porn or release Xtube videos of their sex acts. Personally, i don't care what couples do, from private sex acts to live web cams for the world to see. On this site, we discuss things that we see in our culture and this is one thing that is common among many relationships.

    My slut comment was a thought that i posted on this site in explaining my answer to the question posed by Nick. I don't think i cast judgement on anyone in particular and even prefaced it by saying i'm probably wrong for thinking or saying it. Also, as a lurker, you probably aren't on here enough to catch my sense of humor or personality so i can understand how you could draw your own judgement about me from only two comments. I'm glad to see that you're commenting and participating. Real talk.

  25. BlackOnyx1 | December 1st, 2017

    agreed i like to be upfront about shit instead of wasting time, i mean i don't completely show my hand upfront but i drop hints and shit, etc. but i don't have time for beating my dick around the brush so to speak

  26. BlackOnyx1 | December 1st, 2017

    i say it depends on the connection but if you like to be upfront then do that and if they aren't into that or get freaked out oh well it's their lost

  27. Boaxy
    Boaxy | December 5th, 2017

    Not soon at all. I think you should let your partner know about these things from the beginning if you want me to be honest. I would be more accepting (even though I am open minded and don't care it's just the principle) towards things if they just upfront discussed it, and I'll do the same. Rather than finding out later, or hiding these facts due to feeling ashamed. When in relationships nobody should have any shame.

    That's just me of course.

  28. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | December 5th, 2017

    First. I want to say that I laughed out loud after reading this along with the GIF that was posted.

    I think it is important for people to be vocal and upfront about what they like and don’t like. Keep straight 100.

    With that being said, the real question is how freaky is too freaky? I am not the right person to judge other people kinks.

  29. BlackOnyx1 | December 6th, 2017

    i agree with this cause you shouldn't feel ashamed of your turn ons and freaky/kinky side, and i'd say talk about it upfront

You can add images to your comment by CLICKING HERE.

Want to add BOLD or Underlined Text? CLICK HERE    |    To See The Comments Section Rules, CLICK HERE