Even though I’m not in the dating game, I still partake in reading and loosely discussing dating, relationships and sex related subject matter on social media and blogs. Something that I’ve noticed (outside of the “No Fats, No Fems” conversations) that is NEVER talked about are the stated qualification preferences for a potential partner who must be religious or a faith based believer.


“Must put God First. Must believe in the Lord. Must be God fearing. Must be Christian;” are the descriptors that are commonly included on dating profiles, massage boards and within social media discussions when the question is posed, “what do you look for in a man?”

It may come as no surprise but as a non-believer, I think this is foolish. This is proof that even non-heterosexuals can be indoctrinated into a religious institution that negates authority from and persecutes anything that is not White-heterosexual-male. However here is the thing…I don’t see this requirement or discussion from White gays. Only Black gay men (who on MANY levels) mirror the mindsets, outlooks and attitudes of many heterosexual Black women.

If you look at a cross section of many Black religious congregations across the US, they’re predominately filled with Black women and Black homo/bisexual men.

Study after study has shown not only that non-believers or atheist as a whole are more knowledgeable of the Bible and other holy books but are also more moralistic. Daily there are news stories of pastors, bishops, preachers, deacons, and youth pastors; molesting or raping children or male authority figures in churches and temples taking advantage of congregates emotionally, financially and sexually.

If you are a homosexual man who requires a man who “puts God first”, that doesn’t mean that man will not cheat on you, lie to you, steal from you, or purposely give you HIV or any other STI, while later asking God for forgiveness.

You mean to tell me, that as desperate and thirsty for fairy tale, power-couple relationships as Black gay men are that they’re willing to pass up a so called “good man”, simply because his faith or non-faith isn’t shared with theirs? What if instead of believing in the good book, he is a good cook; responsible, considerate, polite, admirable, loyal and honest (among other positive qualifications)? You’re gonna pass that up because he doesn’t believe in the Lordt?

I can understand visual or sexual attraction preferences when it comes to dating and relationships but when it comes to faith and religion; I think Black gays need to reevaluate their dating qualification priorities. A man believing in or having faith in a deity doesn’t equal quality or integrity .


Do you agree or disagree? Please share your thoughts.