Do you want a long term relationship? Some tips and advance from Cypher Ave’s relationship coach, Octavius.Now this post applies to those of you may be seeking a long term loving relationship…not those who are happily single.  I know I could write a book on this subject, but I will try to keep it short for this post.

We all know so many masculine homosexual men who are not in a relationship that want to be in one, but feel they just cannot find the right masculine man to spend their personal time with.  They have all sorts of reason as to why they can’t find a worthy partner.

For some it’s age restrictions, too soft acting or not masculine enough, they have roommates, doesn’t have a job, doesn’t show affection, too immature, too many lies and games, not secure with themselves, too fat, too skinny, one leg shorter than the other, LOL.  You name it, we all have heard it.

Some may be valid reasons but others may just be excuses.  Now I know we all have our standards and ideas of what we are looking for in a mate.  But can you look internally at yourself and see if you have the same standards and ideas that you want in your potential partner?

So often I see masculine men who want relationships fall in the same trap.  They see something they like, in person or online, have small talk, maybe have a few drinks, they have sex and then they attempt to get to know the man they just hooked up with.  They attempt to form some sort of bond in hopes of it turning this “hook up” into a long term relationship.After a month or two of getting to know the person and attempting to establish and make something work, they realize that this man is not the one for them and at or around the 3 month mark, this pseudo long term relationship is over.

Picture After doing this a couple of times it is easy to lose patience.  With confidence lost in trying to find the right masculine man, the solitude and loneliness can take a toll.  It can lead to self destructive behavior and can cause one to become emotionally codependent on others while jumping from relationship to relationship.  Like having a lot of sex while looking for a little bit of love; all because you may be afraid of being alone with your true feelings and having to face the reality of who you really are.

Well one thing is for certain, in all these unsuccessful relationships the common factor is you.

Ask yourself these questions…

  • Are you taking a step back to analyze what you may be doing wrong?
  • Did you ever stop to think, what are you bringing to the table or what do you have to offer, not only to yourself but to a relationship?
  • What are you doing to attract these types of men to you?
  • Are you able to live up to and met your own standards?
  • Are you willing to take responsibility and make the necessary changes within to perhaps attract the right masculine man for you?

Well if you are are willing to take responsibility and make the necessary changes, the below tips may be just the information needed to help you out…

-Learn how to love and respect yourself…
This is very important regardless if you are seeking a relationship or not.  This should be the bases for your entire life.  How can you expect to find and receive love, if you don’t love yourself?  This can’t be stressed enough!  Learn how to truly love and respect yourself inside and out.

-Learn how to be comfortable spending time alone…
Spend some quality time alone.  This is how you find out who you truly are.  Take this time to discover what truly makes you happy and become in tune with self.  Can you make yourself laugh and smile? If you are not comfortable spending time with you, how do you expect your potential mate to be comfortable spending time with you?

-Be available…
You love yourself; you are comfortable being alone, now you feel you are ready to share your space and time with someone. To do this you must be available!  If you ask for something, make sure you are taking action to make yourself available to receive it.  Step outside the box and avoid the typical norms of the gay club and bar scene.  You are not going to meet your
potential partner sitting at home so get out and live your life.

-Don’t have sex too quickly…No seriously   
Look, if you meet someone that fits your criteria (meaning they are truly relationship material) and you are considering beginning a relationship with this person; you will have plenty of time to have all the sex you want.  Take the time to become friends first.  Grow your relationship and its foundation and focus on sex later.  Seriously, I would suggest waiting at least 2-3 months before having sexual intercourse.  If this seems to long just think about how all the previous hook-ups turned out

-Enjoy dating and meeting people…
Dating should be fun and you need to make sure you have fun doing it. If you go into a date like it’s a burden or a waste of time, guess what?  You will end feeling like it has been a burden and a waste of your time.  Believe me; once you change your outlook, you will begin to attract a whole different caliber of man to you.

-Learn how to tolerate and compromise…
If you do decide to go down the relationship road, you should have a clear understanding that it is not all about you anymore.  Learn how to communicate, listen and compromise with your partner.  Relationships take time and effort to grow. Two masculine dudes will eventually bump-heads so you can’t be ready to throw in the towel whenever you two have disagreement.  Remember, it takes time and effort.

Picture Understand you deserve to be happy and find love.  It will feel good to love somebody when somebody loves and respects you back.

I would like to hear your feedback or answer any relationship questions you have. 

– Octavius