A part of my job is not to only help my clients but to also show empathy (having the ability to understand and share the feelings of another) and have compassion for their situation. Simply stated; “putting myself in their shoes”. Admittedly, I was slightly bothered by my client’s predicament. He was an older white man who came out of his home to find his SUV had been damaged.
His vehicle had been keyed and the back of his SUV was spray painted with anti-Trump messaging. He was in an area that had thousands of people who were participating in the Women’s March, which was in part a women’s empowerment march, part anti-Trump protest. Even though the Women’s March didn’t encourage the violence that was witnessed during Trump’s inauguration, there still was a very small group of bad apples that marginally littered a few of the gatherings across the country. Globally, The Women’s March was otherwise a very positive and violence free protest.
Nonetheless; my client felt (and I agree) he was targeted because he had Trump, RNC and “Make America Great Again” bumper stickers on the back of his vehicle.
He stated, “I voted for Trump, but that doesn’t mean I would vandalize someone else’s car if they had a Hillary sticker on the back of their car”.
Empathy
As a Black man, I thought about how I would feel if I walked out of my home, and saw my truck had been keyed and spray painted with the word ‘Nigger’, which has happened to public and private property since Trump’s victory in November.
As a non-heterosexual man, I thought about how I would feel if I walked out of my home, and saw my truck had been keyed and spray painted with the word ‘Faggot’, which has happened to public and private property since Trump’s victory in November concerning members of the LGBTQ community.
As a non-religious, non-Hispanic man, I thought about how I would feel if I walked out of my home, and saw my truck had been keyed and spray painted with the words ‘Terrorist’ or ‘Build The Wall’?; Because of my complexion and my ability to grow a beard, I’ve been mistaken for both Muslim and Mexican (not simultaneously of course) currently and in the past.
As an Obama voter, I thought about Obama’s white grandfather.
Also as a Bernie Sanders voter and supporter who voted for Hillary, I was a bit pissed that this man’s SUV was vandalized for his opinion and political / voting beliefs.
I said to him, “Sir, I apologize that this happened to you. We should be able to agree to disagree with out resorting to vandalizing someone’s personal property.”
He thanked me for my professionalism, kind words, providing some comfort for his embarrassment (having to drive around with a vandalized SUV) and acknowledging his inconveniences surrounding the ordeal.
I thanked him and let me know I appreciated his sweet disposition (ole-dude was straight out of a Pepperidge Farm commercial) and his business.
Nonetheless, with all my empathy free flowing, I couldn’t help but think, “If you’re inconvenienced now, wait until Trump destroys your Medicare and Social Security you old fucker.”
Just had to put that last part in, didn't you smh. Do you know why he voted for Trump?-so many people have been hoodwinked and so much of it has to do with jobs and the economy and not other things. I disagree with voting in Trump but I can acknowledge that the people who did vote for him voted him in for a number of different reasons. 'You old fucker'. YOU are not getting any younger yourself. It is just like the 'that stupid black man'…why the need for the 'black' in there? Think about it.
Well I didn't call him a White Old Fucker, I said "old fucker". So you saying I was being ageist in my thoughts even though they weren't reflective in my actions? So you 'thought' policing now?
Your actions are what you do…your thoughts are who you are. It was nice that you did your job professionally(which is part of your job, right?-it is required and what you are paid for-to be nice and empathetic to your customers, no matter who they are, especially if they have given you no reason to not be(the 'old' fucker was nice as you said). No? And if you actually did feel empathy, that is great.
And yeah, just because you don't say it does not mean it does not apply. If the guy serving you at the restaurant treats you well and does not call you a n@gger, then he is not racist-even if he is thinking 'I hate having to wait on these n@ggers, they never tip well"…right? If that server told me his story about his nice black customers who he treated well-but then said that last part, I would be wrong to say something about his racism? Really?
Nobody can police your thoughts, but if you willingly share them (just like you shared the rest of your thoughts) don't be so surprised that if someone finds part of those thoughts objectionable(like the 'old fucker' thought) that they actually *gasp* comment on it.
Ask yourself why did you even think 'you old fucker' and why did you feel the need to share it?
*and yes, I am sensitive to this as I am getting old(way past old by gay standards) and especially amongst gays, the very worst sin you can commit is actually living long enough to get old. Better to be dead than old if you are gay. smh.
Yeah…That whole actions speak louder than words thing.
I thought it because its what I felt. I shared it because its what happened.
This man was not happy about his car being vandalized and I'm his thoughts were not pleasant about those who did it and his perception on why they did it. Which to me is natural human behavior. Also as a human with a brain, I can have more than one thought or emotion at a time.
If I have to explain why I had / have a negative thought about an old man (who cares about his race) voting for Trump than either you have not been paying attention (I know you have) to Trump and his ideas or its just really you being sensitive because you're old / getting older and gays view it negatively. To me it means you took your sensitivities and insecurities and superimposed it on a situation which in its totality had nothing to do with age.
There was no reason to feel the 'old fucker'…unless you have a problem with age. No other reason at all and that is it. I could only mention it…because you mentioned it-I 'superimposed' age- on age! the exact same thing. You are being disingenuous here. Also the only time I brought the race into question was in comparing race to age-not in any other way as you are suggesting so you are being disingenuous again…or just need to reread.
And that whole 'actions speak louder than words…again that is meant to apply when the actions and the words are the same-not when they are different. When the actions and the thoughts are not aligned, especially when the actions are 'for show'(or are a job requirement) and the thoughts are not so great…then the thoughts say more about you than the actions. smh.
*Alton you suck for dapping Ocky's ass lol.
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*edit*
You know it was just one.single.thought that was shared and maybe I am just making too much of it. Let's just drop it-this one thought is not worth going thought this and I think it is coming across like I am judging you badly on this one thought and that is not the intent-it was just more of an observation. But yeah I do take 'ageism' seriously because I am getting hit by it and it sucks-but oh well that is life right?
Also just joking with ya Alton.
I feel ya you old fart and you make a good point.
I don't have issues with age at all. My snark was just that. Also being that im in a relationship with an old dude (50) which is old by gay standards.
I took "old fucker" in the way as he's probably someone who is used to Black people being " put in thier place" when segregation was a thing. So in that context I don't think he meant it to be a jab because dude was old.
As a person who was born and raised in the South, I tend form negative judgments towards older white conservatives because in my experience, most of them have prejudiced and racist ideals.
Well it's very thoughtful of you to understand that man and have compassion for him after the unfortunate happenstance that occured. And I also applaud you for your showmanship to a guy who, in my eyes, represents a group that supports such a man with mannerisms and thoughts that differs my taste in a way a human being should act. But none the less, you've looked past that. And I truly admire you for that. You are indeed a role model that I wish I had in my life growing up as a kid because I always wanted to look up to somebody like you. So with that being said, congradulations. Your heart is bigger than mines.
Okay, so as maybe the oldest, old fucker on this site, I have to say that I was not offended by @Ockydub 's closing benediction. I did not see the old as derogatory but simply a modifier. I guess being called old does not bother me, even when I am called it by someone I don't really know. It is precisely because the caller was old that @Ockydub 's comment about Social Security and Medicare made any sense. Had he been a young fucker, the proper reference might have been Pell Grant.
I think we have to ease back a bit.
The real point is the difficulty @Ockydub found himself in, his admitted strain in dealing with someone who on the face of it he would not feel much sympathy for. It is something that professional responsibility imposes on those who have to deal with the public. I don't know how many times I sat quietly and listened to clients' woes, which I had to try to fix, even though I had no sympathy, or flat out disagreed with. But it's what you do when you have to pay the bills. That is why I liked the post, and @Ockydub or anyone else on the site can refer to me as an old fucker any time. I'm grateful for the attention,
I loved this post, in all its inner conflict.
Btw I’ve been called/graffitied those slurs or assumptions too. #mongrelproblems
I give 0 fucks about him and his SUV. I will NEVER respect a person who voted for Trump. Voting for Trump is like voting for the KKK. Fuck him and is SUV. Usually, I’d make an exception for people’s politics but this is the time where l say fuck that.
I hate Trump even more because of this thread now lol. Trump is the true 'old fucker'.