I’ll admit my set up and deliver could’ve been better when I created the hypothetical post years ago.

It was the golden age of open Black gay athletes and ‘No Fats, No Fems’ dating victimization hysteria. Every Black gay with an opinion wanted to be a Youtube social media star while recycling the ‘dating, sex and relationship’ topic. The natural consensus was that Black homosexual men want masculine Black homosexual men. Gender norms were still at play though…meaning fem leaning men wanted masculine men and the expectation was masculine men wanted fem leaning men. Masc for Masc = fem rejection = fem sex discrimination = fem side eye = post on Youtube / blog.

I attempted to challenge the thought processes and the conundrums the dating Black gay community faces. The perception was that every Black gay wants a masculine Black gay but as we know, every Black gay aint masculine. How to solve this problem…maybe date a masculine non-Black man?

As stated, maybe my set up and deliver could’ve been better (hell, it probably could be better even now). Nonetheless, I presented two options (and only two options) for viewers to ponder and be introspective concerning their dating choices. Black and white folk tend to only think in Black and white. Europe and Africa – Africa and Europe. Interracial dating equals Black and white – white and Black. It’s almost like there is a barrier for seeing any other race or ethnicities. Based on this perceived limited way in thinking….the two limited options I posed to Black gay men were:

  • You can stay true to your pro-Blackness and only date, have sex and a relationship with another Black man who happens to be effeminate thus going against your desire for masculinity…or…
  • You can date, have sex and a relationship with a masculine man but he cannot be Black.

The responses and feedback (mostly outside of Cypher Avenue on social media) was intense and for many Black non-heterosexual men this rhetorical, contemplative question was seen as an attack on Black homosexuality and Black gay culture. So much so, a popular Black gay vlogger had to ‘drag and read’ me for my bigoted fem hating paradox. 

Looking back, I do think my overall goal of sparking thought and discussion was accomplished. Being in the present, I wonder has the Black gay male perspective changed on this topic. You can view our original post here along with the responses from readers.