QOTW: How Much Younger or Older Would You Date?

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Mar 1 2015 | 51 Comments  

morris-chestnut

In regards to dating, there’s overt ageism in the gay community. Even more so than for heterosexuals, I would argue.

Even I’ve been guilty of it myself on both ends of the spectrum.

At 37 years old, I tend to view dating men in their 20’s as babysitting short attention spanned, culturally deprived, dingbats who will fuck anything (with or without a condom).

On the flip side, I often view many older men (45 and up) as boring, culturally unaware, socially allergic, fuddy duddies who spend their entire Sundays sipping wine in a silk robe while humming gospel music songs all day.

Many gay men have their own reasons for their age prejudices, but ever since I’ve been actively dating in the gay community I’ve observed an ever present cloud of disdain for older men or getting older in general in regards to dating…and I’ve also observed a disrespect for younger men due to assumptions of immaturity and sexual promiscuousness.

Talking

Possibly as a result of these prevalent age prejudices, we see gay couples with large age differences all the time.

Younger man have told me they prefer to date older because most men their age are immature. I’ve heard similar rationale from older men claiming younger men are only good for No Strings Attached sexual encounters.

clicks

However, I’ve also heard many men say they would never date older men because, well, those men are old, past their gay expiration dates.

Are these generalizations limiting men from finding potentially long term compatible partners in a gay community already notoriously limited with very few dating options?

Shouldn’t gay men date regardless of age if there is a mutual attraction and mental connection?

Even Cypher Avenue co-founder Octavius Williams is in a strong long term relationship with a man many years his senior (although this may be an outlier since his partner looks at least 10 years younger than his actual age).

If a relationship is your goal and you haven’t been finding what you’re looking for within your age group, it may be time to open up your options.

PERCEPTION

Let’s say you do open your dating parameters by dating younger/older men (or even outside of your race), will you then face criticism by the ageists (and racists) in the gay community?

When openly gay college basketball player Derrick Gordon was seen on the GLAAD Awards Red Carpet with a Caucasian man 20+ years his senior, many gay men went ape-shit online. Many of these critics must have also been Psychiatrists because they all had psychological explanations why each man would be dating the other.

According to many (lonely and bitter) gay men, you must stick to your own race and stick to your own age group, regardless of what makes you personally happy.

 

On the other hand, there are levels to this. We live in a society where perception plays a big part how others interact with you. So seeing a 47-year-old man with a 22-year-old college student is guaranteed to raise some eyebrows.

If only there was a way to determine how young/old is too young/old when dating.

CALCULATOR

For those of you who are open to dating younger and older, you may need help in deciding just how older and younger is socially acceptable to date. Fortunately there is an unspoken rule called “Half Plus Seven.”

The way “Half Plus Seven” works is you take your current age, divide it by 2 and add 7 years. The result gives you the MINIMUM age of a partner that you can date and it still be socially acceptable. On the other end, take your age, subtract 7 and multiply it by 2. That result gives you the MAXIMUM age of a partner that you can date.

Granted, we’re mainly talking about dating. If its just sex you want, you can have at it with any age (I would assume).

By these calculations, the youngest aged man that I could date would be 25-years-old and the oldest aged man that I could date would be 60-years-old.

Wait, what?

ray

I gotta sleep on these numbers.

Ironically, I feel equally reluctant to date the 25-year-old as I would the 60-year-old.

Plug your age into the Dating Age Range calculator below and tell us your results…would you date within that range?

How do you feel about dating Younger/Older in general?

 

 

About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

   

51 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Tai Aubrey | March 1st, 2015
    0

    Nice article Nick. I’ll be 26 in July, so here’s my results the Youngest was 20 and the Oldest was 38. I say that’s accurate although the youngest I would date would be 2 years younger and 4 years older than me.

  2. Chris | March 1st, 2015
    0

    My dating age range according to the formula is 24-54.

    I’m more open to date older men than I used to be. My first bf broke up with me only to end up with a much older man, so for a long time I didn’t care for older men because of that.

    Looking back I wonder how many potentially great relationships ive missed out on because of the way I felt.

  3. Dr. Strange
    Dr. Strange | March 1st, 2015
    +2

    Well according to the calculator my lowest is 21 and my highest is 40.

    As a 27 year, I can’t sing praises for older men. In my experience older men have been just as bad as the younger ones they claim are bad. But that’s just my experience.

    I have no problem dating older men, it’s just they tend to be set in their ways and its quite hard to get your foot in the door because they think you’re like the rest.

    As for younger ones, the turn off for them is that many of them seem to have no kind of purpose, or at least they don’t proclaim it. No real hobbies, or interests.

    The list can go on for either side. It really just comes down whether or not both parties have common interests and find each other attractive. Finding that is way harder so personally I wouldn’t let a number get in the way, ya know?

    • Dre G | March 1st, 2015
      +1

      Love what you said dude.Both ends of the age spectrum have their cons: aimless young guys and judgemental older ones.I know a lot of guys in their 40s and 50s who are a mess,and lots of guys my age who have their lives together,so I’ve been trying not to judge people by their age,or any factor beyond their character.

  4. juan-carlos | March 1st, 2015
    0

    Great topic. The calculator’s results is 24, 54. I follow the rule of 10- as above so below. So, 24 is in line though 54 is too old for me. That’s like dating my Dad. As of late, the guys I’ve met are ages 27, 31, and 49 all prime numbers. I think what matters most is compatibility and physical attraction. However, if it’s your objective to go for only young guys or older guys (Daddy/Son) then there could be something more psychologically driven behind that specific preference. One man’s normal is another man’s fetish.

    • J's Destiny | March 2nd, 2015
      0

      7*7= 49??? Prime or composite

  5. мєє¢н
    мєє¢н | March 1st, 2015
    0

    This article is about to be a good read

  6. Yoshi!
    Yoshi | March 1st, 2015
    0

    19-34. I once heard that a generation is about 14 years, which makes sense bcecause thats about the age of puberty. I tend to stick to my generation meaning +/-14 years.

  7. SwagJack
    SwagJack | March 1st, 2015
    +1

    The calculator seemed to be pretty true to life on the younger end of the spectrum. The youngest I’ve gone was 24. One of the 24 year old dudes was pretty mature and confident. He was on track to go to either the military or the police academy the last time I’d spoken to him. Very masculine dude. Very self aware. He would always initiate holding hands in public, which I thought was kinda tight. The other 24 year old was a sweet dude with a good heart, but also pretty confused and immature (didn’t find out these details until we started spending more time together). We didn’t last more than a month. I dated a 25 year old dude that actively pursued me, which was kinda flattering. He was Southern bred, HBCU educated, very politically aware, and very in touch with himself. I’ve never dated anyone older than 45, which was a female I was involved with about 9 months ago. She was very established, mom, property owner, open minded. We probably vibed the most out of all the relationships I’ve ever had, male or female.

    Not sure I’d date anyone in their early 60s, as the calculator kinda suggested was the oldest I should shoot for. I think there would be too much of a generational gap between us. Plus it would be weird to date somebody that went to high school with my moms. The ultimate factor with me would be level of maturity. I know some people in their mid-to-late 20s that already know what they want in most aspects of their lives and they’re on track to obtain them. I know some people nearly twice their age that still have extreme difficulty with the obligations of adulthood. But as with most people in general, your wants and needs change with time. The younger you are, the more likely those wants and needs are going to shift within a shorter period of time. The trick is to be able to gage how compatible you two will be in the long run if you’re looking for something more enduring. Sexual attraction and romance are pretty fleeting and relatively easy to experience.

  8. African King | March 1st, 2015
    +1

    Mine is from 19.5 to 36 lol. I don’t mind dating someone as long as he or she is legal and doesn’t look like he got Similac on his tongue hahaha. I have found younger men in college sexy and I’ve founder those knocking on 40 sexy. It’s whatever.

  9. Cyrus-Brooks
    Cyrus Brooks | March 1st, 2015
    +1

    Ageism is rampant in the gay community. It’s been that way ever since I came out in my early 20s. That said if you look good young dudes will still come after you even if you are a “old head”. There is a subculture of young gay men looking for a “daddy” and older gay men looking for a “son”. I’ll be 38 in a few weeks I’ve always dated dudes in my age range. My partner is 41. if I was single I’d go someone 35 – 46.

    • Ocky Williams | March 1st, 2015
      0

      “That said if you look good young dudes will still come after you even if you are a “old head”.”

      THANK YOU!

      • ControlledXaos | March 1st, 2015
        +1

        This.

        I don’t know many dudes who would not be checking for at least two of the following: The Rock, Laz Alonso, LL Cool J, Will Smith, Morris Chestnut, Henry Simmons, Shemar Moore (I know there’s some closet case likers of him out there still), Boris Kodjoe.

        As long as a man is in better than decent shape compared to the average of his age, he’ll have no problem with getting many gay men’s attention.

        • Dre G | March 1st, 2015
          0

          Will Smith has always been attractive,but this past year he’s started looking a lot better to me. He’s definitely getting better with age.

          • RolandG
            Rolandgarros28 | March 1st, 2015
            0

            You gold digging man with daddy issues. LOL

            • Dre G | March 1st, 2015
              0

              I’m trying to get in on those Fresh Prince residual$ lol.

          • thatGuy | March 4th, 2015
            0

            Agreed

        • SB3000 | March 1st, 2015
          0

          I wanna do my bidness on the Rock.

          And don’t let mofos fool u, Shemar Moore is still fine as hell, he’s just been around for so damn long. Ain’t nobody kicking him out of bed.

        • D'Elle Brothers
          rocbody1 | March 3rd, 2015
          0

          My problem is finding an older mature guy who is in decent shape as myself at 55. Not boasting but I’m in better shape than some 36 – 45 year olds.

  10. RolandG
    Rolandgarros28 | March 1st, 2015
    +1

    I’ve dated maybe 3 dudes younger than myself and no thanks. I’ve always dated older from the point i started going on dates with dudes. The age gap has been as much as 18 years. The interesting thing is as i’ve gotten older, those guys in their thirties don’t seem old enough now. LOL But I’m opening myself up to date anyone who might be a match for me. There is nothing like old loose muscles though. LMAO

  11. JasonAKMitchell
    JAKM | March 1st, 2015
    0

    According to the article my dating range would be 21.5 (round up to 22) and 44 years old.

    I say that works…

    I’m out there doing pretty frequent dating and I don’t limit the age or race (yes I still talk to women from time to time), but I believe the article is right on point.

  12. Dre G | March 1st, 2015
    +1

    I got 18-32 for my calculator. I’ve always had better connections with dudes who were in the range of 2 through 5 years older than me.If I ever went younger I don’t think I would go below 20 or 21,but even my friends are older than me so I doubt I’d ever date someone younger.

  13. D.W. | March 1st, 2015
    +1

    My age yielded a range of 20.5 to 40; I am very open to dating guys of any age, its more a matter of maturity to me that depends if we talk or not. I have met guys that are younger than me that are extremely more mature than me and met guys in there 30s that act like they are 21. Age really is not a factor to me, all it tells me is when you popped out your mom’s vagina.

  14. SB3000 | March 1st, 2015
    +1

    Yea, this was a good one (and interestingly timed since I was just talking abt this regarding that Lee Daniels article).

    Apparently I can go as young as 23(yea right) and as old as 50(possible).

    Like I said last time, I’m an admitted ageist to younger guys. I can’t imagine a 23 year old trying to be down for the long haul. I’m my mind he should be dating n figuring out what he wants.

    I wouldn’t not give a sensible younger guy a shot (I guess) but I don’t see it…

    • alton
      NYCforEVER | March 3rd, 2015
      0

      Agreed. I toyed with the idea of giving a 25 yo a shot last year. As mature as he was for his age, something just didn’t “line up” between us and shit died off.

  15. R.E.W II | March 2nd, 2015
    0

    Nope. I refuse to date someone younger than me. But I’ll take that twenty-six year old that my results gave me lol.

  16. BlackguyExecutive | March 2nd, 2015
    +1

    My results are 21.5 to 44. As a person who has dated someone significantly younger (minus 6 years) and significantly older (plus 15 years) I don’t have a problem with age in all reality. I think I am more drawn to older because they seem to be better equipped to suit my needs. When I was 22 years old I dated a man that was 38 and it was honestly the best sex I have ever had in my life and we generally connected really well although we fizzled out because he found someone younger…

  17. Rah Brown™ | March 2nd, 2015
    +1

    For me the calculator said between 22 and 39. It’s right and wrong; I intend to date guys older that me. If I go younger, usually it’s no more than 2 years. I always seem to connect with older guys more than younger guys; which might be because I’m was the only child for a long time and hung around adults more than I should’ve at the time.

  18. alton
    NYCforEVER | March 2nd, 2015
    +1

    See, I don’t have patience for all that calculating. LOL I stick with the “7 Up/ 7 Down” theory. But in the end, compatibility between two people (str8 or gay) is a game of numbers, no matter what the age. One can ideally find a decent partner at any age.

  19. Discordant | March 2nd, 2015
    0

    The Calculator told me 21.5 to 44. Funny enough I’ve dated a 21 year old and a 42 year old and their ages may have played a role in our breakups due to the psychology of what they were looking for and expecting out of said relationships and partners. I’ve found that guys I’ve expressed interest in under 25 turn me into a parent, which I don’t want to be, and guys over 40 tend to either want to settle down immediately or are so jaded from past experiences they don’t put in any work.

    So my new rule is 3 years younger, 6 years older and that seems to be a better range. We are in the same generation, and are usually in similar places career-wise. That’s seemed to work better for me.

  20. D'Elle Brothers
    rocbody1 | March 2nd, 2015
    0

    At age 55 the youngest guys I have dated have been 36. As an older dude guys as young as 21 hit on me. I personally would love to date someone closer to my age but unfortunately most guys over 50 are usually too out of shape for me to even be attracted to them. SMH, SMH, SMH!!

    • ControlledXaos | March 3rd, 2015
      0

      And that may be where the problem lies.

      Could you describe your version of what ‘out of shape’ means to you?

      To me, I’m almost 40. I’m not in the best shape but I’m a buff guy. I just think that in certain age brackets, there’s a reasonable expectation that older people are just not going to be in college age shape.

      • D'Elle Brothers
        rocbody1 | March 3rd, 2015
        0

        Okay, be that as it may. I don’t expect everyone to be in the same shape as me, but we all can tell if someone is putting forth an effort or not. What I see is most guys here in the south are not and the use age as an excuse.

        • ControlledXaos | March 3rd, 2015
          0

          Gotcha.

  21. PrinceOnyx (P.O.) | March 3rd, 2015
    0

    So, i got 17 for the young and 26 for the oldest that’s pretty interesting. for me personally i prefer mid to late 20’s to mid to late 30’s, the early 20’s maybe but it depends on the maturity level and cultural awareness and things of that nature in terms of dating and relationships. I’ve never been the type to be a one night stand type of guy cause i don’t like participating in such risky sexual behavior, but that’s just me.

  22. hannibal
    Hannibal | March 3rd, 2015
    +1

    I can do 10 years older and 5 years younger. However, if the day I was being born he was taking his first college exam…he’s too old for me. If we walk into a room and people don’t know whether he’s my date or my dad…he’s too old for me.

  23. thatGuy | March 4th, 2015
    +1

    Funny this topic comes up in my 90 days of serial dating challenge to myself. I must say 27-42. I’m 32 as of March 24, so I’m thinking WAY different than twenties and I need somebody who can handle my conquer the world mentality 30’s…lol Plus I agree two old can be out of date, touch and settled. Got one dad, don’t need two.

    • thatGuy | March 4th, 2015
      +1

      But I will say that I look for 30 and up. I will entertain the late twenties if they have there stuff together.

    • thatGuy | March 4th, 2015
      0

      *their

  24. WIMSDC
    WIMSDC | March 5th, 2015
    0

    I’ve always dated within my age range as well as other racial and socioeconomic settings for the most part. I just prefer to have someone around my age 4 up or 4 down. That way we can general share in many of the same life events as far as childhood, and trying to advance ourselves in our lives.

  25. dashawn | March 6th, 2015
    0

    my age range was 19 to 38. ironically I dated a 19 year old which only lasted for 3 weeks. he was only in it for the image, social media attention, cute dates and showing off in front of his friends, he was unwilling to scratch the surface. on the other hand I’ve dated (and was in a relationship with) a 30 yr old for 2 years. he was my first love and I learned and grew a lot from that relationship. unfortunately, his drug/alcohol use overtook him to the point where we couldn’t get his shit together. eventually I got irritated and left.

  26. JodyBell87
    JodyBell87 | March 15th, 2015
    +2

    I’m 27, but I’m sure I can date up to 40. When I was 22 I dated and fell in love with a man 12 years my senior. We dated for almost a year and half. At first, I didn’t think age was much of a big deal, but I could see after a while that it may have been for him. Honestly, I think I was supposed to be a quick fling for him at first, but I think he caught feelings. It wasn’t until I lost my minimum wage job that I felt he felt a way about dating younger. Til this day, I can never really say why we broke up, and he will not either. In my heart of hearts, I think it’s because he feared having to “take care of me” since I was in college and now without a job.
    Dated younger and I just can’t do it. Can only do my age and up. I’m sticking to that.

    • Kouncelor
      Jay Tee | May 3rd, 2015
      0

      Jody, I understand that. When I was younger, I preferred older. Now, many of the older guys are taken or “typical senior citizens”. I have my limits, but more open to younger.

  27. DBrnsgr | April 4th, 2015
    +1

    My range is 27 to 66. I’m very open when it comes to dating, however, if I can’t establish a great line of communication with the other person, then I’m not likely to entertain them.

  28. NickAuzenneNOLA
    NickAuzenne | April 9th, 2015
    +1

    I’m 27 as well… the calculator was sort of dead on saying I’d date 20.5-40. I’d not date anyone below 21 so thats the only correction If I’ve got to be critical lmao

  29. Martino | April 18th, 2015
    +1

    “…I often view many older men (45 and up) as boring, culturally unaware, socially allergic, fuddy duddies who spend their entire Sundays sipping wine in a silk robe while humming gospel music songs all day.” Lol! You are CLEARLY hanging around the wrong 45+ y/o’s! I don’t know ANY 45+ gay men who fits that description.

  30. Tjay | May 1st, 2015
    0

    I would say about ten years either way from my age. I will say I lusted after a police officer I know who is 43. black don’t crack baby. I do think that a 45 year old with a 20 yr old is odd. it looks like a backpage.com pay to play kinda deal.

  31. Kouncelor
    Jay Tee | May 3rd, 2015
    0

    Well, I’m 46, going on 47 soon.. According to the age calcultor my range should be 30-80. Fortunately, I don’t date based on what society dictates. Unfortunately, too many brothers do.
    At this point, I have courted men as young as 22 and as old as 53. There is no formula to the right age to date..and those who use society as a gage could be mising out on something special. Opposites do attract and can be happy.
    The most important questions wo ask your self when courting:
    1. Is there an attractions? Physical, spiritual, emotional.. doesn’t matter. That’s the catalyst to start something.
    2. Do you actually like them? (Love and like are VERY different things). I’ve was married to a woman that I loved but do not like..hence, I “was” married.

    3. Are you willing to be together as long as, overall, you both are happy, despite with friends, family, and society may say.

  32. Manavie86
    Shammy Thy Manavie | May 20th, 2015
    0

    21.5-44, and im 29 y/o, so the calculator is referring to the minimal age to have legal sex? lmao. Who to date is depend on what i expect and intention independently of age. If you want to have sex like 6 times a day i don’t think a 60 y/o can keep it up with ur energy even with Viagra O.O. If you want sharing exp and stuff, either both older and younger can offer the same thing depend on how they’re raised up. For those who want lovey dovey both old and young have the pro n cons. Young might be less exp but that something you can learn with each other and paint the picture by your own, with the older, the can offer you better wisdom in love free from certain dogmatic view of age limiting factors.

  33. samespiritssamebody | August 7th, 2015
    0

    I’m 36 and now more than ever age is a consideration, it’s like being in between two stages. Recently I have dated down in age but I haven’t had a relationship with a man in his 40s and 50s. I’m open to it. I have older gay men friends and I really enjoy the life experience factor and laughter that’s deeper and more knowing. I wouldn’t mind a man who has been a lover a long time.

  34. DiamondKesawn
    DiamondKesawn | December 4th, 2015
    0

    I’m 30. The calculator said 22-46. Okay, now here’s the real teas. If it’s just a Fling, 18-40. If we kicking it 24-40. Potential SERIOUS Connection 32-45.




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