Props where its due: The blogging team over at The Unstoppable Toy Sldrs dropped a hilariously accurate calendar (embedded below) to mark the official end of Summer Single Status and the beginning of Relationship Cuffin’ Season.
With the upcoming release of the new DRAKE album, Nothing Was The Same, single men and women worldwide will be digging into their cell phone contacts and Facebook friends list to send “miss you” and “How you been?” messages to their lust targets and the ones that got away. Not only is this a guaranteed side effect to listening to any of emo rapper Drake’s songs, it’s also par for the course this cold weather time of year.
WINTER IS COMING
The hot summer months are almost behind us so its time to put on more layers of clothing and cuddle up with someone special to help pass the time spent bundled up indoors. Its time to get Cuffed Up.
This only works if you built up a good number of potentials over the summer and you now have their numbers saved in your phone. I’ve previously given a lot of good advice on how to do this in my article: Art of Seduction: The Top 12 Ways To Pick Up Gay/Bisexual Men of Color. Once you’ve handled that, you can make full use of the calendar.
The Official Cuffin’ Season Calendar is your guide to navigate and maneuver through the intricacies of securing a relationship in a hurry. While a lot of the advice in the calendar is tounge-in-cheek (for example: The term “Draking” is the act of drinking and caking at the same time. Late night text messages, phone calls, DMs, etc during late night hours while drunk. I’m so guilty of this.), a lot of what is listed here is spot on.
While the Game of Cuffs calendar was clearly written by and for heterosexuals, a lot of the satirical pointers apply to gay men as well.
CUFFIN’ SEASON CALENDAR HIGHLIGHTS
1. Beginning September 18th, you should have started sending “Good Morning” texts out to your list of potentials. As Toy Sldrs puts it: With Grand Theft Auto 5 dropping, it’s easy to become distracted…but you still need to show you’re interested.
2. Beginning October 2nd, beware of Charles & Charlene. According to Toy Sldrs, this is the period where the Thirst (aka lust) truly makes people competitive. Charles & Charlene refers to 3rd parties who see your keen cuffin’ efforts on your target and do all they can to throw salt in your game!
Example: “He hasn’t texted you all day? Maybe he isn’t as interested as you think.” Or they email you the link to this Cypher Avenue article: Classic Lies Gay Men Tell Each Other and Cypher Avenue’s Top 50 Quick Dating Tips for the New Year Part One and Part Two written by The King of all Haters, Nick Delmacy.
Watch out for these crabs!
3. Beginning October 25th, you should be sealing the deal with at least one of your potentials. If not, for the next two weeks you will have to up your Social Media thirst activity into overdrive. Send likes, comments, texts and smiley face emoticons into overdrive.
Once you’ve narrowed down your potentials to 2 or 3, make a final decision and seal the deal with convo that starts with: “I really like you and well…” “How do you feel about making this official…” “I don’t want to talk to anyone else…”
You may find yourself settling for a dude you don’t really want, but at least you’ll have a warm body next to you during the next few cold winter months.
4. Beginning November 15th, if nothing has jumped off with your potentials by this point, you’ve failed and you’re in the friend zone. Prepare for a cold lonely winter. At this point all of your efforts will just come off as desperate given that most people who would want a relationship would you typically would have secured it by Thanksgiving, the start of the relationship holidays.
Loneliness and sadness slowly settles in. The Marvins and Thirst Walkers come out in droves trying to break up new/old relationships in desperation. This continues all the way up until Valentine’s Day.
Once Spring/Summer rolls back around, many of those temporary relationships will wilt away allowing everyone to regroup and begin again from scratch and on equal ground.
THE UNSTOPPLABLE TOY SLDRS CUFFIN’ SEASON CALENDAR
(Click the image for full sized view)
See the full Toy Sldrs Cuffin’ Season article HERE.
LMFAO!!!! This was dead on, Drake’s Nothing Was the Same (esp track 14. Come Thru) got me ready to holla at shorty downstairs… I almost forgot with the Fall and Drake music can do to people… Think I’ma have to take this season off, no rush decisions lol
LOL just keep in mind that Cuffin’ Season romances are all temporary. Just like buying a new coat for the winter. You won’t be wearing it anymore by Spring. lol
Oh… I know that shit ALLLL to well… Can’t keep listening to Drake, I’m really not tryna pay dudes too much attention right now… Gone have to put on some Wu Tang or some Naughty by Nature or some shit hahaha
I know this post is DUMB old, but @ Jonah, I agree. When that loneliness bullshit try a creep up on me I throw on “Domestic Violence” by RZA, gets rid a that shit REAL quick LOL.
But I can’t lie doe… a B.U.D.D.Y. wouldn’t hurt nothing, like what Musiq Soulchild be singing about! hahhaha
Fuck cuffing season, this is when my job kicks into high gear, hell I need my year end review to look good so I can get this bonus/raise/promotion. Success over Love, especially for these popcorn hoes.
Keep having that attitude and someone gonna cuff you up, no matter how much you resist. A career focused young gay black man is a prime target.
My name ain’t India Arie, I am NOT ready for love
This “cuffin” routine is obviously for those who wish to partake in superficial surface relationships which are all temporary. Did that, done that! The last one was a bit harder to get over than I thought. We were drawn together over sexual lust in that October month. By november, I was thinking twice about his business trips and “frat brothers”. In essence, I was catching feelings for the dude. By december, we were on an emotional roller coaster. By January, it was unofficially over.
Once the sexual curiosity wears off, and the ego is satisfied with it’s latest conquest, maintaining interest in your boo becomes a challenge. This is when maturity is suppose to step in and remind you of what you truly want from the relationship/fling. I’m not saying temporary couplings are bad, I’m just saying ; “understand what you are engaging in before allowing your expectations to deceive you.”
Totally agree 100%. Interesting topic but promotes this whole bogus “cuffing season” thing where everybody wants to be a hoe in the summer and boo’d up in the fall/winter/
Lol, this is hilarious. For me though I feel like it is hard to relate to this. I find it difficult to establish a relationship with someone and a temporary one at that just for the sole reason of having them there by my side so that I don’t feel as lonely. If I’m going to invest all this time and effort it needs to be with someone who I’m genuinely attracted to and vice versa and I want to know that we are building a real relationship for the right reasons.
I don’t see the point in doing this, heck I rather be by myself than to try to shack up with someone just to hold me at night from time to time. I know some people that do this and hey if it works for them then that’s good for them. But this doesn’t work for everybody. As I think about it more these so called shallow or superficial relationships that I have had in the past leave me feeling so unfulfilled it drives me nuts.
An interesting thought came to me this morning. I’ve been helping one of my closest friends with some challenges he’s having in his relationship. Rather than an I told you so, I said this..”it took your entire life to get to where you are now. All of the successes and failures, the highs and lows, why do you find it necessary to deal with someone who can come in and reap the benefits of being with you WITHOUT having to earn it?” As soon as I said it, I realized that that message could be applied to anyone. Not all relationships will be life long nor perfect but they should be at least made with wise decision making. Avoiding being lonely is not a good reason. If you don’t want to be with you, what makes me want to be with you? IJS
Its funny, I am actually preparing for a second and third date this weekend. Before the apparent come down for NBA2K14 but that might not effect me as much since I don’t do video games like that
Awww…true love. Love is in the air.
LMAO this article is too funny! Never knew there was a name for it…lol